Playground

As a child, I used to go to the playground a lot and had lots of fun. I was even telling a friend, whose husband I used to hang out with at the playground, at lunch yesterday how much fun I used to have. It was the childhood that I would like little Ba Ba to have. But guess I forgot that when I used to go to the playground I was at least 6 years old.

So little Ba Ba was at the playground today when he met with a tyrant, bully, horrid and ill-mannered kid. But then, guess it's not really that kid's fault. I honestly blame his mother. So anyway, little Ba Ba was at the playground happily playing and running up and down when the bully came. First bully tried going up the ladder and pushed a little girl that's probably 1 year or maybe younger than little Ba Ba aside. And when the little girl's mother told him off, he elbowed the little girl. I was aghast! The little girl's mother grabbed the bully's arm and insisted that he apologized. And he did. He's probably 3 or 4. Then little Ba Ba was going up the ladder and bully came, pushed Ba Ba aside but I scolded him. He then waited and when Ba Ba sat at the top of the structure or playground or whatever you call it, he stomped on Ba Ba's fingers. I got mad. And it was then that his mother called for him to go home. So all along his mother was at the playground chatting to her friend.

That got me and I promptly told bully's mother what he did to the little girl and to Ba Ba. All she did was, cuddled her son and stroked his head and said, 'Guai, guai!' Which means, good boy! I was livid! I asked her, how could she praise her son and not scold her son for his misbehavior? He did something wrong and I asked her what sort of mother is she? Well, all these were spoken in Mandarin. If I could express all these in English, she'll be in for more than an earful! I was beyond pissed, livid, mad or whatever! What sort of values is she passing on to her kids? And her friend was also calling the boy, 'Guai' too. I'm like you freaking kidding me, right?

I walked away thinking what sort of mothers or parents think that's its fine to bully others or to push people out of their ways to get what they want? Do they not think that their parenting will come back one day and bite them back? I'm not teaching Ba Ba to be a wimp or anything like that. To me it's wrong to push people out of the way to get to the top and to trample over people. I'd rather Ba Ba be at the bottom but his conscience is clear and he's a God fearing man. Yes, Ba Ba should stand up against these bullies and he should never become or take revenge on these people because vengeance is always the Lord's and the good Lord will always provide for little Ba Ba. And like I always say and believe, I don't care how much money or what sort of a job Ba Ba has in the future. As long as he's a God fearing man, I'm more than happy.

So will Ba Ba go to the playground again? Yes, he will. And will I intervene again, I might or might not. I'll intervene sometimes and if Ba Ba can stand up for himself, I'll let him do it but if he can't, I'll be there. But at the back of my head, I know that I can't be protecting him from such people for the rest of his life. I'll have to teach him coping strategies and pray that he'll know what to do.

Relentless God

Once again Babe is away. He left early this morning and he'll be back this Thursday. I'm going to be honest and write that whenever Babe is away on Sundays, I get a little concerned. I get a little concerned because our helper, J will not be around and it's only little Ba Ba and me. When Ba Ba was a little younger, it was easier to deal with as he basically slept and drank his milk but now that he's older, things can get a little complicated.

But this Sunday, it turned out fine. Actually, more than fine. It was great. I texted a couple from church who lives on Park Island as well if little Ba Ba and I could that a ride from them to church. And they were more than willing to help. After church we had lunch with them. Little Ba Ba behaved somewhat alright. Well, alright in my books. He ate his lunch, no throw up and minimal fuss too. So he was great. They gave us a ride home too. Got home little Ba Ba took a nap for 2 hours and I could recharge at the same time. Woke up, and I brought him to the playground. He ran around, came home, had his dinner and then, thank God, J came home. She got him into shower, we went to the supermarket and then, he went to bed. Prefect!

As the day wind down, I reflected and throughout the day, the word relentless kept popping into my head. I thought about the word. And realized that my God is a relentless God. Each time I stray or veer and even try to hide from Him, He comes after me with relentless grace, mercy and love. And He even sends His children, my brothers and sisters in Christ to surround me relentlessly. I remember in my uni days when I was straying, veering and yes, hiding from Him, He pursued me relentlessly. He planted my best friend in Brisbane to keep me grounded. And every now and then I would receive relentless love, mercy and grace from Him through people around me. And even today. It would have been easier for me to say, no, I'm not going to church. It's going to take too much out of me. But when I asked for help, help was given and there were thoughts of how am I going to get home with our humongous stroller and what am I going to do for lunch. Even as those thoughts flowed and me not praying for that, my relentless God answered my prayers without even me asking or praying about it.

Yes, my relentless God. My relentless God provided and still provides for me when we don't ask for stuff and He just provides. So the question is, what have I done to receive or deserve this relentless love, grace and mercy? The answer is nothing. Next question, what have I done to pay back? Answer, again, is nothing. So there you go, my relentless God loves and pursues me relentlessly and what have I got to offer Him? Nothing! How does that make me feel? Crap! And what am I going to do about it? Time to ponder. How am I going to be a relentless Christian? My life might be the only bible that some people might read and it's now my choice or rather my conviction how am I going to portray my relentless love, merciful and gracious Father.

Date Nights

For the past two weeks, it's been kinda busy for Babe and me. Last week I was off to Singapore from Monday to Friday for a school trip. Left home at 6 in the morning and barely had time to say bye to Babe. Babe left on Wednesday for Bangkok for a work trip and he arrived on Friday night and as tired as he was, he still waited at the airport for me. I was excited and at the same time happy to see him. It had been 5 long hard days at work with the kids.

The weekend rolled along. We had guests over for dinner on Saturday and on Sunday, it's family day as our helper takes a break. Then the work week started again. So Babe and I hardly had time to sit, chat and spend time with each other. Last night Babe reminded me to make reservations at the Italian restaurant at our place. So I did and was glad that I did. We really needed the date night.

I got to the restaurant early and waited for Babe to arrive. The food tonight took longer than expected but I didn't mind as it gave Babe and me a chance to talk and recharge and find out what's been going on. Opps, it sounds that we hardly talk at home. That's not true. Babe and I are on MSN at work at times and the lines of communications are always open between us. But the act of sitting down, just the both of us, talking and listening and actually listening to each other's thoughts is so important for us. During this time, there's no distraction from little Ba Ba and sometimes we make an extra effort to keep Ba Ba out of our conversations. It's this time that we re-connect. And that's why we love our date nights.

Well, that brings me to the next point. Since the arrival of Ba Ba, sometimes it's hard for us to have alone time. It's harder for us now to steal away and go off on a getaway. The last time we did that was when we went to Maldives for that short break. And that break was so good for us. Originally we were planning 10 days in Europe for this summer but things came up for Babe and he might not be able to take such a long break due to work commitments. Sure, I'm bummed. I'm like...what about my shopping in Europe? I've been good with no bag shopping for the past few months! But one has to learn to be less selfish! So I'm like, okie, let's do a shorter trip.

As I started to research for our trip. I'm so tempted to say to Babe, let's bring Ba Ba along. But I know that I shouldn't. Well, there might be people out there that think that we are selfish. How can we dump him behind. Well, Ba Ba is not going to be dumped behind. He'll be in Spore with lots of people that love him. And our helper will be there too. But his parents, us, need the re-charging. Over the course of time, I'm realizing the importance of us, parents, taking time to stop and recharge by spending time with each other and getting to know each other again. I really don't want to be one of those couple that when their kids grow up, they have nothing left to say to their spouses. I want us to remain us, to be like what we have always been, lots of stuff to speak and listen to each other.

So, I'm back to the drawing board, back to researching......

A Scare

So this afternoon, little Ba Ba threw up. And we thought nothing of it as he throws up all the time. But evening came, he threw up again and then again and again and a couple more agains. Babe got a little worried. But when he tried to throw up even though he had nothing left, I got really worried.

So we called a friend of ours who live in the same area to ask if he could drive us to the hospital. He readily agreed. But when we got down, we saw a cab and thought that it would be better for us to catch a cab instead. So off to Sanatorium we went. Got to the hospital, saw the doctor and it was a relief to know that little Ba Ba would be alright. He doesn't have to be hospitalized or anything like that.

It was along the way that I realized that God is good and He has always been good. We had our friends that were ready to help out and they prayed for us. When I checked in on Facebook, again, we had friends showing us concern. Even with the doctor that little Ba Ba saw, we know that it was not a coincident. When we were about to leave his office, he looked up and asked if we're Christians and we said yes. He said,' God Bless and not to worry, I pray for all my patients.' Yes, it's wonderful to know that even in our distress or panic or worries, God sends people to us to comfort us and to let us know that He's in control and He's our father watching over us.

The whole ordeal from home to hospital and back home took us slight more than 2 hours and little Ba Ba is asleep now. And I know that even as I've to travel tomorrow, God will be there watching over little Ba Ba. I had a moment just now with little Ba Ba that God reminded me that as an earthly mother, I love Ba Ba so much and want him to be well, what more my heavenly father would do for me and Ba Ba. And it was that moment in hospital that struck me that yes, God, our heavenly father knows our every need and He'll take care of us.

Up, Up and Away Again

So this Monday, I'm off again. Christmas, I was back in Singapore and then 2 weeks in Hong Kong, back for work. Then at Chinese New Year, I was back in Singapore again. And now, 2 weeks after coming back from Singapore, I'm going back to Singapore again. But this time is for work and Ba Ba and Babe won't be coming along.

This trip is going to be hard. Well, not because it's a work trip with 48 kids but rather it's the first time that I'll be away from Ba Ba for such a long time. Well, the last time I was away from Ba Ba, we were in Maldives and Ba Ba was in Singapore with our helper and his grandparents. I'm going to be missing him a lot more. I know that Ba Ba is going to be in good hands. Our helper loves him heaps and I'm very sure that she'll take good care of him. But at the back of my head, I'll be thinking of little Ba Ba. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to work.

So this leads me to some of my random thoughts. The last time I was back in Singapore, I met up with a couple of my ex-colleagues. Sorry, if what I'm going to write might offend some of my friends but these are just of my thoughts. So we were talking about one day leaving our jobs and be stay at home mums. And I said that it's going to be hard for me. Babe mentioned to me that there's a possibility that we might have to move in a couple of years time (not back to Singapore) for his work. And my response was, what about my job? And he said that I should just stay at home! And I was like, what? Huh? And in that conversation with my ex-colleagues I brought up if I only have one kid and I'm a stay at home mum, I'll lose my sense of purpose and to a certain extent my self-worth. I know it sounds silly. I've been working so long that it would feel weird not to work. And it'll even feel stranger and weirder to have to ask Babe for money. Well, not that he won't provide for me. I know him well enough that he'll be happy to hand money over to me but it'll feel strange for me to have to take money or ask money from him. And what about my sense of purpose? Yes, I know it's shallow. I know there are people who would love to stay at home and be a great mother to their child. Well, I would like to do that too but I know that I won't make a good stay at home mother. I hate doing cleaning the house and if I'm a stay at home mum, there's no need for a helper. So I'll be doing all the cleaning, running around, sending husband and kid to school and what about the years of education that has been invested in me?

Okay, enough ranting. I'm not even sure of what I'm writing anymore. But there's one thing that I've to say or write. I have total respect for stay at home mums. They sacrifice heaps for their child or children and their family.

The Undeserving Me

Readers, be warned, this is a religious/ Christian post. So if you don't like reading stuff like this, move on. Don't read or if you do read, don't bother leaving malicious comments. Anyway, towards the end of the church service I was reminded of God's goodness upon me. There were things that I don't deserve but God so freely gave to me without me even asking for them.

One of the things that God freely gave me is little Ba Ba. With little Ba Ba is kinda interesting. We knew that it was God's calling for us to adopt. Yes, we adopted even without trying to conceive a child because we know that it's God's will. But then the wait for little Ba Ba was a long one. But this was probably due to our disobedience too. Anyway, when God gave us Ba Ba, there are days and even now that when I look at Ba Ba and I thank God for giving him to me. Yes, Babe and I don't deserve him but God is in generosity gave him to us.

The other thing that struck me was a gift that was recently bestowed upon Babe very unexpectedly recently. I'm not going to say that exactly the gift is but let's just say that it's a gift that Babe didn't expect and we're humbled to be able to receive the gift. And this morning was when I felt God speaking to me. This month is a 'cut back' month because we just paid taxes last month. And if truth be told, tithes to God was also cut back. It was at service that I was reminded that my God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. My God owns more than I can ever imagine and He truly does not need my money. I was also reminded that my God loves me and He will take care and look after me and will see that all my needs will be taken care of. Yes, there's a contradiction. But I understood what God was trying to tell me. He's telling me that He doesn't need my tithes but at the same time, He's telling me not to worry about money. He'll provide. But rather, it's obedience from me and also for me to put my faith in Him that He demands from me. Give to Him in obedience. And I was reminded of the sudden gift that was given to Babe and indirectly I'll be benefitting.

The gift was something that I was thinking about and honestly, it bothered me a little. God knew and He knows my thoughts. It wasn't really a worry but rather a little thorn. It was one of those things that I'm a little concern about, I think about it sometimes and then I put it away without even praying for it. But God knew and He gave it to us without even me praying for it. And that's when it hit me hard. See God does provide. It's not even a need at this stage. It's just a want and why didn't I trust Him? And that's my thoughts came together. Give because He will provide.

And as I end the post, God loves me. I'm so undeserving in so many ways but yet He loved me enough to choose me to be part of his chosen people. He gave me salvation. Did I do anything to deserve it? No, I didn't. I don't deserve it but yes in His love, He gave it to me. And what do I do in return? I repay with ingratitude. Yes, I said it or rather wrote it.

Chinese New Year

Two weeks after leaving Singapore for Hong Kong, we're back again for Chinese New Year. Prior to coming back to Singapore for Christmas and Chinese New Year, I was very excited and happy because this would be little Ba Ba first Christmas and Chinese New Year in Singapore. Well, Christmas came and left and we had great fun catching up with the family. But there was something that made us a little sad as we left Singapore.

Babe's 3rd aunty didn't look well at Christmas dinner. She had been feeling kinda sick and rundown for a while. Babe and I were just talking about how sickly his aunt looked over Christmas and we were hoping that she'll be able to get well soon. But who's to know what could happen. Just one day before flying back to Singapore, we got news that Babe's aunty fell, hit her head and had a blood clot and in a matter of a week or so, she went to heaven. We were in shock. Well, everyone was in shock. We made it home for the vigil and burial services.

That led us to Chinese New Year that seemed to be a little sombre. As we celebrated, we were reminded of Babe's 3rd aunty's absence. There were sadness around as Babe's mum and aunties talked about it. Sure, we know that she's in heaven but there's still grieving. We're praying for the family to heal.

This Chinese New Year honestly doesn't feel much like a Chinese New Year. Each year that comes, Chinese New Year seems to be losing it's lustre. As kids, we loved CNY. There were lots of food, visiting, hanging out with cousins and lots of fun. But as I get older, things seem to change. I guess grandparents, granduncles and grandaunts passing on might have had impacts on the celebrations or that we hardly visit people anymore. Or maybe it's that we've moved away for such a long time that we've lost touch with people, that made a huge difference too. Babe even mentioned that maybe we shouldn't fly home for both Christmas and CNY. But to me, that's the time that I really want to spend with the family. And especially now that his grandma is so old, we should try to be home more so that she'll be able to see Josias more.

So this CNY has been a little bittersweet. Nice to be home with the family but at the back of my head, I wished that 3rd aunty didn't have to be home with the Lord so soon. Anyway, that's enough of my rumblings. Happy Chinese New Year! Oh, please don't be mistaken that I don't like CNY, I actually enjoy CNY because I get to fly home to send time with the family and get to see my relatives too.