Faith's Transient Life

Chinese New Year

2012-01-27T23:12:00.002+08:00

Two weeks after leaving Singapore for Hong Kong, we're back again for Chinese New Year. Prior to coming back to Singapore for Christmas and Chinese New Year, I was very excited and happy because this would be little Ba Ba first Christmas and Chinese New Year in Singapore. Well, Christmas came and left and we had great fun catching up with the family. But there was something that made us a little sad as we left Singapore.

Babe's 3rd aunty didn't look well at Christmas dinner. She had been feeling kinda sick and rundown for a while. Babe and I were just talking about how sickly his aunt looked over Christmas and we were hoping that she'll be able to get well soon. But who's to know what could happen. Just one day before flying back to Singapore, we got news that Babe's aunty fell, hit her head and had a blood clot and in a matter of a week or so, she went to heaven. We were in shock. Well, everyone was in shock. We made it home for the vigil and burial services.

That led us to Chinese New Year that seemed to be a little sombre. As we celebrated, we were reminded of Babe's 3rd aunty's absence. There were sadness around as Babe's mum and aunties talked about it. Sure, we know that she's in heaven but there's still grieving. We're praying for the family to heal.

This Chinese New Year honestly doesn't feel much like a Chinese New Year. Each year that comes, Chinese New Year seems to be losing it's lustre. As kids, we loved CNY. There were lots of food, visiting, hanging out with cousins and lots of fun. But as I get older, things seem to change. I guess grandparents, granduncles and grandaunts passing on might have had impacts on the celebrations or that we hardly visit people anymore. Or maybe it's that we've moved away for such a long time that we've lost touch with people, that made a huge difference too. Babe even mentioned that maybe we shouldn't fly home for both Christmas and CNY. But to me, that's the time that I really want to spend with the family. And especially now that his grandma is so old, we should try to be home more so that she'll be able to see Josias more.

So this CNY has been a little bittersweet. Nice to be home with the family but at the back of my head, I wished that 3rd aunty didn't have to be home with the Lord so soon. Anyway, that's enough of my rumblings. Happy Chinese New Year! Oh, please don't be mistaken that I don't like CNY, I actually enjoy CNY because I get to fly home to send time with the family and get to see my relatives too.

Time for Ba Ba to Start School

2012-01-14T21:17:00.002+08:00

So it's finally time for little Ba Ba to start school. It's not something that I'm looking forward to. I dragged my feet with the application process till finally this week, I could no longer put it off any longer that I went to the kindy and dropped off the application.

When I dropped off the application, I wasn't surprised that I was told that little Ba Ba has to attend an interview. But still, I wasn't ready for him to deal with the stress of attending school at such a young age and the stress of the interview. At the back of my head, I was what if he fails the interview? How would he feel? I don't care if he fails the interview. But then again, he wouldn't know that he failed the interview, right? Because he's too young to understand.

Anyway, I had the conversation with Babe. We'll just apply for one kindy and if it doesn't work out with that kindy, we'll just keep him home for another year. And a year later then apply for a couple other kindies that we have in mind. We like having little Ba Ba at home. Currently, he goes to a couple of playgroups and he spends the rest of the time playing at home and we are happy with what he does.

On the topic of education, I want little Ba Ba to have a childhood. I want him to enjoy school and not be stressed up by trying to get all As. To me, I want him to look back and remember that he had an enjoyable childhood and no matter what his academic results were as long as he tried his best, his parents love him. Yes, education is important but character development is more important. So what if he aced throughout his education but he doesn't have morals and he turned out to be a crook. I'd rather him be a mediocre student and have a simple job but he's a moral man. Yes, you might think that I'm naive to think that way but that's what I really want for little Ba Ba.

So little Ba Ba, all Ma Ma wants for you is to be a God fearing man and that's all that matters.

First Post of the Year

2012-01-05T17:31:00.002+08:00

I noticed that I've not as written as much as I had in the past on my blog. Wish I have more time every day but since the arrival of Ba Ba, my blogging and even my time surfing on the net has been greatly reduced. He takes the bulk of my time apart from work. Not that I'm complaining. So now back to blogging.

How was 2011 for me? 2011 started with lots of crying at home. Yes, we were blessed with little Ba Ba and January saw us learning to be parents and we are still learning to be parents. There were times that were frustrating but it was and it still worth it. The first 6 months of the year was also hard as we could not travel with little Ba Ba as we were under probation. But God was good. He brought people that we love and miss to us. We had family and friends that visited and ohhed and ahhed at little Ba Ba. It was very heartwarming to know that when we couldn't go to them, they came to us.

Summer rolled along and we had little Ba Ba's papers finalised and we flew home! Ba Ba took his flight. I was kinda worried but he did well. No complains at all. July also saw us taking our first trip alone without Ba Ba. I've always wanted to go to Maldives and it was exactly as I wanted the trip to be! Awesome! I got to see Eve too in August and we celebrated little Ba Ba's birthday in Spore too.

The rest of the year rolled on and frankly, there was nothing more that I wanted for the year. The year was perfect and there's nothing that I was like to change. A fantabulous year! And if 2012 can be as fantabulous as 2011, I'll be glad! Here's to a great year ahead!

One of my Greatest Fears

2011-12-17T22:45:00.002+08:00

When I was doing my nails yesterday, I was reading a magazine and came across an article about a lady who by the age of 18 lost both of her parents. It was a kinda sad article but this lady to a certain extent did well in her life but of course, she misses her parents heaps.

And then, I started my morbid thoughts. Yes, me and my morbid thoughts. I was thinking, what if one day, either Babe or I go to heaven or what if both of us go to heaven and what would happen to Ba Ba? I remember on our way to and back from Maldives, I was kinda worried thinking what would happen if the plane crashed and Ba Ba would be left all alone. Maybe that might be one of the reasons why I was severely airsick on that flight.

But as I thought further, I realised that even if God decides to take me or both Babe and me home, Ba Ba would be well taken care of. I've got to trust God on that. I've got a loving family that would take Ba Ba and love him. Ba Ba has wonderful and loving godparents in Singapore and in San Diego who would step up if the need comes. And hence, there shouldn't be any worrying.

And that's when I calmed down and thought, yes little one, God will take care of you. And in the same breath, Ba Ba, remember that Da Da and Ma Ma love you very much and no matter whatever that happens, you'll always have our love. But sorry, dude, we can't be buying the whole of Toys 'R' Us even though I know secretly Da Da would love to do that!

A Great Week

2011-12-10T00:19:00.002+08:00

I had a fantabulous week! Mum, Joanne, Joe and JC flew into HK last Saturday night. On Sunday afternoon, we went to Disney. We had a super duper time!

This was the first time for the kids to Disney. Little JC was super excited. She's been watching Winne the Pooh for gazillion times and she was so excited when she took Winnie the Pooh's ride. And she had a blast watching Lion King too. She loves watching Lion King at home and when she watched the musical in Disney she was so entranced by it. Ba Ba was watching the musical quietly too and when it was time to clap, he clapped and squealed so happily!

Then we went on my all time favourite ride in Disney, It's a Small World. Little Ba Ba was so intrigued by the ride. His eyes were everywhere. He was clapping and bobbing his head. I just wanted to hug and squished him when I was watching him. He seemed to have a great time at Disney. He didn't fuss or cry. He behaved beautifully even though he was tired. He did his run around, waved at strangers and smiled at everyone. There were random people that took photos of him. Got me kinda concerned but then again, there's no need to be really uptight and get mad with people.

Overall, Ba Ba and JC had a great time at Disney. Little Ba Ba had such a great time to the extend that we were thinking maybe we should do Christmas at Florida next year and maybe we should get a year pass for Disney. Oh yes, we're starting him young! Will put up pics soon

9 Years and Counting!

2011-11-26T00:06:00.002+08:00

On the 23rd of November, we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary and adding the 10 years of courtship, we've known each other for 19 years. That's more than half of my lifetime.

The truth is that, there were times that I thought that we may not make it. We're like any other couples that have arguments and then we get mad and we take time to make up. A marriage is never easy, I'll be the first one to admit. I wrote this on a dear friend's Facebook status, she was getting married that day, 'Enjoy the day. Remember the wedding is just a day or 2 event but a marriage is for a lifetime'. Yes, a marriage is for a lifetime. And sometimes it's hard.

For those of you who know us well, you'll know that Babe and I have very different personalities. We're almost polar opposites. It takes a lot for us to make this marriage work out. It takes a lot of giving and taking. There are times that it takes a lot from Babe to try to coax me when I'm mad over little things. I love him for that. I love him for making so much effort to make this marriage work. Babe is not one that would buy flowers or make grand gestures to show me that he loves me. But it's the little things that he does that make me feel special. He understands and he's fine when I fly off for 2 or 3 weeks to States, or have dinner with my best friend who is male or when I want to go to Disneyland for the 10th time. And there's more examples.

Ba Ba has also made a change in our relationship. When Ba Ba arrived, the first few months were kinda hard. We were new at being parents and we were not sure of what we were doing. Sometimes we disagreed and get mad with each other but everyday was and is a learning experience. These days, we're much better. And when we have a disagreement, I'm reminded that I want Ba Ba to know that he has loving parents that love each other. And that when all else fails, he can turn to his parents knowing that there's always love at home.

And here's to more great years to come. Thanks Babe for loving me and I'm so thankful that God has chosen you for me. Thanks for being my best friend, soulmate and partner.

Cousins

2011-11-18T23:50:00.003+08:00

Rachel, my ex-student, who was my flower girl, had this up on Facebook. When I read it, it hit the nail on the head! One of my best friends is my cousin. I call her Monster privately. Of all my cousins, I guess we're the closest. We've seen each other's highs and lows. We have an unique friendship. We always pick up where we left off and we're fiercely protective of each other and importantly, we've never judged each other but rather stand by each other. I remember I've called her when the going got tough and I needed someone to call to and she was all ready to listen. Thanks Monster for loving me. It means a lot to me. And yes, she was my bridesmaid too.

I've always thought that everyone is close to their cousins. I used to think that it was natural for people to hang out and call their cousins best friends. But guess I was sorely wrong. Apparently some people hardly ever hang out with their cousins. Some people see their cousins once in a while, once in a year or maybe hardly ever. But for the Sims and the Lims (dad's sisters's kids), we grew up together and it was very different.

From a very young age, we used to play and hang out from babies. And even when 2 Sims left at a very young age to Manila, we still hung out when they visited Spore over summer. And to this day, I still see the 2 Sims when I visit America and would often stay with one Sim and make a side trip to see the other Sim. And I've another girl Sim living in LA. We used to live next block to each other and basically we grew up with each other. She's another cousin who lives abroad and whenever I'm in States, we make time to catch up. We try to co-ordinate our trips back to Singapore but sometimes we miss each other by just days. Yup, going to miss her by days this Christmas.

There's more cousins that I could write and talk about. I love them all. And I'm very thankful that my parents and my uncles and aunties have made a conscious effort to make or let us hang out when we were kids. And it was those fun play sessions that our friendships started and cemented and now, I call my cousins friends. I've the same hopes of Ba Ba and JC and my other nieces and nephews from my cousins and future kids that my sisters, my cousins or I might have. I want them to have the same friendships and experiences as us. Love you cousins!

Childhood

2011-11-11T23:12:00.002+08:00

Was watching Being a Child on Channelnewsasia this evening and as I was watching, I felt really glad that little Ba Ba has dual citizenship at this point of time. The kids in the show were only about 5 to 6 year old and their parents or rather their mothers seemed to be pushing their kids really hard. And I keep getting this message from the mothers that if their children slow down or not attend enrichment classes, everyone else will catch up with them. They want head starts for their children. One mother commented that she wants her child to have money, contentment and happiness and another child said that he wanted to be a millionaire when he grows up.

I can understand parents wanting the best for their children. I want the best for Ba Ba too. But what is this obsession with money? Couldn't that mother see the contradiction in itself when she said that she want money and contentment for her child. How can wanting money and contentment can never be in the same category? And with the other 5 year old where did he get the idea that he wants to be a millionaire? And the next point, where are their childhoods? Where's the fun? The kids in the show attend enrichment classes after enrichment classes. And the mothers are very clear in their message that the kids can't take a break because others will catch up. In other words, their kids will be losers.

So where do I stand? Honestly, I'm really glad that Ba Ba can choose to go to an international school if we so wish for him. And at this stage, we're gearing him towards that direction. I don't need an examination to tell me that Ba Ba did not score well enough to get into express stream and therefore his chances of doing his 'O' levels are lesser and thus his chances of entering universities in Singapore. Basically, I don't care! We're happy to send Ba Ba to Australia or America as long as we can afford it. Thus, we have to start saving now! But not writing about that, that's for another day. I just want Ba Ba to have a wonderful childhood. I want him to know that his parents love him even if he bring Bs and Cs home as long as he tried his best.

I want him to know that we love him not because he does well academically or plays the piano or violin really well or that he's such a great soccer player. If he does well in any of the above, that's a bonus and we thank God for it! We want him to know that we love him because we love him! There's no strings attached to our love for him. We want him to know that. And we want him to know that we just want him to be what God wants him to be. And that's all. We want a God fearing and happy boy! That's isn't too much to ask right?

Worrying about Ba Ba

2011-11-04T23:11:00.002+08:00

Babe is on his way home from the airport. I'm excited because he's going to bring me some goodies! I know, I just had one whole chilli crab to myself and am just thinking and drooling over the goodies that he's going to bring home. Anyway, back to my thoughts. Sometimes, I worry over silly things about Ba Ba. My worry this time is about his university education. Wait, it's not the academic stuff that I worry about. But it's the university or college lifestyle that I worry about. Let me explain more.

When I was in university, I was very busy. Yes, very busy working and partying and studying, honestly was at the bottom of my list. To me, as long as I passed and am not at the bottom, I didn't care. My social calendar was packed. I was out partying, drinking, smoking and basically was leading a very unhealthy lifestyle. If you met me then, you wouldn't recognized me. Yes, it was that bad, I was a totally different person then. Even some of my friends from uni commented on that a while ago. Was I ashamed of my past? No, I'm not. But I'm glad that I got the partying out of my system. But no mattered how far I strayed from God and from church, I glad to say that God had a way of reeling me back home. Stanley, my best friend at that time was in Brisbane and he would remind me sometimes that I was straying a little too far. I had Eve also to remind me too.

So how's that related to Ba Ba? I've always thought that Ba Ba would probably either head off to Australia or America to study in about 20 years' time. Yes, I see eyeballs rolling and hear laugher. And I wonder how would I feel if I knew that Ba Ba was leading the very same lifestyle that I led? Would I freak out? And move to wherever he's studying and whip him back to shape? Or would I be like my parents giving me the freedom and trust that I will turn out alright?

Then this is when I take a step backwards and stare in my thoughts and wonder...Shouldn't I be trusting God that He will take care of everything? And that brings me back to what the bible says about raising a child in His ways and in time to come my child will not forget the Lord. (Sorry, something along those lines) The reality is that, there's just way too much to worry. I've to learn and remember that God takes care of everything and I or rather we have to pray, do our best in raising Ba Ba in God's truth and let God and trust God that He will take care of everything else.

Social Experiment?

2011-11-03T22:16:00.002+08:00

A few weeks ago, a friend took a photo of Ba Ba and put it up on her Facebook account. Her friend saw it and commented that I must look like Ba Ba when I was a baby. And I had to carefully think before I comment. And in the end, I wrote as it is, that Ba Ba is adopted. A few days earlier, I was on Facetime with Joanne, my sister and was teasing little JC to wake up. We joked that little JC has the Sim blood because she's like us, hates to wake up early in the morning. And then I mentioned that Ba Ba doesn't have the Sim blood because he loves to wake up at the crack of dawn.

When I look at the physical aspect of Ba Ba, there's nothing that I can say he has inherited from us. Nothing at all simply because he's adopted. I can't be proud and say, oh look, he's got Babe's beautiful smile or face or whatever. But I've got to say that Babe and he does look quite alike. Then when I look Ba Ba, yes, he has probably some of our mannerisms because he obviously hangs out a lot with us. And with his character, there's probably bits of us in him. There's the discussion on nature versus nurture. Obviously, with little Ba Ba, there's no nature but there's lots of nurturing from us, we hope.

So here is the social experiment question. Our parenting style or rather my parenting style (Babe tends to agree with me unless I decide to do something very radical) is that every child is born like a blank piece of paper. It's up to us as parents to teach, to mould, to fill up the child's brains and characters with what we would like to. So with our parenting, we give little Ba Ba freedom within boundaries, we don't baby talk. We tell him what is expected of him. He does get little smacks when he does something naughty. And yes, at this stage, he's a boy that we're proud of. He understands that meal times he has to be at the dining table. He understands that crying is not going to get him what he wants. And the list goes on.

But am I saying that I've succeeded in our social experiment? Am I going to be the smug mother and tell the other mothers who have crying babies what they should and should not do? No, I've not succeeded in any social experiment. It's not our doing so we can't take the credit for it. However, this is what we have done so far. We pray for little Ba Ba. Every night before we go to bed, Babe and I would say a prayer for little Ba Ba. Actually, even before Ba Ba came to us, I prayed for the child that we were going to have. Yes, lots of prayers have gone into Ba Ba and the prayers will continue.

So you have it, we have no part in the social experiment. God has His hands in it. What we merely did was to take extra care of the wonderful present that God has so loving lavished on us and we pray earnestly that Ba Ba will turn out to be a man after God's heart.

Another Year Older

2011-10-31T21:07:00.002+08:00

I'm another year older which means, that's another year of blessings from the Almighty. This year, I'm super thankful for so many things that God has so generously showered upon us. I remember singing the hymn, 'Count your blessings, name them one by one.' For me, there's way too many blessings for me to count them one by one. I'm blessed. So very blessed that I can't ask for more.

When I look back at the year, God has given me new eyesight again. Got lasik done and by God's grace, everything went well. God blessed us with Josias. Had family and best friends dropping by in Hong Kong when we couldn't leave the country. Babe got a job promotion, went to Maldives on a short break, went to Redang with mum, Joanne, JC, Eve and Reggie. And yes, Eve popped into Asia when I couldn't fly to her side of the world. Met up with Sharon in Singapore. E, B and L popped into HK for a couple of days. And there's probably lots more that I missed out.

God has been good. Too good. Every morning I wake up and am so thankful for everything that has been provided. Materially, I've got enough. I don't covet or want more because I'm just thankful for all that has been provided. I married my best friend and soulmate. I've got a beautiful son. I've got a great family in Singapore and around the world. Great friends in Singapore who I miss heaps. Wonderful friends in HK who have become family. So honestly, what could I ask for more? Nothing! I don't need anymore birthday presents because I've got everything. Yes, the truth is that. I've got everything. Anything more is always a bonus.

Lord, thanks so more for everything that you have provided for me. I really could never ask for more. Thanks for blessing me with so much. I'm so humbled and grateful for all that you have done for me. Thank you.

Listening

2011-10-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

I thought for a while trying to figure out the title of this post. And finally, I decided, that 'listening' would be the most apt. I've got to admit, I'm not very good with listening at times. I talk way too much.

A few weeks ago, Babe and I were having a conversation. We were talking about our future and what we like. I told Babe that I would like a biological child. My health insurance was expiring and we had to decide what we wanted. I wasn't going to pay for maternity insurance if we won't going to try for a baby. And for you folks wondering, yes, we've been using protection all these while. Babe told me quite seriously that he's happy with Ba Ba and he's not ready for another child and he doesn't want another child.

The truth is that when he said that, I was sad. Wait, not just sad, I was devastated. I'm like, why? I know it's ironic isn't it. For the longest time, I didn't want a biological child and now when I want the biological child, Babe doesn't want it. I accepted what he said. Sure, I was sad. I wanted to know what it is like to carry a child, to breastfeed, to have a natural birth. Yes, I wanted all of those. I even didn't mind the postnatal depression that scares me. I wanted all of those! But I didn't fight and push through my way. But instead, I accepted what Babe said. I took it. I paused and listened.

Last Sunday when we were at church, I felt God speak to me. Yes, it's always in those moments that God speaks to me. He reminded me the reason and rationale of us adopting Ba Ba. And he told me that, yes, the family will expand but it will be done His way and not my way. Instantly, I felt a lot better. I knew that God has a purpose and as always, His ways are always higher than my ways. He's my father and He'll want the best for me. I just had to trust Him. I listened.

In my mind, I knew what God has in stored for us. And this week, it became more apparent as I listened to the message podcasts from another church. I knew that God was sending me signs and getting us ready. We are not going to put in the papers for adoption again. But instead, we're going to wait this out. My prayer is, if this is God's will, He'll make it come through even though we don't do anything. We were told by my our social worker during our probation with Ba Ba that in the event if Ba Ba's biological mother gives up another child, we'll be the first one to get the phone call even if we didn't put in our papers.

So this is the deal. We are going to obey and wait upon the Lord. But in the mean time, we'll be enjoying Ba Ba. And how do I feel now? Excited, because I know that God has a plan for us and He's going to bless us!

Forgiveness is Not My Forte

2011-10-21T23:57:00.002+08:00

I admit that forgiveness has never been my forte. Babe would know that very well. And I am very thankful that over the years he has tolerated me bringing up issues that have already been dealt with a million times. I love him for that.

Anyway back to the point. There's another thing about me, I don't like to confront people unless these are friends that matter to me. I always tend to rather walk away. In other words, I walk away from the friendship. I've had ex-colleagues that became friends and when they crossed my path or stabbed me in the back, I ceased talking to them unless it's for professional reasons. Yes, I'm petty. I don't deny it. But I don't see the need of my feelings being hurt further. These were just colleagues who didn't mean anything to me because they're not related to me. They were just people that I worked with. That's the way I saw it. So when I left the school, my relationship of any sort ceased. It didn't matter if they were happy, sad or whatever because I ceased having feelings for them.

With friends, it's almost the same. There are friends that I've had but over time I feel that the friendships are not worth or something happened that I felt hurt, insult, upset or whatever, I just walk away from the friendships and the friendships are reduced to hi and bye when our paths crossed. I don't see the need to confront and say well, you did this and that and so I'm hurt, upset, disappointed or whatever. These are the friends that may not matter to me or maybe they did matter to me but I saw a side of them that I didn't like.

A while ago, I had a friend who admittedly was going through a rough patch. We were kinda close but to me, her rough patch wasn't that a big deal. I honestly tried to be a listening ear but there was a limit that I could deal with. One night after dinner while heading home, she poured out her thoughts to me. But as she was pouring out her thoughts, she got louder and louder and as I tried to calm her down, she turned snappish and suddenly I felt that it was now all my fault that she was getting upset. I let her speak whatever that she wanted to say and then it was bye and have a good night. Yup, after that incident, something changed. But still I invited her out for dinners when I had dinner with mutual friends. But the final straw came when she told a mutual friend that I cut her out when I just sent a message to her and a couple of ladies to invite them out for dinner. So I got the drift. She was deleted from my Facebook. Yes, that friendship died. Why didn't I bother to call and asked why she said what she said to a mutual friend? Because she was not worth it. A friend that decides to bad mouth me is not worth my time. Yes, there are mutual friends that are still friends with her. Good for them. Am I mad with them? No, I'm glad that she still has good friends. And that's all.

Then once upon a time, one of my best friend poked fun at my weight. At that time, I was really struggling with my weight and self esteem and a bunch of stuff. I was really hurt. But this friend mattered a lot to me. I knew if I didn't address this issue soon, the friendship would be affected. And he's someone that I love. So I wrote him an email. In the email I told him how much it hurt and why I was upset. He called immediately after he read the email and he apologized. Initially I was still angry and I didn't want to forgive, like I said, forgiveness is not my forte. But I accepted his apologies and yes, all is well now. It was him taking the effort and eating the humble pie to call that made me love him even more. He became the friend that I don't want to lose. Even though we live in different countries we still keep in contact and we make the effort to keep the friendship going.

Forgiveness is sometimes hard for me. But as a Christian it becomes extremely important. When I look back and wonder if those people that cross my path and I crossed them out of my lives come back with an apology, would I forgive them? It's a hard question because at the heart of Christianity is forgiveness. If Christ can forgive all of our sins, why can't I then forgive my friends? To me it's easier to forgive family because family is family, you just got to forgive them. But with friends, what's the loss to me? Nothing, honestly. But is that what Christianity is all about? Then the question goes one step further, why is it then so difficult to forgive a fellow Christian brother or sister? It's hard isn't it? It's something that I learn every day.

So if one of those people that have being crossed out from my list calls or emails me and apologizes, what will I do? I don't know, honestly. And that's why I'm still working on learning to forgive and let go of my anger and pride. It's an ongoing process that needs lots of prayers.

Random Thoughts

2011-10-16T00:01:00.002+08:00

One of my favourite channels on cable is Bio Channel. The shows that especially intrigue me are Relapse, Rehab, Invention and yes, you get the drift. Drug related or addiction shows. I don't know why but these shows fascinate me.

These shows always start with someone who has some form of addiction, quite often alcohol, drugs or pills. Then you have parents who always he or she was such a great child. He or she was great in school, in soccer, baseball, and the list goes on. He or she could have been a doctor, lawyer or whatever. And then the famous line from parents, 'We don't know what went wrong.' And then we get sobs.

Yes, I sound condescending. I know. But truth of the matter is this, I wonder if this could happen to little Ba Ba. I seriously wonder. If what the parents of those people in the show say is the truth, then it could very well happen to little Ba Ba. And yes, I worry. I worry very much. Every night Babe and I pray that little Ba Ba would just grow up to be a God fearing man. That's all I care.

Going back to the shows, as a trained counsellor, we always ask the same question, did something drastic happen along the way? And the sinister human in me asks, what about the parents? Are they to blame? Maybe 1 in 10 parents that I've watched actually took responsibility and say, yes, we played a part in his or her destruction. I clearly remember Dr Tim Keller from Redeemer Presbyterian Church preach about Substitutionary Sacrifice. He said that quite often with parents that when their kids were much younger, they were too busy with their lives to sacrifice their time for their kids and when their kids hit teen or late teens and start having problems, they question why. He mentioned, it's simple, the only way for children to grow up with freedom and independence is for parents to sacrifice their freedom and independence.

Isn't that quite true? We want kids and yet we don't want the responsibilities that come along with children. We lament that our freedom is has been curtailed. We send the kids to live with the babysitter or grandparents and bring them back only during the weekends or when it's convenient for us and say that we'll make up to them over the weekends or when we have time. But like the saying goes, time waits for no man, soon the little kids will grow to big kids and things may change and then it may be too late. When friends tell me that they are have not choice but to be weekend parents, I smile weakly and politely at them. But in my head, I'm thinking, sure you have a choice. It's just that you're not exercising that choice.

Look, I'm not saying that Babe and I are great parents. Nope! We're far from it. We dated from 10 years before getting married and we were married for more than 8 years before little Ba Ba came to us. In other words, for the longest time, it was just the both of us and then little Ba Ba appeared. We had to sacrifice our Christmas, Chinese New Year and Easter holidays and the short getaways to wherever disappeared. We had to consider little Ba Ba and yes, I admit there were times that we felt that he was in the way. But then again, I was reminded by what Dr Tim Keller said. These are sacrifices that we make because we love him. Just like God made Jesus a sacrifice because He loves us. Babe and I had to look for the happy medium. We have our date nights and some Saturday afternoons we take time for ourselves. We took a short trip to Maldives. But it's hard to look for that happy medium at times and I admit that. There are times that I wish that I could go to the gym in Central or have dinner with my friends or do whatever I like. Even with Babe, he has to coordinate and make sure that his work trips does not take him away too long.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that some times, not all the time, kids grow up messed up and parents have a role in it. Denial and neither ignorance is bliss. Parents play a huge role in moulding their kids. I'm still learning or rather every day I'm learning to be a better parent. Last Sunday when I spent the whole day with little Ba Ba (just Ba Ba and me), I told little Ba Ba thanks for giving me a chance to spend time with you. I had tears rolling down when I said that. My constant prayer is for little Ba Ba to grow up to be a God fearing man. However, in the event he stumbles or falls along the way, we'll always be there to pick him up.

Little Ba Ba, Da Da and Ma Ma love you unconditionally and remember no matter whatever that happens, we'll always be there and we love you.

Weight, Self- Esteem and Happiness

2011-10-06T22:54:00.002+08:00

When I look back at my life, I was probably the thinnest or the slimmest when I was at university in Gold Coast. But prior to leaving for uni, probably from the age of 15, I was very careful of what I ate. I didn't eat chicken rice for more than 5 to 8 years and it was the same with quite a fair bit of hawker food. I would go as far as the try to blot of the oil from the fried chicken at KFC or the fries. Actually to this day, I would never order a pack of fries for myself. I'll pinch off someone or Babe.

Then when I went to uni, I wouldn't say that it became worse but I guess my lifestyle became quite unhealthy. I started to smoke. No that I'm very proud of it. It was great at that time. It curbed my appetite, there were days that I could survive just of smokes and coffee. Plus not forgetting I was clubbing and dancing almost like for 4 to 5 hours 3 times a week. Sure, I was slim but I was unhealthy. And at that time, I did question myself quite a lot. I was busy making sure that I was slim, trying to look good and basically being a shallow person and I was unhealthy. I felt dizzy all the time and squat and stand up without feeling the world around me spinning. And then when uni ended, that's when I piled on the weight.

I quit smoking cold turkey and in maybe in 6 months or so, I piled up 10 kgs or more. My self-esteem took a plunge. It was hard because I was struggling to lose weight, cold turkey no smokes, and then for the first time, questioning if I love myself. At that time, I wished so hard that I could go back to smoking so just to keep my weight down. Did I think of cancer and whatever, no, I didn't care. But thank God that I had a loving boyfriend who reminded me of what was important.

But evening with his encouragement, it didn't stop my journey or search for weight loss. I've tried it all. Supplements, pills, doctors' visits, slimming centres, exercising crazily. You name it, I've tried it. It became a yo-yo thingy. I would swing from one side to another. The search never ended. It didn't end after I got married. I wanted to remain slim and fit into pretty clothes. But was I concern about health? No! Was I truly happy? No! I was so self absorbed.

But in the last few years I've come to terms with myself. Size does not matter. Yes, it's true. It does not matter as long as I'm healthy and I'm happy. I don't go out and gorge myself silly. I eat and don't deprive myself. I exercise because I want to be healthy and live for a couple more years and be there for Babe and Ba Ba. I don't want to be stricken with cancer or a bunch of health issues due to obesity. At the same time, I don't care to be rail thin and start counting calories and be jealous of whatever people are eating. Yes, I'll rather be fat and happy than thin and unhappy and disgruntled. There, I've said it. The exercising that I do, is for myself and not for anyone else. I do enjoy the solitude and time to myself on the threadmill. So there you go, I've sort out my fat thoughts. I'm happy the way I am. My happiness and self-esteem levels do not depend on the kilograms.

Choices

2011-10-04T22:37:00.002+08:00

I stumbled onto this link while reading someone's blog. It got me thinking about choices in life and the judgements that we make.

So it starts with Julie at 18 with an 8 day old infant and she's been infected with Aids in San Francisco. The photographer went through 7 years with her till she died. In that 7 years, she had maybe 5 kids, 4 of them were taken from her (if I remember correctly), had a couple of partners who were infected with Aids and were druggies. And the photographer even went on to set her up with her kid who was adopted and was with her in her final days.

Reading the story, it was very easy for me to say, how stupid can one person get? And what? Can't even feed herself and look at the filthy room that she has put herself in with her baby. Look! No wonder her kids were taken from her. Good! She deserved it! And well, that's the life that she has chosen. Poverty, drugs, along with Aids and kids. Why couldn't she bring herself to pull herself out of that hole?

Yes, I can go on and on and make those judgements on her. But as I read on, I felt sorry for her. She was in such a deep hole that she didn't know how to pull herself out. She knew that she screwed herself over. She did try to get clean but she didn't have the support. And her kids, I feel for her kids. And I feel for her when her kids were taken from her. Plus, look at her childhood. It was awful and no wonder she turned out the way she is. It's hard. I don't deny it.

Yes, those were my thoughts as well. But at the same time, I wonder, didn't she have choices? We make choices and from the choices we make, there are consequences. And these consequences sometimes bring along results that we like or we hate. In order words, it's a cycle. We also learn from the bad choices or decisions that we make.

I look at my life and am very thankful for people around me who were and are still there when I make bad or not so good decisions. And these are the same people who are there supporting me, waiting to catch me when I fall from the bad or wrong decisions I made. And these very same people never judge me when I make bad or wrong decisions. That's why I love them. Yes, they point and remind me that maybe, not a good choice. I persist and they say, yes, we're here and yes, stuffs up in my face, come, we'll give you a hug.

Then I look at Julie's life and I wonder, did she have the same kind of people that I have in my life? Was she lucid enough to realize that it might have not been a good idea to have so many kids? Why didn't she use protection? What was going through her head?

And my final thought, if I had a friend like Julie, would I reach out to her? Truth be told, I don't know. And I do not like that my answer is, I don't know.

Change of Perspective

2011-09-30T23:40:00.002+08:00

Two weeks ago, Babe, Ba Ba (aka Cha Cha) and I were shopping in Lane Crawford. There was a bag that I saw and I liked. Babe was asking me if I wanted to buy it, I told him, I'll think about it. A week later, we walked past that bag again and he asked again if I wanted it. And I told him, I'll think till next week and if it's there, then I'll get it. He looked at me and shook his head and said, by next week, the bag will be gone. And my retort was, if it's gone, it's not meant to be.

Yes, I know, it's not very me. A year ago, I would have bought that bag in a second without thinking. But now, the thought process is taking a little longer than expected. Well, that's not just with bags, and it's extended to clothes and shoes now. I'm taking longer than expected to think if I really need or want that dress, bag, shoes and whatever that I want to buy. It's just not me anymore. I've got to think about Ba Ba. It's the same with lunching after church. We used to go to wherever we want and now, it's just limited to a few restaurants in IFC. But does this matter to me? No!

Even going to the gym, it's a toss up on most days. I've still got about two months left of my gym membership at a really nice gym but I've stopped going because I'd rather go to my little gym in our condo and do a mini 30 mins workout and then take Ba Ba on his little tricycle for a walk.

Yes, there have been little sacrifices that we've made for little Ba Ba but I don't care. I can go back to my fancy gym when he gets older. I don't need lots of clothes, bags and shoes. I'd rather put the money aside for Ba Ba's future and our future. I know what is it like to go to uni without money and I don't want Ba Ba to go through the same. But in saying that, we're not spoiling Ba Ba. He doesn't have loads of toys. The toys that he has are mostly given to him. His clothes might be the only expense but we get them on sale or when we see that he needs more. He has 1 pair of shoes at the stage and a few pairs of sandals. I'm glad that Babe is lot more grounded than me in this aspect. He reminds me that Ba Ba grows out of his stuff quite fast and we don't want him to grow up thinking that money falls from the sky. In saying or rather writing that, we are constantly trying or reminding and praying that we are raising a man that will be God fearing.

My hopes and aspirations for Ba Ba

2011-09-20T22:03:00.003+08:00

By the way, Josias is now known as Ba Ba. He loves being called Ba Ba. He bounces and dances when I shout, 'Ba Ba!' He simply loves it!

Anyway back to the topic. When Ba Ba was in Singapore he went to Gymboree whenever I could bring him there. Sometimes 3 days in a row, he would be at Gymboree. When we got back to Hong Kong, the search for playgroups started. Maybe it's me being a typical Singaporean or a mother that just wants the best for her child that I wanted Ba Ba to have a variety of playgroups to attend. I knew that at this stage I want him to go for English, Mandarin and Music playgroups. So I searched and looked and went for trials. And yes, the poor kid and our wonderful helper travel to different places for playgroups. There's also soccer, rugby, swimming and many more that I want to sign him up for but he's too young at this stage. And when my colleagues asked if I've started looking or preparing him for kindergarten next year, I was like, what? Isn't that too young? Then, I take a step back and go, well, aren't I already doing it now? Trying to cram as much activities as possible for the poor kid.

I love Ba Ba heaps. There's no doubt about it. I want the best for him. But thankfully, Babe keeps grounded and asks if I'm over doing the playgroups for Ba Ba. When I think about it, I just want Ba Ba to be happy. The reality of it, it doesn't matter if Ba Ba does not become a lawyer or doctor and dentist. I just want him to grow up to be an honest, God fearing man. I want him to be happy and for him to know that he has parents, grandparents, godparents, uncles, aunties, cousins and a whole bunch of people that totally love him. That's right, those are my hopes and aspirations for him.

Anyway, enjoy this video of him. He gets cuter and cuter every day!

Timing

2011-09-18T21:28:00.003+08:00

Time and time again, God has shown me that timing is always His and His alone. Be it late, early or on time, time is God's and He knows what's best for me.

A week or so ago, I was on my way to Sanatorium Hospital to get my eyes checked, a regular check for Lasik. I left work on time, I gave myself enough time, or so I thought, to get to the hospital. However, because of traffic, I was running late. I hate running late. I was more than 30 minutes late. Finally got to the hospital and had to wait for my turn. And waiting and waiting and I was thinking, 'Gee! I'm already more than 30 minutes late and then still got to wait!' Anyway, I had to suck it up. While waiting I overheard a patient speaking to the nurses. He sounded upset and worried. I heard a voice in my head to speak to the guy. I'm like, what? I don't even know him. Just speak to him. No, I'm not! Then the guy walked out and I was relieved! But then he turned back. And that was it. I tapped him on his shoulder and introduced myself as a fellow Singaporean. This is the first time that I've ever done this.

We sat down and chatted and then it was my turn to see the doc. And he waited for me and we chatted more. Not really going to share what we spoke about. But the gist of it, he thanked me and he said that he really needed someone to talk to. And he was thankful that he met a someone and even better, the someone was from his hometown.

I left the hospital deep in thought. Well, not really deep in thought but reflecting what had just happened. I hate being late and in being late, I met this guy. I met someone who needed my time. I could've walked away from the voice which I know is from the Holy Spirit and missed the opportunity to make a small impact on someone's life. But no, God had other plans. Yes, it is a small gesture from me but to this guy, he had tears in his eyes while speaking to me.

I'm learning that God speaks to me and in speaking to me, I've got an opportunity to be of a comfort to someone. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a missionary, or to go out and witness and share the gospel to someone but this is where I should be. A comfort to someone in need.

Grandpa

2011-09-10T22:10:00.002+08:00

When we went back during summer, JC's grandpa,( Joe's dad) was stricken with cancer. We found out about 2 or 3 weeks before heading home for summer that he had cancer. A week or so after we came back to Hong Kong, we had news that he went home to the Lord.

I told Babe that it's kinda sad that JC wouldn't really get to know her grandpa or remember him. Babe turned around and said, what's the big deal, he never got to know his grandpas too. But to me, it's a big deal. When I look back at my childhood, I remember my grandpas really well. I had a great childhood hanging out with them. My maternal grandpa went home with the Lord when I was 10 and my paternal grandpa passed on when I was 18.

My maternal grandparents have only 5 grandchildren and therefore we got more attention from them. I've more memories of my maternal grandpa than my sisters as I'm the oldest. My maternal grandpa probably gave me the love of animals. I remember hanging out with him in his backyard sorting out his bird feed. He was also the one that introduced guinea pigs to us. I also remember playing those IQ puzzles with him. Those memories are really precious. And even now, I strongly believe that he probably had an influence on us wanting to adopt.

My paternal grandparents have maybe 20 or more grandchildren. But I still got to spend some one to one time with my grandpa. He didn't speak English like my maternal grandpa. He didn't even speak Mandarin. He spoke Teochew. As kids were used to love to hang out in his room playing our board games while he watched telly and listened to his radio at the same time. And our aunties and uncles would chase us out of his room because he was smoking. But still the same, we loved to hang out with him. There's so many memories of him. He would yelled at everyone but deep down in him, we knew that he loved everyone of his grandchildren.

I missed my grandpas. When I look back, I'm glad that I had the chance to get to know my grandpas. It's such a shame that JC wouldn't get to know her grandpa. But I'm sure that her parents would share stories of him with her. I know that we live 3 and half hours of plane ride away from Josias's grandparents and it is hard for him to get to know them. But I guess, this is something that we have to live with for a while.

Summer Coming to an End

2011-08-26T22:25:00.011+08:00

Time always flies when you're having fun! I've spent probably more than eight months looking forward towards summer and viola, it's coming to an end so soon. However, honestly, this has to be one of the best summers that I've ever had. And this is without me heading to States! Well, this is true because States came to me! Eve came and visited and brought shopping to me!

So from my last post, we just came back from Maldives. A week after Maldives, we, as in mum, Joanne, JC, Cha Cha and me, left for Redang in Malaysia. We flew from Spore to Redang. When we got to Redang, honestly, I was disappointed. The last time, I was there eight years ago and it was beautiful then. The corals were alive, loads of fishes in the sea and at that time, I totally loved it. But this time, I stood there kinda saddened by what had happened to Redang. I never really took it seriously when I was doing my bachelor in hospitality and was told that tourism can kill the natural attraction. But when I saw what had happened in Redang, I could not deny it. But enough of that. The next day, Eve and Reggie (Eve's friend from San Diego) arrived. I spent the whole year looking forward to seeing her! It was a great time. She's Cha Cha's godma. We had a great time hanging out. We swam, played in the sand, ate and just hung out. Josias loves her!

After Redang, Eve and Reggie went to KL and thereafter Taman Negara and they were going to meet us back in Spore. We headed back to Spore. We went a friend's place for National Day. It was her son's birthday. And Cha Cha loved the Sporean flag! He couldn't stop waving it! Eve and Reggie got back to Spore and we had a great time hanging out.

And then, it was Cha Cha's 1st birthday party. We had a blast. We had family and friends coming to celebrate Cha Cha's birthday. We felt so loved. And Reggie became the photographer without me asking! He's a professional photographer and it was really nice of him to take pics for us. We totally loved the restaurant that we had the party at. No complains at all. Wonderful service.

The day after the party, we flew back to Spore. Eve, Reggie and Babe were on Cathay Pacific and Cha Cha and me were on Singapore Airlines. Cha Cha behaved wonderfully on the flight. And thank God, I didn't get airsick at all. I have a huge issue with being airsick. It's quite common for me to throw up on flights. Got to HK and spent a couple more days with Eve and Reggie. And soon it was time to say goodbye. But not for too long! We're aiming for Hawaii next summer.

We really had a great time during summer. It's nice to be home and have family fussing over and loving Cha Cha. Cha Cha has really taught me lots. He's taught me patience and tolerance. Yes, its very cliche but having a child does changes one's perspective and life. I didn't have as much time to stuff my face silly with all the food that I really miss. Didn't have much time to shop too. Plus Babe was flying every week to somewhere for work. I was driving either Babe or someone or myself to the airport at least twice a week. Yes, you read it correctly, twice a week and one day, it was twice a day! But who cares, we had a total blast!

Enjoy the pics!

Little Cha Cha having his first haircut. I felt sorry for the guy that's cutting his hair. Cha Cha for some reason was really excited and happy in the car that he started to stand and dance. I was concern because the car didn't have a seat belt or harness and he could fall off any time and that the hairdresser might also nip Cha Cha's ears too. But all was well. Cha Cha left with his ears intact and a happy grin!

Little Cha Cha with his Sporean flag. He wouldnt let it go. For some reason, he totally loved it and kept waving it!

Little Cha Cha with his godma and me at Redang. Love Eve for flying over to Singapore to attend Cha Cha's first birthday party. Love her for making such an effort and was super glad that Cha Cha totally loves his godma! Girl! Can't wait to see you next summer. Am already counting down!

Little Cha Cha's birthday cake. The cake is a 'Noah's Ark'. We wanted this theme for his cake because we were reminded of God's promise for us. He gave us His word and we obeyed and in obeying, He gave us His promise. Yes, we are very thankful and grateful for little Cha Cha.

Lovely cupcakes that I never got to taste. Not sure how they tasted. But the birthday cake was amazingly yummy!

Little Cha Cha's merchandise! Just kidding, his invitation cards and photo books that I made for him. I wrote him a book to tell him his story. We want him to know that he's the special boy that God chose for us.

Pastor Heng, the same pastor that officiated our wedding said grace for Cha Cha's birthday dinner.

Our family portrait. Yes, I still can't get over how uncanny little Cha Cha looks like us. We love him heaps and heaps. And yes, he does have his father's dress sense too.
The Sim family portrait.

The Seet family portrait.

With the godparents. When we were matched with little Cha Cha, Eve and Stanley were the first friends that I broke the news too. I texted them with my eyes half shut from the LASIK surgery. I wanted Eve to be his godma because I believe that she has a positive influence in his life and I want him to know my best friend and have her to be part of his life even though she lives on the opposite side of the globe. Stanley offered to be Cha Cha's godpa the moment he knew that we were matched with him. Of course I was flattered that he offered. Dorcas and Stanley are definitely the spiritual role models for him. We really could not ask for better godparents. Thanks guys for being little Cha Cha's godparents. We know that he's in good hands.

Eve and me at The Peak. This was her last day in Asia. I'm really glad that she made the trip out to Asia. Thanks girl! Missing you heaps!

So that sums up our summer for this year. It has been wonderful in every sense. The last few days of summer had me running around to sort out Cha Cha's paperwork with the Spore Embassy and the immigration department. We're almost there with his red passport. And I'll write it again. Awesome summer!

Summer So Far

2011-07-31T23:49:00.004+08:00

The Seet family is back in Spore for a summer break. Haven't had time to blog. Been too busy with family and friends.

We arrived on the 12th of July. Just Cha Cha and me. Cha Cha did perfect on the flight considering that it was his first time flying. Babe arrived on the 16th. Days were filled with bringing Cha Cha for Gymboree classes and then Babe had to fly to Bangkok for work. Cha Cha had great time hanging out with his cousin, JC. It's fun to watch them play and then get into flights. Totally hilarious!

On 26th July, we left for Maldives without Cha Cha. Sure, we were worried, wondering if he's going to be fine without us. But thank God, he was fine. He had lots of fun hanging out with his cousins. He didn't seem to have missed us when we came back this morning.

Anyway, enjoy the pics. We're about halfway through summer holidays. Dreading when it ends.

Little Cha Cha slept through most of the flight. Did very little crying.

Cha Cha hanging out with his cousin at Splash Park at Sembawang Shopping Centre.

Cha Cha loving his Gymboree classes.

He was meant to drop a toy in the tunnel but he decided that it would be more fun to go through the tunnel!

Hanging out JC.
At Maldives! Totally loved it! Making plans to head back already. But this time, we'll bring Cha Cha.

Looking down from our water bungalow.

Yes, still loving it!

Beautiful sunset!
The man that made the trip all the more special. Babe used to hate beach resorts. But I love beach resorts and over the years, he accommodated me and went along to the various beach resorts. Slowly, he began to relax, chill and do nothing and he started liking beach resorts too. Thanks Babe for always willing to try what I like and yes, for loving me!

The Journey Officially Begins

2011-07-07T16:42:00.003+08:00

We were at court yesterday with Cha Cha. It was probably the second most important day of my life. The first being the wedding. During the court hearing, I was kinda overwhelmed but at the same time, I had to keep everything in. Dana and Pauline were with us at the court.

When I look back at the past six months. I must say that we've come a long way with Cha Cha. The past six months were kinda nerve wrecking as well because there were times that I thought that his birth mum might come back. Truth be told, if she did come back, I would surrender him to his mum and yes, will be sad but I know it's God's will. But thankfully, his mum didn't want him back. She did however leave a letter for him. Which we will give it to him in due time.

The first few weeks when we had Cha Cha, it was really difficult to a certain extent because I've never really been a mum before. What do I know about raising a four month old? Thankfully, there was support from home. Mum and Jacqui flew in and then the rest of the family came for CNY. There were times that were hard because we're alone in Hong Kong. But did the thought of throwing in the towel ever crossed my mind? No, it never because I knew that this is the gift that God has given us.

Then it got a little easier. Babe adjusted to be a dad really well. He took on the role well. Every Sunday, it became a routine for us to go to church, have lunch, then hang out at home till about 6 and head for the pool. After pool, Babe will bathe little Cha Cha and we'll have dinner together. Babe is an amazing dad. Whenever he heads out for his trip, he'll try to make it as short as possible and never over the weekends. The moment he heads back, he would play and cuddle little Cha Cha. Without Babe, I don't think I'll be able to do this.

We're leaving for Spore next Tue. It's going to be interesting as I'll be catching the flight with Cha Cha alone. Babe will arrive in Spore on Sat. Babe will be working out from Spore for that month. We're thankful that his boss generously agreed to it. But it's not going to be all fun. Babe is going to be travelling a fair bit. Cha Cha and me will tag along if it's possible but looking at it, it might be hard. But it's fine, we're glad to be in Spore with family and friends.

And before I end the post, I really want to thank everyone for their love, support and prayers. We couldn't have done it without all of you. The real journey begins now. Continue praying for us and we're also praying what's Gods will for us next. To have a biological one or to adopt another.

Josias is Not Lucky to Have Us as Parents

2011-06-30T15:35:00.002+08:00

Very often we get people who comment or tell us that Josias is very lucky to have us as parents. And very often we tell them, no, he's not lucky to have us as parents. And quite often, they give us the bewildered look.

The truth of the matter is that we are blessed (I refused to use the word lucky because I don't believe in luck). When Josias' birth mum decided that she was going to give Josias up for adoption, there were lots of couples like us that are waiting for a child to be matched with them. We met and know a few couples that are waiting to be matched and they are all wonderful people. They are like us, they are able to provide him with a loving home and be able to provide financially for him too. So in other words, there's nothing special about us. He can be blessed (lucky) as much as being in another family. They might be even be able to provide more financially to him. Maybe in another family, the mum is a stay at home mum who is able to send him to every conceivable playgroup, class or what not? So what's so blessed about us?

Nothing, and that's the bottom line. Nothing, there's nothing so special or blessed about us that we're doing for him. But rather, we are totally blessed by him. Through him, we have learnt so much. He has taught us patience, perseverance, persistence and he has taught us meekness, humbleness and a whole bunch of things. There are days that I just want to jump out of bed and give him a big hug and tell him that we're so blessed that God has chosen his to be his parents. It is such a privilege. And we are truly humbled with such a privilege.

Today marks six months since Josias arrived in our household. We have never regretted one bit. Sure, there are days that we wonder if we will make good parents, and yes, we still wonder about that, and there are days that we ask ourselves, are we doing right by him? We don't want to raise a spoilt child but at the same time, we don't want to over discipline him too. It's a fine line. But our prayer for him, is for him to grow up to be a fine Christian. That's all, because I believe that if he grows up to be a man after God's heart, everything else will fall into place.

First Father's Day

2011-06-22T18:48:00.003+08:00

Last Sunday, was our first Fathers' Day. I was looking back and remembered last Fathers' Day I was on the plane back to Hong Kong from Singapore. How time flies. To a certain extent, I didn't expect that we'll be parents this year. Yes, at times I'm still in awe of it all. Can't believe that we have little Cha Cha now.

Anyway, this post is for Babe. I must really give him the credit for stepping up to being a great dad. When Cha Cha first arrived, Babe was a little overwhelmed. The reality is that as much as we think that we're prepared to be parents, we were not ready at all. There were heaps that we had to learn and to adjust to. But these couple of months, Babe has been doing a great job. Babe travels and whenever he comes back from his travels, he never fails to want to spend time with Cha Cha. And I suspect sometimes, he tries to wake Cha Cha up when he comes home late.

Sometimes I'll bring Cha Cha for dinner with my friends and Babe would call and ask when am I coming home because he wants to spend time with Cha Cha. There are even times that he'll tell me not to bring Cha Cha out because he wants to spend time with him. Every weekend, Babe and I will bring Cha Cha for a swim and after the swim, Babe will bathe him. It's a routine that he has established. Last Sunday, I wanted to bathe Cha Cha but Babe told me no because that's his time with Cha Cha.

I'm so glad that Babe is doing such a great job as a dad. I can't write or say more! Thanks Babe for being a great dad!

Parenting

2011-06-21T15:51:00.002+08:00

Let me first say this. After 5 and half months of being with Josias or parenting Josias, it does not make me to be an expert. That is number one. And secondly, these are my random thoughts and it may or may not be right. And yes, I've done my fair share of mistakes. And so before you start stoning me, just read and take everything with a pinch of salt.

Over these couple of months, I've really come to realise that parenting is not an easy role. And in parenting there are several ways to see one thing and yet come out with a million other decisions and outcomes. What suits A may not necessarily suit B. And in parenting, there's always a dilemma. For me, it's time and opportunity costs. Every day after work, I tell myself, it's time for gym class but it's hard because I want to spend time with Cha Cha. Even now as I'm blogging, I know that if I catch the bus at 4.30, I'll be able to make it to gym class. But I'm thinking, Cha Cha is asleep now and when he's up, we can go for a walk or to the pool. Gym can wait another day. Then there's the issue with my wrists. My wrists have been aching for a while and I was told that I've overused them. And was told that the only way for them to get better is to stop carrying Cha Cha. I looked at these people and think....are you mad? To me, yes, my wrists hurt now. But in a year or so, Cha Cha wouldn't want me to carry him and then, I can get my wrists fixed. It's not a big deal. Yes, that's my opportunity costs. And I can cite more, but I'm afraid you'll be bored and think that I'm now a whingy mum!

The other thing with parenting, I realised that there are 3 categories.

1) Stay at home parent

2) Parents that work and have help at home

3) Weekend parents

The first one, it's simple. A stay at home parent. Some mothers or fathers decide that it's better for them to stay at home to care for their child. Some with a helper and some without a helper. These are the people that I really admire. I don't think I'll be able to quit my job and stay at home especially without a helper and still be able to keep the home clean and dinner on the table when the partner comes home from work. A friend of mine falls into this category and I'm in awe of her. No helper, living in a foreign land and still copes with everything. Sure, once in a while, her dad flies in to help but overall, she's alone.

The next category, are people like me. I'm not working because we need dual incomes but rather it's a choice. I somewhat feel that by working, I do have some form of sanity and I would still have some connection with the world. But because I work, my time with Cha Cha is precious to a certain extent. This does not mean that I don't go out with my friends for meals. We still do but it's not as often as before. Plus, living overseas without family can be hard but we're surviving. It's working out.

The last category, Babe and I grew up in that environment and there is no way I would put Cha Cha through that. Over summer, Babe and I will be heading to Maldives for 4 nights without Cha Cha. Yes, I do feel a little guilty that he'll be staying in Spore. But at the same time, I know that Babe and I need that time to recharge. But what I don't understand, can parents actually be fine with not seeing their kids from Monday to Friday? Yes, I can understand that some have issues with childcare and that the kids go to grandparents' place from Monday to Friday but at least go and have meals with your kids. Meal times are bonding time. I try to put Cha Cha in his high chair when I'm having meals. He gets to have his meals or his snacks while I have my meal. We communicate and have silly conversations. Yes, it might seem meaningless but I don't want to miss out on him. Maybe for the fact that I went through seeing my parents only during the weekends that I'm really not comfortable with this arrangement.

However, at the end of whatever that I'm rambling, the decision is ultimately within the parents. I've come to understand that with everything we do, there's a reaction or consequence that may follow. And that with parenting, sacrifices have to be made.

When One is Homesick

2011-06-09T18:50:00.003+08:00

When one is homesick, God brings her best friend to her. I've been feeling homesick for a while now. I think our social worker said it best 2 weeks ago. He was at our home for a home visit. He said that there's a difference between not being able to leave the country and choosing not to leave the country. That's right. We can't leave the country together because of Cha Cha and it is difficult for me.

So as I was feeling homesick, missing family and friends, Stanley, one of my best friend sent an sms that he'll be visiting Hong Kong to attend a wedding with his wife. Sure, I was elated. I missed him. I missed being able to call him and meeting him for lunch. I miss those times that we'll meet for meals, coffees or cakes. Sure, we meet whenever I head home but sometimes it's hard as our schedules don't sync. Anyway, he came over the weekend and we had a great time hanging out. Oh yes, he brought satay for us too.

Apart being my best friend, oh, he's one of my oldest friends too. We've known each other for more than 3 decades. He's also Josias's godfather. When we decided to adopt, I asked Stanley to be our referee. He gladly agreed and wrote a glowing letter for us. He was one of the first that I told that we were matched with Josias. And the first thing he asked was to be Josias's godpa. I gladly agreed. Josias's other godma is Eve, by the way. It is joy that my best friend is my son's godparent.

Anyway, it was nice to be able to hang out and spend time with the Leongs. I really appreciate the time. Enjoy the pics. Oh, we went to Hillsong concert together too. Had a blast!

In Waiting I Grow Stronger

2011-06-03T13:40:00.002+08:00

Last week, at church, I heard this phrase and I started to ponder upon it. It's quite apt for me. Waiting seems to be such a part of my life.

I remember before Babe and I started to date, I prayed for him and prayed that he'll be the one and then the waiting. Then we started to date and yet again the waiting started. We dated for 10 years before getting married. After getting married, we waited upon the Lord to start a family. We waited upon the Lord for basically anything and everything.

Sure, there were many times that I wished that I didn't have to wait. There were so many times with the adoption, I felt that we were ready and the timing should be now. It's always Lord, why not now? But when I look back, I understand the timing. Babe was working from home at that time. And looking back, I don't think he would be able to cope if we had a child at home and he had to work. It would have driven him mad. Then when he headed back to Spore to work, if we were matched, he would have to quit and head back. Of course, finances, would be tight as we would be on one income and then the issue if we should hire a helper.

But in God's timing He always puts things in perspective and when the time is ripe, all the bits and pieces come together and fit like a big puzzle. And that when I realised that yes, in waiting, I'm learning and growing strong. In that waiting, God is teaching me lessons every day. And in that every day, I'm resting and feeding in Him that I become stronger through Him and in Him. I am very thankful.

Last night at Plus, one of the ladies shared that giving thanks in all circumstances is discipline. Sure, it is easy to thank God when things are all rosy and fine but when shit hits the fan, it's hard to thank God. However, when I look back at things, I'm understanding, yes, everything for God has its time and purpose. It may be hard to thank and praise God but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter because God is supreme. He knows what He is doing even though it may not make sense to us.

Dear Cha Cha 1

2011-05-30T15:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Cha Cha,

This morning as I was at work, I was thinking of you. I wished I were at home hanging out with you. Thank God, work is not far from home so I can head back for lunch almost every day.

Cha Cha, this is the first letter of many to come that I'm going to write to you. When you're old enough, I'll print them out for you and then bind them into a book for you. Maybe this might be a wonderful 21st present for you. It'll bring back wonderful memories.

Anyway, Cha Cha, the very first thing that I want you to know is that, you're adopted. That's the truth and daddy and mummy will be the first ones to let you know. However, the reality is that God has chosen YOU to be our son. When daddy and mummy got married, we were not in a hurry to have kids. As time went on, daddy and mummy heard a call from God. As time went on, the call became louder and clearer that we are to adopt the first child. And the first child is you. Cha Cha, we prayed very hard for you. We prayed, fasted and lots of people prayed for you. We knew that no matter how many obstacles there are, how hard, difficult, long the journey to adopt, we will obey God. So the day came. You arrived into our lives. We met you on Christmas Eve. Everything fell into place.

God chose You to be in our family. You are precious. Don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. Your birth mum could not raise you for various reasons but God so lovingly placed you in our family. When news broke that you came into our family, everyone rejoiced! We received blessings from people all over the world. Your godparents volunteered their services. We were overwhelmed by their blessings. You'll never imagine how much people love you even before you arrive. So don't ever believe when people tell you that no one loves you and therefore you were put up for adoption. That's utter rubbish! You're loved, not just by us, but by lots and lots of people. Always remember that.

Cha Cha, we don't care if you're not academically inclined, or have bad coordination like me. Or can't cycle or swim. We don't care if you're not a doctor, lawyer or an astronaut. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you failed in your examinations. As long as you've tried your best, that's all that matters to us. But what's more important is that you become a man after God's heart. You're a friend of God. That's more important to us than anything. The day you tell us that you want to be a missionary, we'll be over the moon. Cha Cha, remember that whatever it is, you will always have our love. Our love for you never fails. It's unconditional. When life gets exceedingly difficult, remember, there's us. We will always be there for you.

Cha Cha, we're very blessed by you. Every throw up, we love you. Every time, we clean your bum, we love you. Remember that.

Love,

Mummy

Home without Babe

2011-05-27T13:21:00.003+08:00

This is probably the 2nd time that I'm home alone with Cha Cha and our helper. Babe is away and will be back tonight.

In the past, whenever Babe had to travel or when he lived in Singapore for a couple of months, I didn't miss him as much. But now, even two nights seemed long. I kinda had a little trouble falling asleep. We are glad that Babe's boss didn't send him on many trips when the adoption happened. But we're kinda prepared that in the coming months, Babe might be travelling a little more. And yes, I thought I was used to him travelling but how wrong have I been.

When I woke up yesterday, Cha Cha crawled into the room to greet me with his wide and beautiful smile. I asked him, 'Where's dada?' He looked at me and he started to clap. My heart just melted. Babe loves to clap with him and guess that's their little game. And maybe Cha Cha associated Dada with clapping. It was so cute. Last night, I missed Babe putting Cha Cha to sleep. I'm sure that Babe missed Cha Cha too.

Anyway, Babe will be home tonight. He'll be home late but it doesn't matter. As long as he's home, I'll be happy. And I'm sure that Cha Cha will be happy.

Death

2011-05-24T10:55:00.003+08:00

A week or so ago, I received news, or rather got the new via Facebook, that a family friend of ours went home to the Lord. She was suffering from cancer for a long time, maybe close to 10 years or so. My mum was quite close to her as they formed a firm friendship in the last few years. They would text and encourage each other.

On the surface, I may seem to be taking her going home quite well. But inside, I do miss and feel for her family. I've know her and her husband for a very long time. As a young teen, I attended their wedding in church. Saw them get married, have kids, moved to Hong Kong to work, moved back to Singapore, taught one of their kids Sunday School, saw her falling sick, fighting cancer, watch her win cancer (so we thought), saw her battle cancer again and finally when she went home to the Lord, we won't there.

Yes, it's sad and hard. But at the same time, I'm thinking, isn't it better for her that she's home with the Lord. The battle must have taken a toll on the family. It must have been hard on her husband and kids. The immense amount of pressure and stress of providing for the family and also playing the role of both a father and mother. And thankfully, there were people that rallied around then.

When she went home, there were several nice messages on Facebook on her. It set me thinking about stuff. In the past few years, people that are close to me or I actually know and have a friendship with them have pass on or went home to the Lord. Sure, there has been loads of wonderful things that have being said about them. And yes, we celebrate the life that they have led and am glad to have been part of it. But on a deeper note, will I be missed like them when it is my turn to go home? Or would there be people that say, thank God, good riddance! She was such a horrid person.

But that's not as bad as when I face God. I dread being asked, what have I done to my life? Have I made a difference to someone? Have I led a life that's to the best of my abilities? Have I been accountable to my own life? Have I wasted it. Yes, these are questions that I'm afraid. I admit, I've been ashamed of my actions. And that's like many a times that I've been mean and horrid to people without even batting an eyelid. And my excuse, I'm only human. But is that really an excuse?

I was sharing during cell group and someone said that we are constantly sanctified by God. It's a renewal process that we are going through every day. And in Christ we have redemption and every day, we are living a redeeming life. We listen and help someone redeem him or herself and in the process we are helping ourselves too. And he was saying as well that very often helping someone is not difficult, but rather a slight, just only a slight inconvenience to ourselves. And are we willing to take that extra one step.

And that's so true. But the question is, will be always be willing to take that inconvenient step for someone. A someone that's a total strange, a someone that has crossed my path, a someone that has hurt me or a someone whom I've perceived as someone that I dislike and yes, my enemy. That's food for thought for me.

Life Thus Far with Cha Cha

2011-05-16T14:43:00.005+08:00

So, Cha Cha has been with us for the past 4 months odd. We're going through the last sprint of probation with him. It's so so close and yet so far. Every day, I'm reminded of God's blessing upon us and at the same time, I know and understand that Cha Cha is on borrowed terms. Even if we pass our probation, he is still on borrowed terms as he is and never will be ours. He is on loan from God.

Having Cha Cha in our lives, completely changed us. We're learning patience every day. Just when we thought that he's stopped whinging before sleeping at night, he starts again. And now, we're back to teething as his top 2 teeth are making their appearances. Every day is a new experience with Cha Cha. Even simple things like clapping his hands and picking food and putting into his mouth are huge milestones. We celebrate little things like these.

I've had family and friends that remark that Cha Cha is so blessed and lucky to have us as parents. I tell them other wise. The truth and reality of things is that, once Cha Cha was put up for adoption, he would be lucky or blessed to be in any family that he'll be placed in. We know for a fact that there are lots of families in Hong Kong that are earnestly and anxiously waiting for a child and he will be loved tremendously. The truth of the matter is that we are blessed by him. Through him, we learnt unconditional love, patience, kindness and I could go on. He has taught us a great deal. As a couple, we have learnt and are still learning loads. We are thankful to Cha Cha for teaching and showing us heaps. Yes, Cha Cha has blessed and enriched us. Last night, Cha Cha was fussing before sleeping. As I was putting him to bed, I was reminded by the meaning and understanding of unconditional love. I whispered to him, 'Little Cha Cha, no matter how long you take to fall asleep, ma ma will always be here and will love you no matter what happens.'

Yes, it takes a lot of love and patience. Is it worth it? Yes, it is. For all the trips to US, Europe to anywhere on Earth, it is worth it. Yes, we're not heading to States this summer, trips to Paris and London shelved for the moment, yes, it is still worth it. Once again, Lord, thanks for giving us this call. And if it's your call for us to adopt another, we will still put our hands up for another. For now, enjoy the pics. Yes, I'm going to say this....Can't believe he has grown so much!

Little Cha Cha's first day at home. Look, he was so tiny. He could barely fit into his clothes. (4 months)
I love this pic of Cha Cha and JC. When JC came, she took to Cha Cha straightaway. She loves him. Even now on Facetime, she would always point to Cha Cha and try to feed him with whatever she's eating. Can't wait for them to hang out together again. (5 months)
Little Cha Cha in his cool shades. Love this pic. So cool! Just like his daddy! (6 months)
I know, a little R rated. This was taken before his bath. All cuddly and cute. (7 months)
Cha Cha loving his yoghurt. Actually, he loves his food very much. So much to the point that sometimes I get to zealous feeding him that he throws up when he has way too much. (8 months)
This was just taken on Saturday afternoon when we went for a walk. Clearly he's a little disturbed by grass. Maybe he takes after me. I don't like grass. (9 months)

Yes, so you've seen it. He sure has grown quite a bit, right?

Far Too Long

2011-05-11T11:17:00.002+08:00

So it finally hit me. I know what's wrong now. Two nights ago, I was chatting with a colleague when we had time to spare before the school concert. She was asking me if I was heading back to home for summer. As we were chatting, it finally dawn upon me. I am slightly homesick. Yes, going to admit it.

I miss my family, JC, food and lots of food and my friends home. This is the longest stretch for the 5 years that I've been away from Spore. Comparing to last year, I was home almost every month. The last time I was back was in January for the school trip and then that was it. I miss JC. I miss cuddling her and talking to her. I miss having my huge family get togethers with my uncles, aunties, cousins and yes, my grandma. And now, my two grandmas. A couple of days ago, I was on Facetime with JC and when she said goodbye, she gave me kisses, flying kisses and then the screen kinda blacked out and my mum was yelling, she's giving you a hug! JC was hugging the phone.

It's hard sometimes but when I take a step back, I'm thankful. I'm thankful to be blessed with Josias and yes, we understand that we need to be in HK for our probation. We love our time with him. Every day after work, I look forward to hanging out with him. I'm even letting my gym membership go to waste now. But who cares, I'm spending time with him. And money can't buy the little giggle, chuckle, smile, crawl, stand and I don't want to miss seeing him take his first steps too. So in other words, I'm thankful. Yes, thankful, so don't get me wrong.

Oh, I did have a good Mother's Day. Babe got me a really nice present. So I'm not complaining. Had a great time hanging out with the family. I'm actually glad that our helper is off every Sunday as it allows us to hang out as a family and it's almost like every Sunday is Mother's and Father's Day. Well, just about 2 months to go and it'll be summer and we'll be able to head back to Spore. Can't wait! And there's Maldives to look forward too!

The Sound of Silence

2011-05-04T10:13:00.002+08:00

I've lost my voice for a couple of days. It started with last Friday when I woke up with a sore throat. Saw the doc and was told that I had swollen tonsils. Stayed at home but I had to work on Saturday, it was parents' day. Sunday came and went and I was still fine but when Monday hit, I had no voice. Like seriously no voice. Tuesday rolled along and yes, you guessed it, still no voice. I still went to work but after work I went to the doctor. Got myself three days off work. Which in a way is good because I get to rest my voice and hang out with little Cha Cha.

I was thinking about my voice. The last time I lost it was about 5 years ago when I was still working in Singapore. At that time, it was almost an annual thingy that I'll lose it. And it was those moments that I really appreciate not being able to speak. Moving to Hong Kong, it didn't happen till now. But am I peeved that I lost my voice? No, actually, to a certain extent I'm glad. I get to talk less and listen more. I listen more carefully and there's no need to think of what to say next as I can't speak so I focus on listening more.

On Monday, Babe asked me, why am I not speaking to him and I looked at him and pointed to my throat and he went, oh sorry. I think he misses me speaking to him. But I enjoy listening to him. I enjoy listening to his thoughts, feelings and fears. I listened to what he was thinking about his living in Hong Kong and how he feels if we're going to be here for another 5 years or more. He also talked about his fears of having a second kid. It was nice for a change that I didn't have to interrupt him but just listen to what he had to say.

Sometimes, I do thinking my silence is golden. I admit that I talk way too much and sometimes, it's good just to listen to what others have to say and just listen. And enjoy this pic of Cha Cha. He loves his bath and his rubber ducky.

Family Visits

2011-04-27T09:36:00.003+08:00

For the last two weeks we've had a couple of visitors. It started with mum coming in and then Jacqui. They were enroute to China to bring grandma home. So they stopped by in HK to see little Cha Cha and hung out a lot with him.

Jacqui working out with Josias. She used to work with Tumble Tots and she's an expert in this area. Cha Cha totally love playing and working out with her.

Mum playing with Josias. Sorry, not a very flattering picture of her. She brought and bought him heaps or clothes and toys. Very loved child!

Right after mum and Jacqui leaving, Babe's parents arrive to meet Cha Cha. I was kinda surprised to how they took to him. They totally love him. They would wake up early and play with him. They can't stop carrying and cuddling him.
It's truly a blessing to know that Cha Cha is really loved by all his grandparents. He's such a blessing to us.

Then yesterday, Uncle Larry and Aunty Amy stopped by in Hong Kong for a day. Uncle Larry is my dad's brother. They were holidaying in Macau and thought that they'll pop over to Hong Kong just to see Cha Cha.

Even thought we live in Hong Kong, so far from family, it is nice to have them drop by and see us. We're so thankful that everyone in the family accepts Cha Cha and totally love him to bits. We're always thankful for the support from family and friends. Can't wait to bring Cha Cha home!

Randomness or God's hands at Work

2011-04-18T14:46:00.002+08:00

Yesterday when church service ended, we went to the creche to pick Cha Cha up. Babe went to the elevator while I was trying to out our huge SUV stroller out at the stroller parking area. After moving and pushing, I got to the elevator and found Babe laughing and talking to someone. Someone that I didn't know. I was kinda surprised. If you know Babe, he doesn't talk much to people.

So I was like, Hey Babe, and you are? Babe quickly told me that he was his ex-colleague in Singapore. I was like, huh, what? Then Babe's friend explained that they were in HK for a holiday and decided to come to church. So I asked how did they find this church that we're at. Babe and him didn't keep in contact after Babe left his company and move back to HK. He basically told us that someone recommended them to attend our church. What he said next, was what got to me.

He told me that when they came to church, he knew that he was going to meet Babe at church. He knew somehow that he was going to run into Babe. And sure we did. And what made it even more interesting was that we met at the elevator at the end of service. He wasn't even sure if that was Babe as Babe was carrying Cha Cha and to a certain extent, he was really shocked to meet Babe.

We had dinner together last night. It was nice to meet and know him. And I believe that God has a reason for us to meet. There are quite a number of English speaking churches in Hong Kong. Plus, there's 3 services at church. And even so, there's heaps of people at church. And for us to run into each other, I wouldn't say that it's impossible but rather, quite hard. I don't know what's God's reasons for us to run into them. But I'm sure that there's a purpose and reason.

Shopping Habits

2011-04-15T16:15:00.002+08:00

Last Sunday, after church we were in Zara before heading home. I was looking at buying little Cha Cha a pair of denim shorts. Babe picked out a black top and asked me to get it as he thought it would look good on me. I looked at the price and went, 'What HK400? That's a lot of money, you know?' Babe stared at my quizzically, and he said, 'No, it's not. Get it if you like it.' So I did get it.

Then I thought to myself. Well, before Cha Cha arrived, I would buy it without second thoughts. Why would I be mulling over to buy or not. Then Thursday came. Mum arrived and we went to meet Babe for dinner before heading home. Mum was looking at a bag and she bought it. I saw a bag that I kinda liked. But again, I mulled over it and thought over it. This time, it was 10 times the price of my shirt in Zara. Finally, I told Babe, no, I'm not getting it. He was like, why? Thought you love it, it's in your favorite color too!

On Monday night when I was having dinner with a couple of ladies, I told them that there is a shift in me. A huge shift. I consider and think more. I think if I need or want it. And if it's a want, how bad is the want. I've got to think of college funds and school fees and the savings fund for 'what ifs'. There's a lot more into my shopping and spending habits. I can't just buy anything that I fancy now because there's Cha Cha that I've got to consider.

We're going to Maldives for 4 nights over summer without Cha Cha. It'll be a short getaway for the both of us. We've gotten our tickets but not our accommodation. Once again I'm mulling over how much we should pay for. If Cha Cha didn't arrive, I would have picked out whatever I fancy.

In writing all that, does Cha Cha cram our style? Is he a hindrance? No, I enjoy him! He's making a nice positive change in our lives. So we're no long selfish DINKs. Double Income No Kids couple. We've morphed into a regular family of three and loving every moment of it!

A Helper is Not a Slave

2011-04-08T13:09:00.003+08:00

I know this post might offend some people but seriously, if you're offended, that's good! I'm glad that you're offended because it's people like you that irk me!

I've been reading some stuff on some Singapore mummy forums and been reading a bit about Singapore's news online about helpers also known as maids in Singapore. Well, let me put out this disclaimer, it's not perfect in Hong Kong as well. There has been cases of helper abuse and helpers that abuse their kids. But it's not always reported in the English newspapers so I might be ignorant of them. Anyway, some of those things written and reported really annoyed me!

Helpers need their days off is the first thing that I don't understand why do people have a problem with. When I was growing up in Spore, we always had a helper. And our helpers always had at least a day off once a month. That was mandated by the government. The current helper that we have in Spore has been with the family for more than a decade and she's happy with just a day off a month. She doesn't want more and she's duly compensated for not taking more time off. I secretly suspect that she enjoys JC's company. Our helper has every Sunday off. We're happy for her to take that time off to chill and hang out with her friends. She needs a social circle too. When we were interviewing, there was this helper that asked us if it's fine for us for her to take a Wed evening off as she has to go to church and she'll take the other half day off on Sunday. We're fine. We told her yes but well, she didn't want to work with us because she's afraid of dogs. We respect that. Why can't helpers have days off? Can you imagine going to work every single day without days off? And it's worse for helpers as they live where they work. It can be mentally torturous not to have a day off. When our helper, J, comes back from her day off, we tell her not to bother to clean the kitchen that I've messed up and just have a rest. No need to care for Cha Cha or make his milk or anything. But she always ends up cleaning and washing and helping me. I appreciate it and I tell her thanks for helping. A day off once a week goes a long way. She comes back happy, refreshed and recharged.

The other thing that I read on the forum was, 'OMG, my helper has a hp!' Well, a hp is a mobile phone. And I'm thinking, what's the big deal? Sure there has been instances that helpers yak and yak on the phone and the phone is almost surgically attached to their ears. I've seen that. J has a mobile phone. And we don't bother to ask her for her phone number. We don't want to be checking on her and asking her when she is coming home and stuff like that. She seems to be discreet with her mobile phone usage and we're happy. Mum's helper has her friend or cousin or sister calling her on the landline once or twice a week and we don't care. She has a mobile phone too but it was given by our family so that we can communicate with her when she brings JC to school or wherever. To us, the key is mutual respect. She respects us and we do the same for her. But if there's a need, yes, we would tell her to use her phone in the evenings or when little boy is sleeping or when she is free.

The other thing that gets to me is the hours, the long hours that some helpers work. There was this mummy that wrote that her helper is up by 6ish and goes to bed by 11ish or even later. She wrote and complain that helper is constantly hungry, house is not clean and a long list. I'm thinking, gee....how much work does she have to work? In some families, the extended family consisting of grandparents, parents, 2 or 3 kids plus a pet live together. The kids maybe toddlers and needing care. How many people does she have to clean after or look after? How much cooking, washing, cleaning does she really have to do? And some of these helpers are barely out of their teens or some under 20. Can they cope with screaming babies, nagging grandparents and employers that pick on them? If I were in the helper's shoes, I'll probably try to run away!

And the last on my list for today...is food. A helper is a person just like us. They have basic needs. They are not lower on the hierarchy system. If you bring your helper out for dinner, order her a portion of food. Feed her. I hate it when I see helpers eating the leftovers from their employers when they are done with the food. A helper is not a dog. When we bring our helper out, we tell her that we're ordering food for her and she eats with us. She gets her own plate. Our helper only eats pork, seafood and vegetables. We don't cook pork at home. So we buy her pork and tell her to cook her own food. She eats whatever that's at home. When I bake, she gets a portion. When I make pancakes, she gets some too. To me, she's a person that has to be treated with dignity.

Sometimes, I think it's no wonder helpers act out on their employers' children because they are treated badly. It's hard dealing with homesickness and living away from home with no friends. It gets worse when there's no freedom and having so much work to do. Yes, there are errant helpers. I don't deny it. But there are some that are nice and deserve to be treated better and with respect.

Dear Grandpa Part 2

2011-04-06T09:41:00.003+08:00

Dear Grandpa,

Last night as I was falling asleep, I thought of you. Well, quite a bit has happened since the last that I wrote to you. But all good, nothing bad at all.

Firstly, I'm glad to let you know that grandma will be heading back to Spore in about 2 weeks' time. We got her a new passport, her fine for overstaying in China has been paid. Mummy and Jacqui will be flying in and then bringing her back to Spore. We're all quite excited about her heading home. We believe that it'll be good for her mental and emotional well-being. The rest of the family except for Babe and me saw her over Chinese New Year. She's doing great. They've told her that she'll be heading home and she's glad about the decision.

When grandma gets to Spore, she'll live with mum for a while till she and Jacqui get an apartment. Well, I don't really know when will that happen. Don't have the details but I know that Jacqui is looking into that. We know that grandma likes to be independent and if Jacqui lives with her, Jacqui will be able to look out for her. Will let you know more when that happens.

Grandpa, another thing that I really want to tell you is that Josias Noel Yong En SEET arrived on the 31st of Dec. Well, he was the reason why we didn't go to see grandma in China over CNY. Grandpa, he's a lovely boy. We're very thankful that God has sent him to us. When we get back to Spore this summer, we'll bring him to see you and over time, we'll tell him of your legacy. We'll tell him how you adopted mum and in turn we know that it's God's will for us to adopt him.

He's been with us for about 3 months and he's a bundle of joy. He hardly cries or fusses. He cries only when he's hungry and tired. But most of the time, he's a smiley little boy. He's able to sit up and crawl a little. He's trying to stand too. You'll love him if you meet him. He's quite vocal, he likes babbling and talking to himself. We brought him out for dinner and he was squealing and babbling to himself. He's really cute.

Grandpa, I'm really glad of how things are panning out. We're praying every day that Josias will grow up to be a man after God's heart. We want him to be a God fearing man. We pray for patience as we teach and love him. Thanks grandpa for adopting mummy and in turn, thanks for loving us and giving us all these happy memories of you. I'm really glad that I'm the oldest and thus I'm able to remember you more than my sisters.

Enjoy the photos of Josias. I'm sure you already know how he looks like. This is probably his first time at the beach. And the girl, is one of our friend's daughter from cell group in church. He had a blast playing in the sand.

Tiger Mum

2011-03-29T14:29:00.003+08:00

So.....I've realised that I've become a tiger mum. Technically, I'm allowed to be a tiger mum since I'm born in the year of the tiger and Cha Cha is a tiger cub because he's born in the year of the tiger too. Anyway, coming back to being tiger mum. I realised that I've become one when I noticed that I've been researching numerous amount of things for little Cha Cha. And the research online never ends.

First thing I did was to look and email party planners and restaurants in Singapore for Cha Cha's 1st birthday party. You might think, what's so tiger mum about that right? Well, I started planning like in Feb when his birthday is in Aug! And then with the emails, it goes back and forth till it's like 20 or 30 emails long. And well, we haven't really decided on the venue or restaurant yet. It's still pending.

Now, the real claws of the tiger mum shows. I've been looking at playgroups and playgroups and emailing a couple of people that I know. So on the 9th, Cha Cha is attending his first playgroup. It's going to be fun. And after the research on playgroups, the research on his kindy started. I would surf and search and then compare and then research more and then talk to Babe who honestly, is not really into it because he knows that this tiger mum is really into her research and he nods in agreement unless it's something ridiculous. Academics aside, I started to look at Soccertots, maybe music lessons, and tennis lessons, oh, what about swimming too?

I know what you're thinking, he can't even walk right? That's right. He's crawling, lifting his big milk gut belly off the ground and trying to stand. And I'm thinking of all these classes? That's right. Oh, maybe he can learn how to play the guitar too and give Noel Gallagher a run for his money! What about ice-skating? It'll be a good sport too.

But at the end of the day, I take a deep breath and I ponder, have I asked God what's His will for little Cha Cha? And where is God in the midst of all these classes and pushing him ahead? Have I forgotten that little Cha Cha is only on loan for us from God. And God is the rightful owner of Cha Cha. Shouldn't we be praying and asking for God's wisdom? I'm thankful for Babe. I'm thankful that he's the calm one and he's not the one that gets into the frenzy of educating Cha Cha. I need perspective. I need to understand that if God calls Cha Cha into the middle of Africa or China or to Siberia, we must let him go because he is a child of God and we're just merely stewards of Cha Cha.

Pet Names

2011-03-24T11:54:00.002+08:00

This conversation happened maybe 20 odd years ago with between my little sister, Jacqui and a neighbour who was probably around my dad's age.

Neighbour uncle: Hi Jacqui!

Jacqui: Hi uncle!

Neighbour: So Jacqui, where's your puppy?

Jacqui looking very puzzled and then she said: My papi's at work. Where else would he be?

Neighbour looking at Jacqui thinking that she's gone out for her mind: Oh ok, bye!

Whenever I think of this conversation, I laugh. I laugh because we have pet names for people and for things and people outside that circle don't know or seem to get it or we forget to tell others what it really mean. To us when we were younger, we used to call our dad papi so Jacqui being the 4 or 5 year old then thought it strange that the neighbour uncle would ask where dad is.

Anyway, coming back to pet names. I call Babe as in Ba like Ba Ba Black Sheep and then Be as it to be or not to be. And sometimes he's called Darlie, honey or when I'm trying to get his attention Pee Kiat! Don't ask me where with that. I've no clue. And he simply calls me Min. Over time, Babe has gotten used to me calling people by pet names. Oh by the way, when I had a crush on Babe, his pet name was Greyee because he was grey all the time. It was a pet name between my cousin and me. I remember when we first started going out and while making a sandwich with pork floss, I told him to pass me Uncle Mark hair. He looked at me thinking I was mad and then I had to explain to him what's Uncle Mark hair.

So little Josias is sometimes known as Cha Cha. I don't even know how Cha Cha came about but I started calling him Cha Cha and now Babe calls him that too along with the helper. And little JC, sometimes I call her Little Strawberry because she reminds me of Strawberry Shortcake. And well, actually, I call the kids whatever comes to mind.

In our family, we have sort of pet names. My dad calls me Giant because, I'm the eldest and physically, the biggest of them all. Joanne is called Anna and Jacqui, is called Cheus as in Zaccheus. Well, don't ask the obvious unless you want her to kill you! Even with my cousins, we don't seem to shake off the pet names. Sometimes I forget Tristan is Tristan and want to introduce him as Ah Boy. And Lina is known as Aunty Lina to Josias.

I like pet names because they're like terms of endearment. With my cousins, it brings me back to those days that we used to play at the void deck and playground. Those carefree and fun days that seem so far away now. Looking back now, I did have a very fun childhood with my cousins. Sometimes it makes me wonder if little Cha Cha will have those same memories of hanging out with his cousins.

When The Marriage Ends

2011-03-22T13:48:00.002+08:00

For the record, Babe and me are not having issues with our marriage. I might have having issues with my tight jeans and trying to stuff little Cha Cha (yes, that's what I call Josias sometimes) too much food. Other than that, no major issues. So don't you people out there go spread stupid stuff that Babe and I are splitting up or having issues.

Anyway, back to the title of the post. A close friend of mine ended her marriage and I didn't even know it was ending or rather even on the rocks till it ended and she wrote it on her blog. Yes, that goes to show how much of a good friend I make! Being the good friend I strived to be, I wrote her an email and emails went back and forth. She's back on the dating scene and found someone that she kinda like. I like him too. In the midst of the emails back and forth, I asked her if she's still friends with her ex-husband. She said they are still friends and still confide in each other their problems. I was glad to hear that. I liked her ex-husband. When they started dating, she introduced him to me and during their marriage, we went on double dates a couple of times or sometimes he would join us for meals. He's still a nice guy for still caring for her when their marriage failed and they have evolved from being husband and wife to good friends.

And then last weekend, I caught up with another friend from Singapore. She and her husband split up a while ago and they have 2 kids. I knew this couple before they got married, Babe used to play soccer with her ex-husband. We attended their weddings and cuddled their kids when they were babies. Then I left Sydney for my masters and when I came back to Spore, I hardly see the ex-husband around. Was then told by someone else that the marriage ended. He met someone else. I left it as it is. There were rumour mongers but I decided that I'm going to ignore those gossips. And when the wife is ready, she would spill the beans out to me. Then I moved to HK. I remember one of the times that I was back in Spore, we bumped into each other and she shared bits of what she was going through. Yes, I take everything with a grain of salt because I'm only hearing one side. However, I believe that when a man stops loving the wife and he decides to walk away and be with someone else, be responsible and pay for the kids. Leave some dignity both for the man and the woman. Anyway, I digress. This time when we met up, she shared some of her issues that she had with her ex-husband with regards to child support, proceeds of the sale of the apartment, custody of the kids and other issues. He has turned into this bitter and vengeful person that Babe and I never expected him to be.

When I look at her marriage and my close friend's marriage. There's a huge contrast. Why make things so difficult? My close friend's ex-husband is not a Christian whereas my friend's ex-husband is. He's gracious to let her go and let her have her happiness. There was no cheating in their marriage. They outgrew each other. The other marriage, he cheated and was caught and now, turn around and shout unfair? Plus, he had people gossiping and saying, oh well, he cheated because she was such and such. How freaking fair is that? Look! Be a man and say, yes, I cheated and I did find someone else and I'm sorry I've chosen her. Don't be an ass and say stupid stuff and then not give her child support and go against her and turn the kids against her too! That's not a man. It's a COWARD! Sorry, maybe I might be a little harsh but still! Can't believe that he would say that he's poor and he can't pay child support when he's earning at least SIN10K a month! That's like 2 or 3 times the average salary of person in Singapore.

Anyway, not going to rant anymore. I understand sometimes marriages end. But why does it have to be ugly? Well, for one, when pride get bruised, it rears it's ugly head!

Money

2011-03-15T14:32:00.002+08:00

Before you judge or have preconceived ideas about me, read first. To me money is important, it's nice to have but it's not the most important stuff on earth. Anyway, there has been a couple email exchanges with a dear, dear friend and also someone close to me via msn that started me thinking of the issue of money.

I've a very close friend whom I grew up with. She's my oldest friend and someone that I can pour out my soul to and she never once judged me or have turned me away. She has also been supportive in everything. She told me that she has been raised to marry a man that can take care of her needs and that she does not have to worry about anything. Well, that's nothing really wrong with that notion.

Then just yesterday, a male friend told me via msn that women should stay at home and let the men be the breadwinner. Apparently he and his wife had a tiff over some issues. Don't know what the issues are. He ranted and raved that he's provided everything for his wife and she's still not happy with him. And he did say a couple of other stuff that I would rather not type.

With these two thoughts, I wonder. Where do Babe and I stand? Before coming to HK to work, Babe provided for everything at home in Singapore. He paid for everything and he even gave me a shopping allowance. Then, one day, he found out how much I've been shopping and yes, the allowance stopped and I had to learn to be responsible for my extravagance. Was he mad, sure, he was. He did help but at the same time, he did remind that I can't buy everything on earth! Moving to HK, we contribute towards the household expenses together. I won't say equally because we don't count. We just pay for things together. It doesn't matter for us.

Money is good to have. It buys food and provides for stuff which is great. But what gets to me is how some people use money as power in a marriage. That would sting real bad. Just because the husband provides for the family, it doesn't mean that the wife can't get mad with the husband at all. One of my cousin's husband gave up his job to care of their child and they have a great relationship because they don't count the pennies. There's no expectations that my cousin-in-law has to buy expensive presents for my cousin. There has to be respect. Mutual respect for each other. Just because one earns lesser than the other, or one doesn't earn at all, it doesn't mean that that person doesn't deserve any respect.

I love Babe because Babe loves me regardless if I work or don't work or buy him something nice or not buy him anything at all. I love him all the same if he buys me a bag from Gucci or buys me a wallet from Ladies' market in Mongkok. At the end of the day, it's the thought that counts.

Our Helper

2011-03-09T13:40:00.003+08:00

Been thinking of writing this post for a while. Our helper has been with us for a month today. When we were first told that we were matched with Josias, the first thing that came to our minds was childcare. Who is going to look after him? Not just look after him when we're at work but love him too.

Before we went to the helper agency, we prayed and asked God to bring us the right helper to us. The first visit to the helper agency, we interviewed like maybe five or six and then there was one that we felt was a good fit, but she didn't want to work for us. Sure, we got a little worried. We called a bunch of people and asked them for recommendations and then next weekend rolled around and again we went to the helper agency. Again, we prayed and asked God to send the right person to us. So we interviewed a bunch of people and when we were about to leave without finding the right helper, we thought, just one more. And she turned out to be the one that we wanted to hire.

I'm not going to name her but her name starts with J too. So J started work about a month ago. And the day before she started, that's when Happy got her foot stuck and there was a million and one things that I had to do and leave Josias at home. We observed and noticed that she does have real and genuine love for Josias. She wakes up in the middle of the night and cares for him. She patiently feeds him and whenever he throws up, she cleans him up and the floor. And I'm really thankful for her.

As much as I try not to turn into one of those ladies that bring their helpers everywhere or dump their kids to their helpers, I realise that it's hard not to have J around. The apartment is spotlessly clean now, I get hot lunch at home, the bed is made every day. Yes! I love it! I love cooking and not having to clean up. I love it when I just spend my evenings playing and feeding Josias. And not have to worry about the apartment being messy or anything like that. I'm really thankful to have her and thank God for sending the right helper to us.

Before J came, I was mulling over getting a CCTV at home. But Babe put things into perspective. He simply said, if we can't trust her, why bother to hire her? So there's no CCTV. I believe that she's doing a great job at home. I'm really glad. But at the same time, I know that she's not perfect and that things may go awry. However, at this point of time, we're very thankful.

Home Church

2011-03-08T11:13:00.003+08:00

So after church on Sunday, I felt that maybe I did disservice to my home church. The Holy Spirit must have prompted me that maybe I wasn't that fair. When I reflected upon it, yes, it's true. I do have lots of memories of my home church.

I met Babe in our home church when I was 15. If it was not for our home church, we wouldn't have met each other. We are quite different in many ways. I did have many mentors there. One of my mentors, Adrian, went home to the Lord quite a few years ago. He was the brother that I never had. I met my best friend, Stanley in our home church too. We met when we were six years old and till now we're still really close. He kindly agreed to be our referee for Josias and when he was told that Josias arrived, he wanted to be his godpa. Vey touched by it. But Stan no longer attends our home church now.

I had one of my best times in my life in Galilee. I remember once Babe and I were talking about best times in life and I told him being in Youth Fellowship was one of it. It was something that I looked forward to very much. There was love, support, friendship and till now, I look back at those days with memories. Lots and lots of happy memories.

But sometimes I wonder what went wrong with me? Why does it sometimes seems familiarly and yet oddly strange to head back to our home church? And I look and wonder, the physical church is still there. But the people that I used to hang out with are no longer there. And I wonder what is the church really made up of? Is it the building or the people? Or what's the priority of the people that attend church? And that includes me. The truth of the matter, I don't know. And I wonder, maybe the fault lies with me. We have been in and out of Singapore far too much and often for people to really keep track of who and where we are. It was funny once when someone told mum that he didn't know that Babe and I live in HK. He was saying that he sees us quite often in church. Mum was like, errrr, they come home for visits you know?

Anyway, what I wanted to say is, I still love my home church for what it has given me. My faith, trust and love in God. I learnt heaps as a teen there. But over the years, people move on and am I trying to hold on to what I thought was wonderful and refusing to let go? I don't know. While we still live in HK, our home church will still remain as our home church. But at the same time, we have to pray for God's direction in coming years.

The Church We Attend Now

2011-03-01T13:30:00.002+08:00

After attending three churches in Hong Kong, we finally settled on the church that we're currently attend. Last Thursday at cell group, we were reading James 2 and I shared why we decided that The Vine is where we know God wants us to be.

¹ My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. ² Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. ³ If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” ⁴ have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

James 2: 1-4

The passage hit home. When we first attended The Vine, I was kinda surprise that there were people from various nationalities. When I mean various, I really mean various. There were not just Africans but Africans from different parts of Africa that I never even knew existed. There were helpers from Philippines serving in Sunday School and also being greeters. Nepalis serving the Nepalis's community. It was almost like United Nations. And yes, I've even seen HK actresses sitting next to anybody and everybody. It was later that I found out that the church supports a large community of asylum seekers. Recently, someone shared with me that a family of 8 who are asylum seekers came to church seeking for help. Well, they are not even Christians and the church opened their arms wide open. And in turn this family told another Egyptian family who is need to come to church. The Egyptian family's reply was that, 'We're not Christians, will they make us convert?'. And the family's reply was no, just go to the church and the church will help.

That warmed my heart. Jesus came to call the poor and not the rich. When I walked into church, there's this warmth that everyone is equal in the eyes of the Lord. Yes, this is an international church where pilots, bankers and high fliers attend too, but do I know who are the rich and the poor? No, I don't. From my point of view, I can't tell. The pastors often preach and encourage us to reach out to the poor in our congregation and in our midst.

One of my favourite songs that's written by the church band is, God of Justice. Sorry, can't find the lyrics. But in the chorus, its goes, 'We must go and feed the hungry, stand beside the broken. Keep us just from singing but move us into action.' I pondered upon those words and then I thought of my home church. Let me apologize to those from my home church in Singapore who may be offended. But this is honestly how I feel and see things. Maybe I've been in my home church for too long. When I was growing up in my home church, I felt that the rich in the church were sort of better cared for. And people were rather judgmental. My parents stopped attending church for a while and I've always felt that there were stares. But these all pale to something close to my heart. When people from my home church found out that we were adopting, there were questions why and why don't we make our own and a barrage of questions that were discouraging us. But when we share with our cell group in Hong Kong, sure there was a why and we told them that God told us to adopt and we must follow Him. And that was it. They prayed with us and encouraged us along the way. There were never discouragements but only encouragements. I remember in the early stage of adoption, I shared with someone from my home church about adopting. She was very encouraging but she said, be careful of the gossips. That hit kinda hard. I love that sister for warning me but didn't Jesus ask us to go and support, give and care for the widows and the orphans?

Anyway, if anyone from my home church is reading this. You are the ones that can make the difference. Are you willing to go and be a friend to the newcomers? Are you willing to take the step and sit next to the foreign worker that comes to service? Or is the friendship or the welcome dependent on how big a car someone drives? Will you go and comfort the broken? Each time I head back to Singapore, I don't really head back to my home church anymore. Maybe I'm feeling that it doesn't really feel like home anymore. It's sad. My heart aches.

Out for Dinner with the Ladies and Josias

2011-02-24T14:29:00.004+08:00

Last Tuesday night, I met up with a couple of ladies for dinner. It was kinda long overdue. I've not seen one of them for maybe more than 2 or 3 months. I decided to bring Josias along as the ladies wanted to see him. So the trek to Pacific Place with the little boy started. But I kinda forgotten that I had to see my chiropractor before meeting the ladies. And there I was thinking and figuring it out and well, I had no choice, brought the helper to Central with me. Told her to look after little one while I got myself sorted.

Got myself sorted and then sent helper home to get dinner ready for Babe. I must say it was interesting as I navigated myself through public transport and the streets of Hong Kong with the huge stroller and bags of stuff. I survived getting to Pacific Place and managed to get myself into a cafe to order a coffee and feed little boy and then meet ladies for dinner.

It was a good night out. Little Josias managed to charm the ladies sitting next to us. They even offered to carry him while I eat. Then suddenly the time hit, he started his crying at about 9. That was him telling me that he wanted to go home. I sat there telling the ladies that it's really hard at times for me not to slip and become one of those ladies that bring their helper out everywhere they go so that they can deal with the child. Yes, I would love a night out with the ladies and let them play with Josias but when he starts his whinging, I would love to be able to pass him to the helper and tell her, fix him! But reality is that, no, I want to be able to take him out on my own and work it out with him. Anyway, when we said goodbye and started our way to the MTR station, he stopped crying. Maybe he knew that he was going home. Had a good night. Wouldn't mind bringing him out again but then again, not sure if the ladies appreciate me bringing him out with them again!

Josias is growing fast. Real fast I must say. Overall, I'm enjoying him maybe a lot more than Babe. Babe gets worried about things too much and sometimes Josias cries in the night and Babe gets worried and frustrated. But I guess it's all part and parcel of parenthood. We're getting used to it and yes, enjoying it to a certain extent.

Anyway, enjoy pics of little Josias.

Passed out from eating way too much!

My little cowboy!
Isn't he a cute bunny? Next up, tiger suit!

Eating the Buzz out of the Quinny.

A Typical Family

2011-02-17T13:23:00.003+08:00

I was on sick leave yesterday. Nursing a cough but a sore hand and foot. Yes, age is catching up and everything breaks down. Sad, huh? I stayed in bed till about 9.30 when the phone rang and thereafter I was staying up, hanging out with Josias, saw the doc, trying to put him to bed, playing with him and it was only when he took his nap that I went and took my nap too.

Woke up at 6ish when I heard him cry a little and then found myself playing and hanging out with him. It was a great day, don't get me wrong. But I was thinking, maybe I might actually get more rest at school than at home. Priorities have changed now. We have a helper at home but I feel guilty leaving Josias to his own devices when I know I'm home and I can actually hang out with him. Yup, the mummy guilt has gotten to me.

I started thinking that well, we've morphed into a typical family with a kid, dog and helper. The helper is great. Thank God for her. We prayed that God would send the right helper to us. She loves Josias and that's important to me. Last Friday, I took the risk of leaving Josias to the helper who has probably arrived at our home less than 24 hours to bring Happy to the vet. Happy had her paw caught in the escalator and her dressing needed to be changed. I know it was a risk but I prayed and left it to God. Babe told me that there's not point being worried or suspicious of the helper. She is here to help and if I'm worried an suspicious all the time, then, she won't be a good helper isn't it? I love it when Babe puts it right in my face. I went and came back and found Josias laughing and smiling away. So there was nothing to worry about.

At this point, we're thankful that things are smooth sailing. But for some reason, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop and things go topsy turvy. Or, maybe that had already happened when Happy had her paw stuck in the escalator. Anyway, whatever it is, I'm thankful for my little typical family. It's no more just the two of us with a dog, but rather, three of us with a dog and helper!

Trials

2011-02-14T09:21:00.002+08:00

I heard one of the best sermons in church yesterday. Maybe I should rephrased it, not maybe the best. But rather something that hit home.

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything

James 1: 2- 4

Pastor Andrew Gardener from The Vine( the church we currently attend) preached on trials and difficult times that Christians go through. He said something like, imagine James with a cheesy smile when he wrote consider pure joy whenever you face trials. And imagine people telling you the same thing with a cheesy smile. And I thought, that is just so true. Each time I go through difficult situation, and when someone points out this passage to them, I do want to punch them in the face. But the reality is that when James wrote this, God through James was pointing out a bigger picture that kinda hit home for me yesterday.

Pastor Andrew went on to share how difficult times in his life really made him see this passage clearer. When I was growing up, I used to look at my friends that come from really firm Christian families and tell them, 'you don't know what I'm going through because you have a steadfast Christian family.' Well, Pastor Andrew grew up in one of those but his reality hit him and his faith shook when things happened to him. And in that perspective I'm seeing that, yes, every Christian goes through trials and difficult situations and not everyone shares and let you know their situations and therefore it's not fair to say, your life is so easy.

When I was at uni, I had to wait on tables for like maybe 20 to 30 hours a week to make sure I can pay rent, get food and yes, I admit, go clubbing. I used to look at friends wistfully and wish that my parents had enough money to pay for everything and buy me a car too. But well, that didn't happen. And during those difficult times, I ask myself, why? And in my somewhat difficult childhood, I often asked God why me? Why put me through shit? And are you having a laugh about it? When I sat through that sermon, I heard it, 'testing of your faith produces perseverance'. And I thought, yes, very true. I can persist through a lot of things and persevere quite well. And I believe its through what I've been through that my faith in God has grown a lot and that I know that whatever that I went or am going through will make me a stronger Christian through Christ.

Thank you, Lord

Thank you, Lord,

for the trials that come my way.

In that way I can grow each day

as I let you lead,

And thank you, Lord,

for the patience those trials bring.

In that process of growing,

I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,

with each trial I feel inside,

that you're there to help,

lead and guide me away from wrong.

'Cause you promised, Lord,

that with every testing,

that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

I thank you, Lord,

for the victory that growing brings.

In surrender of everything

life is so worth while.

And I thank you, Lord,

that when everything's put in place,

out in front I can see your face,

and it's there you belong.

- Dan Burgess

While I was mulling over the sermon, Joel, whom I've known for years from Galilee wrote a note and pasted this song on Facebook. And it came at such an apt time because I was thinking of it too. I'm drawn to believe that God wants me to share this. I loved this song very much when I was in Youth Fellowship. Whenever shit hits the fan, the song comes to mind. And yes, it's through difficult times that I become stronger. I don't expect my parents or Babe to buy me things. If I want something, I've learnt that I've to work and buy it myself. However, if Babe or my parents buy it for me, I'll be grateful. I'm not the kind that envy what my friends' husbands buy for them or what they have. And I'm glad because God has guided and taught me. And its these processes in life that has matured me a little, strengthened our marriage and relationships between family and friends. Thanks for the sermon. Thanks for the reminder that God bring trials and difficult situations for reasons and sometimes I understand the reasons and sometimes I may never understand the reasons but am still thankful that God is leading me and strengthening my faith for what's to come in the future. Thank you, Lord.

Cousins

2011-02-01T21:17:00.003+08:00

When I was growing up, I hang out a lot with my cousins. My cousins are not merely my cousins, they are my closest and best friends. I loved hanging out with them and well, I still do love hanging out with them. We used to go to the playground and play till the sun set, play boardgames till one of us collapses and it was so much fun.

One of the cousins that I hung out a lot was Morgan. He was like one of my bestest pal. We used to comfort each other when we were down. As kids we had so much to talk about. I don't know where he is now. It's sad, I know. Wonder if he still reads my blog. I want him to meet little Josias.

When Jo Claire was planning to come to HK. I wonder if Jo Claire and Josias would get along. I was hoping that Jo Claire would not be jealous of him. I was hoping that she would love him and that they would have a relationship like Morgan and I when were were growing up. I was hoping that they would have a relationship that they would rely on each other.

When Dad, Mum, Joanne and Jo Claire arrived, I brought Josias to the airport to meet them. The moment Jo Claire saw Josias, she went to pat him. She wanted to see him and give him cuddles. It was precious to see that. She played with him, cuddled him, even tried too feed him. Yes, there were thoughts that maybe it's time to move home so that they'll have a close relationship. But those thoughts are for later to consider.

Anyway, it's nice to have family around. They've gone to China to visit grandma. Can't wait for them to come back. And blessed Chinese New Year to everyone!

Life So Far

2011-01-26T09:31:00.002+08:00

So yes, there's a shift in lifestyle. Not a major one but there's a little someone that we consider when we make our plans. It's no longer just what we like but rather how feasible would this be with little one.

For the longest time, I did what I wanted or what Babe wanted. We went to the restaurants that we liked and bought stuff that we like. And yes holidayed where we liked too. But things are kinda different now. Even meals with the ladies are fewer than before and yes, they are making the huge effort to come to Park Island. Love them for making the effort.

Last week, I was in Spore for a school trip. If Josias didn't arrive, I would have left one night earlier and came back one day later and Babe would have joined me in Spore too. He would have planned a work trip to Spore. But well, things change and it was strange being in Spore alone without Babe and going to bed without Babe too. And that was when it hit, yes, lifestyle change.

This morning, we woke up at least 4 times because Josias was crying a bit. We think he might be teething and thus the little cries. Crawled out of bed and checked and then checked and checked. I was thinking, we're giving up our sleep. And do I mind? Well, there are times I wonder would I ever be able to wake up at 7.45 anymore? And what about my Sat mornings sleep in? No more? But when I look at little Josias precious smile, it's all worth it.

There are sacrifices to be made. I understand that. And yes, there maybe times that I grumble and whinge but deep down, I can't thank God enough for sending me a little cutie. And again, I'm really thankful for the family support. Jacqui is here now and she's doing a great job with him. Can't be more thankful for them.

Support

2011-01-17T08:48:00.003+08:00

We're very thankful for the support and well wishes from family and friends. Support from family and friends is very important and it's more so when there's a little one in the family. And it's especially more so when we live away from family and friends.

When Josias arrived, I texted a few people and namely, family and the well wishes were quite overwhelming. I was very touched by it. Mum flew into Hong Kong on the second day Josias came home. Close friends of mine have been wanting to meet him. But sometimes it's hard because Josias kicks a mini fuss if he doesn't get home by 9ish to sleep every night. So meetings with friends have been limited to Saturday's lunches or early dinners. So ladies, sorry, will try to get Josias out to meet you soon.

When I told a couple of close friends that Josias arrived, Stanley wanted to be his godfather and of course I agreed without hesitation. I asked Eve if she would be his godma and she's totally agreed too. We were out for lunch with Pauline and she couldn't stop cuddling and carrying him and I jokingly said, well, he can be your godson and she's like, of course! It's amazing how much love and support that we're getting. Friends have been calling to congratulate and sending messages through Facebook too. This boy is so filled with love.

I'm leaving tomorrow for a school trip to Singapore and mum is leaving on Fri back to Singapore too. I was getting concerned and worried about Josias. Then a colleague gave me a number of an ex-student's mum and I called her and she readily agreed to help out. Jacqui texted and asked if I needed help and she would fly in a couple days earlier to help us out too. So Jacqui would be arriving on Sunday. Our helper's visa is processing and initially, I was worried thinking how are we going to cope in the meantime but God provided people and help. He gave us the reassurance that things would be fine. We're very thankful for everything.

Anyway, enjoy couple of pics that we're taken so far. Parenthood is a learning journey every day but every day is a little adventure in faith knowing that God, our heavenly father, would provide wisdom and providence for every thing.

Does Pauline look good with Josias. She wouldn't let him go. We almost had to pry him from her hands!
Lina aka Qiao Yun, she's my oldest and closest friend. Well, she's my cousin and so I've known her for forever. She was in HK for a holiday and well, she didn't know that he arrived till a few days before she arrived. She was super excited meeting him.
Mum and Josias having fun together. Mum loves him heaps! She has been a great help. Especially when he does his little vomit. His nickname is Vomitty Boy!
His little Baby Seat that Joanne got for us. The baby seat couldn't fit him so we put him into ours. But not that ours fit in better but he was just glad to be able to be sitting at the table with everyone.
Little Josias getting a little manicure. Yes, he does have a worried look. Well, that's expected as I nipped him the other day. Poor boy cried a little and then he was fine. So this time when cutting his nails, he was looking intently making sure that I don't nip him again. Isn't he looking just cute? Love that adorable look!

The Bestest Christmas Present!

2011-01-10T09:39:00.003+08:00

So I was at Sanatorium Hospital in Hong Kong having lunch with Dana after my LASIK procedure. After lunch, my phone rang and it was my case work for adoption. He told me that we were matched! I was so excited that I opened my eyes wide and told Dana the news. Well, I wasn't meant to open my eyes. I was too excited.

A flurry of text messages flew in and out and then was reminded again, can't read and focus too much. The next morning, I woke up bright and early, couldn't really sleep. Guess I was far too excited to meet him. It was Christmas Eve and that was the first time that we met. Totally fell in love with him. The next day at Christmas Service, I was about to cry and thank God with all my heart. But remembered, LASIK, no crying. My heart was just overflowing with joy and gladness and thanksgiving! God did what He set out to do for us. It was the best present ever. For the next week, we did the visits and hung out with him.

On the 31st of Dec, we brought him home. And....Tada....this is him! His name is Josias Noel SEET Yong En. Josias is a variant of Josiah. King Josiah was the youngest king in the bible. He restored God's Temple to its glory. His name means healed by God, supported by God. Babe chose Noel because he came to us during Christmas and it's the best present ever. Yong means forever and En means grace, put them together, it's means forever grace. Babe chose the Chinese name.

However, the adoption is not completed. We're under probation now and we're praying that this is really God's will. The adoption will be completed by the end of June and we'll be spending summer in Spore. Won't be travelling to States as we think that the journey might be too much for him. He was born on the 13th of August. Looking back at everything, we see God's hand in joining and panning everything out for us. We had to move and He found a place that has a dryer. This is probably the first apartment in HK that we have seen a dryer and the dryer has been working hard every day for us. We have more space and even with Babe's job, God really had His hand in everything.

Pray for us as we raise a young man in God's word. We don't want to be good parents. But we want to be Godly parents who listen to God and bring our son and future children in God's path. Here are some of his pics. Enjoy! Once again, thanks for all the prayers. We really appreciate it!

Our first meeting.
Second meeting and Babe mucking around with him.
Getting ready for bed and Happy wants to kiss him good night.
A happy little boy in his little bumbo! He's a good kid. He sleeps through the night. Doesn't cry much except when he's tired or hungry. Does a little vomit here and there. But overall, he's really good and we love him to bits!

Year so Far

2011-01-04T11:08:00.002+08:00

So this is already the 4th of Jan. Time kinda flies doesn't it? How do I like my year so far? Well, not really complaining.

Mum arrived on the 1st for a short vacation. Guess she's liking it so far. But then again, maybe not. Will have to ask her later. Babe left for his work work trip of the year this morning too. He'll be back on Friday. Me, I'm back at work. Not really complaining. I've gotten to know some of my colleagues and actually find coming to work sometimes enjoyable. And yes, I look forward to having little chit chats with them and the students.

I didn't make any resolutions for the new year. Or rather, have not been making them because why do I need to wait for a new year to make a change in my life. If I think changes should be made, I'll make it there and then. No point waiting. Well, I've not had a smoke or drink in years. So in that department, I've been good. The last year saw Babe and I learning and growing more and we've come to realise that not trusting in God would lead us in a wild goose chase like the Israelites in the wilderness for 40 years. And trusting and having faith in Him makes everything fine. So motto for this year, In everything, have trust and faith in the Almighty One'.

This year, we're also looking forward to more visitors in HK. It started with mum arriving on the 1st and then Lina is coming on the 9th and then everyone in the family in late Jan, Pastor Andrew in Feb and the list goes on. It's going to be a great year because there's going to be a whole lot of trust and faith in Jesus! Have a great year ahead everyone!

Rain, Sunshine and Rainbow

2010-12-28T09:10:00.003+08:00

As 2010 is drawing close, I reflect on 2010. Overall, it has been a really good year. There's nothing that I would like to change. Seriously!

2010 kinda started with rain. I mean metaphorically. I remember spending Christmas in Singapore in 2009 and then waving bye to Babe and everyone at the airport and heading back to HK alone. It was hard. Lots of rain. And then there was lots of flying. Babe would come once a fortnight and I would fly once a fortnight. Flying back and forth.

Then rain got heavier and it was almost pouring cats and dogs in March when my social worker told me that we've got to be temporarily taken out of the adoption matching because Babe was working in Singapore. I was really upset. But there was some sunshine peeking out because when I told Babe, he told me that he was going to quit his job after summer. And I saw rainbows, God's promises.

Summer came and I went to visit Sharon, Eelynn, Bruno, Jolynn, Little Leina and Eve. Had loads of fun. Didn't want to leave. Headed back to Singapore and then, Babe kept to his words and we packed for Hong Kong. In the midst of packing, Babe got an email and it was a job offer. Again, lots of sunshine. And I thought of rainbows too. God's promises.

Well, again, the every fortnight phone calls made me a lot of 'kan cheong' and prayers started and yes, there were fastings too. And prayers and then sometimes fastings. And that's when the making of rainbow cakes started. I baked loads telling myself that God's promises will come through.

In November, mum, Joanne, Jacqui and JC came for a visit. It was great. Loved the time spent. Babe's mum, brother and sister in law came for a visit too. Then December rolled along. And yes, year is almost ending with a bang! Will talk about it later. I could really never ask for anything more.

On a side note, if I had my way, I would so call my kids, Rain, Sunshine and Rainbow. Wouldn't that be cool?

Blessed Christmas!

2010-12-24T22:02:00.002+08:00

This Christmas is turning out to be one of the best Christmases ever! So, got my eyes zapped yesterday and voila!!! Perfect eyesight!

Before doing the Lasik, of course, there were tons of apprehension and fear but on the day itself, Babe and I prayed and I put my eyes in the hands of the Lord. Thank God for Danna and Angela who were with me as Babe was busy at work. This morning perfect eyesight!

Anyway, Bless Christmas to everyone! Am so reminded of God's blessings upon us.

The Move

2010-12-21T10:35:00.005+08:00

The move is finally over and we're all unpacked and settled in. Thank God! So we started packing about 3 weeks ago. This time we decided to call in the movers. And we started to pack and packed. Never knew I had so so much clothes, shoes and stuff! And yes, bags! Totally madness.

Yes, these are some of the boxes that contained my stuff. And there were couple more boxes and not forgetting the suitcases too.
Moved to the new place and that's where the real fun started. The boxes and the clothes and the shoes and just stuff and more stuff. The unpacking never seemed to end!
After like 3 hours of unpacking, there's still boxes!!! Unbelievable! And that's when it hit. How much stuff do I really have?
And Happy looked confused in the midst of the mess.

Finally, all cleaned and unpacked! Thanks Babe for stepping up to it. Even though he was really overwhelmed by the mess, he did a great job.

Last night after everything, I had time to bake a cake for my colleagues. Keeping fingers crossed that the cake will turn out yum!

Catching my Breath

2010-12-15T15:01:00.002+08:00

This is probably one of my busiest months in a long time. I've been up to my neck with preparing for my informal lesson observation which is over, thank God!, and tomorrow, we're having a parents' day for p1. Parents are coming to watch their kids in class and in turn, watch me teach. Well, this happens every year so it's really nothing new. And this Sat, we're packing and moving. On Sun night, we're having a farewell dinner to friends who are moving back to Canada. On Mon, my social worker is coming for an inspection and in the evening, I've got to do a short presentation to the parents for the school trip to Singapore. And in the midst of the craziness, I'mm coordinating with Mazzy, my ex-colleague a school visit to his school. Finally, on the 23rd of this month, I'm getting LASIK done to my eyes.

And yes, I need to pause and catch my breath! Packing is still ongoing. Boxes in the apartment, things are in a mess but we're still functioning to a certain extent. As long as I get through tomorrow, things would slow done a little but at the same time, I can feel my world swirling and spinning. I almost have to yell at myself to pause and be still and let the craziness around me go.

This Christmas is also a kinda bittersweet for me. Or rather I've mixed feelings for this Christmas. This is probably the 3rd Christmas that I won't be home. It's really hard for me. But I'm telling myself that God has a reason for everything. The matching for the adoption is on the 23rd of Dec and we need to be here in HK to be considered for it and therefore we didn't book our tickets. The reality is that, I'll gladly give up going home for Christmas, Chinese New Year and whatever holiday it is for our child to arrive. Yes, take the holidays but just give me our kid! That's all I ask for. There are days that I want to rant, shout and scream and ask God, what's up? What's going on? And by the way, I'm about to give up and yes, make my own! But there's a voice deep in me that's telling me, 'Patience, my child.' When I hear that voice, I become still and am reminded of God's calling for us.

This is my Christmas prayer.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Two weeks ago, I taught Sunday School and I had a great time teaching the kids about your birth. I taught the kids that the greatest gift that we got for Christmas is you. You're the best thing for Christmas. And I truly believe that. You have given me so much. You have given Babe. Babe that truly loves me for everything. Babe, even bought me a Christmas present already. He was on a flight and he saw something in the inflight magazine and that weekend he brought me to the boutique to make sure that I like it and he bought it for me. Thanks so much for Babe. Can't ask for more. You have given me richly in terms of material stuff and in terms of love too. My life is full because you have made it full and complete. However, God, we heeded your calling and truly believe that you want us to adopt and here we are obeying you. So, if it's not too much to ask, the best present next to you, would be a little child for us. That's all we ask for,

Thank you, Lord.

In Jesus's name,

Amen

So this is my Christmas prayer. And yes, catch my breath and be still and let the madness and craziness zoom past me.

Dear Grandpa

2010-12-03T10:33:00.003+08:00

Dear Grandpa,

Last night as I was leaving my apartment, I heard the security guard hum, 'What a Friend we have in Jesus,' and my immediately my thoughts were led to you. For some reason, I seem to believe that this is your favourite hymn. And last night I was thinking, what do I know? Why would I think this is your fav hymn? You went to heaven when I was barely 10 and still this thought resided in you.

So grandpa, how's heaven like? It is really what it's been described? I'm sure it's even better. Well, grandma is kinda fine, I guess. She's lost some of her short term memory. We tell her stuff and in 2 mins, she can't remember what she said. However, she has lots of happy memories from the past. She told me how you and her holidayed in England and she showed me photos. Those photos were beautiful by the way. On, before I forget, we're going to try to bring grandma back to Singapore. Although I'm in Hong Kong, mummy doesn't feel too happy about grandma living by herself in China. Don't get mummy wrong. The relatives are great. They love grandma and they take great care of her but mummy would much rather have grandma with her.

Grandpa, you'll be glad to know that all of your grandkids are graduates. We've kinda done you proud. I remember when I was in NIE and I would wonder where was your office? At that time, NIE was in the old campus of NUS at Bukit Timah. Well, Joanne and Alwin graduated from NUS but the rest of us went away to study. Out of your 5 grandkids, 4 are teachers but don't worry, Alwin works for Temasek. He works for the government. I know that you love Spore's government and yes, hopefully, you're really proud of us.

By the way, did you know that Joanne has a daughter. Her name is Jo Claire. So in other words, you're a great grandpa now. Joanne, mum and Jacqui have brought JC to see grandma twice and they are planning the next trip over Chinese New Year. JC is a great kid. And someday, we'll tell her stories of you and your legacy. Importantly, we want her to know that you and grandma did a wonderful job of adopting and therefore there's us. And we're always grateful for it.

On the topic of adoption, grandpa, in many ways, I'm led to believe that a huge reason why we're adopting is because of you. You love mum enough to adopt her and to love her and in turn you loved us heaps too. I want to say thanks. A couple of months ago, we were in Katong have pernanrakan lunch with mum, dad, uncle Larry and Aunty Amy when mum reminded us of our heritage. I was reminded that you're a baba. I wish you're still around to share more of your heritage to us.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. Grandpa, I want to say thanks. Thanks for loving us. I do wish you're still around. But God had a reason why it was time for you to head home and I respect that. I'll see you soon, someday.

And this song is for you.

What a Friend we have in Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.

A Postcard from my Childhood

2010-11-30T15:20:00.003+08:00

I was thinking about writing when I stole this pic from my cousin's facebook photos but never got around to doing it till I read my other cousin's blog and she mentioned celebrating Christmas with my family. And then, ding, I had to write.

So this picture above was taken some many, many years ago in my home at Pandan Gardens when we were living there. From the looks of this picture, I must have been around six or seven years old. I remember the Christmas parties with my family and my cousins. It was always filled with loads of fun.

So, I think it's how you celebrate Christmas and who you celebrate it with that matters, and not what you get or don't. Presents can never be as memorable as the people who spend the day with you.

This was taken off my cousin's blog. Thanks Monster for sharing that. I truly believe that. Looking back, I don't even remember what I got when I was a kid. Oh yes, a Barbie doll and rest, I can't remember. But what stayed on was the memories of cousins running around, screaming in glee, playing, and yes, sometimes sipping or drinking our parents' beer. Those were the memories. And those memories created the camaraderie, love, friendship and importantly we feel connected even as adults now.

Looking at the picture, there are two cousins that I really miss heaps. One of them passed about a couple of years ago. And the saddest bit, I didn't even get to say goodbye. He left in such a hurry that he left everyone shellshocked. The other cousin, I don't know where he is. I miss him. I know his siblings miss him too and so do his kids. My parents miss him heaps. Really heaps. He's like a son to my parents and it's breaking my parents' hearts that they don't really know what's happening to him. Once in a while, dad grills me about this cousin. He thinks that this cousin might have emailed me but I'm not saying stuff. But cousin, if you're reading this, get in touch with my dad. He misses you. Do you know that Joanne has a baby now? Little JC would love to meet you. Wherever you are, drop me an email.

Monster, thanks for writing about the Christmas we spent together when I was 10 and you were 11. Didn't know that it had an impact on you. Looking back, it was probably that Christmas that kinda sealed our friendship. Oh Eelynn, you look really cute! Kinda reminds me of Leina.

This Christmas I'm going to be in HK getting my lasik done to my eyes. Going to miss Christmas like maybe the 3rd time of my life with my family. It's going to be a hard and cold Christmas. But.....I've got Babe. Babe is going to make things perfect! And yes cousins, miss those times when we were kids.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T12:35:00.002+08:00

I like celebrating Thanksgiving. I think Hong Kong and Singapore should adopt this American festival rather than the mindless (in my opinion) Halloween. Why celebrate scaring each other and scoffing down loads of candies? I just don't see it. Okay, maybe there's a bigger picture to Halloween but seriously, I don't really care.

So coming back to Thanksgiving. I'm glad that even my family in Singapore is taking time to celebrate Thanksgiving. I was speaking to mum last night and she was telling me that she's planning a Thanksgiving dinner. The first in our home. Bummer that we can't head home for Thanksgiving. Well, food might be a little different, it was too late for her to score a turkey but who cares.

Babe and me normally have dinner together and last year was extra special that my family was here. This Thanksgiving, we're spending with our cell group tonight and tomorrow, we're having dinner with some of our Canadian and American friends and friends from all over the world.

I know I should be more thankful and grateful but I admit that there are times that I take things for granted and demand more from God. And there are times that I forget to take a step back and think of the bountiful blessings that has been showered upon me. I've got a loving and supportive husband, wonderful parents, superb sisters, cute JC, silly and funny brother in law, 4 best friends (yes, 4 best friends), loving friends in Hong Kong. And the list is endless. We have a nice apartment in HK. And we're moving to a bigger place in about 3 weeks' time. Yes, honestly, life is good. Looking at the big picture, there's nothing that I can complain about. So when life gets the better of me, I need to press on the pulse button and stop, think of all the wonderful people and things that God has placed in my life.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving. And remember to stop and be thankful!

8 Years and Still Counting

2010-11-23T13:28:00.003+08:00

I remember 8 years ago waking up and getting washed up, dressed and made up and then realizing, shit! Where's my contact lens? Then the mini madness ensued. Me yelling at mum that I've lost my contact lens. Then dad shouting asking why didn't I have a spare pair. Then the call to Babe, errr.....going to late. Lost my contact lens.

Then, next scene, me sitting at the dining table with Lina, errmmmm....so how? We both broke into giggles. Mum frantically calling various people finding out where to get contacts at 10 in the morning. And finally, go to Lucky Plaza, she shouted. So off to the car we went. Lina was telling me in the car, wow, there's a flower on your ring finger. And I stared at her, what did you just say? Flower? Then I let out a yell, flowers!!! I forgot my flowers! Then called Jacqui, flowers!

Next, got to Lucky Plaza in my wedding dress, getting fitted for my contact lens and people staring at us. I laughed it off with Lina. To me, it was like a fun adventure with my bridesmaid. I didn't care. And Babe called, hmmm....you getting to the church yet? Yup, getting there, soon. And then we got to church like almost 20 mins late. The doors burst open and there I was walking down the aisle with dad. And Babe waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

We recited our vows.

For better, for worse

For richer, for poorer

In sickness and in health

To love, cherish and obey

Till death do us part

When I said my vows, I totally believed that the both of us would definitely be able to conquer anything and everything in the world just as long as we have to both of us. Well, the day we were married, we would have dated for 10 years and a day. So if we can go through that many years, what's a marriage to us?

Boy was I wrong! The first year was somewhat hard at times. It wasn't that bad. We survived it. Then the years rolled along. Babe is very supportive of everything I do. Somewhere in the 3rd year of marriage, I took off to Sydney to do my masters and he was totally supportive of it. I graduated and then in a couple months later, the opportunity to move to Hong Kong to work came, and yet again, he supported my decision. And soon he too moved to Hong Kong.

Were there moments that I thought that my marriage might be over? Yes, I'm not going to deny it. There were times I wonder how are we going to survive this? And this was hard. There was particular one incident that almost tore us apart. And I ate the huge chunk of humble pie and obeyed. But at the same time, I'm glad I did. I respected Babe and from there, the marriage grew stronger. Last December, Babe moved back to Spore to work and there were times that it was hard for me to deal with stuff on my own. During that time, it made the both of us realised that money is not everything. I'd rather have one income and have Babe with me all the time than 2 incomes and living in 2 countries.

So we took the plunge and decided one income. But God has bigger plans. Babe is working and he's been busier than ever. Our love? I would say that it's going stronger. Babe is my mirror. I look at him and he tells me gently and sometimes not so gently what's wrong. He's my fashion consultant, my career guide, my chef, my advisor. He's my everything and he's what I am not too. He fills the gaps in me and in other words, he completes me. Not that I'm not complete but he makes me even more complete. Does it make sense? If I can turn time back to 8 years ago, I'll still say the loud 'I do' and not change anything. And yup, we totally had the best time at our wedding.

Enjoy the pics of Babe and me. We don't take as many pics as we would like, and since I've moved to a macbook, I don't have many pics in my macbook. Found whatever that can be shown in public. And Babe, thanks for loving me!

Moving On

2010-11-17T13:43:00.002+08:00

I must admit that I don't always check my gmail email account. I'd check it once every couple of days. So last Thursday, I decided that it's time to check my gmail account and I did and boy did I get a rude shock.

My landlord has decided that since our lease has ended, he's going to raise our rent by thirty percent. My initial reaction, thirty percent? Which industry had a thirty percent of salary increment? Madness! Without even bothering to check out any apartments, I texted Babe and told him that we're moving. So replied the email and told him that we're moving. Almost added, do you think we are idiots? But thought, look, he can do whatever he wants to and I'll just move. I've got nothing to lose but rather's he got more to lose than me.

So on Friday after work and running errands, part 1 of apartment hunting started. I went to look at five apartments without Babe as he was still at work. Out of the five, I liked two. Then part 2 of apartment hunting came when Babe came back from work and we went to look at three. And again, we liked one. So we called the other agent and told her to bring us to see the other two again before we decide. Was told that one was not going to work out because the landlord refused to lower rent. So it was settled, we went to see the one I liked and then it was time to decide. Before we went to look at the apartment again on Saturday, we prayed and asked God to bring us to the right apartment for us.

To cut the long story short, the two that was shortlisted came down to one and we both felt, yes, that's the one. It was a close competition because we liked both. So we talked about it and agreed that the one that comes back first will be the one. So yes, we're now going to pay less than what our landlord demanded but a bigger place. And we not only have two toilets but we have three now! Including the helper's room. And it's fully furnished too. We really could not asked for more. God has been gracious.

The reality was that, Thursday, was a tough day. In the first place, I was kinda disappointed that the adoption match didn't happen. So I thought, fine, no baby but at least I can look forward to spending Christmas in Singapore with family and friends. Then news from the landlord and I thought, now this sucks! No trip home because we have to move over Christmas. And I had to stay at work late. To a certain extent, it was a frustrating day. However, when Friday rolled along, I felt a little relieved that yes, there are apartments out there in our budget range and it was bigger too. Then on Saturday, we really saw God's hands in putting the bits and pieces together. And on Sunday at church, I knew that God has a purpose for everything and maybe there are many things that I don't understand and may not even understand in the future but I just have to trust God that all will be well.

Yes, lessons learnt and every day is always a learning process. I have to be reminded to look at His blessings and His hands in our lives rather than asking why. So the operation 'move again' is starting soon. Time to pack and move again!

Roots

2010-11-12T09:41:00.002+08:00

The word 'roots' has been in my mind for a couple of days. Actually, since my cell group leader asked me to lead in bible sharing and thereafter she texted and asked if I wanted to serve in kids' ministry. She's the children's pastor in the church that we're attending.

The truth of the matter, our lives in HK has been always measured in terms of two years. I keep telling myself, I'm just going to be here for two years, then the two years almost passed and then, ya, maybe just another two years. And I've never really sought out actively to serve in any church that we've been attending. About a year and half ago, we started to attend a cell group and that's when bits of roots started taking place. This cell group became my prayer support. And the support became more apparent when Babe moved back to Singapore for work and now that Babe is back, they are my prayer support with our adoption.

I've never really participated in any other church building other than our home church in Singapore. And now in HK, we're given an opportunity, I am quite excited to see a church come together to build a home. It's exciting to be part of a church building. And yes, when I was asked to help in kids' ministry, I know that's God telling me, grow roots.

On the other hand, I wonder, Lord, how long more in Hong Kong before we're meant to move again? Babe has an agreement with his current work that he'll be moved to Singapore to start up the operations in Singapore and the Asean region next summer. And in my mind, Lord, you know, what's the point of growing roots and then to be uprooted in less than 2 years? But from what I'm getting from God, no, child, not yet. Just grow those roots and we'll talk again. Yes, I'm bewildered. Babe had a couple of calls from Singapore without him sending his resumes about jobs in Singapore. Well, offers doesn't seem bad and then, I'm wondering, roots? What roots?

But I believe that God always has a greater plan. Like what I shared in cell group last night, do I plan for God or God plans for me? Very often, I want to have my 5 year plan and say, God this is what I want and you pan this out for me! It's almost like a demand. But the reality is that when I do actually sit down and ask, God, what is it that you want me to do with my life? What's the direction that you want me to take? Where do you want me to be? I admit, I'm impatient and yes, God has been teaching me patience. And that seems to be the story of my life. But do I mind? Truth, yes I do, when I'm in the process of 'patience learning' but when I'm not in it, I appreciate it. I appreciate that God made sure that Babe and I had a long courtship. That built a foundation in our marriage and sure, when we were dating, I was wishing that we could have gotten married earlier. But God always have better plans and His ways are always higher than ours. Anyway, I digress as usual. So roots, there you go, I'm growing some but at the same time, this is going to be the longest time that I'm going to be away from Singapore. I'm getting a little homesick. Do wish to a certain extent that I'm heading home for Christmas. Well, God has his plans.

Support

2010-11-09T18:47:00.002+08:00

Last weekend, mummy, Joanne, Jacqui and little JC flew in for a visit. We had a great time. So thankful that they flew in since we've not been able to fly home for a visit recently.

It was really good to spend time with little JC. I've not seen her in person for about 2 months and was concerned that she might forget me and start crying when she sees me. But well, my fears were laid to rest real fast. When she saw me, she quickly warmed up and wanted me to cuddle and carry her. I miss her heaps.

We met up with Adrian and Cindy for lunches. We've probably know Adrian for more than 25 years. They recently have a baby too. When we were out having lunch, Adrian brought up the issue of support. He said that Joanne has lots of support with little JC and that's important as a family. And he and Cindy on the other hand is lacking that. I could see where he's coming from. Being in Hong Kong without family, can be quite isolating at times. Even me, without kids, sometimes when things happen and Babe is not around, I do feel isolated. I wonder, what more about the Tans and their newborn. It must be hard at times for them.

After everyone left, I was left with the thought of support. When Babe was away, it was nice of the Tans to text to invite me out for lunches and stuff. I had Plus group as support too. And my group of girlfriends that ring every once in a while to get me out for dinners. But of course there were times I still feel that it would be nice to have more support around. But in having said that, I look back at my life and think of the times that I've moved in Australia and my move to Hong Kong. Without having lots of support, I've become quite an independent person. And I'm glad for the experiences that I've been through.

That brought me to the next thought, isn't it ironic that sometimes too much support is not good for a person? I've met ladies who are so strong and then they fall in love and get married and then suddenly they morph into a person that I no longer recognize. They lean on to their husbands for everything. Their husbands become their support and they lose their personalities. And I wonder, what happens when they partner dies?

Anyway, some of my random thoughts. Oh yes, I've noticed too, most of my close girlfriends are fiercely independent. And yes, couple of them, can literally move mountains! And yes, I do wish that I'm more like them! Next step, time to learn how to use the power drill!

My Doxology

2010-11-01T17:48:00.003+08:00

Yesterday in church, Pastor Andrew Gardner preached on Jude 1: 24 and 25. At the end of his sermon, he asked us to write our doxology. So I wrote mine. This is it

My God is able to walk with me every day. My God is able to bring a child to us a real soon. For God, my saviour through Jesus, is my light in my darkness.

Now and forever, Amen.

When I wrote this in church, I wanted God to lead me as I wrote it. When I read it again, the phrase Jesus is my light in my darkness, became a little glaring to me, pardon the pun. I've to admit that I am a little afraid of the darkness because simply, I can't see what's beyond. And another thing which I admit, there are times in my life that darkness seem to surround me and things overwhelm me. I'm glad to say that this does not happen as often but I know that darkness is just lurking around the corner and it can just pop out anytime. I believe that God always works in marvelous ways. We woke up late for church and ended at 4pm service and at the of the service, yes, it was loud and clear that Jesus is my light in darkness and in waiting, I will grow strong in Him.

I'm loving the fact that each time I go to church, God speaks to me and He brings me a message according to my needs. Thank you, Jesus.

Dear Lord Jesus

2010-10-29T10:53:00.002+08:00

Dear Lord Jesus,

There's so many things that I would like to thank you for. I'll start first with the abundant and bountiful blessings that you have showered upon me for the last 35 and 364 days. Yes, I said it, I'm one day away from turning 36.

Last night during Plus (care group), we were asked to share about our most difficult period of our lives and what came out of it. I started to think real hard, Lord. It dawned upon me that those times that I perceived it as difficult and dark, were actually not that bad when I look back and reflect. I started to search in me my most difficult time that I had to question my faith in you. And it came. Two Mays ago when we were matched with a child. Yes, Lord, it was the single most difficult decision that I had to make. While making that decision I felt that darkness and sadness engulfed me and I felt totally alone. The person I love the most was not on the same page as me and deep down in me, I knew I hate to submit. I wanted to be Job's wife. I wanted to curse you and die. But in that most difficult time, you spoke. You calmed me down and you were there with me. And a few months later, Babe started to see you in a different light. He started to become a more Godly husband. Like I shared last night with the ladies, I'd gladly give up one child, two children or how ever many as long as you are turning Babe into a more Godly man. I'd rather have a Godly husband than have children and have a husband that does not know you.

When I think about my life, Lord, I've seen Your beautiful hands shaping mine and Babe's lives. I remember when I was seventeen and I was praying that Babe will be the one and yes, Lord, you gave him to me in your time. And it is in your time that you made everything beautiful. I'm so glad that you have given Babe to me. If I have to do it all over again, I'll still want you to give Babe to me. I'm ever thankful for this caring, loving man that loves me unconditionally. I know Lord that there are times, actually many times that I can and could have been a better wife but I'm still learning. Every day with Babe is a learning process in a loving environment. Even though we went through a really difficult patch two Mays ago, we have grown to be stronger in our love for each other. Lord, I pray that our love for each other will never fade but rather grow stronger every day.

Lord, you know there's one request that we've been praying earnestly. I was really praying that it would be the greatest birthday gift but I believe you have other plans. Jesus, we know that you want us to adopt and that there is a Joash or Janelle out there for us. And it is in your plan that we will claim that child one day. Of course, I wish the one day will come sooner and quicker but I believe that you have a purpose and reason for everything and I just have to trust in your perfect timing. But Lord, if you can give us this wonderful present for our wedding anniversary, we would be beyond elation. Or, we wouldn't mind Christmas, it'll also make a wonderful Valentine's present too. And yes, even Mother's day. But whenever it is, Lord, we know, like meeting Babe and waiting for the right time to be married, your perfect timing is all that matters.

So Lord Jesus, all in all, I just want to thank you. Thank you for my wonderful parents and sisters and little JC. I want to thank you for all the spiritual and material blessings that you've given. My life is full because of you. Thank you for everything. I mean everything, including sadness, discouragements, disappointments along with all the happy stuff. My life is complete because you gave me ups and downs. I'll never want my life to be anything else. I love my life because you hold my hand and walk through the journey of life with me. Thank you, Jesus.

In Jesus's name, I pray,

Amen

Missing Babe

2010-10-26T16:05:00.002+08:00

I know that by now, almost eight years of marriage and ten years of dating prior to getting married, I should be used to Babe not being around sometimes. Well, as I type this post, Babe is on the plane on his way back from Jakarta to Hong Kong. I miss him heaps.

Well, it's a laugh when I think about it. Babe was in Singapore working for about eight months before moving back to Hong Kong and I was living alone. And yes, those days in Sydney and my endless travels without Babe too. Not forgetting the numerous business trips that Babe has been on and I've been home. But this time is different. One might ask, how is it different? Well, no matter where Babe is or where I am, we never fail to speak to each other every day, doesn't matter day or night or which continent I am or he is, we always speak to each other. Almost all the time. There were times that we couldn't and this is one of those times. Yes, I miss him, miss his voice and generally, just miss speaking to him. I don't mind as much if he travels for work or if we're in different countries because of my holidays but I mind not talking and updating and just talking to each other.

Anyway, he's on the way back. Will be seeing him tonight. Going to try to clean the apartment a little and going to try to clean myself up too! Can't wait to see Babe!!!

What's Important

2010-10-19T09:06:00.002+08:00

An ex-colleague wrote this on her status on Facebook, My pal in school told me, "I wanna excel & survive. Dun wanna skive & survive. Dun wanna excel & die. But the system dun allow, thus I choose to leave".

I read her status and I told her that I left because of what she wrote. And then I wrote on her status saying that if I stayed on, my sanity, health, marriage and everything would have taken a toll. And later on, I wrote telling her about a women's conference that I attended. The speaker was a working mum. She shared this with us. When she got married and was still working, she wanted to excel in being a wife, mother and yes, interestingly, she was a teacher too. But she couldn't. So she asked herself, what is important to her. And she prioritized. She wanted an excellent wife and mother and so, being a teacher, she'll settle for a good or fair. When I heard that, I thought how true. What is important to me? My husband is above all else and I will NOT allow work to take a toll on my marriage.

Well, there were thoughts that were running through my head. I've seen ex-colleagues leaving their kids to their parents or babysitters and their kids do not go home every night, only either at the end of the week or every other day. They spend more time with their students than their own kids. They probably spend more time at work than at home. And thereafter they lament why are they having problems at home. Look, I'm not a marriage or family expert or anything like that. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that a marriage and a family takes time. If one is willing to sacrifice their husbands or wives or children for work, what does one expects in return?

Sure, I've made mistakes when I've left Babe at the bottom of the rung and sure, issues popped out and I've had to relook at my priorities and manage and rearrange them. When I decided to take the plunge to leave Spore to move to HK, it was done with discussions with Babe and only when he gave me his blessings and encouragement, I packed and left. God works in ways that we do not know. In 2 months, he found a job here. And the rest is history. But in December, when he decided to head back to Spore for work, although I didn't think it was a great idea, I supported him. To me, I'd rather be a supportive wife than be a negative and nagging one. But soon, he realized that it was not meant to be. And again, God works in ways that we really do not know. At the end of summer when we were planning to head back to HK, yet again, he was offered a job and he didn't even send out any resumes at all.

I've come to believe that when we put our lives in perspective and put what is important for us as priority, God takes care of everything. He does, everything falls into place. Yes, we were prepared to have less money as long as our marriage is intact and we're in the same country with each other. But in being prepared to give up one income, God has blessed us.

Splitsville

2010-10-12T21:31:00.003+08:00

How ironic that my last post was about love, till death do us part and this post is on Spitsville. This morning I went to work and as usual after reading Daily Bread, I read my dose of tabloid news. So today's top tabloid news was the separation of a famous Hollywood actress and her husband. So well, not a prob, they are not related to me so not affected.

Then I read my dose of blogs. There's someone who's really close to me and dear to me, love her heaps and I've known her forever too. When I read her blog, I was taken aback. She and her significant other parted ways. I didn't see that happening and when we met up over summer, she didn't mention anything. I felt bad because I took her friendship for granted and didn't seem to have time or make the effort to keep in contact with her and it's only through her blog that I found out.

I do not judge or despise her. But rather I admire her. Why do I admire her? She fell in love and over time, sure, they had their ups and downs. But who doesn't. I'm sure and am very sure that they tried to work things out. But I guess it didn't work for them. But I'm glad that they had to courage to talk it out and give each other chances at being happy by letting each other go. As cliche as it sounds, loving someone is wanting that person to be happy. I totally believe in it. I know her, it must been a hard and agonizing decision. And no, I don't blame him or her for the breakup because I don't know the story and it's not fair to pin the blame on anyone.

Monster, I know you're strong and that you'll survive. I love you heaps and take good care of yourself.

Till Death do Us Part

2010-10-07T11:50:00.004+08:00

I resisted for the longest time to write about a certain person that died in Singapore. But then again after watching Channelsnewsasia last night, I could not longer resist.

To see a grown man or rather a man into his late eighties speaking at his wife's funeral with tears streaming down, barely holding himself and giving her kisses as he looked at her for the final time, really touched my heart. Here is a love story that spanned more than 60 years. I'm sure they had their ups and downs and issues that they had to work through. And yes, the cynical me wonder, was she that great of a woman? But while looking further, yes, she was in her own ways.

Babe has started work and getting dinner ready is left to me now. Two days in a row, dinner was not ready by the time be got home. No, no, he didn't throw a tantrum or demand his dinner. But inside me, I wanted dinner to be ready by the time he rang the doorbell. I wanted the apartment to be somewhat clean and tidy by the time he gets home and that includes me running off to the gym to get my 45 mins jog/ walk/ stroll in. But hate to say that I fail. She made wonder how did she manage to run the household and have a job and do everything. Sure, it's easy to say that she had help but then again, even with help, it's never easy.

One of her sons said that, his parents told him that in a marriage, never let the other party feel abandoned in crisis. That kinda hit me. Sure, there are ups and downs, richer and poorer and in sickness and in health, but anyone of these crisis can get one to walk away. And yes, sure, lots of people do that now. Marriage is just a piece of paper and if you don't like this piece, tear it up and sign another one. It's sad isn't it?

But isn't it great when there's a couple that showed that through it all, a marriage can work and love does sustain till death do us part.

Have a Little Faith

2010-09-29T11:01:00.002+08:00

Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom is the latest book that I've read. I've read almost all of Mitch Albom's books. Each of his book has left a deep impression on me. When this book came out, I hesitated a little not knowing if I should read. I seriously don't want some author to shake my faith. Excuse the pun.

So last Saturday while waiting for Babe at a shopping mall, I came across this book in a bookstore and it was screaming out, buy me! Plus, it was 20 percent off. Who can resist a good deal. So well, I bought and read it. A writer asked to write his rabbi's eulogy and his experiences with a inner city church in Detroit and the pastor of the church. I don't care what people say but I do look at Judaism with respect not putting down Jews or persecuting them because it is written in the bible that they are the chosen people, God's people. So when I read the book, I read it carefully understanding what the rabbi and I was almost in awe of this man. He put some stuff in perspective. And I was even more blown away by the pastor in Detroit. He had a sinful past but he made a 180 degrees turn around and he strongly believes that God placed him to work amongst the poor and like God not turning His back on the pastor, he never turned his back on his congregation no matter how difficult it gets and no matter how cold the church becomes because of the lack of heating.

Every day, it becomes more apparent to me that God is working in me that ways I never really know. Each time when my faith begins to wane or is tested or when I find myself giving up, God sends little signs to me. After reading the book, I was left with the thought that yes, have a little faith that God will see us through everything. He has provided everything thus far. Well, not just everything but beyond everything. So why should I question Him?

A couple of weeks ago when I was in church I heard this saying, 'God is always on time but if He could be earlier, it'll be great.' Yes, it'll be great. But that's in our humanistic point of view. I often wonder if things would have been different if Babe and I got married earlier. Would we have in the same place as we are now? Or would we be divorced and bitter? Yes, God's timing is perfect. For the longest time, I've been praying for the child that we've been praying for be matched to us. To date, this has been our longest prayer request. A few weeks ago, it hit me. God was trying to tell me that He knows that we were not ready. And I began to see why. Yes, the truth is that we were not ready. More specifically, we were not ready to be parents spiritually. And God was moulding and convicting us to be better Christians so that we can be better parents to bring up our children in His love and guidance. And we He knows that we are ready, our child will be matched to us.

So there you go, the wait is not in vain. Nothing is ever in vain because I know the person that held yesterday and holds today and tomorrow is the person that is holding our hands throughout our journey and in His time, He will make all things beautiful. Call me an optimist but I don't care because my hope is in God!

Stars

2010-09-20T13:13:00.002+08:00

The interesting bit about living in Hong Kong is that there are days that one can go shopping or have a meal and go past a singer, actor or actress. I've seen a couple of them when I was out shopping and more recently, a couple of them in church. Well, no no.....I didn't pull out my little book and ask for an autograph. Number 1, sometimes, I don't really know who they are until someone mentions them to me. Number 2, I'm seldom starstruck. Quite seldom except for a couple of celebrities.

There are probably only 2 cantopop singers that I actually like and would buy their CDs. Well, one of them decided to jump down and end his life. And the other, was someone that was seated behind me in church yesterday. I didn't notice her until I turn around to pass her the offering pot. And when the service ended, I turned around again to stretch, and it was then that it hit, oh yes, it's her. No, I didn't shout, scream or stare at her in awe or anything like that. I won't even mention her name. I respect her privacy because I'm certain she wants to remain anonymous so that she can go worship God in peace. And yes, she does have a stunning voice.

When I went home, I googled her and read about her testimony. Apparently she went into depression and it was in her depression that God reached out to her and she felt a great change in her life. She went on to produce a gospel pop album and her concert was aptly named, Faith. Boy, do I love her even more now! But what really blew me away was that in the clips that I watched of her concert, she proudly sang and gave glory to God. She wasn't ashamed of her beliefs and she literally stood on the pedestal and shout out to the people of God's goodness and love.

God does use people in different ways. Yes, she may have a past. Who doesn't have a past? She may still make mistakes, who doesn't? But she loves Jesus and she isn't ashamed to show it. She turned up in church in really normal clothes, nothing flamboyant, no bodyguards and probably even no makeup. She just wanted to worship God. I reflected and wonder, what's my attitude in worship? What's my attitude on Sundays? Am I there to worship and praise my maker or am I there to present him with my list of wants for the week? Points to ponder.

Issac and Goliath

2010-09-17T11:54:00.002+08:00

Yes, you read it correctly, it's Issac and Goliath and not David and Goliath. A couple days ago, Josiah, a childhood friend of mine from my home church in Singapore wrote this on his facebook's status,' Before you ask God to help slay your Goliaths, sacrifice your Issacs on the alter.'

I mulled over what he wrote for a couple of days and I was almost blown away. Isn't that true? We want God to take away our tests, trials and tribulations which are our Goliaths but at the same time are we willing to sacrifice our Issacs? I always love the story of Isaac. Abraham and Sarah prayed for years and years for a child and it was when the both of them were past 100 years old that Isaac was born. When God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, he brought Isaac to the alter. I'm sure on the way to the alter, Abraham must have fought an internal battle with himself. But when it came to the crunch, he was willing to put Isaac on the alter. His only son and God promised him that he'll have as many children as the stars in the sky. What must have gone through his head when he laid Isaac on the alter. But his willingness to sacrifice Isaac gave him much blessings later on in his life.

Its the same story with Hannah. She prayed and pray for a child and she told God that she will return him back to Him. And true enough, she conceived a child and then when it was time, she brought Samuel back to God and Samuel grew up to be a great man of God and Hannah was blessed with more kids.

The question I had in my mind, would I be really willing to sacrifice the one thing that I love to have my Goliaths slayed? Recently, we we posed with such a question. Would we be willing to give up money, most specifically, one income so that we can both be in the same country? We prayed and asked God for His direction and the answer was clear. Give up that one income. We obeyed and did. And now, we are seeing His blessings upon us. I'll write about it in time to come.

Thanks Josiah for putting that up on your status. Brought a nice and gentle reminder to me.

When I Grow Up

2010-09-11T16:18:00.002+08:00

When I grow up, I want to be a someone that who would be able to stand up for the weak, poor and defenseless. I want to fight for the rights of the children because they are young and defenseless in many ways. I hate to see them abused by others in power and not having an education because they cannot afford it. I want to fight for the rights of women because I strongly believe that women have an equal right to education and also to employment. They have a right to be trained to have skills so that they can feed themselves and not be dependent on their husbands who sometimes beat the crap out of them.

Those were my thoughts when I was growing up. I wrote a composition when I was maybe in secondary 1 and won a prize and in that composition, I wrote that I wanted to be a lawyer to fight for the rights of women. But somewhere along the way, my aspirations to be a feminist lawyer kinda disappeared. Don't ask me why. Recently, I started reading a book, Women Hold Up Half the Sky, and it got me thinking again. I get mad thinking of women being tricked and forced into prostitution and sometimes dying from it either through murder, beatings and AIDS. I get madder reading about girls not given an opportunity to study and when they do get to school, they risk being killed.

It got me thinking again about my ambition when i was 13. The reality is that it's too late for me to head to law school and start all over again. Or actually, it might not be too late but I do not see the point or think there will be much of a return of investment. So I wonder, what can I do to make a difference to my belief? To a certain extent my job allows me to make that difference. I teach and I try my best to reach out to the underprivileged. But it's not enough and what else can I do? I don't know and I'm still thinking about it. But I believe that one does not have to do drastic stuff to make a difference. Even small acts if treating people with kindness and respect can make a difference to someone else. I get mad when people make disparaging remarks about foreign workers and domestic helpers in Singapore. They are people too. They need our respect too. It's the same in HK, I tell kids off when they treat their domestic help like crap. But one wonders where kids learn to treat their domestic help badly. Did they learn it from the adults around them? Some food for thoughts.

I'm A Teacher

2010-09-01T17:57:00.002+08:00

Whenever I'm asked what I do for a living, I say that I teach for a living. There are days that I say it with pride and there are days that I say it with my head hanging down. I say it with pride because I do love my job and I love the kids that I work with but I say it looking to the ground because there are times that I think that I could do a better job.

There are kids that I've taught that I really love and felt that they have taught me things in return. One of my fav students is Rachel. I taught Rachel maybe close to 10 years ago. From her, I learnt that kids emulate and learn from their teachers. Most of you know that I love my nail polish a tad maybe too much and one day I caught Rachel colouring her nails with a highlighter and I was like, Rach! And she broke into the cutest grin. And yes, time to call her mum. She was my flower girl not because I asked her but she asked me too and I was so so honoured that a kid that I taught wanted so badly to be part of my wedding. So 9 years passed since I taught her and then she pops up on Facebook and I was like, wow! You remembered me! Over summer, I met her for lunch and again, I was honoured that she made the time to call me to arrange to meet up. Rach, thanks for reminding me that teaching does really touch lives.

Duane is another kid that I love. He got into the finals of Singapore Idol and from him I learnt to live out my dreams. Hmmmm, I've got too many dreams but Duane had a dream and he went out to live it. And I'm so proud of him.

L was a girl that I taught and she had a mum that had really high expectations of her. She's a lovely girl. And don't get me wrong, her mum would not come across as an abusive mum but she does punish L whenever she does not do well enough. And from teaching L, I learnt to work with parents and be careful of not getting their kids into more trouble.

Dart was a boy that really touched me. He was the in last class that I taught in Singapore before I left. He was from a broken family. In the beginning I didn't know of his home situation. I just knew that he was an active kid that couldn't keep still. It was over time that I began to understand more of his situation. This little kid taught me that patience and misbehaviour normally comes from a deeper issue. I miss him.

Now, why am I not a good teacher? There are times that I snap and snarl at kids, make fun of them and yes, be mean to them. There are times that I look back and reflect and think, I could have handled the situation better and treated the child better. I had a horrid kid once. This kid was the reason why I would not want to get to work. He would bully other kids and beat up other children in my class. When I call his mum, she would turn the tables on me. And there were times that she would even complain against me. But when I looked deeper, his mum was abused physically by her husband, the kid's dad. And that's why he probably beat his friends up too. There was nothing much that I could really do for the kid and the family. About 6 years passed and last I heard, he's in a boys' home.

Over summer, I read Precious by Sapphire. Every teacher should read it. I cannot understand, comprehend or even wonder why no teacher could have stopped the abuses at home for Precious or reported it and why was she even expelled from school!! Yes, it is a depressing but a good book nevertheless. Teaching is not just about academics, it's beyond that.

Lives At Stake

2010-08-25T10:10:00.002+08:00

Two nights ago, Babe and me were watching Channelnewsasia in Hong Kong. What unfolded before our eyes was almost like watching a movie. But the difference was that this was real and the hostages were tourists from Hong Kong visiting Manila. They were on their last day of their tour before a guy stormed up their bus and held them as hostages.

As we watched, I felt pain, sadness, anger and all sorts of emotions for the Hong Kong tourists. And what baffles me was the incompetence of the policemen. By the time the hostage taker was killed by a sniper, 8 hostages were killed. From a lay person's view, there were wasted opportunities in dealing with the hostage taker. And what made me madder was when the father of the hostage taker was crying on television saying that his son was a good man and whatever. Look, he took lives of innocent and he was a good man??? Gee!!!! Get real!

When I thought of my feelings and emotions, I realized that my solidarity is with the people in Hong Kong. I'm really beginning to see Hong Kong as my home and I really felt for the people. And by the way, do train up your policemen and your commandos to be more competent.

Pics of Holiday in States

2010-08-13T12:53:00.005+08:00

The Sim cousins at lunch.
Dinner at Phil's BBQ.
The Drag Queen Show
SeaWorld! Wanted to steal a dolphin home
Lunch at Boiling Crabs with Eve and Jolynn
The Sim Cousins
The carnage
Brave and cool dog
The castle that we were going to visit at the top of the hill
Hearst Castle
And it's just Randolph Hearst's holiday home
Simply magnificent

Our ride and no, we didn't rent it from Vegas
Near Big Sur or something like that.
Love our jeans!

Eelynn and her beautiful Leina
And that's all the photos that I can put up. Time to hang out with little JC

Patriotism

2010-08-13T12:30:00.002+08:00

I've been spending the past few Singapore's National Day in Singapore. Well, I didn't purposefully do it just to celebrate my nation's birthday or I'm a patriotic Singaporean or anything like that. It was just that, my summer holidays falls during this period and most of the time, I'm in Singapore after holidaying elsewhere. This National Day, a couple of thoughts came running through my head and guess the longer that I live away from my home country, I see things in different light and perspective.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm becoming a lot more unpatriotic. I remember 3 years ago, we were staying at The Oriental in Marina Square and we had the view of the National Day Parade. Last year, we were out for dinner with Babe's parents and his aunty and uncles. This year, we purposefully timed our dinner and shopping trip during the parade so that we would have somewhere to go. Somehow, the thrill and the enjoyment of the parade had long gone and disappeared. I'm beginning to think that it's a waste of money and the money could have been put to better use. Plus, the couple of times that I had to bring students to watch the parade, probably put me off watching the parades.

I've been reading stuff in the papers about how my home country have given their citizens or new citizens opportunities in their lives and how they really love their country. But to me, there are things that really irk me. One thing that came really jarring is the issue of education. Sure, basic, formative education is great here. But when it comes to tertiary education, only the smart and people that have the means deserve an university education. The rest, don't deserve it. It was the same for me. But looking back, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to go overseas.

And that brings me to my next point, think out of that bloody, idiotic box. This really irks me. So, I had lunch with my ex-student yesterday. She's in her last year of high school in an American based international school in Shenzhen. She was telling me how she went to La Salle to find out about music and theatrical studies. But this man that was talking to her and her family basically told her that her chances of getting into the school is very slim because of her lack of formal training. I was really miffed when I heard that. Rachel was saying that the man doesn't know her or seen her perform and so how can he pass that kind of judgment. I totally agreed with her. Think of out that dumb box and get some EQ! And recently, in order to fix the parking crunch in housing estates, the HDB decided to charge twice the normal fee for overnight parking, so from SIN$2, it's now, SIN$4! And we pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to ministers to think of such great solutions? And today, the govt is looking at campaigns to encourage marriages and someone wrote into the papers saying, how to get married when housing has become unaffordable or have to wait for like 3 years to get their flats? Gee!!! These are some of the things that irk me.

I remember years ago when I had to sing those patriotic songs during National Day, I wonder to myself, how much of it do I really believe? One of my fav then was 'Home' that was sung by Kit Chan. Yes, this is my home. My parents, my friends and where my bak chor mee and prawns noodles are. But what's beyond that? I remember telling Sharon, my cousin, when I was visiting her this, I used to be able to uproot and move to anywhere in the world but now, with the arrival of little JC, I don't want to me more than 10 hours by flight to her. Yes, this is ultimately still my home, but I wonder, the longer that I stay away from home, would my home become a strange to me in time?

Jet Lag

2010-08-09T07:34:00.002+08:00

I'm up sitting at my parents' dining table at 7 in the morning. This is rather rare that I woke up voluntarily without anyone waking me up or banging the table or yelling at me. But rather, all thanks to jet lag, I'm up bright and early.

The past few days has been kinda of groggy and blur for me. Left San Diego on the 31st of July, took a road trip to San Francisco and arrived there on the 2nd August. Spent 3 days in San Francisco and left there on the 5th of August. The flight from San Francisco to Hong Kong was delayed and so I missed my connecting from Hong Kong to Singapore. So I had to stay in Hong Kong for a night but it was nice that Cathay Pacific that put me up in a hotel. Kinda can't complain but did wish I could be back earlier. I finally arrived in Singapore on the 7th of August. And now, on the 9th of August, I'm up at 7 am. And for the past 2 nights, I've been going to be before 10.30. Aren't me leading a 'sleep early and wake up early' lifestyle.

Anyway, someday, I'll put up more pics and will enjoy myself in Spore.

Lost and Found

2010-07-30T16:08:00.002+08:00

So today Eve dropped me off at Fashion Valley mall for me to have a walk around. The mall is huge. I've been there a couple of times and I still like it heaps.

The first store that I went into was Bloomingdales. Love it. While walking around I saw crumpled notes on the floor. I thought nothing since all US notes look alike so I bent down to pick it up. I looked at the notes and it was 200 dollars. The first thought that ran across my mind and I'm not going to lie about it is to keep the money since there isn't a name on it. No name, cash on the floor so finders keeps, losers weepers, right?

But for some reason, I didn't feel that great. I texted Eve and she suggested that I should hand in the money to security. I continued shopping before I handed the money to security. But I must say that throughout the period when I still have the money, I didn't feel all that great shopping. Once I handed over the money, I felt heaps better. Sure, for the one second, I looked at the guy wondering if he's really going to hand over the cash or is he going to pocket it. But truth of the matter, it's none of my business. I've done my role and maybe if he did take it, maybe he really needed the money. And maybe the guy that lost his money might come back.

The money wasn't mine in the first place. I was just the vehicle. Yes, I could have kept the money but I wouldn't feel good. I'm not in need, sure it's always nice to have more to shop but honestly, 'What would Jesus do?' That was the thought that ran across my mind.

States Thus Far

2010-07-27T02:16:00.003+08:00

My days are kinda blurry. I landed on the 20th of July. Spent a night with Sharon and then 2 nights with E. It was good hanging out with Sharon and spending the night and day with her. With E, it was nice to hang out with Aunty Amy and B but the best bit was actually hanging out with Little L. She's about 6 months old. The latest addition to the Sim. Love the little kid!

On Friday, 23rd July, I caught the plane to San Diego. I caught the plane with Nelson. A friend from church in Singapore. I got to know him about 5 years ago when I was helping out in Sunday School camp. And the interesting bit is that I hardly even had time to meet him for a meal in Singapore but in States, we met for lunch and a tour to Star Wars studio ( don't really know what it's called) and then we sat on a flight to San Diego and then had 2 meals together. Guess, we've done all the catching up!

I'm sitting on Eve's couch typing out this post. It's been really good! Can't believe that I'm really hanging out with her. I mean she's at work now but you know what I mean right? Anyway, on Sat, we went to this old town Julian, to have pie. She knows that I like looking at old quaint towns. And after Julian, it's shopping time! Shopped so much that we almost dropped. On Sun, yes, shopped again. Shopped and shopped and shopped! And then, dinner, we went to Phil's BBQ and oh my goodness!!!! It was really good! So so yum!

So today, I'm going to do some inventory and packing and then, it's Seaworld. Will put up pictures tomorrow. Really enjoying myself here. Wish I could stay longer but well, things happened and I'm actually heading back like 4 days earlier and I'll have one less week with Eve. Bummer, but well, things always happen for a reason.

In Transit

2010-07-20T22:23:00.002+08:00

I'm sitting and typing this out in Hong Kong International Airport. This is probably my favourite airport. I like HKIA even more than Changi Airport. I know, not very patriotic. But seriously, I do like HKIA heaps! Anyway, I'm sitting in the airport lounge waiting for my flight to San Francisco. I know, there must be a better way than to fly into Singapore 8 days ago and then out of Singapore into Hong Kong today and then connect to San Francisco. But I wanted to see my family before flying out to the States and the best way from Singapore to San Francisco is still through HKIA. So there you go.

For the past 8 days, I had a really good time in Singapore just hanging out with Babe and JC and the family. I was even reluctant to catch up with friends because I wanted to be with my family. Even this afternoon on the way to the airport, I was a little reluctant to fly thinking of the 3 weeks that I'll be missing from Babe and JC. But the light of the tunnel is the favourite people that are waiting for me in California. Interestingly, this is one of the strangest feelings that I've towards my holiday in California. Normally, I'm all excited and I'm still excited about it. But at the same time, I'm a little reluctant missing people that I love. I'm a little confused I know. My world would be perfect if everyone I love collide and live in the same continent as me and I'll be happy. Is that too much to ask? Just the same continent, and timezone. I'm not even asking to be in the same country!

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Can't wait to see my cousins and my new little niece and my bestie!

Signing Up for Another 2 Years

2010-07-09T16:02:00.002+08:00

Yesterday while I was in the general office I was called into the principal's office. Not to worry, I wasn't in trouble. My principal told me that she has my new contract and it's ready to be signed. The last time I signed my contract, I just signed it and didn't have to have any conversation with my previous principal. But with this principal she wanted a little chat.

She went through my contract with me. There's a clause in my contract that said I couldn't work outside school unless I get permission from the school. And I laughed and told her, don't worry, I'm kinda a tad too lazy to work outside school. But what came next, brought a huge smile to my face. My principal took time to thank me for working hard for the school and she said that she really appreciate the hard work that I put in for the school. I was kinda surprised. I wouldn't say that I'm the most hardworking teacher in the school. I do what I'm told and what I have to do and sometimes I stay a little later but not much later after work to complete some stuff. Anyway, it was nice for someone to tell me that I'm appreciated.

So I signed my contract and yes, two more years in Hong Kong and we'll see what's going to happen next!

Video Nights

2010-07-04T00:55:00.002+08:00

I love television. Really love television. Actually, maybe just too much. Even when I was studying in Australia, I would rent videos to watch all night when I can sleep late. When Babe went back to Singapore to work, I started my video or movie watching again.

One of the movies that I watched and was really touched by it is, The Blind Side. When I rented the video, all I had in mind was this lady, played by Sandra Bullock, coaching a football team. And boy was I wrong. It's about a lady who saw a kid and decided to take him in. And the entire family accepting the kid for who and what he is. They love him as their own. It was such a heartwarming movie and the even better bit of it, it's a true story.

While watching the story, it reconfirmed my thoughts on adoption. I know that we can't save every abandoned child but if we can save one, why not? If we can make a difference to one child, why not? And if we can save more than one, it'll be a blessing.

Counting Down

2010-07-02T23:08:00.002+08:00

I've a thing for counting down. I just love to count down. But then again, sometimes I feel stupid counting down and looking forward to something and then the something passes really quick. It's almost not even worth counting down!

One of the things that I count down to is the 40 hours weekends that I have in Singapore. From the moment that I book the air tickets, I'll start counting down. And then, the trip to Spore and it's almost instantly that the 40 hours zoom by so quickly and then I find myself at the airport waiting for my flight back to Singapore. The next moment, I sit in the airplane thinking, what? The weekend is already over?

So the question is why do I like to count down to a trip or an occasion so much? Well, maybe that's my little ray of light at the end of the tunnel, the little hope of something or something that makes me feel positive and happy about. I guess it makes my life a little more interesting. So what am I counting down to now?

My trip to Singapore on the 12th of July. I'll have a week to spend time with Babe and when Babe is at work, I'll get to hang out with little JC. Can't wait for that. And then on the 20th of July, I'll be heading to San Francisco to hang out with Sharon, Eelynn, Bruno and little Leina. I've not met little Leina before but I'm so stoked to see her. On the 23rd, I'll be off to see Eve in San Diego. Will be there till maybe 7th or 8th of August before heading back to San Francisco to hang out with the Sim-Normans before flying out on the 10th of August. My time in States, about 3 weeks, and when did I started looking forward to the trip? Probably in April when I knew that I could travel over the summer hols.

Well, is it worth to look forward to something that will pass real quick? Yes, of course! It makes everything extra special. Anyway, enough of my senseless ramblings. Enjoy the pics of little JC and me.

Mid Year Stocktake

2010-06-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

No, this is not a mid year stocktake sale or anything like that. But rather, me taking stock of my life so far.

In the past 6 months, I've taken 15 flights. That's the most number of flights that I've flown in any 6 months of my life. That's counting flights to Spore for Christmas, Chinese New Year, Easter and then a short trip to Phuket over Easter, 3 weekend trips to Singapore and a weekend trip to Manila with the girls. That's a lot of flying for me. Yes, I've got a slight phobia of flying. Plus, I've been flying back to Spore quite a bit to see Babe. Thankfully, after August, I won't be flying that much anymore. It'll be nice to have Babe home.

That brings me to the next point. Babe and me. Babe left for Singapore in December last year. We have been doing the flights back and forth in the past 6 months. The long distance marriage made us a lot more appreciative of each other. In some ways, the constant flying and meeting each other adds the excitement and the butterflies in the tummy for me. We've been talking about what we want and what's going to happen after summer. So here is the thing, Babe had a nice bonus last week. Sure, it's tempting to want to stay. And if he does stay to the end of the financial year, he'll probably get a fat bonus. But the reality is that, do we put money and career above our marriage. I let Babe make his decision and he knows whatever decision he makes, I'll be supportive of him.

So what's for me then? I've told my school that I'll be renewing my contract with them for another two years. Of course before making that decision, I talked over with Babe and he felt that it wasn't time for us to head back to Singapore. He'd quit his job in Singapore and come back to Hong Kong to join me. Sure, that made me happy because the reality of it is that I'm not ready or don't think I'll ever be ready to work for my ex-employer again. What started to be a 2 year journey is became 4 years and now, 6 years and don't ask me how long more? I don't know.

I believe that God has a reason for us to be in Hong Kong. I was ready to pack up and leave Hong Kong if Babe told me that he wanted to stay in his job in Spore and wants me to move back. But that didn't happen and I believe that God has a purpose for it. Well, in some ways we know what one of the many reasons is. But on the other hand, we can see the reasons ourselves. I'm truly happy attending church in Hong Kong. I get up with a bounce on Sundays when in HK and love attending church and been spiritually refreshed. There's a lovely caregroup that we're a part of. And the truth of the matter, I'm seeing that whenever I'm out of my comfort zone, when I live out of Singapore, I tend to walk closer to the Lord. And maybe that's why God wants us out of Singapore for the time being.

So what's installed for us for the next 6 months? I don't know. But you know what, I'm excited! I love the journey that we're on. And am very thankful for every moment of it!

God Loves a Cheerful Giver

2010-06-25T10:34:00.002+08:00

About 5 or 6 weeks ago, one of the guys from my care group was leading a team of high school kids to Bohol for a mission trip. He was fund raising to build 2 rooms or something like that for a kindergarten and for other stuff. I gave him some and then I read his status on Facebook that he needed more. The funds were not coming.

I felt burden in her heart that I should give. Don't ask me why but I know that I had to. I dug into my savings which by the way is not very much. I had to dig into my savings as well for a myriad of things this month too. Airfares to Singapore and then to States for summer and then my two short weekend trips to Singapore as well. Anyway, I prayed and I took whatever I could give and making sure that I'll have enough to last me through the month without having to starve or anything like that.

As it's 5 days towards the end of the month, I'm not starving. In fact, I had and am still having a good time. Still have enough to last me, plus the fact that I'm heading to Spore tonight too. And the best news, yesterday Babe told me that he got his bonus. And I'm like, that's nice. When he told me the amount, I was gobsmacked! It was like close to 4 times of what I gave to God for the mission trip. I was blown away. And this morning, I was reading Daily Bread and it was a reminder that God loves a cheerful giver. I gave without expecting anything in return. And if nothing comes back, it wouldn't have mattered to me as I knew that the money that I gave would have benefited kids out there. But God turned it around and showered us with blessings that we never expected it!

Truly, God is good!

Conversation with God

2010-06-20T16:19:00.002+08:00

One of the things that I've learnt from the church that I'm currently attending in HK is that worship, the singing of praises, hymns and songs, is a two way thing. It's us singing to God and God talking to us. It's like a conversation. When I first heard this, I was astounded. I've never really thought of praise and worship that way.

Over time, I've realized the truth of it. Today, it came really loud and clear to me. While we were singing, Shout to the Lord, memories came into my head. I remembered clearly the first time that I sang this song and the place and situation that I was in. When I first sang and heard this song, I was doing my masters in Sydney. I was in church in Randwick. As usual, I didn't know anyone there. Every Sunday, I'll just slide onto the pew and will leave after service. That wasn't the message that God brought to me. He brought memories and feelings of how I felt at that time. When I was in Sydney, I barely had enough. There were times that I had three jobs in Sydney. I was working in a supermarket, babysitting and in the beginning, I was waiting tables too. And it was at the moment in church, that tears rolled and I heard it really loud and clear. He provided for me my every need and every want. I even had enough money to head back to Singapore for winter break and took road trips with Eve too. We even went on a ski trip. I heard God telling me, that He had provided everything when I had nothing. But why now that I've everything materially that I don't trust Him that He'll continue to provide?

On Friday, I had a squabble with Babe. Well, it was a stupid squabble over something really dumb. But when I dug deeper into my core, I realized that I blamed Babe for something which should have been let go ages ago and at the same time, I don't trust God for His divine timing and His gifts. It was at church this morning that I was able to quieten my heart and mind to listen and really listen to what God has to speak to me.

Shout to the Lord

Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.

My Jesus, My Savior,
Lord, there is none like You;
All of my days
I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love.

My comfort, my shelter,
Tower of refuge and strength;
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You.

Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.

Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
Nothing compares to the promise I have
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you
Darlene Zschech

A Marriage

2010-06-16T22:07:00.002+08:00

This afternoon, I had a really good chat with Eve. We were talking about love, relationships and marriages. Our favourite girls' topic, you know? I love Eve because she's one person that would tell me the truth even though the truth may hurt or may not be what I want to hear. And it's the same with Eve. I can tell her what's in mind knowing that it's not going to offend her.

So we started talking a bit. And she asked me if my respect for Babe has grown over the years. And I told her, yup, without hesitation. Well, the truth is that not only my respect has grown but love has also grown along with faith and trust. I still get lots of butterflies in my stomach before I see him. I still take pains to dress up before meeting Babe at the airport. I know, it sounds silly and ridiculous but the butterflies still flutter! I told Eve that my respect for Babe grew leaps and bounds these couple of months when Babe told me honestly that he would like to have a break for a couple of months to re-gather his thoughts. I knew that it took him a lot of courage to tell me he needed that break.

The other thing that I told Eve that I kinda not like is the immense amount of energy and pressure that most people put on a single day of their life, the wedding. To me, a wedding is a day event, sometimes two days or maybe even a week. But there's more to it. A marriage is for a lifetime. And it's lots of hard work too but at the same time, it's really rewarding. I've been to a wedding that was large, well-planned, beautiful and then.....years later, it went kaput! I don't know what went wrong and even if I did, I don't think I want to share it. What I'm trying to say is that a marriage takes time and effort to build a strong foundation. A strong foundation is important, very important for a marriage to last.

I've spent eighteen years of my life with Babe, that's half of my lifetime. Am I happy? Truth be told, well, there are ups and downs but there are more ups than downs. It's a wonderful journey and I'm loving every moment of it!

Another 40 hour weekend in Singapore

2010-06-15T20:27:00.003+08:00

Last Friday I went back to Singapore for a 40 hour weekend. Yes, I know it's might sound a little extravagant but I believe that it was worth every penny of it.

Arrived in Singapore at about midnight. Babe was really sweet, he bought me what I wanted to eat. And that's when my eating spree started. Woke up kinda early the next morning. Guess I was a little excited to sleep in. Went to see little JC and love it that she recognized me. She was really excited to see me. For some reason, Joanne's apartment seemed really bright and I decided that I was going to put on my sunshades in her home. When JC saw me with my sunnies, she wanted mine too. So, I put on her sunnies for her. And she totally rocked it! Doesn't she look cool? When I told mum that I had to go, she heard it and she crawled really fast to me and sat on my laps. My guess was that she didn't want me to go. Love the little munchkin to the bits.

Sorry for the grainy pic. Little JC and me looking cool!

After hanging out at Joanne's place, we headed to Katong for lunch with my parents and Uncle Larry and Aunty Amy for lunch. It was at one of my fav restaurants, Kim Choo. It was a good time hanging out with everyone. The food was great but service, well, nothing really to scream about. But the company was great. It was lots of laughter and fun as usual when the family comes together. It was nice having Uncle Larry and Aunty Amy there too. And I'll be bring Eelynn there too. I'm sure she and Bruno will love the cute little restaurant.

After lunch, we headed off to Orchard for a quick shop. One thing that I'm beginning to realize that Singapore is getting as crowded as Hong Kong. There's almost no difference between the two cities. Maybe one slight difference, they have clothes in bigger sizes. Well, that's about it all. And then dinner time, we went to a Korean restaurant in Dempsey with mum, Joanne and little JC. It was really cute when little JC tapped Babe for some corn. It was a simply perfect day.

On Sunday, it was church, followed by lunch at my fav prawn noodles. And then it was almost time to get to the airport. Babe sent me to the airport but he had to leave because he had to get to the airport. Mum, Joanne, Joe and JC came to the airport to send me off. It was really adorable when JC clung to me and refused to let me go.

So that was my weekend. An absolutely wonderful weekend. Perfect, nothing more for me to ask for. Well, there's just 10 more days to another perfect weekend in Singapore!

A Little Boy that I Love Dearly

2010-06-06T22:33:00.003+08:00

Once upon a time, there was this little boy that was born into a family. Well, he wasn't really born into a typical family (anyway, what's really a typical family). The reality was that his mum was in the family way and thus he was born and his dad married his mum only after he was born. They didn't really have a choice at that time. But that's not really important anyway.

When he was born, he was the first great grandchild in the family. He had loads of love from his grandparents, his parents, his aunty and uncle and his dad's cousins. Time passed and his parents had marital issues. His dad was frequently in China working and guess his mum was a little frustrated with her husband's lifestyle. When little boy was probably around 5 or 6, his mum decided that she had enough with her husband, she walked away. Not that I blame her. I can see why she did it. Little boy was thrown into the deep end. He still had his grandparents' love and everyone around him. But he probably needed his parents' love most of all.

His grandma really loves him. Maybe she loves him way too much. She gave him almost anything and everything that he wanted. Probably that's the way she knew how to love him. At the age of eleven, his aunty graciously offered to bring him to America so that his grandma would have lesser a burden to carry. By this time, his dad almost disappeared from the picture and so did his mother. She was busy with her life. His grandma had her hands full with 3 boys. So little boy went off to America happily. Happily, so we thought.

His aunty and her husband in America did the best they could with him. This is bearing in mind that they never had any experience of raising any kids. Little boy might have acted his frustrations at the lack of love from his parents and he had issues understanding whatever that he was going through. He was going through pre-adolescent issues. Around that time, his grandfather passed on too. Little boy was probably quite affected by the death of his grandfather. And for whatever reasons, I don't really know or maybe no one really knows and maybe he doesn't even know himself, he acted out bad. Really bad. It was to the point that he had to leave his school. He didn't want to go to another school in America. His aunty and her husband had no choice but to send him back to Singapore.

When he got to Singapore, his grandma was given the advice that little boy should take his Primary School Leaving Examinations in order for him to enter a government secondary school. But this meant that he had to head back to primary school when he was above the average age of a primary six student. For whatever reasons, it was decided that he be enrolled into a private secondary school. In the beginning, it was fine. He attended school. From memory, he loved reading and he enjoyed books when he was young. But well, things happened along the way and basically, he dropped out of school. And things went bad.

Got really bad to the point that he started hanging out with undesirable people. He didn't come home. Or when he finally came home, he brought his girlfriend along and his friends. He started smoking at home. He was just 14 or 15 at that point. Advice was given to his grandma but for reasons unknown, she didn't heed them. Please don't be mistaken, she loves the boy to the bits. Maybe she loves him too much. Little boy got into trouble with the law. First it was little trouble, then the trouble got bigger. And maybe a little bigger. When law finally caught up with him, part of the bargain to keep him out of the boys' home or reform home, was for him to head back to school. Help was readily given and planned that he will get tutoring by his aunty and systems were ready in place for him, but the help that was offered was never taken up.

It is really sad to know that little boy has been sent to boys' home for the state to try to correct and straighten him out. It is sad, very sad. Little boy had love. That's the truth. But maybe not the love that he wanted from. Not from his parents. But his grandma, aunty, uncle, grand uncles and grand aunties and his dad's cousins. Everyone loved and still loves him. But what happened along the way? This cute, precocious and lovable baby grew up to be a boy who is in boys' home now. Did his grandma love him too much? Did too much love and not enough tough love pushed him to the other side?

The reality is, I don't know. Little boy's extended family has enough skills and resources to help fix him. But why wasn't he given enough help before him turning out the way that he is now? Truth, I don't know.

I sincerely and honestly hope that I didn't offend anyone. Anyone especially people in my extended family. This little boy was like my godson. My heart bleeds for him. In someways I wonder if I could have done more for him. I'm a trained counselor. I wonder if I didn't moved to Hong Kong and even when I moved to Hong Kong, if I bothered to call him more or spend time with him whenever I was home, would the outcome be different? Is his family to be blamed? I love his dad heaps. But I don't know where his dad is. His dad has issues. I miss his dad. I wonder does his dad know what happened to his son. His mum, does the blame lie with her? Well, she was barely out of her teens when she had him. She did try but it was beyond her.

So was it little boy's fault? I don't know. I believe that circumstances and situations that he was and is in, didn't work out in his favour a lot. But having said that, there were heaps of choices that he could've made. He chose to make bad decisions. I've know people in more difficult situations than him that turn out to be brilliant, successful and resilient people.

My prayer and hope for little boy is for him to learn from his mistakes and to become a better person. My other worry is that his brother will learn from him. Little boy, remember that there are still lots of people that love you. I've not given up hope on you. You can turn around. Really turnaround. And cousins that read this and I'm sorry if anyone of you is offended by this. Can you please show little boy this? Let him know that there are people that love him. Love can and will change people. Love gives people hope, hope to change for the better. Little boy, I love you and no matter whatever that happens, remember that I love you.

Of Homes and Friends

2010-06-05T00:34:00.002+08:00

A few nights ago, I had dinner with a friend that I hadn't seen for a while. But we still connected through Facebook every now and then. Love Facebook for that. During dinner, we had a wonderful conversation. This friend of mine, has been in Hong Kong for a long time. Way longer than me. He's a fellow Christian too. It was nice having a brother encouraging me. During the conversation, two topics left an impact on me.

We were talking about home. I mentioned to him that each time I touch down at Hong Kong International Airport, I feel that I'm home. He asked, what about when I touch down at Changi Airport? I looked at him and pondered for a couple of minutes and he asked, the feeling of home is no as strong as before? And I nodded. I thought more about it. Well, it's a different feeling. Sure, I'm glad to touchdown in Spore because I get to see Babe and my family and have the yummy food that I love. But when I touch down in HKIA, I feel home. I'm almost grateful when the plane is descending and I know that, yes, I'll be home in an hour or so. Even when I'm planning for my holidays this summer, I chose to fly via Hong Kong instead of stopping over in Seoul or Tokyo.

The next topic that we touched on was on friendships. He and I share a couple of mutual friends and a couple of friends that we hardly speak too. And it was in this conversation that some things stuck me too. Friendship is very intricate. It's hard to explain. There are some people that we get along fabulously. But there are some that we start off getting along fabulously and then somewhere along the way, things happen and either we cut them off or we get cut off from them. The friendship may not be strong enough to stand through issues or maybe we chose not to let it stand through issues. The truth of the matter, there's never really who's right and wrong. Then I thought about my friends back in Spore. I must admit when in the beginning I would meet my friends or ex-colleagues whenever I head back to Singapore. However as time passed, I met up with fewer friends. I chose to meet lesser people. I became very selective who I wanted to meet up with.

I wonder what will my thoughts on homes and friends in 5 years' time. Come back in 5 years and we'll see.