Thoughts

So there are days that I want to blog and I stop because mainly, there's just too much in my head that I want to write. And honestly, I don't even know how to categorize it. Is it family, life, my spiritual walk, my boys? Then, I tell myself, I'll write another day and then another day passes and again, I'm filled with more thoughts.

But then again, this is my blog. I'm not even sure if I've got readers. So I'm going to write my thoughts and yes it may be jumbled up but I don't care.

A while ago, Babe was close to being placed in a job that would have seen us move to a third world country in the region. If anyone asked me to move to give up my job in HK and move to a third world country a few years ago, I would say a definite no because I'm in my comfort zone. I like what my salary brings me every month. I love the fact that I've finally built up a family base in HK and HK has pretty much become my home. But when the news came of a possible move, I was excited. Elated. And I started researching and finding places that I could volunteer, schools for the kids and a bunch of stuff. But then.......the door shut. Yes, God didn't want the family to move. I was mad. Yes, mad. Mad that why God didn't want us to move. Mad that I'm willing to go and why is that door shut. Mad because I decided that in faith I would not be a Jonah and go in the opposite direction.

I couldn't figure out why. Why did God kinda open the doors for me to have a peek and only to shut them. It just drove me mad. But at the same time, He has shown me that He's still watching over the family. Guiding us and reminding us that He still have plans just like in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know I have plan for you", declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" And again, I was reminded that God isn't always talking about material blessings when He says that He's going to prosper me. But at the same time, I look at my life and realized, yes, I am blessed materially. God wants us, the Seet family to have a future. So that door shut and another door opened. And this door is perfect for this season. Babe was presented with another opportunity. Something that excites him, mentally stimulates and gives him somewhat flexi time with the family. He was able to bring Baba and Wawa for their school interviews when I couldn't. He was able to attend Baba's primary school talk with me. And I'm glad that he doesn't have to do crazy traveling. So yes, in short, God knows, He wants to prosper the Seet family and give the Seet family a future.

After sorting some of these thoughts in my head, a sermon was preached a few weeks later and this was put up at church.  And I realized that 2014 started in fear. Yes, it was fear that started 2014. I was scared. Shit scared of what was going to happen because Babe was taking a break, got news of a baby that I really wanted. Babe doesn't want the baby but I knew God wanted that baby for us and God also wanted me to keep my mouth shut and not pushed for the baby and yes, all the fears that I had for 2014. But this year, I am at peace with God knowing that His plans are greater than mine. He knew the needs of the family and every one of those needs have been met. And so my year continued in peace.

So the January went and February rolled along. And again, am thankful that Babe was able to take time off from work to be with the family. We went back to Singapore and thereafter went to Phuket for a break with Babe's parents. It was a good rest with the family. The boys enjoyed immensely and so did the in laws. And again, when I look back, I'm at peace with myself because there's nothing that I ask more than this family and the time spent together.

We got a villa with our own pool. The kids had loads of time with Babe. And am thankful that Babe is the sort of dad that would clean diapers, shower and feed the kids. A hands on dad who wants to be there for his kids.

 It's always a joy for me to see Baba and Wawa playing so nicely with their cousins. Whenever we fly off, Baba would tell me that he will miss his family in Spore. I guess at times it is hard for him to understand why we live in different countries. Jojo was quite upset and she asked Babe, 'Why can't you just get a job in Spore so that I can be with Baba?' My heart melted when I heard that.

My grandma. Not sure how many more photos will I have of her. Looking back at my life, God must have had a purpose for everything. He provided me with a grandma who showed and lived out unconditional love and in turn, I'm learning from her to love my kids and understand the true meaning of unconditional love.

So yes, a bunch of rumblings and I need to remember to be thankful for everything. And that God has plans to prosper me and my family. Oh yes, a baby girl would make things almost perfect but if not, things are already very perfect! No need to ask for more!

Round up of 2014

So, I know that I'm a little late in writing this post. There's just way too much stuff to do and too little time.

So since I last wrote, we went back to Singapore for a weekend in late Oct/early Nov to celebrate Wawa's birthday and to show him to the family. It was our first time flying with him and I was kinda worried how are we going to deal with 2 kids on the flight. But the sons were awesome! It was a good flight. Nothing major happened. Got to the serviced apartment and we had a blast. Too short a trip but nonetheless it was great as usual.

Yes, there's a whale on his cake! A reminder to Wawa to always obey God so that he will not be swallowed by the whale.

November rolled along and it was our 12th wedding anniversary. Truth be told, a marriage is never easy. Yes, never. There's always a lot of work to do. Before kids, our marriage was much simpler. Well, there were stuff to argue but there were no kids to argue about. Then throw in one kid and the disagreements add on and throw in one more, there's even more disagreements and more stuff to argue. But I am really blessed to have Babe as a partner in this marriage. Sure, there's always tough times but it's when we have these tough times that we experience the sweetness of the marriage.

Thanks Babe for always being so dependable and knowing what I like. Always pottering in the kitchen to cook dishes that I love. Thanks for the beautiful scarf that you took time to go look for it. My favorite designer and he just knew that I would totally love it. Am glad to be your partner in life's journey.

Christmas rolled along and it was my first time flying with two boys. Yes, two boys. It was a later flight and I was really worried that the boys might turn cranky and I'll probably have a meltdown too! But thank God, we survived! The boys did really well.

Yes, smiles on the flight. A mini tantrum from older boy that was over in 5 mins and guess, there'll be more of these solo flights with the boys. Babe joined us a few days later for Christmas. It was really nice to see the cousins hanging out together. Got to see my latest nephew, Jarron. But it's kinda of sad that I won't be seeing my nieces and nephew grow up. Especially Jarron who will be living in Melbourne. But I guess, this is what happens with global families.

 Wawa meeting Jarron for the first time. Jarron, can't wait to see you again. Guess, by the time I see you next, you might be crawling already. Kinda sad that I'll be missing out on you.

Jojo and Baba. It's hard for these two whenever we have to leave. Jojo gets really upset and she keeps asking Babe to get a job in Spore so that she can see Baba all the time.

 Jo Cara, my other niece. Can't believe that she has grown so much. The last I saw her in late October, she wasn't really friendly and didn't want me to carry and cuddle her. But this time round, she's all so cuddly!

Jo Callie, my youngest niece. Well, she packs a voice. A crying voice! But she's such a cutie. So the kids each have a partner. Jojo and Baba. Mei Mei and Wawa, Jo Callie and Jarron. 3 boys and 3 girls.

We were very glad to be able to sync our trips to be able to spend time with my best friend and his wife. They live in the States now and it's hard to actually see other. We were very blessed by them that they got us a room at the hotel so that they can spend time with their godsons.

Baba actually went out with them alone in the morning. It's the first time that he spend time alone with other people other than his family. But we totally trusted his godparents. He came back and was so happy with his adventure. We're thankful that our boys have them as godparents. Can't ask for more. Baba was another godma living in the States too. Got to find time to bring him to hang out with her soon.

So 2014, honestly was one of the most difficult years in my life. The uncertainty of what God wanted us to do, where God wanted to place and our future. Babe entered 2014 wanting a rest but God instead gave us a beautiful present and got Babe to enter the workforce again. I was stretched trying to figure out how to be a wife, mum and a teacher without family support in HK. But God in his graciousness brought around people who I can call upon when I need help in HK. It's really very humbling to see how God moved and continue to move in our lives. Yes, it was a tough year but I grew and learnt to rely more on Him.

And we entered into 2015.

A year late...But he learnt how to ride a bike! Yes, very proud of him. My little 4 and half year old cycling around the island.

Finally

Yes, so finally I can write what's been in my head and heart for the past couple of months. The past year has been a series of roller coaster rides. It was hard to hold my faith and trust that God will ride it out with us. There were times that I've wanted to really shake my fists at God. And I admit that the temptation to stop going to church and stop believing in what I'm meant to believe was very great. But yesterday at church just before the service ended and the worship band played this song, I know that deep down, I worship a faithful God.

Amazed

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me

You paint the morning sky
With miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me

How wide, how deep
How great is Your love for me
How wide, how deep
How great is Your love for me

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me
Lord, You love me, oh

I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed everyday
So amazed
How You love me, Lord

Maybe slightly more a year ago, I wanted a second child. I didn't care if it was going to be a boy or girl but I wanted a child. But Babe didn't want a second child. He was happy with Baba. So I started to pray. One Sunday at church that He told me that He will expand the family and I remembered asking Him, how? Over time, Babe kinda agreed but on the condition that he gets another job. At that time, he was planning to take a break from work and he wanted time to refresh and recharged. My heart skipped a beat, thanking God for it. But again, at the back of my head, I'm thinking, God, you know that I'm getting old, how is that even going to be possible? And God replied, remember Sarah and Elizabeth? It's going to happen. And again, I placed my trust in Him. Soon after, Babe took a break from work.

Then beginning of December came. Babe went on a mission trip to Manila. His first ever mission trip. I was so incredibly proud of him. It was that during that same trip that I received a call. A call that changed my life again. A social worker from the Social Welfare Department called and told me that Baba's birth mother had another boy and yes, she's giving him up for adoption again. At that moment, my world spun around. I wasn't sure what to say or how to react. My prayers were answered.

So I whatsapped Babe and told him the news. The reply came and it was a no. I remember that it was a Friday night, my world came crashing down. I sat alone in bed, cried and prayed and this song came to me. It reminded me that God is still watching over me. I prayed and cried. Sent messages to my sisters and to the godfather of Baba. I was encouraged by them. In my sadness and despair, God told me not to push Babe or even talk to him about it. I knew it was a strange thing to hear from God but I decided to obey. So Babe came back and I didn't push for the adoption or anything of that sort. Meanwhile, I called the social worker to ask for more time. Babe agreed to speak to the social worker and then we discussed more and I told him that the ball is in his court. All this time, I prayed and my family and friends prayed. I even chose his name. My sisters poked fun at me. Husband said no and I've already chosen the name.

After Chinese New Year, we agreed that we were going to adopt again. My heart did flips and jumps for joy. The paperwork started and then preparation work came and in the midst of everything, God so graciously cut short Babe's break from work and gave him a job. In late March, Jonas Thaddeus Xin En came to live with us. Jonas, a reminder of obedience to serve God. Jonah in the bible was swallowed by the whale when he went the opposite direction of where God told him to go. Jonas also mean peace. Thaddeus, a gift from God. He's a total surprise gift from God. Xin is faith in Chinese. And En is grace. He's called Wawa, that was the nick name that Baba gave him.

On the 8th of October, Wawa's adoption came to a close and he's truly ours. It's a journey. Always a journey. There'll always be ups and downs but I'm learning to lean on God's promises rather than my own strength. I am blessed. Beyond blessed. So ever ever grateful.

Enjoy the photos.

When little Wawa first arrived.

Hanging out at the pool with the family. The reason why we couldn't go back to Spore for summer.

And still more time at the pool.

Little Wawa watching his brother and daddy kicking around. Soon, soon, he'll join them.

My little spider woody boy. He's so adorable and cute! Don't you just want to squeeze him?

Little Wawa's first birthday. As tradition, I try to bake a cake for the boys' birthday. It's so heartwarming to see them laugh together.


Dear Wawa,

You're the answer to my prayers. You were the miracle baby that I prayed for. I've long for another baby, a sibling to your bother. God gave me you. The best baby that a brother can ever get. Wawa, God loaned you to me. Yes, it's a loan, because someday, when you grow up, my prayer is that you will be like Jonah and bring the good news of a risen savior to others. It's the same prayer that I have for your brother. I pray for both of you to be doctors so that you can go out to places to heal and help the sick and spread the good news at the same time. But if God wants you to do something else, in obedience, I will try my best to groom you in that area. I love you even before you came to my arms.

Love you for always.
Ma Ma

Still

For the past year, I've been feeling that my life is on a roller coaster ride with the lows more than the highs. And the feeling of wanting to walk away and giving up has never felt stronger and me feeling a lot more drained than before.

In my head, I know that it will all come to pass and things will be fine again. But in my heart, I question God, why? Why are things not as smooth sailing when I think I've obeyed and do what you want? Why are things still so tough? Can't you make things easier and why don't you just make everything nice and rosy again. Yes, those have been my thoughts for this past year. And each time, I feel low, God sends someone, something or some situation to let me know that I'm not alone in the walk. And I hear God telling me, 'Even though you're walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I'm walking right beside you.'

Last Sunday, towards the end of the service, this song was sung.

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Immediately, I felt a sense of relief. I know in the midst of life's storms, I have a faithful God who is right beside me throughout. Yes, a tough year. Decisions made, prayers prayed and answered and some prayers, still waiting for answers and some was answered with a no. But at the end of it all, I know that my heavenly father knows what best for me and I just need to trust in Him. And no, the difficult journey is not quite over. We are still praying for a couple of things but God has answered some major prayers of ours in which we shall share in the near future. But as of now, I'm learning to be still and listen to God and not let the worries of the world overwhelm me but rather to cast my burdens on Him.

Leave of Absence?

Oh wow! I've just noticed that I've not blogged close to five months. This must be my longest silence on my blog. There were and are reasons why I've chose not to blog as much. But guess in time to come, I'll write about it.

So summer holidays came and left. It's been good. I try not to complain. Spent a week in New York with bestie and then rest of summer in Hong Kong. It was a good time with the family. Mum and Jojo came to visit. Stayed with us for ten days. After that, Jacqui and Joel came to stay with us for four days. Yes, there were times that the tiny apartment seemed crowded but I was really glad and happy to be surrounded by family. When we couldn't go to Singapore, Singapore came to us.

One Sunday night, we invited a friend over for dinner. He turned called and asked us if he could bring a friend over. He brought over a asylum refugee seeker who has been in Hong Kong for more than nine years. At that time, I've been feeling the weight on my shoulders asking God why some things are not turning out the way that I wanted. And during that dinner, it dawned on me, all my problems and issues pale, really pale in comparison to this guy sitting at my dining table. And that's when it also hit me, be thankful. I'm beyond blessed and yet I'm not thankful.

Yes, I had and still have to learn gratitude and thankfulness. Enjoy a couple of pics. Can't wait to see family again.

Nothing else matters to me other than family and friends that have become family. Can't wait to see family in Spore and Australia and bestie in America again.

For the longest time

Yes, this is the longest time that I've not blogged. Some days, I wonder if it's time for this blog to shut. And then there are days that I think, no, I still like blogging and there are days I don't even know what I want anymore. Anyway, tonight is the night that I decided to blog and yes, I'm going to blog and honestly, I don't know how frequent would I be blogging but I'll blog as long as I feel like blogging.

So life has hasn't been bad to me. God has been faithful in answering my prayers. Over the past few months, I felt that God has been stretching my faith. There were days I wonder how much more stretching God is going to be doing and then I realized that He's stretching me so that I can grow and see Him work in me. And now, yes, God has been very gracious. Far too gracious. I can say too much. Give me a few months and then I'll be able to reveal more. But in the meantime, all I can say is, God is always faithful.

Recently I've been thinking how God has placed us in HK and the people that we meet. It's hard being in HK without family support. That was my fear but over time God has so graciously allowed people in HK to become the family support that we need. It's these family support in HK that have been my crutch for the past few months when I felt that life was going a little tough. And it's ironic when I've found my family in HK that I've been thinking if it's time to head back to Spore.

My sister's family is growing and I want Baba to be close to his cousins like how I was close to my cousins. I want Baba to have that same relationship that I had with my cousins. It breaks my heart to see Baba and Jojo say bye to each other. And it makes it even worse when Jojo asked my mum why can't everyone live in the same country. Jacqui just moved to Melbourne too. Oh well, that's something to start thinking about.

In the meantime, enjoy the pics of Baba.

Decision

So sometimes I wonder a decision that was made probably a decade ago was the right decision or was it a wrong one. Then I wonder, so if it's a wrong one, what do I do now, do I walk away or do I suck it up and try to make it work? And then sometimes I wonder if its worth trying to make it work, and in all these crazy wondering and pondering I wish that I can just stay in bed for days and not get up at all and not even wash or even brush my teeth. Then I realize, crap! Isn't that depression? People who stay in bed for days and weeks and months and then what, years, aren't they people with depression? And I think to myself, man, wish I could do that. And then I realized, what? Am I actually envious of people that are in depression? Man, am I sick or what?

Then a light goes off in my head, so if I didn't have any responsibilities or any dependents or whatsoever, I would be able to be in depression and stay in bed all day and all night. So people that have responsibilities and dependents and whatnot who do that, aren't they freaking selfish then? Or are they that weak to ignore people that actually need them? And then I look at myself, what on hell do I really want?

One word, happiness. And it's getting more and more difficult these days. Or am I getting older that I find happiness more and more elusive?