Living out Faith

So there are days that I want to blog and I stop because mainly, there's just too much in my head that I want to write. And honestly, I don't even know how to categorize it. Is it family, life, my spiritual walk, my boys? Then, I tell myself, I'll write another day and then another day passes and again, I'm filled with more thoughts. But then again, this is my blog. I'm not even sure if I've got readers. So I'm going to write my thoughts and yes it may be jumbled up but I don't care. A while ago, Babe was close to being placed in a job that would have seen us move to a third world country in the region. If anyone asked me to move to give up my job in HK and move to a third world country a few years ago, I would say a definite no because I'm in my comfort zone. I like what my salary brings me every month. I love the fact that I've finally built up a family base in HK and HK has pretty much become my home. But when the news came of a possible m...

So, I know that I'm a little late in writing this post. There's just way too much stuff to do and too little time. So since I last wrote, we went back to Singapore for a weekend in late Oct/early Nov to celebrate Wawa's birthday and to show him to the family. It was our first time flying with him and I was kinda worried how are we going to deal with 2 kids on the flight. But the sons were awesome! It was a good flight. Nothing major happened. Got to the serviced apartment and we had a blast. Too short a trip but nonetheless it was great as usual. Yes, there's a whale on his cake! A reminder to Wawa to always obey God so that he will not be swallowed by the whale. November rolled along and it was our 12th wedding anniversary. Truth be told, a marriage is never easy. Yes, never. There's always a lot of work to do. Before kids, our marriage was much simpler. Well, there were stuff to argue but there were no kids to argue about. Then throw in one kid and the...

Yes, so finally I can write what's been in my head and heart for the past couple of months. The past year has been a series of roller coaster rides. It was hard to hold my faith and trust that God will ride it out with us. There were times that I've wanted to really shake my fists at God. And I admit that the temptation to stop going to church and stop believing in what I'm meant to believe was very great. But yesterday at church just before the service ended and the worship band played this song, I know that deep down, I worship a faithful God. Amazed You dance over me While I am unaware You sing all around But I never hear the sound Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I'm amazed by You How You love me You paint the morning sky With miracles in mind My hope will always stand For You hold me in Your hand Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I'm amazed by You How You love me Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I...

For the past year, I've been feeling that my life is on a roller coaster ride with the lows more than the highs. And the feeling of wanting to walk away and giving up has never felt stronger and me feeling a lot more drained than before. In my head, I know that it will all come to pass and things will be fine again. But in my heart, I question God, why? Why are things not as smooth sailing when I think I've obeyed and do what you want? Why are things still so tough? Can't you make things easier and why don't you just make everything nice and rosy again. Yes, those have been my thoughts for this past year. And each time, I feel low, God sends someone, something or some situation to let me know that I'm not alone in the walk. And I hear God telling me, 'Even though you're walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I'm walking right beside you.' Last Sunday, towards the end of the service, this song was sung. Hide me now Under Your wings ...

Oh wow! I've just noticed that I've not blogged close to five months. This must be my longest silence on my blog. There were and are reasons why I've chose not to blog as much. But guess in time to come, I'll write about it. So summer holidays came and left. It's been good. I try not to complain. Spent a week in New York with bestie and then rest of summer in Hong Kong. It was a good time with the family. Mum and Jojo came to visit. Stayed with us for ten days. After that, Jacqui and Joel came to stay with us for four days. Yes, there were times that the tiny apartment seemed crowded but I was really glad and happy to be surrounded by family. When we couldn't go to Singapore, Singapore came to us. One Sunday night, we invited a friend over for dinner. He turned called and asked us if he could bring a friend over. He brought over a asylum refugee seeker who has been in Hong Kong for more than nine years. At that time, I've been feeling the weight on my sh...

Yes, this is the longest time that I've not blogged. Some days, I wonder if it's time for this blog to shut. And then there are days that I think, no, I still like blogging and there are days I don't even know what I want anymore. Anyway, tonight is the night that I decided to blog and yes, I'm going to blog and honestly, I don't know how frequent would I be blogging but I'll blog as long as I feel like blogging. So life has hasn't been bad to me. God has been faithful in answering my prayers. Over the past few months, I felt that God has been stretching my faith. There were days I wonder how much more stretching God is going to be doing and then I realized that He's stretching me so that I can grow and see Him work in me. And now, yes, God has been very gracious. Far too gracious. I can say too much. Give me a few months and then I'll be able to reveal more. But in the meantime, all I can say is, God is always faithful. Recently I've been th...

So sometimes I wonder a decision that was made probably a decade ago was the right decision or was it a wrong one. Then I wonder, so if it's a wrong one, what do I do now, do I walk away or do I suck it up and try to make it work? And then sometimes I wonder if its worth trying to make it work, and in all these crazy wondering and pondering I wish that I can just stay in bed for days and not get up at all and not even wash or even brush my teeth. Then I realize, crap! Isn't that depression? People who stay in bed for days and weeks and months and then what, years, aren't they people with depression? And I think to myself, man, wish I could do that. And then I realized, what? Am I actually envious of people that are in depression? Man, am I sick or what? Then a light goes off in my head, so if I didn't have any responsibilities or any dependents or whatsoever, I would be able to be in depression and stay in bed all day and all night. So people that have responsibilitie...

So it's been a long time since I last wrote on my blog. Well, update from the last post, decision has been made and I'm glad that it's the decision that I prayed for. And now, we have to wait. Yes, got to love the waiting game. Had a wonderful December. Jacqui's wedding was a blast. But at the same time, kinda bittersweet. Am glad that she married someone that she's known for a really long time. They probably met when they were babies, were best friends and maybe a year or so ago decided to start dating and then, the wedding. A beautiful wedding, great company and a blessed time with the family. But what's hard is that Jacqui moved to Melbourne. To a large extent, it's kinda hard for everyone in the family especially Jojo. When Jojo was born, Jacqui has always been there and then now, she's suddenly gone. Jojo finds it hard. The reality is that everyone notices her absence. I miss the coffee that she makes for me. And her being there for the family. Ki...

So last night I received a phone call with news that could be the best news or the saddest news in the last three years pending on the decision that's going to be made. I went to bed with a very heavy heart knowing that the possibility of the outcome. It's the outcome that would probably make me really sad. I lay in bed questioning God why did you allow that phone call to come through and get me all excited thinking that my prayers have been answered only to realize the reality that the excitement can be soon extinguished by sadness. And as I lay, I began to cry out to God, it was pretty heart wrenching to a certain extent because I wasn't able to pour out my soul to Babe because he's away on a mission trip which I'm incredibly proud of. But that's another story altogether. And as I pour out my soul, I heard God speak in a small and gentle voice. He told me to trust and have faith in Him. And yet again, it's really hard. I'm not going to deny that it...

I just turned a day older. How do I feel? Honestly, I've got mixed feelings. Well, probably I've mentioned many times, I don't like the process of aging at all. I detest it to the point that I wouldn't be even able to describe it! But on the other hand, I'm learning to be really grateful. Actually, I am beyond grateful, blessed and humbled. Yes, that's what I am. I'm truly grateful, blessed and humbled when I look at my life. I married my best friend. Coming this November, it would be our 11th wedding anniversary and adding on 10 years of dating prior to that, I've known Babe for more than my life time. There's nothing that I want to change about Babe! Every morning when I wake up next to him. I can't believe that God has given Babe to me! I've got the most beautiful, lovable, adorable and the best son in the entire world. Every morning, I can hear him playing, being ever cheerful and bouncing into our room to give us morning kisses. On n...

So....one week or so after my last post, I almost hit rock bottom. I thought I really almost lost the single thing that I love the most. But the reality is that, I didn't realize or rather was oblivious to what was going on or maybe I was so self absorbed that I didn't realize that the very thing I love the most was in the danger of floating away. So when shit almost hit the fan, I realized one thing, it's almost always that not the danger that kills you but rather the panic. And so, I realized that I've to sit down to think through my thoughts, work through them, listen and speak and most importantly, have trust that God will pull me through. So I prayed, gathered my thoughts, listened and spoke and yes, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I've become stronger and realized that it's not always about me. That's the reality of life. But what matters to me then? It's my family. It's Babe and little Baba. Take whatever you want to take but...

When we were preparing for little Baba's birthday, I noticed that Jojo had a phobia of balloons. She didn't want to be near the balloons and she was basically almost in tears with the balloons. As I probed further and asked more questions, she was afraid not of the balloons themselves but rather them floating away. When looking at her fear, I realized that it's with the most of us. We're not afraid of certain things in itself. And honestly, she loves balloons when they are not filled with helium! So what are our fears? Is it the thought of losing the very thing that we love so much because we're afraid that it might float away from our very hands? That's what I'm sort of facing now. I'm very afraid of things floating away. But I don't want to love them too much and grab them too tightly that they burst in my face. Neither do I want to let them go. So what do I do now? I really don't know. I hate it when things are in my hands and within reach...

So we're almost at the end of summer holidays. This summer has been amazing! Let me repeat, amazing! I had 7 weeks of holidays and only had to turn up at work for 2 days. Just 2 days! Anyway, it's been a good summer. So summer started with a flight to London and then flight to Bologna, train to Florence, train to Lake Como, train to Milan, train to Verona, train to Milan and finally flight back to HK. The trip was superb, fabulous, amazing, wonderful, incredible, marvelous, and well, you get it. I had the best time with Eve. Totally the best time. Even though we've not seen each other for two years, it didn't matter as we just picked up where we left off. She was just the best travel partner. We did everything that we wanted to do and see. Eve tried to show me everything in London. Italy was way beyond expectations! The food was so so good. Let's just say that we never had a bad meal at all! The sights, oh mine! I loved the architecture, the nature and just everyt...