Up, Up and Away Again

So this Monday, I'm off again. Christmas, I was back in Singapore and then 2 weeks in Hong Kong, back for work. Then at Chinese New Year, I was back in Singapore again. And now, 2 weeks after coming back from Singapore, I'm going back to Singapore again. But this time is for work and Ba Ba and Babe won't be coming along.

This trip is going to be hard. Well, not because it's a work trip with 48 kids but rather it's the first time that I'll be away from Ba Ba for such a long time. Well, the last time I was away from Ba Ba, we were in Maldives and Ba Ba was in Singapore with our helper and his grandparents. I'm going to be missing him a lot more. I know that Ba Ba is going to be in good hands. Our helper loves him heaps and I'm very sure that she'll take good care of him. But at the back of my head, I'll be thinking of little Ba Ba. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to work.

So this leads me to some of my random thoughts. The last time I was back in Singapore, I met up with a couple of my ex-colleagues. Sorry, if what I'm going to write might offend some of my friends but these are just of my thoughts. So we were talking about one day leaving our jobs and be stay at home mums. And I said that it's going to be hard for me. Babe mentioned to me that there's a possibility that we might have to move in a couple of years time (not back to Singapore) for his work. And my response was, what about my job? And he said that I should just stay at home! And I was like, what? Huh? And in that conversation with my ex-colleagues I brought up if I only have one kid and I'm a stay at home mum, I'll lose my sense of purpose and to a certain extent my self-worth. I know it sounds silly. I've been working so long that it would feel weird not to work. And it'll even feel stranger and weirder to have to ask Babe for money. Well, not that he won't provide for me. I know him well enough that he'll be happy to hand money over to me but it'll feel strange for me to have to take money or ask money from him. And what about my sense of purpose? Yes, I know it's shallow. I know there are people who would love to stay at home and be a great mother to their child. Well, I would like to do that too but I know that I won't make a good stay at home mother. I hate doing cleaning the house and if I'm a stay at home mum, there's no need for a helper. So I'll be doing all the cleaning, running around, sending husband and kid to school and what about the years of education that has been invested in me?

Okay, enough ranting. I'm not even sure of what I'm writing anymore. But there's one thing that I've to say or write. I have total respect for stay at home mums. They sacrifice heaps for their child or children and their family.