Over these couple of months, I've really come to realise that parenting is not an easy role. And in parenting there are several ways to see one thing and yet come out with a million other decisions and outcomes. What suits A may not necessarily suit B. And in parenting, there's always a dilemma. For me, it's time and opportunity costs. Every day after work, I tell myself, it's time for gym class but it's hard because I want to spend time with Cha Cha. Even now as I'm blogging, I know that if I catch the bus at 4.30, I'll be able to make it to gym class. But I'm thinking, Cha Cha is asleep now and when he's up, we can go for a walk or to the pool. Gym can wait another day. Then there's the issue with my wrists. My wrists have been aching for a while and I was told that I've overused them. And was told that the only way for them to get better is to stop carrying Cha Cha. I looked at these people and think....are you mad? To me, yes, my wrists hurt now. But in a year or so, Cha Cha wouldn't want me to carry him and then, I can get my wrists fixed. It's not a big deal. Yes, that's my opportunity costs. And I can cite more, but I'm afraid you'll be bored and think that I'm now a whingy mum!
The other thing with parenting, I realised that there are 3 categories.
1) Stay at home parent
2) Parents that work and have help at home
3) Weekend parents
The first one, it's simple. A stay at home parent. Some mothers or fathers decide that it's better for them to stay at home to care for their child. Some with a helper and some without a helper. These are the people that I really admire. I don't think I'll be able to quit my job and stay at home especially without a helper and still be able to keep the home clean and dinner on the table when the partner comes home from work. A friend of mine falls into this category and I'm in awe of her. No helper, living in a foreign land and still copes with everything. Sure, once in a while, her dad flies in to help but overall, she's alone.
The next category, are people like me. I'm not working because we need dual incomes but rather it's a choice. I somewhat feel that by working, I do have some form of sanity and I would still have some connection with the world. But because I work, my time with Cha Cha is precious to a certain extent. This does not mean that I don't go out with my friends for meals. We still do but it's not as often as before. Plus, living overseas without family can be hard but we're surviving. It's working out.
The last category, Babe and I grew up in that environment and there is no way I would put Cha Cha through that. Over summer, Babe and I will be heading to Maldives for 4 nights without Cha Cha. Yes, I do feel a little guilty that he'll be staying in Spore. But at the same time, I know that Babe and I need that time to recharge. But what I don't understand, can parents actually be fine with not seeing their kids from Monday to Friday? Yes, I can understand that some have issues with childcare and that the kids go to grandparents' place from Monday to Friday but at least go and have meals with your kids. Meal times are bonding time. I try to put Cha Cha in his high chair when I'm having meals. He gets to have his meals or his snacks while I have my meal. We communicate and have silly conversations. Yes, it might seem meaningless but I don't want to miss out on him. Maybe for the fact that I went through seeing my parents only during the weekends that I'm really not comfortable with this arrangement.
However, at the end of whatever that I'm rambling, the decision is ultimately within the parents. I've come to understand that with everything we do, there's a reaction or consequence that may follow. And that with parenting, sacrifices have to be made.
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