A Little Boy that I Love Dearly

Once upon a time, there was this little boy that was born into a family. Well, he wasn't really born into a typical family (anyway, what's really a typical family). The reality was that his mum was in the family way and thus he was born and his dad married his mum only after he was born. They didn't really have a choice at that time. But that's not really important anyway.

When he was born, he was the first great grandchild in the family. He had loads of love from his grandparents, his parents, his aunty and uncle and his dad's cousins. Time passed and his parents had marital issues. His dad was frequently in China working and guess his mum was a little frustrated with her husband's lifestyle. When little boy was probably around 5 or 6, his mum decided that she had enough with her husband, she walked away. Not that I blame her. I can see why she did it. Little boy was thrown into the deep end. He still had his grandparents' love and everyone around him. But he probably needed his parents' love most of all.

His grandma really loves him. Maybe she loves him way too much. She gave him almost anything and everything that he wanted. Probably that's the way she knew how to love him. At the age of eleven, his aunty graciously offered to bring him to America so that his grandma would have lesser a burden to carry. By this time, his dad almost disappeared from the picture and so did his mother. She was busy with her life. His grandma had her hands full with 3 boys. So little boy went off to America happily. Happily, so we thought.

His aunty and her husband in America did the best they could with him. This is bearing in mind that they never had any experience of raising any kids. Little boy might have acted his frustrations at the lack of love from his parents and he had issues understanding whatever that he was going through. He was going through pre-adolescent issues. Around that time, his grandfather passed on too. Little boy was probably quite affected by the death of his grandfather. And for whatever reasons, I don't really know or maybe no one really knows and maybe he doesn't even know himself, he acted out bad. Really bad. It was to the point that he had to leave his school. He didn't want to go to another school in America. His aunty and her husband had no choice but to send him back to Singapore.

When he got to Singapore, his grandma was given the advice that little boy should take his Primary School Leaving Examinations in order for him to enter a government secondary school. But this meant that he had to head back to primary school when he was above the average age of a primary six student. For whatever reasons, it was decided that he be enrolled into a private secondary school. In the beginning, it was fine. He attended school. From memory, he loved reading and he enjoyed books when he was young. But well, things happened along the way and basically, he dropped out of school. And things went bad.

Got really bad to the point that he started hanging out with undesirable people. He didn't come home. Or when he finally came home, he brought his girlfriend along and his friends. He started smoking at home. He was just 14 or 15 at that point. Advice was given to his grandma but for reasons unknown, she didn't heed them. Please don't be mistaken, she loves the boy to the bits. Maybe she loves him too much. Little boy got into trouble with the law. First it was little trouble, then the trouble got bigger. And maybe a little bigger. When law finally caught up with him, part of the bargain to keep him out of the boys' home or reform home, was for him to head back to school. Help was readily given and planned that he will get tutoring by his aunty and systems were ready in place for him, but the help that was offered was never taken up.

It is really sad to know that little boy has been sent to boys' home for the state to try to correct and straighten him out. It is sad, very sad. Little boy had love. That's the truth. But maybe not the love that he wanted from. Not from his parents. But his grandma, aunty, uncle, grand uncles and grand aunties and his dad's cousins. Everyone loved and still loves him. But what happened along the way? This cute, precocious and lovable baby grew up to be a boy who is in boys' home now. Did his grandma love him too much? Did too much love and not enough tough love pushed him to the other side?

The reality is, I don't know. Little boy's extended family has enough skills and resources to help fix him. But why wasn't he given enough help before him turning out the way that he is now? Truth, I don't know.

I sincerely and honestly hope that I didn't offend anyone. Anyone especially people in my extended family. This little boy was like my godson. My heart bleeds for him. In someways I wonder if I could have done more for him. I'm a trained counselor. I wonder if I didn't moved to Hong Kong and even when I moved to Hong Kong, if I bothered to call him more or spend time with him whenever I was home, would the outcome be different? Is his family to be blamed? I love his dad heaps. But I don't know where his dad is. His dad has issues. I miss his dad. I wonder does his dad know what happened to his son. His mum, does the blame lie with her? Well, she was barely out of her teens when she had him. She did try but it was beyond her.

So was it little boy's fault? I don't know. I believe that circumstances and situations that he was and is in, didn't work out in his favour a lot. But having said that, there were heaps of choices that he could've made. He chose to make bad decisions. I've know people in more difficult situations than him that turn out to be brilliant, successful and resilient people.

My prayer and hope for little boy is for him to learn from his mistakes and to become a better person. My other worry is that his brother will learn from him. Little boy, remember that there are still lots of people that love you. I've not given up hope on you. You can turn around. Really turnaround. And cousins that read this and I'm sorry if anyone of you is offended by this. Can you please show little boy this? Let him know that there are people that love him. Love can and will change people. Love gives people hope, hope to change for the better. Little boy, I love you and no matter whatever that happens, remember that I love you.