Went home for lunch and got a bit of Blogtv on CNA. The title of the show was, I was here. Basically, they talked about people who blog about their illnesses. And a couple of them passed on. Daniel Leung was on the show. Well, I've not met him before but I'm really touched by him. Check out his website.
http://jesusfreakdl.diaryland.com
I have to say, after watching the show, it got me into a pensive mood. And got me thinking about my life again. I was reading Daniel's blog and well, it doesn't help if you're listening to James Blunt as well. It got me into a somewhat thinking, depressive state.....But then again, it's good for me to get in touch with myself again. I remember FD asking Daniel, are you afraid of death? And his response is, no, because of my belief and religion. I ask myself, am I afraid of death? No, the answer is a strong no because I know that I'll be going home. I'll see grandpa, Adrian, Derrick and people that I would have liked to meet. Great women and men of God. No, I'm not afraid of death. But, I've other fears. I'm afraid of the processing of dying and getting old. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of turning old, ugly, wrinkly....and I'll turn repulsive, and having to depend on others. That's one of my fears. And actually my bigger fear and the biggest one....God asking me, what have I done for Him? That is my absolute biggest fear. What have I done for the Lord? And when He plays my life, would I be crouching in shame? This is a wake up call to lead a better life, a more spiritual life and be a nicer person. It's hard for me to be nice.
Daniel taught me something as well. In time of adversity, in time of troubles, in times of hard times, he was able to turn to God and let Him take control of his life. He knew that God was always in control of his life. He had faith in God. And I look at my life, what am I fighting for? Nothing absolutely nothing. What troubles do I really have? Err...just one maybe, having enough money to the next pay day. It seems trivial isn't it. That's how trivial my life is at this point of time and yet, I don't thank God enough. I can almost hear myself say this, 'You make me sick!' I make myself sick!! So life is good to me at this point of time and for once things are turning out good, have I given back to God, have I done anything to return His kindness? Sometimes I get frustrated with WK because he tends to worry about everything and it drives me nuts because I believe in casting my worries upon Jesus and not carrying it ourselves. But WK doesn't seem to get it at times. But well, he's learning....Learning.
How apt life is. I learn from someone else's blog and he's like a decade younger than me and yet in his own ways, he's more matured in many ways. I do pray that God's will be done for Daniel. And if you're stricken with cancer out there, trust in the Almighty and trust Him to do His will. I remember at my sis, Joanne's wedding. She had this wonderful, beautiful outdoor wedding. It was raining and we knelt in prayer and Joe, my brother in law, prayed for the rain to stop but he also added that if the rain is needed somewhere and the need is greater than theirs, let it rain then. Lord, I'm learning to be led by you, learning to be less selfish. Have patience with me for I am a slow and weak learner.
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