Thursday, January 17, 2008

Respect and Rage in a Relationship

As you know, I love watching television. I really love watching television. The television at home is turned on all the time. I guess this must have stemmed from childhood when my parents plonked us in front of the television to keep us occupied. I even think my strange mish mash accent of American, Australian and Singaporean came from way too much telly! Anyway, that's not the point. Our current favourite shows are Jon and Kate plus 8 and Amazing Race. Watching telly for me is not just for entertainment but I do learn heaps from just watching telly.

With Jon and Kate plus 8, I watch the relationships grow between Jon and Kate and their 8 kids. 8 kids is a lot of kids, you know. I watch and learn how the parents try their best to have respect for each other and at the same time, try their best to bring up the kids. It's not easy having so many little ones. Sure, there are times that Kate seems a little neurotic but who can blame her? I would like to see the people who actually criticize her to do a better job. It's interesting to see how she does her best to inculcate discipline in her kids. But having said that, its not easy as every child wants the undivided attention from their parents.

Amazing Race is one of the most entertaining shows and at the same time I learn how being negative can hurt a lot. As you know with Amazing Race, the goal is to be the first to reach the pit stop. In the Asia version, Henry and Terri argue and yell all the time. It becomes really funny. But there was an episode that my heart ache for Henry. I think it was in Korea that they were lost and coming in last. Terri sure has a lot of rage in her. Terri berated Henry so badly that in the interview session, he actually broke down and cried. Poor guy. It was also interesting that he said that to win the race, the couple must have communication and co-operation and therefore if they win, he said, it must be a fluke! On the other hand, in the American version, the father and daughter team, I forget their names, the dad changed and mellowed down and they have been emerging the first to reach their pit stops.

I wonder in relationships, be it a marriage, friendship, boss and subordinate or whatever kind of relationships, how important is respect and how can one prevent rage from creeping in. Babe and me do not have the prefect or the model marriage or relationship. I must admit that I probably throw more fits and rages than him. I know and understand that it's not right. As much as I tell myself that I need to change, I am still learning. It is very important I feel that in a relationship, respect be there. Sure, we may not agree with everyone but there must be a certain form of respect for each other. It's when the respect slowly disappears that more rage starts to creep in and the balance is disturbed that the relationship goes into tatters.

The question is, what happens when you have lost respect for the person that you love? I've a friend who over time have been losing respect for a person that she used to love. As much as I don't agree with a divorce, this time, I did encourage her. It is sad that the marriage is slowly eating into her and she hasn't been happy for a long time. I know that I may be wrong in asking her to leave but it also pains me to see her suffering. There are more sad, angry and disappointed days for her than happy ones. However, ultimately the decision is hers. I'll still stand by her no matter whatever decision she makes. I wonder when is it enough that it's time for someone to walk away from the marriage? And how much is ever enough that one tried to make it work? What happens when it is always one party that's putting in the effort? Things to ponder upon.

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