Settled In?

Been back in HK for a couple of weeks now. I feel that I've been settled in ever since the day I got back to HK. Since Babe is still in Spore, my time has been filled with meeting friends for coffee, lunches and dinners. Actually, been a little too busy. Today, I started wondering, how long will I be settled here for?

Last Thursday, I went for Hannah's farewell dinner. I got to know Hannah through Mel and she's just a wonderful person with a great sense of humor! I feel like, just when I got to know her, it's time for her to go. Today in church, Esther and William, a couple from the church that we attend, they're going back as well. They've been here for 25 years and now, it's time for them to go. After lunch, Nat and me were just chatting and he mentioned that his parents came back to HK to pastor a church and basically with all their moves, they listened to God and took it upon them to listen and move with faith. It was like Abraham when God told him to move and he obeyed. It was the same with Nat's friend, Maureen, we met her on the train and she joined us for lunch. She said that she felt that it was really God's will for her to move here.

I thought about my life and I wonder, will Babe and me be able to do that? Yes, in my ideal life, if Babe has to move to Delhi, I would like to do charity work with the people there. But in reality, would I be able to do that. Would I have the obedience to be able to really listen and obey? But am then reminded of what Pastor Heng always says, 'Honour God and He'll honour you back.' Sure, it's always easier said than done.

I know that there are times that I live this paradox, ironic, double standard or whatever you call it. I blog and talk about me going to church and sure, there are many times that I do not seem to exhibit the life of a Christian. I admit and I know. Sure, I've been called a hypocrite, a pew warmer, a Sunday Christian and whatever. But, I'm learning. Everyday I'm learning to be a better person and yes, I'm human, sure, I fall off the bandwagon all the time. High profiled Christian leaders and evangelists fall off the bandwagon all the time as they get tempted by the world. If they can fall, what more can be said about me? However, I know and understand that I need to learn and trust and believe that with time, hopefuily, I will become a better Christian and person, NOT for me, I don't need any praise or glory but rather to live a life for Him.

God's Providential Hand

Last Sunday at church, Pastor Mark mentioned about God's Providential Hand. He mentioned something like when God weaves things together in a way that it seems coincidental, it's like God taking care of things and making things work for us. It was a sermon about being content in our lives. He also mentioned that if we can't be content when we're poor, how then can we be content when we're rich? Which is so true because when is enough ever enough then?

What was also interesting after that was that a friend told me that she was meant to be on the greyhound bus that a man decapitated another man. This just happened over the summer in Canada. She didn't get on the bus for some reason and now, she understands. After her sharing that with me, I thought about a couple of things. I told Carmen about the earthquake that shook California and at that time, I was meant to be in Jo's place but I decided to go there a day earlier. And also, I took the greyhound bus the day before I heard about the greyhound news in Canada. She said, 'Wow, someone must be looking out for you.' And yes, the someone is God.

Babe called today and he told me that he won't be back tomorrow but instead next week. Well, I'm fine with that as it'll give me time to be alone and do more stuff. Then he told me that maybe we should push the adoption to January as he will be travelling quite a lot for the next 3 months. Sure, my heart dropped a tad but I understood that he had a point. Yes, work is important for him but that extra time will give us more time to prepare, to learn and understand what is it really like to look after another human being.

As I was disappointed, I felt drawn to what Pastor Mark said about God's Providential Hand. I was reminded that we prayed and we both understood that we're leaving everything in God's hands. I did a google on God's Providential Hand and this link came up, http://www.preachingtoday.com/sermons/outlines/livingontheedgewhateverhappens.html.
I had a read through and yes, that's what I told God and myself I'm going to do. I'm going to be living on the end edge of whatever happens. That's sums up my life. So why then was I disappointed? I love the analogy that the author of the sermon wrote about cakes. That's so true, He takes different parts of our lives to make it great.

Life is lived forward and understood backward. That is such a powerful statement. Well, it is always upon reflection that we understand why our lives turn out this way. There has been many times that I've wondered when I was going through issues in my life that I wonder why, why God. But when I look back, I understand. And even little things like last Chinese New Year, I booked my ticket to Lombok but Babe couldn't get his ticket and the trip had to be postponed to Easter, and then a few weeks later, we understood why. His boss at the last minute informed him that he was going to be in Spore.

So, there I have it. God works in ways that I don't know but I know that He sees the big picture. And that's going to be my life, I'm going to live on the edge of whatever happens because I know He holds tomorrow. That's one of my favourite songs even though I hardly sing it now and hardly hear it too. Miss my Youth Fellowship days in Galilee.

Pics from Singapore

After dinner last night with Carmen, got into a cab and was told by the cab driver of the possibility of a typhoon 8. Got back to Park Island and went to the supermarket right away just in case what he said was true. The supermarket was crowded and well, the shelves were pretty empty as well. Woke up to a typhoon 8 this morning and it didn't seem that bad that I could bring Happy down for a walk and also get papers from 7-11. But now, it's like typhoon 9. Don't know how strong the wind is, but I can see the waves looking scary from the apartment. And since the wind is billowing outside, I might as well upload some pics that were taken in Spore. We stayed at Oriental Hotel on Singapore's National Day and were able to watch the parade from the room and on TV. Saw nice fireworks too. Was nice. Manage to celebrate WK's grandma's birthday too. Think she's more than 90. Don't exactly know how old she is. Anyway, enjoy the pics!

Back Home?

I'm back in Hong Kong finally after about 5 weeks of travelling. To be honest, I am happy to be back but at the same time, there are thoughts in my head. Thoughts that are just floating and making me ponder. Yes, I love to think a lot I must admit, especially now that I'm home alone with Happy.

First thought that's been floating for the past couple of days. Where's home for me now? I was excited to head home to Spore for the holidays. Spent about 2 weeks there. I had a great time there. Met up with family, friends and even ex-students as well. And yes, even had lunch with Pastor and Mrs Heng. Come to think of it, the last time that I had lunch with Pastor and Mrs Heng was probably more than 6 years ago. In the first week we stayed at Oriental Hotel which in a way was great but it wasn't exactly a home. The second week, we moved to dad and mum's. Yes, it's nice to be with family but at the same time, at the back of my head, I wasn't exactly at home there. Yes, it was my home before but now, I felt like a visitor back to my parents' home. And I wonder, is it the fact that we don't have a physical home in Spore anymore that we feel less at home in Spore? Even Babe mentioned as he sent me off at the airport, that this is his first time actually wanting to head back to HK but he can't because of work reasons. On the flight back, I felt happy. I couldn't wait to land to get home! And when I opened the door, even though the apartment is in a mess, I felt home! It's hard, for me to realise that home for now is HK.

Second thought, after landing in HK, while waiting for the bus, I was surfing on my iphone. I read on Channelnewsasia's website that a Spanish plane skidded in Madrid and killed 45 people. I sat there with shivers down my spine. Despite my love for travelling, flying still scares me at times! A couple of days ago, I took the public bus with Babe and I joked with him that we probably catch the plane more times than catching the public bus in Spore. Sorry, don't mean to sound snobbish. I've a mini phobia of flying as I'm afraid of plane crashes. I remember somewhere early this year, I was on a flight back to Spore and the plane hit turbulance and well, I threw up on the plane. Quite bad, I must say. And I do not watch movies with plane crashes as the theme. I am very thankful for the journey mercies that God has showered upon me on these flights. And am very thankful that Babe has always been safe despite the fact that he's travelling a lot more.

Third thought, friends.....Am very thankful for friends that God has provided all these years. I met up with Joy. A friend that I've met at uni more than 10 years ago and for the last 11 years since I've graduated, I've not met up with her. Met up with her in her beautiful home, saw her cute son and husband and am genuninely happy that she's doing well. Wished we had more time to sit down and chat but I guess there's always next time. I'm also glad to have caught up with friends and that friends have made the effort to spare the time for me. I must give extra credit to Sharon and Veron. Despite being extremely busy and pregnant, Sharon still took time to have lunch with me and to share laughter. Really miss those times that we just sat and chat. I remember travelling a couple of times with Sharon and she's always a laugh. Veron's the same. Extremely pregnant and huge, she took time to have lunch and then dinner with me. Plus, I got to see her kids too. There are times that I really miss working with them but I guess I should be thankful that I'm blessed with wonderful friends like them. Even Angie took time to meet up to lunches and she also made chillies for me. Looking at my friends in Spore and my friends in Hong Kong, I am more than thankful in every single aspect. I have more friends than I can ask for. Yes, I am trusting and there are times that I have gotten bitten by so called friends but if I have to be bitten and stabbed just to meet the wonderful friends that I have, I am more than happy to get bitten and stabbed again. These are friends that are like my family now.

I have way more thoughts....But at this time, I'm just going to focus on happy thoughts....I just want to savour me coming home and being with Happy. Will blog about my other thoughts in the future or maybe never. Sometimes I've way too much thoughts that it scare me.

Aspirations and Bonds

This trip back to Singapore has been very fruitful. No, I have not been buying up anything yet...But what I meant is the time that I've spent catching up with people. It was nice to catch up with ex colleagues. I do miss working with them and having those relationships, but I do NOT miss the workload. It's nice to know that some of my ex colleagues who have become friends are doing well and are happy. At the same time, I am worried for a couple of them who seemed to be very stressed out. But I know, in time, they will be fine. Glad to have met up with Pat as well. She's probably the only friend that I still keep in contact with from NIE.

Yesterday, I had tea with Duane and his mum at their home. Duane was one of my students that I taught in WDP. I'd probably say that he was one of my favourites. I taught him when he was in primary 5 and it was then that we developed a friendship. Both his mum and him have been very encouraging. I've never expected to build such bonds with a student who wasn't even in my form class. But God has placed both of them in my life to be blessed by them. On Tues, I'll be meeting Joy and her mum for breakfast. I taught Joy just before heading out of Spore and I am truly happy that despite 2 years have passed, Joy still remembers me and she still emails me.

As most of you would have already known, I did not graduate with a background in teaching. Teaching came into my life as I was led by God. When I graduated it was the hype of the Asian Financial Crisis in 97. In the midst of job hunting, I decided to relief teach in Woodlands Primary School which was just a stone's throw away from my parents' home. Then I fell in love with teaching. Before putting in my formal application into teaching, I pondered for a long time. Mulled over it and prayed over it. I wanted to make sure that I was going into teaching not because I didn't have a choice but rather I felt the calling of the Lord and sincerely wanted to teach. It was easy for me, I could have waited out and entered into the hospitality business and be doing fairly well now but whenever I wonder, I know that the Lord's leading has been right.

Entered teaching and it was with the intent that I really wanted to teach and make a difference to every child that passes through my hands. I wanted to be the teacher that I would like my child in the future to have. I wanted my class to be the safe haven for the child who has never known what a home is. I had all these aspirations. Over time, some of these aspirations became reality, there were joy and tears as well. Tears for kids that came from difficult families and tears for these kids that triumph. Relationships and friendships were made but at the same time, I felt the dread of work. The administrative part of teaching, the other responsibilities that followed took a toll on me. I began to dread work. I hated the mornings that I woke up to. But I was the happiest in the class. I looked forward to the kids that I taught. The relationships that I had with them. And in time, I knew I had to go before I turned bitter. Took 10 months off to do my masters. Came back rejuvenated so I thought. But it fizzled out. And time came, I left WDP for Hong Kong.

Now, when I look back and look at the students or I rather call them the kids that I taught, I'm glad that I taught them. I may have been harsh and parents may not have liked it but these are the same parents that thank me at the end of the year. As much as I want to think that I've touched the kids, they have touched me even more. They have taught me about life more than any books that can teach me. They have taught me life and complete unconditional love. Thanks kids for teaching me and parents, thanks for letting me teach your kids.

Back in Singapore...Finally

I was reminded to update my blog by Eelynn my cousin. She emailed to make sure that I'm in Asia safely and to ask if I've updated my blog. Well, life has been a little hectic and internet has been a little sketchy as well.

So....this is what that has happened since I left San Diego. I left San Diego on 5th Aug, Tuesday morning. Flew into San Francisco without problems. Just paid an extra US$10 for another bag to be checked in. Got to San Francisco and had to check in....there...damn! Had to pay like US$110 for excess baggage. I was mad obviously but at the same time, I didn't want to raise hell there, lest I get taken into security and get detained. So...unhappily I boarded the plane. Flight wasn't too bad. Was given extra legroom. The seat next to me was empty, watched lots of movies. It was good. No complains. Then, arrived in Seoul on Wednesday evening. I was looking forward to my connection to Hong Kong. But.....

Got off the plane, and heard some guy yelling for passengers connecting to Hong Kong to gather around. I was thinking to myself, maybe they were going to escort us to the plane or something like that. And then..bombshell! Flight to Hong Kong was going to be delayed to the next morning as flights to Hong Kong suspended because of typhoon. There I was, heart palpitating, I've got a flight to catch to Spore the next day. Asked what time will the flight land in Hong Kong, and was told, 10 am. In my little head, I've got to check in by 11.30 to make it for the 1.30 pm flight. Called babe and then a slew of phone calls. Finally, decided, will stay in Seoul for a night instead of trying to fly out of Seoul with all my stuff.

Made friends with a girl and we went to the supposedly hotel in Seoul together. Well, reached the hotel and it was like worse than Hotel 81. Checked into the room and while Mabel, my new friend, was on the phone, I was looking around the room. And, had the scare of my life, there were like blood stains on the back of the cabinet. Blood stains that seemed to be like splattered blood! Had to get down to the front desk to explain why we wanted to change room. And well, took some hand gestures to get message across. Got to our new room and this time, okay, no blood or anything like that. The hotel was like in the middle of the padi field with nothing around. Had dinner which was really bad. Took a walk around the hotel which amounted to nothing. Guess, it was in a way nice to chill out in the country.

Next day, got to the airport, got on the plane and landed at 10 and at the back of my head, damn! Carmen is going to be so worried! I planned to meet Carmen and I didn't show up. True enough phone rang and Carmen was on the phone. She was like, are you okay? Had to explain to her and by the time I got my stuff, it was 11. Had to push my trolley to Singapore Airlines' counter to change flight. Thank God, there was a seat on the next flight for me. Rushed home, repacked, showered, met Lammie to pass her house keys for Happy. Rushed to the bank to draw money and then rushed to the airport and made it like 2 minutes before the doors of the plane was shut! And I had the full day of plane food as well.

Got to Singapore and have never been so glad to touch down on firm ground again. And this is finally at 8pm on Thursday night, 13th Aug. Phew! Thank God, things are fine. Will post again tomorrow or something like that. Want to share National Day pictures.

Thoughts....Last Night in America

This is my last night in America. Time does fly really quick when you're having fun. There're lots of thoughts running through my head. I am sad that I'm leaving and I'll miss Eve heaps and heaps but at the same time, I can't wait to see Babe again. My Babe needs me. He had his cataract operation today and it's a bummer that I'm not with him. Makes me a little sad that I'm not there with him. But guess, this is life. We sometimes can't be there for each other physically.

It's the same with Eve. My ideal life would be living in the same country, just same country will be great, with Eve and a couple of good friends. But guess, this reality is not going to be easy to achieve. For now, I'm contented to be able to see Eve once a year. Before coming out to see Eve, I had worries for her. Worries that dogged me a few weeks before I came here. But after being here and spending time with her, I'm happy to say that I know that she'll be fine.

Eve is one of the strongest persons that I know. Whatever that happens, I know that she'll be able to handle it. At the same time, at the back of my head, I'll always think and worry about Eve because it's not like I can see her once a month or once in 2 months but rather, it's almost annually now. And I'm not even sure if I'll be able to see her next summer. One thing that I love about it is her willingness to try new stuff. Whenever I holiday with her, I always end up trying something different. In Australia, we went quad biking, horseback riding, saw dolphins upfront, stayed in a cottage with kangaroos hopping around, went kayaking and there's probably more that slipped off my mind. She's this one adventurous girl and it spills onto me. Oh yes, she brought me to my very first baseball game too.

Girl, thanks so much for your hospitality. Will miss you heaps and heaps! Can't wait to see you soon again. I really had a great time just spending time with you. Love you heaps and take care!

This trip also made me realised how grateful am I that God has blessed me with Babe. I'm not rubbing salt into anyone or anything like that. But I've realised that it is hard to find the One. The One who is the soulmate, best friend and lover. But I've been so so blessed in that God found Babe for me. And importantly, I'm beginning to understand more and more that Babe's love for me is beyond me. I guess there are many times in our relationship and marriage that I forget or don't see it enough the little things and gestures that Babe has done for me. I guess, I've always been so focus on looking for 'what has he not done enough' for me kinda thing that the good stuff and things that he has done for me, flew out the windows. But this trip, made me realised that. Babe, love you heaps! Can't wait to see him soon again!

Weighty Issues

America is a very interesting place. I love it for it's food, clothes, people and some other stuff. But there's one thing other then homeless people that got me thinking. There are people in America that's like huge, seriously huge. Like more than thrice of me! Shocking hun?

Well, I was talking to Jolynn and said that. In Asia, you're forced to lose weight. In HK for example, its hard for me to buy local designs or cheap clothes because basically, I'm too big for them! In other words, too fat to fit into their largest. So most of my clothes come from overseas brands. There are months that I don't buy clothes because I hate walking around the malls and then feel fat because I can't fit into any clothes. And if I know that I'd be heading to the States, I'll hold off buying. So in other words, clothes in Asia, forces one to be slim! But in America, one can be size 6 in university, and then when one goes to work, one can move up to 8 or 10. After a marriage, size goes up to 12 or 14. After having kids, size can go up till out, size 20? So, there's clothes to buy and well, why bother to lose weight then.

That brought me back to my childhood. When I was much younger about 9 or 10, Dad put me on a diet. Sure, I was mad. Why couldn't I eat whatever I want. Dad controlled my carbs and had to explain to me over and over again that I was gaining way too much weight. Now, when I look back. I do thank Dad for teaching me self-discipline with food. But in growing up, I had weight issues. After undergrad, I put on like maybe 10 kgs for reasons that I'd rather not talk about. Guess, metabolic slows down after 20. Then, I had to put myself on a regime of gym and healthy eating. I was living at home and it was easier as I could tell the maid to get ready certain drinks and food for me. It worked out pretty well when I combined gym with my diet. Then before the wedding, I went to a slimming centre as I was running around way too much to have to deal with gym as well. Slimming centre was great as it was my nap time whenever I got there.

But as age catches up, it is reality that metabolic rate works against us. For the past couple of years, even before I came to Hong Kong, I did go to the gym to work out. But it came to a point of time that I realised that I needed help. I went to see a doctor in Singapore around Christmas last year when I thought there was a wart on my face. She's a pretty well known aesthetic doctor. A really nice, down to earth and great doctor I must add. She removed the wart which actually was an oil seed. And we chatted about weight management. I am very thankful that I've a very supportive husband who loves me regardless of my weight. He paid for my doctor's visit along with medication. Am very thankful that we are able to afford her.

Well, in all honesty and reality losing weight is not just about looks. At my age, weight to me, signifies health. I've small feet and years of abuse with 4 inch heels, have taken a toll on my knees and have been told to lose weight or my knees will suffer more. I don't want to end up with diabetics, high cholestral, heart issues and a whole range of stuff. Yes, call me vain or whatever, but I know that in time to come, I don't want to have a barrel of health issues. Beauty will fade, we all know that. And in time to come, people will come up to me to tell me to dress my age! Health is more important. We all know that obesity brings on a whole range of health issues.

I remember in my mid teens till after undergrad, I never had chicken rice, char kway teow, chocolates and a couple of other stuff. I had a list of 'must not eat' list. Even fries, I didn't eat for a long time. But then again, what's life if there's so much that I couldn't eat? Anyway, being away from Singapore also intensified those cravings for Chicken Rice and Char Kway Teow. But, I've learnt to let go and eat in moderation and then pay back with exercise.

As we all know, if one took 8 kgs in 3 months, one can gain it all back or even more in like 1.5 months! So....time for me to hit the gym and pool when I head to Spore. And yes...for the record, lunch, hotdog from baseball game, dinner, was one of the yummiest burgers that I've had in a long time. Very yummy fries too!

Homelessness

As of yesterday, I told Joanne and Jacq that I've retired or resigned from my shopper cum buyer job. Enough of shopping, walking around, thinking and contempalating. Done so much shopping to the point that the ladies at Coach outlet already know me! It's a little embaressing you know....It was great workouts though. Did my cardio from all the walking and my weights from carrying the shopping bags. I told Joanne last night that she better treat me to a massage when I get back to Spore.

Today was going to be a day of chill out, watch some telly and hang out with Coco. But horror of horrors.....The telly didn't work today! Well, the telly did work but the cable didn't work and the telly is connected to the telly. In other words, no telly! So what did I do? I brought Coco out for walks. 2 already, and they were long walks. She's so tired now that she just collapse on the ground. Maybe in another hour or so, I'm going to bring Coco for another walk.

Well, coming to States, I've observed somethings that stares at me right in the eye. Homelessness. It's quite glaring in the eye. I told Bruno and my cousins this,'You'll know that you're in San Francisco when you see the homeless people around.' I don't think I've seen that many homeless people around in a city before. Even in San Diego, there are also homeless people right around the block. Maybe I've been too consuming in my little world to actually notice the homeless people or I refuse to acknowledge and ignore when I see the homeless people and it's this trip that I'm beginning to see more.

When I was in San Francisco, I was chatting with Sharon about the homeless people. She mentioned that in the past New York City had lots of homeless people but recently when she went there, it's all cleaned up. She reckons that the homeless people may have moved to San Francisco. And in my little bird brain mind, I'm like how? It's cross country, you know? But this is not the first time that I've heard about that. My lecturer at Sydney University said the same thing. I was like, so....did the governor at that time, rounded up the homeless and chartered a bus for them? Or rather a couple of buses?

When I arrived in San Diego, I did see the homeless people too. But not as many as in San Francisco. I guess they are homeless. It's just that they are homeless and some of them may suffer from a mental illness. Anyway, as I chatting with Eve, I mentioned the move 'The Pursuit of Happyness' and how Chris Gadner made it even though he was homeless and his wife must be kicking herself for letting him go. But Eve said this, maybe he became successful because his wife left him. Maybe it was that push factor that he determined to work really hard to get where he is now.

Eve also mentioned that some of the homeless people basically suffered an mental illness. And I wonder, why don't they seek help or why can't the government take care of them. They're probably too pennieless to seek help. But my take on it, maybe they enjoy being in their own world. This world, stress of the world will not weigh upon his shoulders.