Mid Year Stocktake

No, this is not a mid year stocktake sale or anything like that. But rather, me taking stock of my life so far.

In the past 6 months, I've taken 15 flights. That's the most number of flights that I've flown in any 6 months of my life. That's counting flights to Spore for Christmas, Chinese New Year, Easter and then a short trip to Phuket over Easter, 3 weekend trips to Singapore and a weekend trip to Manila with the girls. That's a lot of flying for me. Yes, I've got a slight phobia of flying. Plus, I've been flying back to Spore quite a bit to see Babe. Thankfully, after August, I won't be flying that much anymore. It'll be nice to have Babe home.

That brings me to the next point. Babe and me. Babe left for Singapore in December last year. We have been doing the flights back and forth in the past 6 months. The long distance marriage made us a lot more appreciative of each other. In some ways, the constant flying and meeting each other adds the excitement and the butterflies in the tummy for me. We've been talking about what we want and what's going to happen after summer. So here is the thing, Babe had a nice bonus last week. Sure, it's tempting to want to stay. And if he does stay to the end of the financial year, he'll probably get a fat bonus. But the reality is that, do we put money and career above our marriage. I let Babe make his decision and he knows whatever decision he makes, I'll be supportive of him.

So what's for me then? I've told my school that I'll be renewing my contract with them for another two years. Of course before making that decision, I talked over with Babe and he felt that it wasn't time for us to head back to Singapore. He'd quit his job in Singapore and come back to Hong Kong to join me. Sure, that made me happy because the reality of it is that I'm not ready or don't think I'll ever be ready to work for my ex-employer again. What started to be a 2 year journey is became 4 years and now, 6 years and don't ask me how long more? I don't know.

I believe that God has a reason for us to be in Hong Kong. I was ready to pack up and leave Hong Kong if Babe told me that he wanted to stay in his job in Spore and wants me to move back. But that didn't happen and I believe that God has a purpose for it. Well, in some ways we know what one of the many reasons is. But on the other hand, we can see the reasons ourselves. I'm truly happy attending church in Hong Kong. I get up with a bounce on Sundays when in HK and love attending church and been spiritually refreshed. There's a lovely caregroup that we're a part of. And the truth of the matter, I'm seeing that whenever I'm out of my comfort zone, when I live out of Singapore, I tend to walk closer to the Lord. And maybe that's why God wants us out of Singapore for the time being.

So what's installed for us for the next 6 months? I don't know. But you know what, I'm excited! I love the journey that we're on. And am very thankful for every moment of it!

God Loves a Cheerful Giver

About 5 or 6 weeks ago, one of the guys from my care group was leading a team of high school kids to Bohol for a mission trip. He was fund raising to build 2 rooms or something like that for a kindergarten and for other stuff. I gave him some and then I read his status on Facebook that he needed more. The funds were not coming.

I felt burden in her heart that I should give. Don't ask me why but I know that I had to. I dug into my savings which by the way is not very much. I had to dig into my savings as well for a myriad of things this month too. Airfares to Singapore and then to States for summer and then my two short weekend trips to Singapore as well. Anyway, I prayed and I took whatever I could give and making sure that I'll have enough to last me through the month without having to starve or anything like that.

As it's 5 days towards the end of the month, I'm not starving. In fact, I had and am still having a good time. Still have enough to last me, plus the fact that I'm heading to Spore tonight too. And the best news, yesterday Babe told me that he got his bonus. And I'm like, that's nice. When he told me the amount, I was gobsmacked! It was like close to 4 times of what I gave to God for the mission trip. I was blown away. And this morning, I was reading Daily Bread and it was a reminder that God loves a cheerful giver. I gave without expecting anything in return. And if nothing comes back, it wouldn't have mattered to me as I knew that the money that I gave would have benefited kids out there. But God turned it around and showered us with blessings that we never expected it!

Truly, God is good!

Conversation with God

One of the things that I've learnt from the church that I'm currently attending in HK is that worship, the singing of praises, hymns and songs, is a two way thing. It's us singing to God and God talking to us. It's like a conversation. When I first heard this, I was astounded. I've never really thought of praise and worship that way.

Over time, I've realized the truth of it. Today, it came really loud and clear to me. While we were singing, Shout to the Lord, memories came into my head. I remembered clearly the first time that I sang this song and the place and situation that I was in. When I first sang and heard this song, I was doing my masters in Sydney. I was in church in Randwick. As usual, I didn't know anyone there. Every Sunday, I'll just slide onto the pew and will leave after service. That wasn't the message that God brought to me. He brought memories and feelings of how I felt at that time. When I was in Sydney, I barely had enough. There were times that I had three jobs in Sydney. I was working in a supermarket, babysitting and in the beginning, I was waiting tables too. And it was at the moment in church, that tears rolled and I heard it really loud and clear. He provided for me my every need and every want. I even had enough money to head back to Singapore for winter break and took road trips with Eve too. We even went on a ski trip. I heard God telling me, that He had provided everything when I had nothing. But why now that I've everything materially that I don't trust Him that He'll continue to provide?

On Friday, I had a squabble with Babe. Well, it was a stupid squabble over something really dumb. But when I dug deeper into my core, I realized that I blamed Babe for something which should have been let go ages ago and at the same time, I don't trust God for His divine timing and His gifts. It was at church this morning that I was able to quieten my heart and mind to listen and really listen to what God has to speak to me.

Shout to the Lord

Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.

My Jesus, My Savior,
Lord, there is none like You;
All of my days
I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love.

My comfort, my shelter,
Tower of refuge and strength;
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You.

Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.

Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
Nothing compares to the promise I have
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you
Darlene Zschech

A Marriage

This afternoon, I had a really good chat with Eve. We were talking about love, relationships and marriages. Our favourite girls' topic, you know? I love Eve because she's one person that would tell me the truth even though the truth may hurt or may not be what I want to hear. And it's the same with Eve. I can tell her what's in mind knowing that it's not going to offend her.

So we started talking a bit. And she asked me if my respect for Babe has grown over the years. And I told her, yup, without hesitation. Well, the truth is that not only my respect has grown but love has also grown along with faith and trust. I still get lots of butterflies in my stomach before I see him. I still take pains to dress up before meeting Babe at the airport. I know, it sounds silly and ridiculous but the butterflies still flutter! I told Eve that my respect for Babe grew leaps and bounds these couple of months when Babe told me honestly that he would like to have a break for a couple of months to re-gather his thoughts. I knew that it took him a lot of courage to tell me he needed that break.

The other thing that I told Eve that I kinda not like is the immense amount of energy and pressure that most people put on a single day of their life, the wedding. To me, a wedding is a day event, sometimes two days or maybe even a week. But there's more to it. A marriage is for a lifetime. And it's lots of hard work too but at the same time, it's really rewarding. I've been to a wedding that was large, well-planned, beautiful and then.....years later, it went kaput! I don't know what went wrong and even if I did, I don't think I want to share it. What I'm trying to say is that a marriage takes time and effort to build a strong foundation. A strong foundation is important, very important for a marriage to last.

I've spent eighteen years of my life with Babe, that's half of my lifetime. Am I happy? Truth be told, well, there are ups and downs but there are more ups than downs. It's a wonderful journey and I'm loving every moment of it!

Another 40 hour weekend in Singapore

Last Friday I went back to Singapore for a 40 hour weekend. Yes, I know it's might sound a little extravagant but I believe that it was worth every penny of it.

Arrived in Singapore at about midnight. Babe was really sweet, he bought me what I wanted to eat. And that's when my eating spree started. Woke up kinda early the next morning. Guess I was a little excited to sleep in. Went to see little JC and love it that she recognized me. She was really excited to see me. For some reason, Joanne's apartment seemed really bright and I decided that I was going to put on my sunshades in her home. When JC saw me with my sunnies, she wanted mine too. So, I put on her sunnies for her. And she totally rocked it! Doesn't she look cool? When I told mum that I had to go, she heard it and she crawled really fast to me and sat on my laps. My guess was that she didn't want me to go. Love the little munchkin to the bits.


Sorry for the grainy pic. Little JC and me looking cool!

After hanging out at Joanne's place, we headed to Katong for lunch with my parents and Uncle Larry and Aunty Amy for lunch. It was at one of my fav restaurants, Kim Choo. It was a good time hanging out with everyone. The food was great but service, well, nothing really to scream about. But the company was great. It was lots of laughter and fun as usual when the family comes together. It was nice having Uncle Larry and Aunty Amy there too. And I'll be bring Eelynn there too. I'm sure she and Bruno will love the cute little restaurant.

After lunch, we headed off to Orchard for a quick shop. One thing that I'm beginning to realize that Singapore is getting as crowded as Hong Kong. There's almost no difference between the two cities. Maybe one slight difference, they have clothes in bigger sizes. Well, that's about it all. And then dinner time, we went to a Korean restaurant in Dempsey with mum, Joanne and little JC. It was really cute when little JC tapped Babe for some corn. It was a simply perfect day.

On Sunday, it was church, followed by lunch at my fav prawn noodles. And then it was almost time to get to the airport. Babe sent me to the airport but he had to leave because he had to get to the airport. Mum, Joanne, Joe and JC came to the airport to send me off. It was really adorable when JC clung to me and refused to let me go.

So that was my weekend. An absolutely wonderful weekend. Perfect, nothing more for me to ask for. Well, there's just 10 more days to another perfect weekend in Singapore!

A Little Boy that I Love Dearly

Once upon a time, there was this little boy that was born into a family. Well, he wasn't really born into a typical family (anyway, what's really a typical family). The reality was that his mum was in the family way and thus he was born and his dad married his mum only after he was born. They didn't really have a choice at that time. But that's not really important anyway.

When he was born, he was the first great grandchild in the family. He had loads of love from his grandparents, his parents, his aunty and uncle and his dad's cousins. Time passed and his parents had marital issues. His dad was frequently in China working and guess his mum was a little frustrated with her husband's lifestyle. When little boy was probably around 5 or 6, his mum decided that she had enough with her husband, she walked away. Not that I blame her. I can see why she did it. Little boy was thrown into the deep end. He still had his grandparents' love and everyone around him. But he probably needed his parents' love most of all.

His grandma really loves him. Maybe she loves him way too much. She gave him almost anything and everything that he wanted. Probably that's the way she knew how to love him. At the age of eleven, his aunty graciously offered to bring him to America so that his grandma would have lesser a burden to carry. By this time, his dad almost disappeared from the picture and so did his mother. She was busy with her life. His grandma had her hands full with 3 boys. So little boy went off to America happily. Happily, so we thought.

His aunty and her husband in America did the best they could with him. This is bearing in mind that they never had any experience of raising any kids. Little boy might have acted his frustrations at the lack of love from his parents and he had issues understanding whatever that he was going through. He was going through pre-adolescent issues. Around that time, his grandfather passed on too. Little boy was probably quite affected by the death of his grandfather. And for whatever reasons, I don't really know or maybe no one really knows and maybe he doesn't even know himself, he acted out bad. Really bad. It was to the point that he had to leave his school. He didn't want to go to another school in America. His aunty and her husband had no choice but to send him back to Singapore.

When he got to Singapore, his grandma was given the advice that little boy should take his Primary School Leaving Examinations in order for him to enter a government secondary school. But this meant that he had to head back to primary school when he was above the average age of a primary six student. For whatever reasons, it was decided that he be enrolled into a private secondary school. In the beginning, it was fine. He attended school. From memory, he loved reading and he enjoyed books when he was young. But well, things happened along the way and basically, he dropped out of school. And things went bad.

Got really bad to the point that he started hanging out with undesirable people. He didn't come home. Or when he finally came home, he brought his girlfriend along and his friends. He started smoking at home. He was just 14 or 15 at that point. Advice was given to his grandma but for reasons unknown, she didn't heed them. Please don't be mistaken, she loves the boy to the bits. Maybe she loves him too much. Little boy got into trouble with the law. First it was little trouble, then the trouble got bigger. And maybe a little bigger. When law finally caught up with him, part of the bargain to keep him out of the boys' home or reform home, was for him to head back to school. Help was readily given and planned that he will get tutoring by his aunty and systems were ready in place for him, but the help that was offered was never taken up.

It is really sad to know that little boy has been sent to boys' home for the state to try to correct and straighten him out. It is sad, very sad. Little boy had love. That's the truth. But maybe not the love that he wanted from. Not from his parents. But his grandma, aunty, uncle, grand uncles and grand aunties and his dad's cousins. Everyone loved and still loves him. But what happened along the way? This cute, precocious and lovable baby grew up to be a boy who is in boys' home now. Did his grandma love him too much? Did too much love and not enough tough love pushed him to the other side?

The reality is, I don't know. Little boy's extended family has enough skills and resources to help fix him. But why wasn't he given enough help before him turning out the way that he is now? Truth, I don't know.

I sincerely and honestly hope that I didn't offend anyone. Anyone especially people in my extended family. This little boy was like my godson. My heart bleeds for him. In someways I wonder if I could have done more for him. I'm a trained counselor. I wonder if I didn't moved to Hong Kong and even when I moved to Hong Kong, if I bothered to call him more or spend time with him whenever I was home, would the outcome be different? Is his family to be blamed? I love his dad heaps. But I don't know where his dad is. His dad has issues. I miss his dad. I wonder does his dad know what happened to his son. His mum, does the blame lie with her? Well, she was barely out of her teens when she had him. She did try but it was beyond her.

So was it little boy's fault? I don't know. I believe that circumstances and situations that he was and is in, didn't work out in his favour a lot. But having said that, there were heaps of choices that he could've made. He chose to make bad decisions. I've know people in more difficult situations than him that turn out to be brilliant, successful and resilient people.

My prayer and hope for little boy is for him to learn from his mistakes and to become a better person. My other worry is that his brother will learn from him. Little boy, remember that there are still lots of people that love you. I've not given up hope on you. You can turn around. Really turnaround. And cousins that read this and I'm sorry if anyone of you is offended by this. Can you please show little boy this? Let him know that there are people that love him. Love can and will change people. Love gives people hope, hope to change for the better. Little boy, I love you and no matter whatever that happens, remember that I love you.

Of Homes and Friends

A few nights ago, I had dinner with a friend that I hadn't seen for a while. But we still connected through Facebook every now and then. Love Facebook for that. During dinner, we had a wonderful conversation. This friend of mine, has been in Hong Kong for a long time. Way longer than me. He's a fellow Christian too. It was nice having a brother encouraging me. During the conversation, two topics left an impact on me.

We were talking about home. I mentioned to him that each time I touch down at Hong Kong International Airport, I feel that I'm home. He asked, what about when I touch down at Changi Airport? I looked at him and pondered for a couple of minutes and he asked, the feeling of home is no as strong as before? And I nodded. I thought more about it. Well, it's a different feeling. Sure, I'm glad to touchdown in Spore because I get to see Babe and my family and have the yummy food that I love. But when I touch down in HKIA, I feel home. I'm almost grateful when the plane is descending and I know that, yes, I'll be home in an hour or so. Even when I'm planning for my holidays this summer, I chose to fly via Hong Kong instead of stopping over in Seoul or Tokyo.

The next topic that we touched on was on friendships. He and I share a couple of mutual friends and a couple of friends that we hardly speak too. And it was in this conversation that some things stuck me too. Friendship is very intricate. It's hard to explain. There are some people that we get along fabulously. But there are some that we start off getting along fabulously and then somewhere along the way, things happen and either we cut them off or we get cut off from them. The friendship may not be strong enough to stand through issues or maybe we chose not to let it stand through issues. The truth of the matter, there's never really who's right and wrong. Then I thought about my friends back in Spore. I must admit when in the beginning I would meet my friends or ex-colleagues whenever I head back to Singapore. However as time passed, I met up with fewer friends. I chose to meet lesser people. I became very selective who I wanted to meet up with.

I wonder what will my thoughts on homes and friends in 5 years' time. Come back in 5 years and we'll see.