Dear Lord Jesus

Dear Lord Jesus,

There's so many things that I would like to thank you for. I'll start first with the abundant and bountiful blessings that you have showered upon me for the last 35 and 364 days. Yes, I said it, I'm one day away from turning 36.

Last night during Plus (care group), we were asked to share about our most difficult period of our lives and what came out of it. I started to think real hard, Lord. It dawned upon me that those times that I perceived it as difficult and dark, were actually not that bad when I look back and reflect. I started to search in me my most difficult time that I had to question my faith in you. And it came. Two Mays ago when we were matched with a child. Yes, Lord, it was the single most difficult decision that I had to make. While making that decision I felt that darkness and sadness engulfed me and I felt totally alone. The person I love the most was not on the same page as me and deep down in me, I knew I hate to submit. I wanted to be Job's wife. I wanted to curse you and die. But in that most difficult time, you spoke. You calmed me down and you were there with me. And a few months later, Babe started to see you in a different light. He started to become a more Godly husband. Like I shared last night with the ladies, I'd gladly give up one child, two children or how ever many as long as you are turning Babe into a more Godly man. I'd rather have a Godly husband than have children and have a husband that does not know you.

When I think about my life, Lord, I've seen Your beautiful hands shaping mine and Babe's lives. I remember when I was seventeen and I was praying that Babe will be the one and yes, Lord, you gave him to me in your time. And it is in your time that you made everything beautiful. I'm so glad that you have given Babe to me. If I have to do it all over again, I'll still want you to give Babe to me. I'm ever thankful for this caring, loving man that loves me unconditionally. I know Lord that there are times, actually many times that I can and could have been a better wife but I'm still learning. Every day with Babe is a learning process in a loving environment. Even though we went through a really difficult patch two Mays ago, we have grown to be stronger in our love for each other. Lord, I pray that our love for each other will never fade but rather grow stronger every day.

Lord, you know there's one request that we've been praying earnestly. I was really praying that it would be the greatest birthday gift but I believe you have other plans. Jesus, we know that you want us to adopt and that there is a Joash or Janelle out there for us. And it is in your plan that we will claim that child one day. Of course, I wish the one day will come sooner and quicker but I believe that you have a purpose and reason for everything and I just have to trust in your perfect timing. But Lord, if you can give us this wonderful present for our wedding anniversary, we would be beyond elation. Or, we wouldn't mind Christmas, it'll also make a wonderful Valentine's present too. And yes, even Mother's day. But whenever it is, Lord, we know, like meeting Babe and waiting for the right time to be married, your perfect timing is all that matters.

So Lord Jesus, all in all, I just want to thank you. Thank you for my wonderful parents and sisters and little JC. I want to thank you for all the spiritual and material blessings that you've given. My life is full because of you. Thank you for everything. I mean everything, including sadness, discouragements, disappointments along with all the happy stuff. My life is complete because you gave me ups and downs. I'll never want my life to be anything else. I love my life because you hold my hand and walk through the journey of life with me. Thank you, Jesus.

In Jesus's name, I pray,

Amen

Missing Babe

I know that by now, almost eight years of marriage and ten years of dating prior to getting married, I should be used to Babe not being around sometimes. Well, as I type this post, Babe is on the plane on his way back from Jakarta to Hong Kong. I miss him heaps.

Well, it's a laugh when I think about it. Babe was in Singapore working for about eight months before moving back to Hong Kong and I was living alone. And yes, those days in Sydney and my endless travels without Babe too. Not forgetting the numerous business trips that Babe has been on and I've been home. But this time is different. One might ask, how is it different? Well, no matter where Babe is or where I am, we never fail to speak to each other every day, doesn't matter day or night or which continent I am or he is, we always speak to each other. Almost all the time. There were times that we couldn't and this is one of those times. Yes, I miss him, miss his voice and generally, just miss speaking to him. I don't mind as much if he travels for work or if we're in different countries because of my holidays but I mind not talking and updating and just talking to each other.

Anyway, he's on the way back. Will be seeing him tonight. Going to try to clean the apartment a little and going to try to clean myself up too! Can't wait to see Babe!!!

What's Important

An ex-colleague wrote this on her status on Facebook, My pal in school told me, "I wanna excel & survive. Dun wanna skive & survive. Dun wanna excel & die. But the system dun allow, thus I choose to leave".

I read her status and I told her that I left because of what she wrote. And then I wrote on her status saying that if I stayed on, my sanity, health, marriage and everything would have taken a toll. And later on, I wrote telling her about a women's conference that I attended. The speaker was a working mum. She shared this with us. When she got married and was still working, she wanted to excel in being a wife, mother and yes, interestingly, she was a teacher too. But she couldn't. So she asked herself, what is important to her. And she prioritized. She wanted an excellent wife and mother and so, being a teacher, she'll settle for a good or fair. When I heard that, I thought how true. What is important to me? My husband is above all else and I will NOT allow work to take a toll on my marriage.

Well, there were thoughts that were running through my head. I've seen ex-colleagues leaving their kids to their parents or babysitters and their kids do not go home every night, only either at the end of the week or every other day. They spend more time with their students than their own kids. They probably spend more time at work than at home. And thereafter they lament why are they having problems at home. Look, I'm not a marriage or family expert or anything like that. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that a marriage and a family takes time. If one is willing to sacrifice their husbands or wives or children for work, what does one expects in return?

Sure, I've made mistakes when I've left Babe at the bottom of the rung and sure, issues popped out and I've had to relook at my priorities and manage and rearrange them. When I decided to take the plunge to leave Spore to move to HK, it was done with discussions with Babe and only when he gave me his blessings and encouragement, I packed and left. God works in ways that we do not know. In 2 months, he found a job here. And the rest is history. But in December, when he decided to head back to Spore for work, although I didn't think it was a great idea, I supported him. To me, I'd rather be a supportive wife than be a negative and nagging one. But soon, he realized that it was not meant to be. And again, God works in ways that we really do not know. At the end of summer when we were planning to head back to HK, yet again, he was offered a job and he didn't even send out any resumes at all.

I've come to believe that when we put our lives in perspective and put what is important for us as priority, God takes care of everything. He does, everything falls into place. Yes, we were prepared to have less money as long as our marriage is intact and we're in the same country with each other. But in being prepared to give up one income, God has blessed us.

Splitsville

How ironic that my last post was about love, till death do us part and this post is on Spitsville. This morning I went to work and as usual after reading Daily Bread, I read my dose of tabloid news. So today's top tabloid news was the separation of a famous Hollywood actress and her husband. So well, not a prob, they are not related to me so not affected.

Then I read my dose of blogs. There's someone who's really close to me and dear to me, love her heaps and I've known her forever too. When I read her blog, I was taken aback. She and her significant other parted ways. I didn't see that happening and when we met up over summer, she didn't mention anything. I felt bad because I took her friendship for granted and didn't seem to have time or make the effort to keep in contact with her and it's only through her blog that I found out.

I do not judge or despise her. But rather I admire her. Why do I admire her? She fell in love and over time, sure, they had their ups and downs. But who doesn't. I'm sure and am very sure that they tried to work things out. But I guess it didn't work for them. But I'm glad that they had to courage to talk it out and give each other chances at being happy by letting each other go. As cliche as it sounds, loving someone is wanting that person to be happy. I totally believe in it. I know her, it must been a hard and agonizing decision. And no, I don't blame him or her for the breakup because I don't know the story and it's not fair to pin the blame on anyone.

Monster, I know you're strong and that you'll survive. I love you heaps and take good care of yourself.

Till Death do Us Part

I resisted for the longest time to write about a certain person that died in Singapore. But then again after watching Channelsnewsasia last night, I could not longer resist.

To see a grown man or rather a man into his late eighties speaking at his wife's funeral with tears streaming down, barely holding himself and giving her kisses as he looked at her for the final time, really touched my heart. Here is a love story that spanned more than 60 years. I'm sure they had their ups and downs and issues that they had to work through. And yes, the cynical me wonder, was she that great of a woman? But while looking further, yes, she was in her own ways.

Babe has started work and getting dinner ready is left to me now. Two days in a row, dinner was not ready by the time be got home. No, no, he didn't throw a tantrum or demand his dinner. But inside me, I wanted dinner to be ready by the time he rang the doorbell. I wanted the apartment to be somewhat clean and tidy by the time he gets home and that includes me running off to the gym to get my 45 mins jog/ walk/ stroll in. But hate to say that I fail. She made wonder how did she manage to run the household and have a job and do everything. Sure, it's easy to say that she had help but then again, even with help, it's never easy.

One of her sons said that, his parents told him that in a marriage, never let the other party feel abandoned in crisis. That kinda hit me. Sure, there are ups and downs, richer and poorer and in sickness and in health, but anyone of these crisis can get one to walk away. And yes, sure, lots of people do that now. Marriage is just a piece of paper and if you don't like this piece, tear it up and sign another one. It's sad isn't it?

But isn't it great when there's a couple that showed that through it all, a marriage can work and love does sustain till death do us part.