Josias is Not Lucky to Have Us as Parents

Very often we get people who comment or tell us that Josias is very lucky to have us as parents. And very often we tell them, no, he's not lucky to have us as parents. And quite often, they give us the bewildered look.

The truth of the matter is that we are blessed (I refused to use the word lucky because I don't believe in luck). When Josias' birth mum decided that she was going to give Josias up for adoption, there were lots of couples like us that are waiting for a child to be matched with them. We met and know a few couples that are waiting to be matched and they are all wonderful people. They are like us, they are able to provide him with a loving home and be able to provide financially for him too. So in other words, there's nothing special about us. He can be blessed (lucky) as much as being in another family. They might be even be able to provide more financially to him. Maybe in another family, the mum is a stay at home mum who is able to send him to every conceivable playgroup, class or what not? So what's so blessed about us?

Nothing, and that's the bottom line. Nothing, there's nothing so special or blessed about us that we're doing for him. But rather, we are totally blessed by him. Through him, we have learnt so much. He has taught us patience, perseverance, persistence and he has taught us meekness, humbleness and a whole bunch of things. There are days that I just want to jump out of bed and give him a big hug and tell him that we're so blessed that God has chosen his to be his parents. It is such a privilege. And we are truly humbled with such a privilege.

Today marks six months since Josias arrived in our household. We have never regretted one bit. Sure, there are days that we wonder if we will make good parents, and yes, we still wonder about that, and there are days that we ask ourselves, are we doing right by him? We don't want to raise a spoilt child but at the same time, we don't want to over discipline him too. It's a fine line. But our prayer for him, is for him to grow up to be a fine Christian. That's all, because I believe that if he grows up to be a man after God's heart, everything else will fall into place.

First Father's Day

Last Sunday, was our first Fathers' Day. I was looking back and remembered last Fathers' Day I was on the plane back to Hong Kong from Singapore. How time flies. To a certain extent, I didn't expect that we'll be parents this year. Yes, at times I'm still in awe of it all. Can't believe that we have little Cha Cha now.

Anyway, this post is for Babe. I must really give him the credit for stepping up to being a great dad. When Cha Cha first arrived, Babe was a little overwhelmed. The reality is that as much as we think that we're prepared to be parents, we were not ready at all. There were heaps that we had to learn and to adjust to. But these couple of months, Babe has been doing a great job. Babe travels and whenever he comes back from his travels, he never fails to want to spend time with Cha Cha. And I suspect sometimes, he tries to wake Cha Cha up when he comes home late.

Sometimes I'll bring Cha Cha for dinner with my friends and Babe would call and ask when am I coming home because he wants to spend time with Cha Cha. There are even times that he'll tell me not to bring Cha Cha out because he wants to spend time with him. Every weekend, Babe and I will bring Cha Cha for a swim and after the swim, Babe will bathe him. It's a routine that he has established. Last Sunday, I wanted to bathe Cha Cha but Babe told me no because that's his time with Cha Cha.

I'm so glad that Babe is doing such a great job as a dad. I can't write or say more! Thanks Babe for being a great dad!

Parenting

Let me first say this. After 5 and half months of being with Josias or parenting Josias, it does not make me to be an expert. That is number one. And secondly, these are my random thoughts and it may or may not be right. And yes, I've done my fair share of mistakes. And so before you start stoning me, just read and take everything with a pinch of salt.

Over these couple of months, I've really come to realise that parenting is not an easy role. And in parenting there are several ways to see one thing and yet come out with a million other decisions and outcomes. What suits A may not necessarily suit B. And in parenting, there's always a dilemma. For me, it's time and opportunity costs. Every day after work, I tell myself, it's time for gym class but it's hard because I want to spend time with Cha Cha. Even now as I'm blogging, I know that if I catch the bus at 4.30, I'll be able to make it to gym class. But I'm thinking, Cha Cha is asleep now and when he's up, we can go for a walk or to the pool. Gym can wait another day. Then there's the issue with my wrists. My wrists have been aching for a while and I was told that I've overused them. And was told that the only way for them to get better is to stop carrying Cha Cha. I looked at these people and think....are you mad? To me, yes, my wrists hurt now. But in a year or so, Cha Cha wouldn't want me to carry him and then, I can get my wrists fixed. It's not a big deal. Yes, that's my opportunity costs. And I can cite more, but I'm afraid you'll be bored and think that I'm now a whingy mum!

The other thing with parenting, I realised that there are 3 categories.

1) Stay at home parent

2) Parents that work and have help at home

3) Weekend parents

The first one, it's simple. A stay at home parent. Some mothers or fathers decide that it's better for them to stay at home to care for their child. Some with a helper and some without a helper. These are the people that I really admire. I don't think I'll be able to quit my job and stay at home especially without a helper and still be able to keep the home clean and dinner on the table when the partner comes home from work. A friend of mine falls into this category and I'm in awe of her. No helper, living in a foreign land and still copes with everything. Sure, once in a while, her dad flies in to help but overall, she's alone.

The next category, are people like me. I'm not working because we need dual incomes but rather it's a choice. I somewhat feel that by working, I do have some form of sanity and I would still have some connection with the world. But because I work, my time with Cha Cha is precious to a certain extent. This does not mean that I don't go out with my friends for meals. We still do but it's not as often as before. Plus, living overseas without family can be hard but we're surviving. It's working out.

The last category, Babe and I grew up in that environment and there is no way I would put Cha Cha through that. Over summer, Babe and I will be heading to Maldives for 4 nights without Cha Cha. Yes, I do feel a little guilty that he'll be staying in Spore. But at the same time, I know that Babe and I need that time to recharge. But what I don't understand, can parents actually be fine with not seeing their kids from Monday to Friday? Yes, I can understand that some have issues with childcare and that the kids go to grandparents' place from Monday to Friday but at least go and have meals with your kids. Meal times are bonding time. I try to put Cha Cha in his high chair when I'm having meals. He gets to have his meals or his snacks while I have my meal. We communicate and have silly conversations. Yes, it might seem meaningless but I don't want to miss out on him. Maybe for the fact that I went through seeing my parents only during the weekends that I'm really not comfortable with this arrangement.

However, at the end of whatever that I'm rambling, the decision is ultimately within the parents. I've come to understand that with everything we do, there's a reaction or consequence that may follow. And that with parenting, sacrifices have to be made.

When One is Homesick

When one is homesick, God brings her best friend to her. I've been feeling homesick for a while now. I think our social worker said it best 2 weeks ago. He was at our home for a home visit. He said that there's a difference between not being able to leave the country and choosing not to leave the country. That's right. We can't leave the country together because of Cha Cha and it is difficult for me.

So as I was feeling homesick, missing family and friends, Stanley, one of my best friend sent an sms that he'll be visiting Hong Kong to attend a wedding with his wife. Sure, I was elated. I missed him. I missed being able to call him and meeting him for lunch. I miss those times that we'll meet for meals, coffees or cakes. Sure, we meet whenever I head home but sometimes it's hard as our schedules don't sync. Anyway, he came over the weekend and we had a great time hanging out. Oh yes, he brought satay for us too.

Apart being my best friend, oh, he's one of my oldest friends too. We've known each other for more than 3 decades. He's also Josias's godfather. When we decided to adopt, I asked Stanley to be our referee. He gladly agreed and wrote a glowing letter for us. He was one of the first that I told that we were matched with Josias. And the first thing he asked was to be Josias's godpa. I gladly agreed. Josias's other godma is Eve, by the way. It is joy that my best friend is my son's godparent.

Anyway, it was nice to be able to hang out and spend time with the Leongs. I really appreciate the time. Enjoy the pics. Oh, we went to Hillsong concert together too. Had a blast!

In Waiting I Grow Stronger

Last week, at church, I heard this phrase and I started to ponder upon it. It's quite apt for me. Waiting seems to be such a part of my life.

I remember before Babe and I started to date, I prayed for him and prayed that he'll be the one and then the waiting. Then we started to date and yet again the waiting started. We dated for 10 years before getting married. After getting married, we waited upon the Lord to start a family. We waited upon the Lord for basically anything and everything.

Sure, there were many times that I wished that I didn't have to wait. There were so many times with the adoption, I felt that we were ready and the timing should be now. It's always Lord, why not now? But when I look back, I understand the timing. Babe was working from home at that time. And looking back, I don't think he would be able to cope if we had a child at home and he had to work. It would have driven him mad. Then when he headed back to Spore to work, if we were matched, he would have to quit and head back. Of course, finances, would be tight as we would be on one income and then the issue if we should hire a helper.

But in God's timing He always puts things in perspective and when the time is ripe, all the bits and pieces come together and fit like a big puzzle. And that when I realised that yes, in waiting, I'm learning and growing strong. In that waiting, God is teaching me lessons every day. And in that every day, I'm resting and feeding in Him that I become stronger through Him and in Him. I am very thankful.

Last night at Plus, one of the ladies shared that giving thanks in all circumstances is discipline. Sure, it is easy to thank God when things are all rosy and fine but when shit hits the fan, it's hard to thank God. However, when I look back at things, I'm understanding, yes, everything for God has its time and purpose. It may be hard to thank and praise God but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter because God is supreme. He knows what He is doing even though it may not make sense to us.