Change of Perspective

Two weeks ago, Babe, Ba Ba (aka Cha Cha) and I were shopping in Lane Crawford. There was a bag that I saw and I liked. Babe was asking me if I wanted to buy it, I told him, I'll think about it. A week later, we walked past that bag again and he asked again if I wanted it. And I told him, I'll think till next week and if it's there, then I'll get it. He looked at me and shook his head and said, by next week, the bag will be gone. And my retort was, if it's gone, it's not meant to be.

Yes, I know, it's not very me. A year ago, I would have bought that bag in a second without thinking. But now, the thought process is taking a little longer than expected. Well, that's not just with bags, and it's extended to clothes and shoes now. I'm taking longer than expected to think if I really need or want that dress, bag, shoes and whatever that I want to buy. It's just not me anymore. I've got to think about Ba Ba. It's the same with lunching after church. We used to go to wherever we want and now, it's just limited to a few restaurants in IFC. But does this matter to me? No!

Even going to the gym, it's a toss up on most days. I've still got about two months left of my gym membership at a really nice gym but I've stopped going because I'd rather go to my little gym in our condo and do a mini 30 mins workout and then take Ba Ba on his little tricycle for a walk.

Yes, there have been little sacrifices that we've made for little Ba Ba but I don't care. I can go back to my fancy gym when he gets older. I don't need lots of clothes, bags and shoes. I'd rather put the money aside for Ba Ba's future and our future. I know what is it like to go to uni without money and I don't want Ba Ba to go through the same. But in saying that, we're not spoiling Ba Ba. He doesn't have loads of toys. The toys that he has are mostly given to him. His clothes might be the only expense but we get them on sale or when we see that he needs more. He has 1 pair of shoes at the stage and a few pairs of sandals. I'm glad that Babe is lot more grounded than me in this aspect. He reminds me that Ba Ba grows out of his stuff quite fast and we don't want him to grow up thinking that money falls from the sky. In saying or rather writing that, we are constantly trying or reminding and praying that we are raising a man that will be God fearing.

My hopes and aspirations for Ba Ba

By the way, Josias is now known as Ba Ba. He loves being called Ba Ba. He bounces and dances when I shout, 'Ba Ba!' He simply loves it!

Anyway back to the topic. When Ba Ba was in Singapore he went to Gymboree whenever I could bring him there. Sometimes 3 days in a row, he would be at Gymboree. When we got back to Hong Kong, the search for playgroups started. Maybe it's me being a typical Singaporean or a mother that just wants the best for her child that I wanted Ba Ba to have a variety of playgroups to attend. I knew that at this stage I want him to go for English, Mandarin and Music playgroups. So I searched and looked and went for trials. And yes, the poor kid and our wonderful helper travel to different places for playgroups. There's also soccer, rugby, swimming and many more that I want to sign him up for but he's too young at this stage. And when my colleagues asked if I've started looking or preparing him for kindergarten next year, I was like, what? Isn't that too young? Then, I take a step back and go, well, aren't I already doing it now? Trying to cram as much activities as possible for the poor kid.

I love Ba Ba heaps. There's no doubt about it. I want the best for him. But thankfully, Babe keeps grounded and asks if I'm over doing the playgroups for Ba Ba. When I think about it, I just want Ba Ba to be happy. The reality of it, it doesn't matter if Ba Ba does not become a lawyer or doctor and dentist. I just want him to grow up to be an honest, God fearing man. I want him to be happy and for him to know that he has parents, grandparents, godparents, uncles, aunties, cousins and a whole bunch of people that totally love him. That's right, those are my hopes and aspirations for him.

Anyway, enjoy this video of him. He gets cuter and cuter every day!

Timing

Time and time again, God has shown me that timing is always His and His alone. Be it late, early or on time, time is God's and He knows what's best for me.

A week or so ago, I was on my way to Sanatorium Hospital to get my eyes checked, a regular check for Lasik. I left work on time, I gave myself enough time, or so I thought, to get to the hospital. However, because of traffic, I was running late. I hate running late. I was more than 30 minutes late. Finally got to the hospital and had to wait for my turn. And waiting and waiting and I was thinking, 'Gee! I'm already more than 30 minutes late and then still got to wait!' Anyway, I had to suck it up. While waiting I overheard a patient speaking to the nurses. He sounded upset and worried. I heard a voice in my head to speak to the guy. I'm like, what? I don't even know him. Just speak to him. No, I'm not! Then the guy walked out and I was relieved! But then he turned back. And that was it. I tapped him on his shoulder and introduced myself as a fellow Singaporean. This is the first time that I've ever done this.

We sat down and chatted and then it was my turn to see the doc. And he waited for me and we chatted more. Not really going to share what we spoke about. But the gist of it, he thanked me and he said that he really needed someone to talk to. And he was thankful that he met a someone and even better, the someone was from his hometown.

I left the hospital deep in thought. Well, not really deep in thought but reflecting what had just happened. I hate being late and in being late, I met this guy. I met someone who needed my time. I could've walked away from the voice which I know is from the Holy Spirit and missed the opportunity to make a small impact on someone's life. But no, God had other plans. Yes, it is a small gesture from me but to this guy, he had tears in his eyes while speaking to me.

I'm learning that God speaks to me and in speaking to me, I've got an opportunity to be of a comfort to someone. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a missionary, or to go out and witness and share the gospel to someone but this is where I should be. A comfort to someone in need.

Grandpa

When we went back during summer, JC's grandpa,( Joe's dad) was stricken with cancer. We found out about 2 or 3 weeks before heading home for summer that he had cancer. A week or so after we came back to Hong Kong, we had news that he went home to the Lord.

I told Babe that it's kinda sad that JC wouldn't really get to know her grandpa or remember him. Babe turned around and said, what's the big deal, he never got to know his grandpas too. But to me, it's a big deal. When I look back at my childhood, I remember my grandpas really well. I had a great childhood hanging out with them. My maternal grandpa went home with the Lord when I was 10 and my paternal grandpa passed on when I was 18.

My maternal grandparents have only 5 grandchildren and therefore we got more attention from them. I've more memories of my maternal grandpa than my sisters as I'm the oldest. My maternal grandpa probably gave me the love of animals. I remember hanging out with him in his backyard sorting out his bird feed. He was also the one that introduced guinea pigs to us. I also remember playing those IQ puzzles with him. Those memories are really precious. And even now, I strongly believe that he probably had an influence on us wanting to adopt.

My paternal grandparents have maybe 20 or more grandchildren. But I still got to spend some one to one time with my grandpa. He didn't speak English like my maternal grandpa. He didn't even speak Mandarin. He spoke Teochew. As kids were used to love to hang out in his room playing our board games while he watched telly and listened to his radio at the same time. And our aunties and uncles would chase us out of his room because he was smoking. But still the same, we loved to hang out with him. There's so many memories of him. He would yelled at everyone but deep down in him, we knew that he loved everyone of his grandchildren.

I missed my grandpas. When I look back, I'm glad that I had the chance to get to know my grandpas. It's such a shame that JC wouldn't get to know her grandpa. But I'm sure that her parents would share stories of him with her. I know that we live 3 and half hours of plane ride away from Josias's grandparents and it is hard for him to get to know them. But I guess, this is something that we have to live with for a while.