9 Years and Counting!

On the 23rd of November, we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary and adding the 10 years of courtship, we've known each other for 19 years. That's more than half of my lifetime.

The truth is that, there were times that I thought that we may not make it. We're like any other couples that have arguments and then we get mad and we take time to make up. A marriage is never easy, I'll be the first one to admit. I wrote this on a dear friend's Facebook status, she was getting married that day, 'Enjoy the day. Remember the wedding is just a day or 2 event but a marriage is for a lifetime'. Yes, a marriage is for a lifetime. And sometimes it's hard.

For those of you who know us well, you'll know that Babe and I have very different personalities. We're almost polar opposites. It takes a lot for us to make this marriage work out. It takes a lot of giving and taking. There are times that it takes a lot from Babe to try to coax me when I'm mad over little things. I love him for that. I love him for making so much effort to make this marriage work. Babe is not one that would buy flowers or make grand gestures to show me that he loves me. But it's the little things that he does that make me feel special. He understands and he's fine when I fly off for 2 or 3 weeks to States, or have dinner with my best friend who is male or when I want to go to Disneyland for the 10th time. And there's more examples.

Ba Ba has also made a change in our relationship. When Ba Ba arrived, the first few months were kinda hard. We were new at being parents and we were not sure of what we were doing. Sometimes we disagreed and get mad with each other but everyday was and is a learning experience. These days, we're much better. And when we have a disagreement, I'm reminded that I want Ba Ba to know that he has loving parents that love each other. And that when all else fails, he can turn to his parents knowing that there's always love at home.

And here's to more great years to come. Thanks Babe for loving me and I'm so thankful that God has chosen you for me. Thanks for being my best friend, soulmate and partner.

Cousins

Rachel, my ex-student, who was my flower girl, had this up on Facebook. When I read it, it hit the nail on the head! One of my best friends is my cousin. I call her Monster privately. Of all my cousins, I guess we're the closest. We've seen each other's highs and lows. We have an unique friendship. We always pick up where we left off and we're fiercely protective of each other and importantly, we've never judged each other but rather stand by each other. I remember I've called her when the going got tough and I needed someone to call to and she was all ready to listen. Thanks Monster for loving me. It means a lot to me. And yes, she was my bridesmaid too.

I've always thought that everyone is close to their cousins. I used to think that it was natural for people to hang out and call their cousins best friends. But guess I was sorely wrong. Apparently some people hardly ever hang out with their cousins. Some people see their cousins once in a while, once in a year or maybe hardly ever. But for the Sims and the Lims (dad's sisters's kids), we grew up together and it was very different.

From a very young age, we used to play and hang out from babies. And even when 2 Sims left at a very young age to Manila, we still hung out when they visited Spore over summer. And to this day, I still see the 2 Sims when I visit America and would often stay with one Sim and make a side trip to see the other Sim. And I've another girl Sim living in LA. We used to live next block to each other and basically we grew up with each other. She's another cousin who lives abroad and whenever I'm in States, we make time to catch up. We try to co-ordinate our trips back to Singapore but sometimes we miss each other by just days. Yup, going to miss her by days this Christmas.

There's more cousins that I could write and talk about. I love them all. And I'm very thankful that my parents and my uncles and aunties have made a conscious effort to make or let us hang out when we were kids. And it was those fun play sessions that our friendships started and cemented and now, I call my cousins friends. I've the same hopes of Ba Ba and JC and my other nieces and nephews from my cousins and future kids that my sisters, my cousins or I might have. I want them to have the same friendships and experiences as us. Love you cousins!

Childhood

Was watching Being a Child on Channelnewsasia this evening and as I was watching, I felt really glad that little Ba Ba has dual citizenship at this point of time. The kids in the show were only about 5 to 6 year old and their parents or rather their mothers seemed to be pushing their kids really hard. And I keep getting this message from the mothers that if their children slow down or not attend enrichment classes, everyone else will catch up with them. They want head starts for their children. One mother commented that she wants her child to have money, contentment and happiness and another child said that he wanted to be a millionaire when he grows up.

I can understand parents wanting the best for their children. I want the best for Ba Ba too. But what is this obsession with money? Couldn't that mother see the contradiction in itself when she said that she want money and contentment for her child. How can wanting money and contentment can never be in the same category? And with the other 5 year old where did he get the idea that he wants to be a millionaire? And the next point, where are their childhoods? Where's the fun? The kids in the show attend enrichment classes after enrichment classes. And the mothers are very clear in their message that the kids can't take a break because others will catch up. In other words, their kids will be losers.

So where do I stand? Honestly, I'm really glad that Ba Ba can choose to go to an international school if we so wish for him. And at this stage, we're gearing him towards that direction. I don't need an examination to tell me that Ba Ba did not score well enough to get into express stream and therefore his chances of doing his 'O' levels are lesser and thus his chances of entering universities in Singapore. Basically, I don't care! We're happy to send Ba Ba to Australia or America as long as we can afford it. Thus, we have to start saving now! But not writing about that, that's for another day. I just want Ba Ba to have a wonderful childhood. I want him to know that his parents love him even if he bring Bs and Cs home as long as he tried his best.

I want him to know that we love him not because he does well academically or plays the piano or violin really well or that he's such a great soccer player. If he does well in any of the above, that's a bonus and we thank God for it! We want him to know that we love him because we love him! There's no strings attached to our love for him. We want him to know that. And we want him to know that we just want him to be what God wants him to be. And that's all. We want a God fearing and happy boy! That's isn't too much to ask right?

Worrying about Ba Ba

Babe is on his way home from the airport. I'm excited because he's going to bring me some goodies! I know, I just had one whole chilli crab to myself and am just thinking and drooling over the goodies that he's going to bring home. Anyway, back to my thoughts. Sometimes, I worry over silly things about Ba Ba. My worry this time is about his university education. Wait, it's not the academic stuff that I worry about. But it's the university or college lifestyle that I worry about. Let me explain more.

When I was in university, I was very busy. Yes, very busy working and partying and studying, honestly was at the bottom of my list. To me, as long as I passed and am not at the bottom, I didn't care. My social calendar was packed. I was out partying, drinking, smoking and basically was leading a very unhealthy lifestyle. If you met me then, you wouldn't recognized me. Yes, it was that bad, I was a totally different person then. Even some of my friends from uni commented on that a while ago. Was I ashamed of my past? No, I'm not. But I'm glad that I got the partying out of my system. But no mattered how far I strayed from God and from church, I glad to say that God had a way of reeling me back home. Stanley, my best friend at that time was in Brisbane and he would remind me sometimes that I was straying a little too far. I had Eve also to remind me too.

So how's that related to Ba Ba? I've always thought that Ba Ba would probably either head off to Australia or America to study in about 20 years' time. Yes, I see eyeballs rolling and hear laugher. And I wonder how would I feel if I knew that Ba Ba was leading the very same lifestyle that I led? Would I freak out? And move to wherever he's studying and whip him back to shape? Or would I be like my parents giving me the freedom and trust that I will turn out alright?

Then this is when I take a step backwards and stare in my thoughts and wonder...Shouldn't I be trusting God that He will take care of everything? And that brings me back to what the bible says about raising a child in His ways and in time to come my child will not forget the Lord. (Sorry, something along those lines) The reality is that, there's just way too much to worry. I've to learn and remember that God takes care of everything and I or rather we have to pray, do our best in raising Ba Ba in God's truth and let God and trust God that He will take care of everything else.

Social Experiment?

A few weeks ago, a friend took a photo of Ba Ba and put it up on her Facebook account. Her friend saw it and commented that I must look like Ba Ba when I was a baby. And I had to carefully think before I comment. And in the end, I wrote as it is, that Ba Ba is adopted. A few days earlier, I was on Facetime with Joanne, my sister and was teasing little JC to wake up. We joked that little JC has the Sim blood because she's like us, hates to wake up early in the morning. And then I mentioned that Ba Ba doesn't have the Sim blood because he loves to wake up at the crack of dawn.

When I look at the physical aspect of Ba Ba, there's nothing that I can say he has inherited from us. Nothing at all simply because he's adopted. I can't be proud and say, oh look, he's got Babe's beautiful smile or face or whatever. But I've got to say that Babe and he does look quite alike. Then when I look Ba Ba, yes, he has probably some of our mannerisms because he obviously hangs out a lot with us. And with his character, there's probably bits of us in him. There's the discussion on nature versus nurture. Obviously, with little Ba Ba, there's no nature but there's lots of nurturing from us, we hope.

So here is the social experiment question. Our parenting style or rather my parenting style (Babe tends to agree with me unless I decide to do something very radical) is that every child is born like a blank piece of paper. It's up to us as parents to teach, to mould, to fill up the child's brains and characters with what we would like to. So with our parenting, we give little Ba Ba freedom within boundaries, we don't baby talk. We tell him what is expected of him. He does get little smacks when he does something naughty. And yes, at this stage, he's a boy that we're proud of. He understands that meal times he has to be at the dining table. He understands that crying is not going to get him what he wants. And the list goes on.

But am I saying that I've succeeded in our social experiment? Am I going to be the smug mother and tell the other mothers who have crying babies what they should and should not do? No, I've not succeeded in any social experiment. It's not our doing so we can't take the credit for it. However, this is what we have done so far. We pray for little Ba Ba. Every night before we go to bed, Babe and I would say a prayer for little Ba Ba. Actually, even before Ba Ba came to us, I prayed for the child that we were going to have. Yes, lots of prayers have gone into Ba Ba and the prayers will continue.

So you have it, we have no part in the social experiment. God has His hands in it. What we merely did was to take extra care of the wonderful present that God has so loving lavished on us and we pray earnestly that Ba Ba will turn out to be a man after God's heart.