6 Years + 6 Years

In my professional life (huh, that sounds so nice and glamourous) or rather in my working life since graduating from uni, I've only two employers. And it's interesting that my employment with my current employer is ending in a few weeks and it would be six years that I worked with them too. But the both sets of 6 years are vastly different.

The first 6 Years
The first 6 years of my working life was quite different from the next six years. At that time, I was young and just done with teachers' college and in my mind, I was going to be the best teacher and change the lives of the many students that I'll come across. In the first year, I worked really hard, churned out lots of worksheets, did the best for my kids and at the same time, tried to please my superiors. And the next year I did the same. And at the same time I wanted to be friends with my colleagues and have a 'family' there. I was really consumed with work and it became a situation that I was spending lots of time at work and with my colleagues. The third year rolled along and then fourth year. By then I was married and still doing what I thought would please my superiors. But how wrong was I. Soon, I was getting burnt out. Then the gossips and the backstabbing of colleagues. Plus, I wasn't getting the recognition that I wanted. Yes, I did want recognition and promotion. And what became worse was the jealousies and the favoritism that was played out openly among the management. So when the opportunity came for me to take a step back and do my masters, I did. I went and had a whale of my time and then came back thinking that I was going to be refreshed and conquer the world or rather the school again. But that fell flat on my face. I realized that I was not happy. And it was time for me to go. And thankfully, God opened the way to Hong Kong.

There were lessons that I learnt. The most important lesson that I learnt was that not all colleagues can be friends. That was something that I learnt hard. There were colleagues that I called friends but these were the colleagues that would not hesitate to send me up to be the sacrificial lamb. And the same for superiors. After leaving my employer, whenever I head back for holidays, I'm very careful who I meet. Ex-colleagues that do not deserve my time and energy, I don't bother. But the ex-colleagues that I meet, are the ones that I call them friends. The next important lesson that I learnt, I can never please my superiors enough and that I'm not irreplaceable. I can be replaced anytime.

The next 6 Years
So when Hong Kong came knocking, I was glad to go. Guess it was the time that I felt very drained and burnt out and it came to a point that if I didn't go, my marriage would have suffered and I would become one of those bitter teachers. Plus the money was almost twice of my salary then. So the initial plan was to pack up and leave for two years without Babe. Well, God had other plans. He provided Babe a job and we've been in HK for close to six years now. But my six years with my current employer is very different. The lessons learnt from the first six years were very crucial and important. I learnt not to make those mistakes. I took time to make friends. I wasn't desperate in making friends and I wasn't wanting to please my superiors. I did what I had to do and said no to stuff that I didn't want to do and I even had time to spend with my family. My family became first. I had more time with Babe, and now Ba Ba. My priorities shifted. Don't get me wrong, I didn't shortchange my employer but rather I became focused in what I want. And now that I'm leaving my employer, I feel a slight sense of sadness and reluctance. But I know that it's for the better.

The biggest lesson that I learnt here was to take time for myself. I had time to indulge in the things that I like to do. I've time to bake and cook and now, go for decorating classes. I've got time to travel to places that I want to go and to see people that I want to see. And in doing these things, I don't feel the burnt out. I actually enjoy going to work every day. And with friendship with my colleagues, I'm more cautious. I'm more cautious in making friends and I don't want to listen to gossips or get involved in gossips. And because of the language barrier, this works in my favor.

So the question is.....since life is pretty good with my current employer, why rock the boat and leave for a new employer? Well, I asked myself the same question. But in praying, God told Babe and me that it's time to go. It's time to go to a new school. We'll still be in HK but I'll be in another school. And I'm very excited for the next two years and who knows, possibly the next six years.

Meanwhile, enjoy the pics of my latest hobby.

My Life So Far

Have you paused and wondered if your life has turned out to be the way that you've envisioned your life to be as a child? Sometimes I do and when I do, to a certain extent I'm filled with gratitude and thankfulness to God for allowing my life to be the way it is now.

I remember once during one of my oral exams, I was asked what my ambition was. I remembered vividly replying that I want to be married by the age of 25 or something like that and be a mother of three kids or so by the age of 30. And I even remembered saying that I just want to be a good mother. Looking back now, my examiner must think that I must one of the the most 'bimbotic' girls that he has encountered. And I remember as a teen, I shared secrets with my cousin, Monster, well, we still share secrets, I told her that wouldn't it be nice to just wake up on my wedding day to be married to the love of my life without having to go through the heartache of finding the right one. Well to which she replied, then, that'll take out the fun of meeting and finding the right one.

Yes, I had loads of those childish dreams and aspirations. Well, to me being a stay at home mother at the age of 30 with three kids, errrmmmmm, that didn't quite happen. Why? This is why. Babe and me had an extended courtship and got married at the age of 28, so if I wanted 3 kids by the age of 30, that would have been quite difficult. But truth to be told, by the time I was 28, I was teaching for about 3 or 4 years, I didn't really want kids by then. I was just happy being with Babe. Think I saw too much damaged that was done by parents to their kids. And being a stay at home mum, Babe flatly said no. And I totally agree, I can't wash and clean and keep the home tidy plus with all the extra time, I'll be hitting the malls and shopping Babe broke. So that childhood dream sort of didn't come true but we have a toddler. And little Ba Ba totally brought lots of fun to our lives!

Walking up on my wedding day. Well, I overslept and woke up late on my wedding day! I did meet the man of my dreams and yes, through a long courtship and sometimes hard and tedious that we finally realised that God made us for each other. We've been married for close to 10 years and we're still learning every day to love each other unconditionally. I always tell my unmarried friends, a wedding is for a day but a marriage is for a lifetime and it's hard work. It's not your air fairy romance that you so often watch on telly but it's the real stuff dealing with the mundane stuff of life that sometimes can get to you.

Years and years ago when I was on the job training with Pan Pacific Hotel in Singapore, I met this reservation clerk while having lunch at the staff cafeteria. He asked me what do I see myself in the future? I told him that when I graduate from university, I would like to earn Sin 5,000 within the first five years of my working life. He scoffed, laughed at me and said, what you going to work as? A prostitute? I looked at him and had this speech bubble in my head, you idiot! I'm going to university, and what are you going to be doing with your life? So four or five years passed and I saw him on the bus when I was heading to teacher's training college after university. He was still in his Pan Pacific Hotel uniform and part of me felt sad for him and part of me felt like rubbing it in his face that I'm well on my way to earning that 5 grand before fifth year of working. Now, I'm happy where I'm at. Did hit my target a while ago and no, I've not given myself another target because I've come to an understanding that my material blessings are all from my heavenly father and He can take it away as and when he wants to.

So where's my life now? In all honesty, life's good. Gee, that's like from a commercial. But the reality is that my life is beyond what I expected it to be. Sure, I didn't get my 3 kids, but I've got one. And I'm happy. I seriously don't think I'll be cut out for 3 kids. Not a stay at home mum? Yes, I'm happier being at work. I'm happy working and to a certain extent touching the lives of the kids that I come across. Material wise? Like I always mention, God has blessed us far more than we have expected. We're glad to be able to have vacations almost twice a year and before Ba Ba, we had vacations close to 3 or 4 times a year. And we're glad that we're able to fly with Ba Ba to Spore every holidays that I have. This is far more that we can ask. Sure we can sit and focus on the negatives and wonder why don't we have as much as others. And why did we sell our flat then and now we don't own any apartments and we're still renting and why this and that? But I've learnt and realised that material blessings come from God. I no longer pray for God's material provisions because I've learnt over the years that God always provides. Yes, His provisions are more than what we  can expect.

So life is great because of God's provisions and that He has sent the right man to start a family with me. I'm ever so thankful for everything.

Dear Ba Ba

Dear Ba Ba,

I know that you miss Dada very much. He's in Tokyo and just one more night, he'll be home. It's hard to explain to you that Dada is in Tokyo so Mama just makes the airplane sign for you. Hopefully when you get a little older you'll understand. Yes, sometimes Dada travels a little more than he likes and Mama misses him heaps too.

Baba, as Father's Day draws nearer, Mama is writing you this letter to encourage you to grow up to be like your Dada. Some twenty years ago, Mama fell in love with Dada and some ten years ago, Dada and Mama got married. Mama is ever so thankful that after all these years, Mama is still in love with Dada. That's why Mama wants you to be like Dada. Sure, Dada has his flaws but even his flaws are sometimes endearing.

Here are some of the reasons why Mama still loves Dada after all these years.

1) Dada is Dada. He does not pretend or try to be someone else. Dada doesn't care if someone or some people don't like him. He is the way he is. And therefore he does not care to pretend to be someone else and if he doesn't like someone, he doesn't try or pretend to like that person. In other words, Dada is true to himself. There have been times that Dada realized that he does not agree with the company that he works for. Instead of pretending and going along with everyone, he walked away. This is despite the fact that he knew that if he stayed on in the company, he would have been promoted and well have a nice raise in salary but he didn't care for that.

2) Dada is a responsible man. Yes, he's very responsible. Ever since Dada and Mama started dating, Dada has paid for maybe ninety five percent of the meals that we have had because he feels that it's his responsibility to do that. Dada is a firm believer in bringing home the bacon. There were a few months of our marriage life that Dada took time off but before he did that, he told grandpa what he was going to do and seek his blessing and Mama's blessings before doing that. And Mama was even more in love with Dada because it showed Mama how much Dada treasure and love her. Ba Ba, be like Dada, be responsible and bring home the bacon for your future family.

3) Until death do us part. This is probably one of the most important thing trait that Mama loves about Dada. Ba Ba in every marriage there are ups and downs. Yes, that's the brutal truth. And it's these downs that give us the ups in the marriage. In every down in our marriage, Dada has always been patient in walking with Mama holding her hand. For richer and for poorer and in sickness and in health,   until death do us part. Yes, we have been richer and poorer and Dada and Mama stood side by side holding each other's hands tightly. In sickness and in health, when Dada had issues with his eyes and well, when Mama had her lasik or her myriad of little health issues, we stood firm together hold hands knowing that all these would pass and we will emerge stronger because God is watching over us.

4) Faith, yes Dada married Faith! Sorry, corny joke. Dada and Mama met in church and we share the same faith. That is so important for Mama. There have been times in the marriage that Mama's faith in God faltered due to varied reasons but Dada was there to walk Mama through those times. And faith is also important in our marriage. It's not often in a marriage that the wife flies off for two or three weeks for a vacation. But Dada allowed Mama to do that quite often before you arrived. He gave Mama the liberty to fly off to see your godma. And he also willing let Mama go do her masters in Sydney. And in return, Mama never called Dada when he was working in the alcohol industry visiting seedy bars because Mama has faith in Dada that he would never do anything that would make Mama sad. Mama also never calls Dada whenever he's away on his work trips because Mama again has faith that Dada is working and that he should be given peace to complete what he has to do and he would never do anything to jeopardize the marriage.

5) Love. Babe as you get older you'll understand that it's not easy to love Mama. Mama has lots of flaws, idiosyncrasies, quirks and well, in short, Mama is not an easy person to love. But Dada made the huge effort to love Mama. Dada is not the romantic kinda person that would go out and buy flowers and do these nice romantic gestures. Dada is a practical kind of person. He shows his love to Mama in practical ways. He buys or cooks Mama's favourite food. Sometimes when we're out shopping and Mama walks into a boutique and sees a bag, Dada on a whim would buy Mama that bag. And Mama has probably accumulated more bags that she can really use and more clothes that she can really wear but Dada still buys her stuff. When we first got married, Mama told Dada that on our 10th wedding anniversary, she would like a one carat diamond ring. Dada listened and he remembered. And before our 8th wedding anniversary Dada bought Mama one that's like 1.44 carat. Well, bigger than what Mama asked for. Wait, Ba Ba, Mama is not saying that love can be bought. But when you love someone, you want the best for someone. And you try to do within your means to give someone the best that you can afford. And Dada does that all the time and that's why Mama loves Dada heaps. Dada listens and although sometimes it may not seem that he's listening but he listens to what Mama would like and want and then he sometimes get it for Mama.

Ba Ba, Mama can go on and list more of Dada's attributes. But she's going to stop here. Saving the rest for another letter to you. The attributes are not written in order of importance or preference. They are attributes that came to Mama's mind as she wrote. Baba, Mama would be so happy if you grow up and marry your best friend and become the daddy that Dada is to you. Dada tries hard to come home early to hang out with you before you go to bed. He tries to be as hands on as possible with you. And the traveling bit. Dada honestly does not like to travel that much as it takes time away from us. And he hates it even more when traveling eats into his weekend, like this trip. But understand that its his job and he is trying to execute his job well. He misses you more than you'll ever understand and know. Little Ba Ba, it brings joy to Mama whenever we have family and friends that say that you're growing up to be like Dada. I know that we're not biologically related and it's always a joy to hear that you're like us in looks or mannerisms.

We love you, Ba Ba and will always love you!

Mama

Daddy

To be really honest, I am what I am largely to what my dad has ingrained, inculcated and instilled in me. My dad is the third person I love after Babe and Ba Ba. Sorry, daddy, my nuclear family has to come first now. The last time I saw dad about a week ago, I noticed that dad has aged. Well, you've got to see it from my point of view. Dad is only 18 years older than me and he's always being the strong man but I guess last week, the waking up super early in the morning to catch flight to Hong Kong and thereafter spending time out the whole day before me seeing him and waking up early again the next morning, must really have taken the toll on him.

In some ways, I'm quite like my dad. Very independent, opinionated, strong willed and always figuring a way out when the world tells me the answer is no. Well, it's these very traits that are similar to dad that makes us clash. In other words, dad raised me to be him and that's when sometimes our opinions defer and we clash. But at the end of the day, he's my dad.

When I was young, dad thought me the importance of having an education and the value of working. I admit that I'm not the brightest spark in the family but dad has never given up on me academically. I know that he wouldn't say it out but he's mightily proud of his daughters who are all university graduates. He probably didn't even graduate from high school. He was kinda disappointed when I told him that I was not going to pursue a doctorate. Well, Jacqui is doing it now so he'll still have a doctor in the family!

Dad taught me that nothing is beneath me. When dad's company turned bust, dad took time off to re-evaluate what he was going to do and he started to drive crew passengers or rather he started a limo/pick up service. In short, he became a driver. He did what he had to do to bring home the bacon. And its his example that made me understand, no job is beneath me. When I went to Sydney to do my masters, I under budgeted which meant that I didn't have enough money. And I was too proud (another of dad's trait) to call home to say that I needed money. So I worked in a supermarket, baby sat and at times waited upon tables. Sure there were days that I thought, screw this crap! I'm heading back to Spore. Forget this masters stuff and I'm heading home to my loving husband and an apartment and my car. But no, I stuck on. I did what I did and returned back to Spore with my masters. And I'm sure dad was very proud of me at that time.

Dad taught me the value of work. From a very young age, he would tell me that education is very important and thereafter work. Work and have some money and skills so that in the event something does happen to the husband, I wouldn't be left with nothing or no way to support myself. And I'm glad that has always been with me. I enjoy work. I enjoy the financial independence that comes with work. But at the same time, I'm also learning to save and put money aside. I've also learnt that yes, things can happen and if I wasn't working, the family may have fallen apart. There were two times that Babe out of his choice decided that he was going to take a break. And he did with my blessings. And if I wasn't working, that wouldn't have been possible.

Never take no for an answer. That's what dad says all the time. When everyone says no, find and figure out a yes. That was something I'm glad he inculcated in me. Dad is an 'in between' culture dad. He's got some of his Asian values mismashed with Western values. So some of his thoughts may seen a little radical to Asian parents but it worked well in raising us. He thought us to explore and see things and ask questions. He never said no when we wanted to go clubbing, go abroad to study and experience stuff. He's all for it but he taught us that everything comes with consequences. Dad is not a rich father so when things blow up in our faces, he's not going to come and pick up the tab. We understood that. So in never taking no for an answer, we understood the responsibility behind it. And in never taking no for the answer, he was the parent or the first person that taught me thinking out of the box.

Independence. My sisters and I are rather independent. When dad realized that he had three girls, he made sure that he raise us to be as independent as possible so that we would not be bullied and be able to stand on our own feet. And in teaching us independence, he also taught us that we as sisters have to stand up for each other. So when things happen, I know for certain that my sisters would be there for me. When Ba Ba arrived and our helper hasn't arrived yet, and we were struggling with child care, Jacqui promptly stepped in without asking. Each time we fly back into Spore, we will be always picked up either by my sisters or dad. Maybe that's why dad has always encouraged us to drive. Over these years, I can barely remember an occasion that we had to cab it back.

I could go on and on about dad. But I'm going to stop. My dad is not perfect. He has his flaws and his flaws are probably the same flaws as mine. But my dad is perfect for me. I married Babe because Babe to a certain extent has the same drive and family values as dad. Dad to a certain extend was a hands on dad. He was more hands on than some other dads I know and I appreciate that. However, Dad is still an Asian. He doesn't say much on some stuff and much less hug but I know that he loves me and my family and that in itself is a perfect dad for me.

My Babe

In the lead up to Father's Day, I'm kinda inspired to write a couple of posts related to Father's Day. The first post is obviously for Babe. Yes, that's right, Babe. The most important person in my life.

As most of you would have known by now that Babe is very different from me. Even our family dynamics are very different. And for the fact that our family dynamics are very different, we have different characters and it can be hard when we have family visiting. I have to admit that when Babe''s family is visiting, it can be rather stressful on me. Please don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't enjoy their company but for the fact that our apartment is kinda small and sometimes being in small and confined space does get to me. Anyway back to Babe. He has been very tolerant and accommodating as possible last week.

Babe has been and is still having a rather packed schedule at work. Not sure if it's the lead up to summer that he's trying to clear whatever he can so that he can work from Spore for a month or that there's just more to do. Anyway, Babe was in Bangkok from the 5th to the 7th of June and on the 8th of June, mummy, Jacqui and Jojo arrived. He barely had time to decompress and spend time with Ba Ba and me. Then on Sunday, Joanne arrived. We had a great time. Sure the apartment was a little crowded. Jojo and Baba entertained us with their antics and endless fights. They have a love-hate relationship. And then on Thursday, Daddy arrived too. Babe didn't even have time to have a meal with Dad, actually neither did I and before we knew it, Dad left for Shanghai.

So the madness at home continued. And because my family is here on a vacation, they wanted to do heaps of stuff and sometimes Ba Ba and I went along with them. Babe had his living room invaded and plus he didn't have time to watch telly too. But I'm so glad that through it all, Babe held his tongue and he didn't complain at all. There were nights that Babe missed spending time with little Ba Ba and he would remind me to bring Ba Ba home early but obviously we were too busy hanging out.

This morning Babe left for Tokyo. Last night, he came home kinda late, well, 8 at night is late for me. He barely had time to hang out with Ba Ba before little one went to bed. He did mention last night that he missed Ba Ba and missed just spending time with me too. Yes, I'm touched. Very touched. I was thinking that yes, it's almost 10 years of being married and 10 years of dating and that's 20 years in all and he still misses me and wants to hang out with me, to be, that's beautiful. I don't care what others say.

I was reading tabloids yesterday and a certain celebrity said that her husband is more than a husband and the term is husband is too narrow to define her husband. And I agree too. Babe is more than a husband to me. He has many roles. He's my best friend, my brother, my father in a way that he guides me in certain decision making, my only flatmate that can live with my idiosyncrasies. Don't think even my mum and my sisters can deal with them at times. Yes, the term husband is too narrow for Babe or then maybe the term husband, bands all these roles together. And before I end, Babe is the best dad for little Ba Ba. I wouldn't want to share this parenting experience with anyone else in the world. Babe takes time to listen to Ba Ba. He stops and plays with Ba Ba and it's funny now that I see Babe giving little Ba Ba a little snack here and there and he gives him sips of soda too. And it makes me smile when Babe complains that he doesn't have time for little Ba Ba when Ba Ba goes to bed too early. Yes, thanks Babe for being in this parenting experience with me. I'm glad that God has chosen you for me.