Tunnel

Every once in a while, I find myself slipping into a dark tunnel. A dark tunnel that I can hardly see the light at the end of it. But every once in a while when I feel that I'm slipping, quite often I'm able to grab hold to something or someone grabs hold of me before I slip fully into it. It's been a long while since I've slip into it.

Before we went to Bangkok, I felt and found myself slipping into that tunnel. I don't know why or what are the triggers that sets me slipping into the dark. But I guess Babe somewhat saw me slipping that he managed to grab me fast enough and we had a great time in Bangkok. Or rather, I would say that it was God's plan that He managed to orchestrate the trip before me slipping into the dark. So I thought everything was better and fine and dandy.

But guess, my guess sometimes is wrong. Don't get me wrong. I love Baba and would give up the world for Baba. And my love for Babe is still the same, I probably love him more than I can express myself. But I guess I need to work a lot on my emotions, the roller coaster emotions inside me. Or maybe I have to face my demons finally and battle it out? Or is it time for me to see a doc? I don't know. I really don't know. But I know when this darkness is lifted out, I will emerge stronger. But in the mean time, I need to hang out to the thread that whatever it is, God will see me through no matter how dark and cold my days and nights seem to be, I will emerge stronger. Far stronger than before. Because it's with the lows in my life that I will understand the highs in my life. So for the time being, I need to be patient for these dark clouds to pass away and then the sun will shine brightly along with the rainbow in the sky.

These photos serve to remind me of my wonderful family and God's promises are always true. I will emerge stronger.

BFF

So a couple weeks ago, someone close to me told me that she's dating someone. I know the someone too. I've known him for a long time. Well, as long as the someone knows him. Let's call someone G (girl) for simplicity sake. So G and B (boy) have known each other for decades and then guess things evolved and they decided to give this love thingy a try. So B told me that he's dating G too. Yes, I've been informed by both parties. How cute.

So I told B that I'm glad for them. Genuinely glad for them. Then I started thinking, isn't it great for you to date your BFF? It cuts out lots of bullshit. Bullshit in terms of trying to impress each other and thus sometimes intentionally or unintentionally false impressions are made. In dating your BFF, it's almost what you see is what you get. There's a strong foundation of friendship, there's no false pretense. You know some or sometimes, most of each other's best friends. And with such a relationship, both know what you both want and that's important.

When I look at Babe and me, yes, I married my BFF. But guess it's not like G and B's relationship. When I met Babe at 15, I was struck! I had a huge crush on him. Well, don't think he had a crush on me. We took time in getting to know each other when we started dating at 18. But for G and B, don't think the dating for a decade is going to work. But the foundation is there for them. I'm glad for the decade of dating. And glad for the 8 years of being child free before little Baba arrived. With Babe, yes, it's like marrying my BFF. I don't have to say anything and he knows that something is bothering me. It's hard even to try to spring him a surprise Christmas present. But well, he did spring me one last Christmas.

Last weekend, Babe and I were able to have a great couple weekend in Bangkok. Jacqui was really kind enough to drop by Hong Kong to watch over little Baba when we were away. She was on her way to China. It was a great weekend that we spent time with each other. It was nice being away from the hustle and bustle of our lives and just reconnect. Babe will be traveling more this year and sometimes it's hard because we don't seem to have enough time for each other. And so the weekend away came really timely. But at the same time, it's hard for Babe and Baba as Babe is off in Taipei now. Little Baba misses his Da Da.

I miss my BFF. I miss him when he's away because I can't call him and ask what did he have for lunch. Not that its important but rather I just want to hear his voice. And I can't whatsapp him because he doesn't have wifi for this trip. Not that I've got loads to tell him but I just miss communicating with him. I don't want to call him because I don't want him to worry or think that something happen at home but rather, I miss my BFF. Yup, it's that simple, I married my BFF and I miss my BFF heaps.

My Dream

So 2013 started off with us being on the plane. Think we're been celebrating New Year's Day on the plane for the past five or six years. We're quite used to it. Anyway a few days after New Year's I started thinking about my dream.

For a very long time, I've always wanted to have a little restaurant or have a food related business. Guess, that was probably the reason why I graduated with a Bachelor of Hotel Management. But I guess God had a different plan for me when I graduated. I ended up being a teacher and had very little to do with the hospitality business. So years went by and the dream was kinda buried and forgotten. Never really thought seriously about it.

Then last year, Babe bought me my little toy, Raspberry, a Kitchenaid stand mixer. Then I started going for decorating classes and a few baking classes here and there and baked whenever I had time. Well some of my bakes were successful and some, not so. Then the little dream started worm its way back into my heart. On little Baba's birthday, I baked him a cake. Well, the cake was a little too hard and Babe exclaimed loudly, 'You better go to Cordon Bleu to learn how to bake!' And that thought seeped in as well. And I started to research and look around for a real culinary school that I could go to. But there wasn't one that I could go to during my holidays. I was kinda bummed about it.

And then this year rolled around. So what's my dream? My dream is to open a little bakery when I turn fifty. It doesn't have to be a big bakery. A small one would do. So begets the question, why not soon or in the immediate future? I'm very practical in my dream and my thought. I want to have enough savings for me to go to culinary school for a year and then open my little bakery and at the same time have enough savings for little Baba's education. And honestly, I'm not willing to give up my salary now. Sure, we can live on Babe's salary with no probs as well but wouldn't it be nice to have extra?

So this is the plan. By the time I hit the big five O, I want to open my little bakery. Actually, it would be awesome for my little bakery to be opened exactly on my fiftieth birthday. Yes, this is my achievable, realistic dream.