Finally

Yes, so finally I can write what's been in my head and heart for the past couple of months. The past year has been a series of roller coaster rides. It was hard to hold my faith and trust that God will ride it out with us. There were times that I've wanted to really shake my fists at God. And I admit that the temptation to stop going to church and stop believing in what I'm meant to believe was very great. But yesterday at church just before the service ended and the worship band played this song, I know that deep down, I worship a faithful God.

Amazed

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me

You paint the morning sky
With miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me

How wide, how deep
How great is Your love for me
How wide, how deep
How great is Your love for me

Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me
Lord, You love me, oh

I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed everyday
So amazed
How You love me, Lord

Maybe slightly more a year ago, I wanted a second child. I didn't care if it was going to be a boy or girl but I wanted a child. But Babe didn't want a second child. He was happy with Baba. So I started to pray. One Sunday at church that He told me that He will expand the family and I remembered asking Him, how? Over time, Babe kinda agreed but on the condition that he gets another job. At that time, he was planning to take a break from work and he wanted time to refresh and recharged. My heart skipped a beat, thanking God for it. But again, at the back of my head, I'm thinking, God, you know that I'm getting old, how is that even going to be possible? And God replied, remember Sarah and Elizabeth? It's going to happen. And again, I placed my trust in Him. Soon after, Babe took a break from work.

Then beginning of December came. Babe went on a mission trip to Manila. His first ever mission trip. I was so incredibly proud of him. It was that during that same trip that I received a call. A call that changed my life again. A social worker from the Social Welfare Department called and told me that Baba's birth mother had another boy and yes, she's giving him up for adoption again. At that moment, my world spun around. I wasn't sure what to say or how to react. My prayers were answered.

So I whatsapped Babe and told him the news. The reply came and it was a no. I remember that it was a Friday night, my world came crashing down. I sat alone in bed, cried and prayed and this song came to me. It reminded me that God is still watching over me. I prayed and cried. Sent messages to my sisters and to the godfather of Baba. I was encouraged by them. In my sadness and despair, God told me not to push Babe or even talk to him about it. I knew it was a strange thing to hear from God but I decided to obey. So Babe came back and I didn't push for the adoption or anything of that sort. Meanwhile, I called the social worker to ask for more time. Babe agreed to speak to the social worker and then we discussed more and I told him that the ball is in his court. All this time, I prayed and my family and friends prayed. I even chose his name. My sisters poked fun at me. Husband said no and I've already chosen the name.

After Chinese New Year, we agreed that we were going to adopt again. My heart did flips and jumps for joy. The paperwork started and then preparation work came and in the midst of everything, God so graciously cut short Babe's break from work and gave him a job. In late March, Jonas Thaddeus Xin En came to live with us. Jonas, a reminder of obedience to serve God. Jonah in the bible was swallowed by the whale when he went the opposite direction of where God told him to go. Jonas also mean peace. Thaddeus, a gift from God. He's a total surprise gift from God. Xin is faith in Chinese. And En is grace. He's called Wawa, that was the nick name that Baba gave him.

On the 8th of October, Wawa's adoption came to a close and he's truly ours. It's a journey. Always a journey. There'll always be ups and downs but I'm learning to lean on God's promises rather than my own strength. I am blessed. Beyond blessed. So ever ever grateful.

Enjoy the photos.

When little Wawa first arrived.

Hanging out at the pool with the family. The reason why we couldn't go back to Spore for summer.

And still more time at the pool.

Little Wawa watching his brother and daddy kicking around. Soon, soon, he'll join them.

My little spider woody boy. He's so adorable and cute! Don't you just want to squeeze him?

Little Wawa's first birthday. As tradition, I try to bake a cake for the boys' birthday. It's so heartwarming to see them laugh together.


Dear Wawa,

You're the answer to my prayers. You were the miracle baby that I prayed for. I've long for another baby, a sibling to your bother. God gave me you. The best baby that a brother can ever get. Wawa, God loaned you to me. Yes, it's a loan, because someday, when you grow up, my prayer is that you will be like Jonah and bring the good news of a risen savior to others. It's the same prayer that I have for your brother. I pray for both of you to be doctors so that you can go out to places to heal and help the sick and spread the good news at the same time. But if God wants you to do something else, in obedience, I will try my best to groom you in that area. I love you even before you came to my arms.

Love you for always.
Ma Ma