Being Used

A couple of days ago, I was chatting with Babe about stuff and he said something to me which finally dawned upon me, almost like a 'ting' moment, he said that I've the tendency to allow or let others make use of me. In the past whenever he says that, I'll be annoyed with him. But that night, it finally sank in.

A couple of things happen over last few weeks that made what he said was real. Like I wrote in my last post, things happened but people at work were very supportive and caring. Not trying to bring up the past but in my previous workplace, whenever I ran into issues, people were less caring and it was almost like 'better you than me' kinda attitude. And I realized that while I did try to make time for some people whenever I'm back in Spore, it was more like, 'let's see how well you're doing in life' or 'let's show off what we have' sort of attitudes. In other words, they are 'friendenmies', friends that are enemies! What a waste of my time!

These are people who would find an excuse to make use of me. It may be a small issue but over time, it becomes, wow, do you think that I'm really that dumb? An example of me being used is this. Years ago, I had to attend a course in NTU on Saturdays. I had a car at that time. It took about 30 mins of drive from home to get to class. For more than a year or so, I picked up 2 ladies from the bus stops across their homes, took me a 5 mins detour, to class every Saturday. When the course ended, that's when the contact ended too. There were no calls to ask how are you, let's meet for coffee or anything like that. It ended because I was no more of a use to them.

The other thing about me, I'm not a person that likes to confront issues. I'd rather let it slide pass me or unless it's really bugging me, I'll say out to the person that I really care and love. But most of the time, when I realized that I'm being used, I cut contact with the person. To me, what's the point of being friends when I know that I'm being used and I pretend to be fine with it when I'm not. Yes, that's me. Not liking to tell anyone in their faces that I hate being used!

I know that I may not have very much social time with my colleagues after work. We hardly meet for dinner or coffee or drinks outside of work. Which is fine for me as they're busy with stuff. But in my difficult moments, they showed their love, care and concern. Comparing to the other place that I used to work, yes, we did lots of social stuff, invited each other out and had meals out of work. But when push comes to shove, it didn't matter. I just became a pawn in their game of life.

So....now, whenever I'm back in Spore, I'm not really going to make an effort to call some people. They're not really my friends. But friends, my true friends, not to worry, I'll still call and meet up with you. You know who you are! And I love you heaps. And if you're offended by what I wrote, I'm not sorry because you're not a friend. But if read and miss the blunt and 'say it as it is' me, then, you're my true friend. I really miss you guys. Can't wait for Christmas to see you again and your cute babies too!