Dear Cha Cha 1

Dear Cha Cha,

This morning as I was at work, I was thinking of you. I wished I were at home hanging out with you. Thank God, work is not far from home so I can head back for lunch almost every day.

Cha Cha, this is the first letter of many to come that I'm going to write to you. When you're old enough, I'll print them out for you and then bind them into a book for you. Maybe this might be a wonderful 21st present for you. It'll bring back wonderful memories.

Anyway, Cha Cha, the very first thing that I want you to know is that, you're adopted. That's the truth and daddy and mummy will be the first ones to let you know. However, the reality is that God has chosen YOU to be our son. When daddy and mummy got married, we were not in a hurry to have kids. As time went on, daddy and mummy heard a call from God. As time went on, the call became louder and clearer that we are to adopt the first child. And the first child is you. Cha Cha, we prayed very hard for you. We prayed, fasted and lots of people prayed for you. We knew that no matter how many obstacles there are, how hard, difficult, long the journey to adopt, we will obey God. So the day came. You arrived into our lives. We met you on Christmas Eve. Everything fell into place.

God chose You to be in our family. You are precious. Don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. Your birth mum could not raise you for various reasons but God so lovingly placed you in our family. When news broke that you came into our family, everyone rejoiced! We received blessings from people all over the world. Your godparents volunteered their services. We were overwhelmed by their blessings. You'll never imagine how much people love you even before you arrive. So don't ever believe when people tell you that no one loves you and therefore you were put up for adoption. That's utter rubbish! You're loved, not just by us, but by lots and lots of people. Always remember that.

Cha Cha, we don't care if you're not academically inclined, or have bad coordination like me. Or can't cycle or swim. We don't care if you're not a doctor, lawyer or an astronaut. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you failed in your examinations. As long as you've tried your best, that's all that matters to us. But what's more important is that you become a man after God's heart. You're a friend of God. That's more important to us than anything. The day you tell us that you want to be a missionary, we'll be over the moon. Cha Cha, remember that whatever it is, you will always have our love. Our love for you never fails. It's unconditional. When life gets exceedingly difficult, remember, there's us. We will always be there for you.

Cha Cha, we're very blessed by you. Every throw up, we love you. Every time, we clean your bum, we love you. Remember that.

Love,

Mummy

Home without Babe

This is probably the 2nd time that I'm home alone with Cha Cha and our helper. Babe is away and will be back tonight.

In the past, whenever Babe had to travel or when he lived in Singapore for a couple of months, I didn't miss him as much. But now, even two nights seemed long. I kinda had a little trouble falling asleep. We are glad that Babe's boss didn't send him on many trips when the adoption happened. But we're kinda prepared that in the coming months, Babe might be travelling a little more. And yes, I thought I was used to him travelling but how wrong have I been.

When I woke up yesterday, Cha Cha crawled into the room to greet me with his wide and beautiful smile. I asked him, 'Where's dada?' He looked at me and he started to clap. My heart just melted. Babe loves to clap with him and guess that's their little game. And maybe Cha Cha associated Dada with clapping. It was so cute. Last night, I missed Babe putting Cha Cha to sleep. I'm sure that Babe missed Cha Cha too.

Anyway, Babe will be home tonight. He'll be home late but it doesn't matter. As long as he's home, I'll be happy. And I'm sure that Cha Cha will be happy.

Death

A week or so ago, I received news, or rather got the new via Facebook, that a family friend of ours went home to the Lord. She was suffering from cancer for a long time, maybe close to 10 years or so. My mum was quite close to her as they formed a firm friendship in the last few years. They would text and encourage each other.

On the surface, I may seem to be taking her going home quite well. But inside, I do miss and feel for her family. I've know her and her husband for a very long time. As a young teen, I attended their wedding in church. Saw them get married, have kids, moved to Hong Kong to work, moved back to Singapore, taught one of their kids Sunday School, saw her falling sick, fighting cancer, watch her win cancer (so we thought), saw her battle cancer again and finally when she went home to the Lord, we won't there.

Yes, it's sad and hard. But at the same time, I'm thinking, isn't it better for her that she's home with the Lord. The battle must have taken a toll on the family. It must have been hard on her husband and kids. The immense amount of pressure and stress of providing for the family and also playing the role of both a father and mother. And thankfully, there were people that rallied around then.

When she went home, there were several nice messages on Facebook on her. It set me thinking about stuff. In the past few years, people that are close to me or I actually know and have a friendship with them have pass on or went home to the Lord. Sure, there has been loads of wonderful things that have being said about them. And yes, we celebrate the life that they have led and am glad to have been part of it. But on a deeper note, will I be missed like them when it is my turn to go home? Or would there be people that say, thank God, good riddance! She was such a horrid person.

But that's not as bad as when I face God. I dread being asked, what have I done to my life? Have I made a difference to someone? Have I led a life that's to the best of my abilities? Have I been accountable to my own life? Have I wasted it. Yes, these are questions that I'm afraid. I admit, I've been ashamed of my actions. And that's like many a times that I've been mean and horrid to people without even batting an eyelid. And my excuse, I'm only human. But is that really an excuse?

I was sharing during cell group and someone said that we are constantly sanctified by God. It's a renewal process that we are going through every day. And in Christ we have redemption and every day, we are living a redeeming life. We listen and help someone redeem him or herself and in the process we are helping ourselves too. And he was saying as well that very often helping someone is not difficult, but rather a slight, just only a slight inconvenience to ourselves. And are we willing to take that extra one step.

And that's so true. But the question is, will be always be willing to take that inconvenient step for someone. A someone that's a total strange, a someone that has crossed my path, a someone that has hurt me or a someone whom I've perceived as someone that I dislike and yes, my enemy. That's food for thought for me.

Life Thus Far with Cha Cha

So, Cha Cha has been with us for the past 4 months odd. We're going through the last sprint of probation with him. It's so so close and yet so far. Every day, I'm reminded of God's blessing upon us and at the same time, I know and understand that Cha Cha is on borrowed terms. Even if we pass our probation, he is still on borrowed terms as he is and never will be ours. He is on loan from God.

Having Cha Cha in our lives, completely changed us. We're learning patience every day. Just when we thought that he's stopped whinging before sleeping at night, he starts again. And now, we're back to teething as his top 2 teeth are making their appearances. Every day is a new experience with Cha Cha. Even simple things like clapping his hands and picking food and putting into his mouth are huge milestones. We celebrate little things like these.

I've had family and friends that remark that Cha Cha is so blessed and lucky to have us as parents. I tell them other wise. The truth and reality of things is that, once Cha Cha was put up for adoption, he would be lucky or blessed to be in any family that he'll be placed in. We know for a fact that there are lots of families in Hong Kong that are earnestly and anxiously waiting for a child and he will be loved tremendously. The truth of the matter is that we are blessed by him. Through him, we learnt unconditional love, patience, kindness and I could go on. He has taught us a great deal. As a couple, we have learnt and are still learning loads. We are thankful to Cha Cha for teaching and showing us heaps. Yes, Cha Cha has blessed and enriched us. Last night, Cha Cha was fussing before sleeping. As I was putting him to bed, I was reminded by the meaning and understanding of unconditional love. I whispered to him, 'Little Cha Cha, no matter how long you take to fall asleep, ma ma will always be here and will love you no matter what happens.'

Yes, it takes a lot of love and patience. Is it worth it? Yes, it is. For all the trips to US, Europe to anywhere on Earth, it is worth it. Yes, we're not heading to States this summer, trips to Paris and London shelved for the moment, yes, it is still worth it. Once again, Lord, thanks for giving us this call. And if it's your call for us to adopt another, we will still put our hands up for another. For now, enjoy the pics. Yes, I'm going to say this....Can't believe he has grown so much!

Little Cha Cha's first day at home. Look, he was so tiny. He could barely fit into his clothes. (4 months)
I love this pic of Cha Cha and JC. When JC came, she took to Cha Cha straightaway. She loves him. Even now on Facetime, she would always point to Cha Cha and try to feed him with whatever she's eating. Can't wait for them to hang out together again. (5 months)
Little Cha Cha in his cool shades. Love this pic. So cool! Just like his daddy! (6 months)
I know, a little R rated. This was taken before his bath. All cuddly and cute. (7 months)
Cha Cha loving his yoghurt. Actually, he loves his food very much. So much to the point that sometimes I get to zealous feeding him that he throws up when he has way too much. (8 months)
This was just taken on Saturday afternoon when we went for a walk. Clearly he's a little disturbed by grass. Maybe he takes after me. I don't like grass. (9 months)

Yes, so you've seen it. He sure has grown quite a bit, right?

Far Too Long

So it finally hit me. I know what's wrong now. Two nights ago, I was chatting with a colleague when we had time to spare before the school concert. She was asking me if I was heading back to home for summer. As we were chatting, it finally dawn upon me. I am slightly homesick. Yes, going to admit it.

I miss my family, JC, food and lots of food and my friends home. This is the longest stretch for the 5 years that I've been away from Spore. Comparing to last year, I was home almost every month. The last time I was back was in January for the school trip and then that was it. I miss JC. I miss cuddling her and talking to her. I miss having my huge family get togethers with my uncles, aunties, cousins and yes, my grandma. And now, my two grandmas. A couple of days ago, I was on Facetime with JC and when she said goodbye, she gave me kisses, flying kisses and then the screen kinda blacked out and my mum was yelling, she's giving you a hug! JC was hugging the phone.

It's hard sometimes but when I take a step back, I'm thankful. I'm thankful to be blessed with Josias and yes, we understand that we need to be in HK for our probation. We love our time with him. Every day after work, I look forward to hanging out with him. I'm even letting my gym membership go to waste now. But who cares, I'm spending time with him. And money can't buy the little giggle, chuckle, smile, crawl, stand and I don't want to miss seeing him take his first steps too. So in other words, I'm thankful. Yes, thankful, so don't get me wrong.

Oh, I did have a good Mother's Day. Babe got me a really nice present. So I'm not complaining. Had a great time hanging out with the family. I'm actually glad that our helper is off every Sunday as it allows us to hang out as a family and it's almost like every Sunday is Mother's and Father's Day. Well, just about 2 months to go and it'll be summer and we'll be able to head back to Spore. Can't wait! And there's Maldives to look forward too!

The Sound of Silence

I've lost my voice for a couple of days. It started with last Friday when I woke up with a sore throat. Saw the doc and was told that I had swollen tonsils. Stayed at home but I had to work on Saturday, it was parents' day. Sunday came and went and I was still fine but when Monday hit, I had no voice. Like seriously no voice. Tuesday rolled along and yes, you guessed it, still no voice. I still went to work but after work I went to the doctor. Got myself three days off work. Which in a way is good because I get to rest my voice and hang out with little Cha Cha.

I was thinking about my voice. The last time I lost it was about 5 years ago when I was still working in Singapore. At that time, it was almost an annual thingy that I'll lose it. And it was those moments that I really appreciate not being able to speak. Moving to Hong Kong, it didn't happen till now. But am I peeved that I lost my voice? No, actually, to a certain extent I'm glad. I get to talk less and listen more. I listen more carefully and there's no need to think of what to say next as I can't speak so I focus on listening more.

On Monday, Babe asked me, why am I not speaking to him and I looked at him and pointed to my throat and he went, oh sorry. I think he misses me speaking to him. But I enjoy listening to him. I enjoy listening to his thoughts, feelings and fears. I listened to what he was thinking about his living in Hong Kong and how he feels if we're going to be here for another 5 years or more. He also talked about his fears of having a second kid. It was nice for a change that I didn't have to interrupt him but just listen to what he had to say.

Sometimes, I do thinking my silence is golden. I admit that I talk way too much and sometimes, it's good just to listen to what others have to say and just listen. And enjoy this pic of Cha Cha. He loves his bath and his rubber ducky.