It's Not Time Yet

Jo Meimei arrived about a week ago and of course, I'm all excited to be aunty again. But at the same time, I'm bummed that once again, I won't see her grow up. When little Jojo arrived, I was almost in Spore once every month because Babe was living in Spore at that time so to a certain extent, I did see her grow up.

It's these times that I wonder if it is time to head back to Spore for good. I don't want to miss out on Jojo and Jo Meimei. Since Baba is probably going to be the only child, I want him to get to know his cousins and be close to them. I miss home at times. I know even though I've lived overseas for more than a quarter of my life, I still miss home once in a while. I know Babe misses home too. His family has been through some tough times. His grandma and aunty went to heaven last year and we just got news that his other aunty is in stage 4 cancer. A couple of weeks ago, Stanley, my bestie, who has moved to San Francisco asked when do we think we'll be moving back. And I guess that's when I started thinking a little about home.

But then I realized that the truth is that I'm not ready to move back to Singapore yet. Babe did mention the possibility of a Bangkok move but I don't want to move to Bangkok. I'm happy in Hong Kong. It took me a while to settle into Hong Kong. Took me time to figure out friends. Took me time to have friends that are family now. And it's these reasons and more that I don't think I want to move to another country. And to move back to Spore, I really don't know what am I going to do when I head back. I don't want to teach in Spore and if I don't teach, I really don't know what I can do.

Importantly, we don't hear God telling us that it's time to head home or head elsewhere. I told Stanley, we don't know. We don't think God is telling us to go anywhere at this point and when He moves us, we will go but at this point, Hong Kong might be home for a while.

It's so sweet to see Jojo caring for Jo Meimei so tenderly. My prayer for little Jo Meimei, may she be a woman after God's heart and a God fearing woman.

Dear Jo Meimei,

Although I've not met you, when you were conceived, I've already love you. I prayed for you when you were in your mother's womb. I wanted her to call you Sunshine but she thought that I'm a little bonkers to do that. But Jo Meimei, I know that you'll bring sunshine to the people around you. I'm sorry that I may not be able to see you as often as I would like but remember that I love you and will always love you.

Love,

Yeeyee Jasmine

Our Journey to Mother's Day

A few years ago on a stormy morning, as I was getting ready for work, I looked out of my window and with a heavy heart, I asked God, 'Dear God, I know that you want us to adopt a child. But honestly, this journey is getting very long and hard. Maybe we heard wrong?' And God spoke to me with this song.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Straightaway, I felt so much better. During that time, it was a rather difficult period for Babe and me. Babe was headed back to Singapore for work and I was in Hong Kong. And it was that time that I really questioned God's direction for us. Are we meant to stay in Hong Kong, what about adoption and are we meant to make our own kid? There were these thoughts running through my head and Babe was having eye issues in Singapore too. That very morning, all I wanted to do was to crawl right into bed and curl up in a fetal position for as long as possible. Then there were naysayers who were telling me that well, maybe that's not what God wants us to do. I was confused. Or rather I let the thoughts of doubt wonder in. But God spoke that morning and my soul felt a lot calmer and I went to work knowing that my heavenly father is in control. 

I would love to write that the next day, little Babe arrived. But no, that's not what happened. God made us wait a little more. He allowed us to come to a decision to fully trust in His wisdom and then He allowed Josias to arrive. Our journey has not be been easy. There were many obstacles that we had to overcome. There were times that even I was thinking, let's make our own. But I'm glad that we obeyed and listened to God. And He gave us the best gift we could ever ask for. 

When I look at my life now, I'm beyond grateful and blessed. There's nothing that I could ask for more. I've got two best boys in the world, a wonderful and supportive family, friends that have become family so what more can I ask for in life? Thank you, Jesus.

Dear little Babe,

On this Mother's Day, I want to tell you 'thank you' for letting me to be your mother. I'll never be tired of telling you how excited I was when we got the news that you were matched with us. That phone call was probably the most memorable phone call ever in my life.

Little Baba, Da Da and I will try our best to provide with you whatever we can. But there are times when we have to say no for various reasons but understand that the 'no' has a reason. God gave you to us and we want to make sure that we raise you the best that we can for God's glory. Little Baba, in life there are successes and failures but remember, with each failure, there's a lesson learnt. I've never been the smartest kid in school but grandpa and grandma never measured their love for me based on my academic successes. Well if they did,. I'll probably be disowned! But rather, they love me for me being me. And the same for us, Baba. We love you for you. We want you to grow up to be a God fearing and a man after God's heart. I don't care if you're a plumber, carpenter or a doctor or a lawyer but whatever you do, do it to glorify God.

Baba, Da Da and I may never have the perfect relationship or marriage. Yes, there will be times that you may see us yell at each other but we try not to do that in front of you. But remember that the arguments and fights that we have are never about you. We will try very hard to build a strong marriage but we're not perfect and sometimes we may fail. Just remember that we love you very much. And whatever that happens, Da Da and I will make sure that we'll always be together. We love you. Someday when you grow up, be the husband that your Da Da is. He's the only one that I want to walk my life's journey with.

In life, there maybe family, relatives or friends that may say hurtful stuff about you being adopted. Baba, remember, God chose you to be our son. Da Da and I love you more than you can ever imagine. When you arrived, your godparents, both sets, wanted to be your godparents. There were people around the world rejoicing at the news of your arrival. For your first birthday, your godma flew from America to hang out with you. So you see Baba, you were chosen for us and we could never ask for more. 

Little Boy, thanks for being a great son. Thanks for the bright mornings, my mornings are no longer dreary. Thanks for the infectious smile and laughter. You filled our lives with so much fun, laughter and love. In short, Baba, thanks for letting me be a mother. 

Love you for forever and ever,

Ma Ma

Parenthood

So I have to agree that parenthood is difficult. Yes, very difficult and it does stuff to marriages that you'll never expect. A couple of years ago, I heard a pastor say that married with no kids is not really married. It's like going on a extended courtship. I wasn't sure if I bought that. We didn't have Baba at that time

And so we had little Baba and then the marriage took a different dimension. And honestly, he was right. Babe and I have different ideas about parenting because obviously we were raised differently. Then we are of differently personalities and we have different views on stuff. Yes, in general parenting can be hard. Then you have the mix of the extended family pitching in with ideas of how to raise little Baba and then we start entertaining these ideas and then we argue about it and you get the picture. And then I've got to pause and stop and ask myself am I doing this or whatever the argument is for myself or for Baba.

Then I realised that both of us want the best for little Baba that's when I've to take a step back and put down my tiger mum's claws and like Babe run with Baba and let him do what he thinks is the best for little Baba. And sit back and remember that parenthood is meant to strengthen the marriage and also that Babe loves Baba as much as I love Baba.