Living out Faith

Yes, so finally I can write what's been in my head and heart for the past couple of months. The past year has been a series of roller coaster rides. It was hard to hold my faith and trust that God will ride it out with us. There were times that I've wanted to really shake my fists at God. And I admit that the temptation to stop going to church and stop believing in what I'm meant to believe was very great. But yesterday at church just before the service ended and the worship band played this song, I know that deep down, I worship a faithful God. Amazed You dance over me While I am unaware You sing all around But I never hear the sound Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I'm amazed by You How You love me You paint the morning sky With miracles in mind My hope will always stand For You hold me in Your hand Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I'm amazed by You How You love me Lord, I'm amazed by You Lord, I...

For the past year, I've been feeling that my life is on a roller coaster ride with the lows more than the highs. And the feeling of wanting to walk away and giving up has never felt stronger and me feeling a lot more drained than before. In my head, I know that it will all come to pass and things will be fine again. But in my heart, I question God, why? Why are things not as smooth sailing when I think I've obeyed and do what you want? Why are things still so tough? Can't you make things easier and why don't you just make everything nice and rosy again. Yes, those have been my thoughts for this past year. And each time, I feel low, God sends someone, something or some situation to let me know that I'm not alone in the walk. And I hear God telling me, 'Even though you're walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I'm walking right beside you.' Last Sunday, towards the end of the service, this song was sung. Hide me now Under Your wings ...

Oh wow! I've just noticed that I've not blogged close to five months. This must be my longest silence on my blog. There were and are reasons why I've chose not to blog as much. But guess in time to come, I'll write about it. So summer holidays came and left. It's been good. I try not to complain. Spent a week in New York with bestie and then rest of summer in Hong Kong. It was a good time with the family. Mum and Jojo came to visit. Stayed with us for ten days. After that, Jacqui and Joel came to stay with us for four days. Yes, there were times that the tiny apartment seemed crowded but I was really glad and happy to be surrounded by family. When we couldn't go to Singapore, Singapore came to us. One Sunday night, we invited a friend over for dinner. He turned called and asked us if he could bring a friend over. He brought over a asylum refugee seeker who has been in Hong Kong for more than nine years. At that time, I've been feeling the weight on my sh...

Yes, this is the longest time that I've not blogged. Some days, I wonder if it's time for this blog to shut. And then there are days that I think, no, I still like blogging and there are days I don't even know what I want anymore. Anyway, tonight is the night that I decided to blog and yes, I'm going to blog and honestly, I don't know how frequent would I be blogging but I'll blog as long as I feel like blogging. So life has hasn't been bad to me. God has been faithful in answering my prayers. Over the past few months, I felt that God has been stretching my faith. There were days I wonder how much more stretching God is going to be doing and then I realized that He's stretching me so that I can grow and see Him work in me. And now, yes, God has been very gracious. Far too gracious. I can say too much. Give me a few months and then I'll be able to reveal more. But in the meantime, all I can say is, God is always faithful. Recently I've been th...

So sometimes I wonder a decision that was made probably a decade ago was the right decision or was it a wrong one. Then I wonder, so if it's a wrong one, what do I do now, do I walk away or do I suck it up and try to make it work? And then sometimes I wonder if its worth trying to make it work, and in all these crazy wondering and pondering I wish that I can just stay in bed for days and not get up at all and not even wash or even brush my teeth. Then I realize, crap! Isn't that depression? People who stay in bed for days and weeks and months and then what, years, aren't they people with depression? And I think to myself, man, wish I could do that. And then I realized, what? Am I actually envious of people that are in depression? Man, am I sick or what? Then a light goes off in my head, so if I didn't have any responsibilities or any dependents or whatsoever, I would be able to be in depression and stay in bed all day and all night. So people that have responsibilitie...

So it's been a long time since I last wrote on my blog. Well, update from the last post, decision has been made and I'm glad that it's the decision that I prayed for. And now, we have to wait. Yes, got to love the waiting game. Had a wonderful December. Jacqui's wedding was a blast. But at the same time, kinda bittersweet. Am glad that she married someone that she's known for a really long time. They probably met when they were babies, were best friends and maybe a year or so ago decided to start dating and then, the wedding. A beautiful wedding, great company and a blessed time with the family. But what's hard is that Jacqui moved to Melbourne. To a large extent, it's kinda hard for everyone in the family especially Jojo. When Jojo was born, Jacqui has always been there and then now, she's suddenly gone. Jojo finds it hard. The reality is that everyone notices her absence. I miss the coffee that she makes for me. And her being there for the family. Ki...