Decision

So sometimes I wonder a decision that was made probably a decade ago was the right decision or was it a wrong one. Then I wonder, so if it's a wrong one, what do I do now, do I walk away or do I suck it up and try to make it work? And then sometimes I wonder if its worth trying to make it work, and in all these crazy wondering and pondering I wish that I can just stay in bed for days and not get up at all and not even wash or even brush my teeth. Then I realize, crap! Isn't that depression? People who stay in bed for days and weeks and months and then what, years, aren't they people with depression? And I think to myself, man, wish I could do that. And then I realized, what? Am I actually envious of people that are in depression? Man, am I sick or what?

Then a light goes off in my head, so if I didn't have any responsibilities or any dependents or whatsoever, I would be able to be in depression and stay in bed all day and all night. So people that have responsibilities and dependents and whatnot who do that, aren't they freaking selfish then? Or are they that weak to ignore people that actually need them? And then I look at myself, what on hell do I really want?

One word, happiness. And it's getting more and more difficult these days. Or am I getting older that I find happiness more and more elusive?