Recently, things have been happening to some close friends of mine that set me thinking about my life and my principles in life. A close friend of mine has been working for an organization for a long time and over the last few months, she has been feeling really down. Really depressed at times and it's affecting her sanity. She told me that the final straw hit her when she started crying and muttering to herself asking herself over and over again, 'Why?'. That's when she realize that in order to save her sanity, she has to resign and be selfish and leave the organization. I have another friend who is working in the same organization and despite the fact that she realizes that she's stressed and getting depressed and seeing a shrink, she is still working for the organization and getting nice bonus but at the same time losing her sanity. I wonder if it's worth it. Yes, she's selfless to the organization but she's losing her marbles slowly. Well, this was the same organization that I walked away realizing that my marbles were getting lost one by one slowly. I gathered whatever that was left of my marbles and walked away from the organization.
Some of you may or might know that I had and still have bouts of darkness in my life. There were or are still times in my life that I could hardly see the light at the end of the tunnel. There were days that I just didn't want to talk to people and just let me wallow in my filth and shit. Maybe that's why I love reading dark books. But I'm learning to spot the darkness, the grey before it comes dark and walk away. I'm learning that there's no point to walk through the darkness and achieve nothing but more sadness and misery. Not worth it. And it's because of the realization that I've developed to be selfish and self-centered. I've learnt to cut things, people, whatever and whoever out of my life who is bring me to the dark place. I've been selfish to my family, friends and organizations that I worked for because I don't want to get to the dark place. But excuse me, people, my sanity is more important to me than anything else. All you people can go screw yourselves because I love my sanity. If you've been on the walk that I've been and am still on, you'll understand why I love my sanity. Don't freaking judge me like some people because you don't know me enough.
A close friend of mine, walked away from her marriage knowing that her husband was making her lose her sanity. But she walked away with lots of dignity and I really applaud her. Another close friend, is going through a lot at this moment, or so I perceive as a lot. I might have made some bad judgments on her man. But in my opinion, walk away before all marbles are gone. Be selfish and think about your sanity and yourself. If you don't think of yourself, who the hell will think for you? But then again, who the hell am I to make judgments that her man is making her lose her sanity or her man is not good enough for her?
But having said all these, the bible says,
But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
Matthew 5:39.
And I wonder, how many times and how long do I turn the other cheek? When is it enough? And how long before I lose all my marbles? Very conflicting for me at times.
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