For the first time in the longest time that I really miss home to a certain extent. Not sure if I'm homesick or what it is? Maybe it's the weather that's kinda affected me. It's gloomy, hot, rainy, in short, crap, shit weather!
It started yesterday with a text from Sharon. She texted and told me that she's pregnant! And well, of course, I'm over the moon for her. Actually, more than over the moon for her. So happy for her! And then I started counting....hmmm....will I make it for her baby's first month celebrations? And then it hit me, maybe not! Damn!
After work, I went to the gym. While I was trying my very best to huff and puff on the threadmill and that's when everything hit! I realised that living in overseas, I've missed out heaps on my family and friends. I'm missed out on so many things that to me are important. I wished I was there when Yati's mum passed on. Miss Joanne's engagement, missed so many things. And it felt even more when I chatted with Sharon last night. We started talking and I realised that I do miss my friends.
It is hard at times when my best friends live in another country or in another continent. And it makes me wonder....even if I'm in Spore, would I have time really to catch up with my friends and see them? No, but it does make it easier for me to pick up the phone and call and talk. But this is the life that I've chose and do I regret? No, I don't regret. It makes me realise who are the ones that I truly care for and want to be there for. It also has shown me who my friends truly are. My family will always be there for me. It's the friends that have come around to show if they are worthy to be keepers.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
A Change of Leadership
During dinner with Beth, we talked about our childhoods and she mentioned that it's surprising that I've turned out pretty well-adjusted. Hmm....thanks heaps Beth! Well, to a certain extent I am well adjusted but then again, I'm pretty much mad as well. I've my crappy, shitty days that all I want to do is to crawl into bed and lay there all day and night. But what will that get me? And then I thought further.....
Glory for me for me to be well adjusted does not go to me. It should all go to God! The motto that I've always lived by was, 'As long as I’m not broken, I’ll be stronger….like a phoenix that emerges from the ashes.' But I've realised that leadership is not in my hands. It never has been in my hands to be exact. My motto should have been, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippines 4:13. What pride I had to say that I'll be stronger with my own strength. It is the trials and tribulations that I've been through and Christ in His mercy saw it fit to give me strength and courage to be a better person. Can't believe it took me this long realised what an idiot I've been. Stan pointed out to me clearly, that I should let God lead me and not me pulling God along and wanting Him to do my will.
In submitting leadership to Christ, I've realised that I no longer look at Lok Yi with the absolute desire that I want her to be my Jael. I've come upon realisation that God has a plan for us all. And in His plan, He'll never fail us. I didn't really expect Dad to come around to adoption. Didn't really expect mum to bring it up in the conversation last night. But it all seems to fall into place. God has a time and place for everything and all I need is faith and trust in Him.
Glory for me for me to be well adjusted does not go to me. It should all go to God! The motto that I've always lived by was, 'As long as I’m not broken, I’ll be stronger….like a phoenix that emerges from the ashes.' But I've realised that leadership is not in my hands. It never has been in my hands to be exact. My motto should have been, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippines 4:13. What pride I had to say that I'll be stronger with my own strength. It is the trials and tribulations that I've been through and Christ in His mercy saw it fit to give me strength and courage to be a better person. Can't believe it took me this long realised what an idiot I've been. Stan pointed out to me clearly, that I should let God lead me and not me pulling God along and wanting Him to do my will.
In submitting leadership to Christ, I've realised that I no longer look at Lok Yi with the absolute desire that I want her to be my Jael. I've come upon realisation that God has a plan for us all. And in His plan, He'll never fail us. I didn't really expect Dad to come around to adoption. Didn't really expect mum to bring it up in the conversation last night. But it all seems to fall into place. God has a time and place for everything and all I need is faith and trust in Him.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Friends in a Transient Life
I'm sure I've blogged about friendships and friends in a transient life. Well, today is another one. Had dinner with Beth last night. And she's leaving. Another friend that is throwing in the towel for Hong Kong. As much as I'm sad to see her go, but I am glad for the decision that she has made.
In some ways, Beth and me are similar. We grew up in somewhat similar family environments and those environments and situations mould us to be what we are now. It was interesting when we realised that. It's a shame though as if we had more time, we would have made good friends. And to a certain extent, our views on certain issues are pretty black and white, clear cut and whatever you call it. And even her decision, would be a decision that I would make if I were in her shoes. She has decided to go back to fix what's important to her. I made that same decision more than 10 years ago. It was hard but necessary. And I am very proud and glad that she stopped herself in time from adopting because she knew that it wasn't time yet. It takes a lot of courage from a person to be able to take a step back and realised that it's may no work out, rather than to screw up an innocent child's life.
Over the 2 years in Hong Kong, friends have come and left. 2 left because of various reasons, one is leaving soon. Was disappointed in a couple of friends. But does that stop me from making friends? No! Because this is life. Sure, people come and go in our lives and if they are important enough, they'll stay as friends for life. But with some friendships, it does have their expiry dates as interests, views, and whatever don't match. And I move along. And disappointments, sure, there's disappointments, the time invested in the friendships and what comes out of it? Well, there are times that I feel taken advantage of and that the friendship was on not on equal footing, did that matter to me? Sure, it did but, that's life. We learn and let go. Babe, always say that I'm a sucker, but I'd rather be a sucker and then realise that I've made the wrong friend than not to give the person a chance.
A mistake I made when I came to Hong Kong, was to try to replicate certain friends that I had in Spore or States in Hong Kong. And guess what, that blew up right in my face! And I can't believe that I can be that stupid! Haven't I realised that everyone is made differently?
Anyway, I still have faith in friendships in a transient life. I have met some really nice friends along the way and they are the reasons why I still believe in friendships. Babe is away for the weekend and this weekend is 'friendships catching up' time.
In some ways, Beth and me are similar. We grew up in somewhat similar family environments and those environments and situations mould us to be what we are now. It was interesting when we realised that. It's a shame though as if we had more time, we would have made good friends. And to a certain extent, our views on certain issues are pretty black and white, clear cut and whatever you call it. And even her decision, would be a decision that I would make if I were in her shoes. She has decided to go back to fix what's important to her. I made that same decision more than 10 years ago. It was hard but necessary. And I am very proud and glad that she stopped herself in time from adopting because she knew that it wasn't time yet. It takes a lot of courage from a person to be able to take a step back and realised that it's may no work out, rather than to screw up an innocent child's life.
Over the 2 years in Hong Kong, friends have come and left. 2 left because of various reasons, one is leaving soon. Was disappointed in a couple of friends. But does that stop me from making friends? No! Because this is life. Sure, people come and go in our lives and if they are important enough, they'll stay as friends for life. But with some friendships, it does have their expiry dates as interests, views, and whatever don't match. And I move along. And disappointments, sure, there's disappointments, the time invested in the friendships and what comes out of it? Well, there are times that I feel taken advantage of and that the friendship was on not on equal footing, did that matter to me? Sure, it did but, that's life. We learn and let go. Babe, always say that I'm a sucker, but I'd rather be a sucker and then realise that I've made the wrong friend than not to give the person a chance.
A mistake I made when I came to Hong Kong, was to try to replicate certain friends that I had in Spore or States in Hong Kong. And guess what, that blew up right in my face! And I can't believe that I can be that stupid! Haven't I realised that everyone is made differently?
Anyway, I still have faith in friendships in a transient life. I have met some really nice friends along the way and they are the reasons why I still believe in friendships. Babe is away for the weekend and this weekend is 'friendships catching up' time.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Being Interviewed
We went for the interview last night. In my humble opinion, it went well. At the same time, it left me with thoughts that I'm dwelling upon and thinking about. I think way too much at times. And Joanne, my sis is right as well. I'm pretty impulsive with my thoughts and actions. I act before I think. But it's good to have Babe to hold me to the ground.
At the interview, our caseworker covered quite a bit. He did give us more information. We have to go for our individual interviews and a home visit. Apparently, there's a possibility that we might get a child in mid August after our homestudy. So, I've kinda decided to cut short my trip to Singapore. During the interview, my thoughts went to little Lok Yi. Spoke to Babe about Lok Yi and he said that at this point of time, he hasn't heard God's call for her. Sure, I was a tad disappointed but I've to remember that everything is in God's hands. He is in control of everything. At the same time, I am excited at the thought of getting a baby. I'm already thinking of all the shopping that I can do in States! But maybe........God might be leading us to adopt 2! Ya, little baby and Lok Yi. But wait, I'm getting way too excited. Anyway, I know He's leading us on...so calm down!
Pray for us as we embark on this journey. We want to make decisions that are Godly and right in His sight. I have to keep reminding myself that it's the Lord that has to be glorified and not me. I am just a little pawn in His big plan. Want to thank Yati, Iris and some of my friends that have been really encouraging. And Dad......has come around! Whhopppeeee!!! I guess he has finally realised that there's no point fighting this. Praise the Lord!
At the interview, our caseworker covered quite a bit. He did give us more information. We have to go for our individual interviews and a home visit. Apparently, there's a possibility that we might get a child in mid August after our homestudy. So, I've kinda decided to cut short my trip to Singapore. During the interview, my thoughts went to little Lok Yi. Spoke to Babe about Lok Yi and he said that at this point of time, he hasn't heard God's call for her. Sure, I was a tad disappointed but I've to remember that everything is in God's hands. He is in control of everything. At the same time, I am excited at the thought of getting a baby. I'm already thinking of all the shopping that I can do in States! But maybe........God might be leading us to adopt 2! Ya, little baby and Lok Yi. But wait, I'm getting way too excited. Anyway, I know He's leading us on...so calm down!
Pray for us as we embark on this journey. We want to make decisions that are Godly and right in His sight. I have to keep reminding myself that it's the Lord that has to be glorified and not me. I am just a little pawn in His big plan. Want to thank Yati, Iris and some of my friends that have been really encouraging. And Dad......has come around! Whhopppeeee!!! I guess he has finally realised that there's no point fighting this. Praise the Lord!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Wrestling and Struggling
When we were kids, we used to watch wrestling with dad. And since there were 3 of us, we used to play wrestling and one of us would be the referee. Well, it was sure fun. Lots of jumping and pretending arm lock. Not to worry, no one was hurt.
On Sat, I did my quiet time on this passage.
24Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.
Jacob wrestled with God and when he finally realised that it's no point and that he should let God take over, that's when he somewhat felt at peace.
I look at myself and my life. Isn't it the same. I wrestle and struggle with God all the time, making bargains and wanting God to do my will and not His and then when things go awry, I get mad and upset. But what's the point? Why?
We went to HOLF on Saturday and spent some time with Lok Yi. We bought her a little Winnie the Pooh and she loved it! She's such a cutie! When we left, it was this mixed feelings that I was battling inside me. On one hand, I had peace in me that I saw her and spent time with her. On the other hand, there were many what ifs that were running through my head. What if, God says that she's not the one? What if, Babe thinks that she's not the one? What if, she's the one but it'll be hard on us because she needs medical care? What if, our families do not accept her because she is sick? What if, someone adopts her before us? And what if, what if? I gotten a little pensive and a little quiet. Babe didn't say much at all. But on Sunday, it was nice of him to say that maybe we could get some clothes for Lok Yi. Did a little shopping and bought her some clothes.
But when I actually sat down and meditate on my quiet time last night and then I thought, where wrestle and struggle unnecessarily? In God's own time, He'll make all things right. And that if we are worthy to be the parents of Lok Yi, He will make it work. And honestly, it was then that I also came to a point. I strongly believe that God is leading us to adopt and after adoption, I'm game to try for our biological kid. And if God permits it, He'll take care of my mental and emotional well-being. It's hard to learn to trust in God but reality is that, the more we wrestle and struggle, the harder is it for us to be good Christians that will stand firm in Him.
Pray for us. We'll be attending the adoption interview today as well. And God willing, things will pan out. Whatever it is, I am learning to let go and put everything on at the feet of Jesus for He alone will know what's the best for us. Pray for little Lok Yi that she'll find a set of God fearing parents that will love her despite of everything. The poor little girl has really gone through a lot in her little life.
This was taken at HOLF, isn't she such a cutie?
On Sat, I did my quiet time on this passage.
24Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.
25When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob's thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him.
26Then he said, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking." But he said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
27So he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob."
28He said, "Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed."
29Then Jacob asked him and said, "Please tell me your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And he blessed him there.
30So Jacob named the place Peniel, for he said, "I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved."
31Now the sun rose upon him just as he crossed over Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh.
32Therefore, to this day the sons of Israel do not eat the sinew of the hip which is on the socket of the thigh, because he touched the socket of Jacob's thigh in the sinew of the hip.
Genesis 32: 24 - 32Jacob wrestled with God and when he finally realised that it's no point and that he should let God take over, that's when he somewhat felt at peace.
I look at myself and my life. Isn't it the same. I wrestle and struggle with God all the time, making bargains and wanting God to do my will and not His and then when things go awry, I get mad and upset. But what's the point? Why?
We went to HOLF on Saturday and spent some time with Lok Yi. We bought her a little Winnie the Pooh and she loved it! She's such a cutie! When we left, it was this mixed feelings that I was battling inside me. On one hand, I had peace in me that I saw her and spent time with her. On the other hand, there were many what ifs that were running through my head. What if, God says that she's not the one? What if, Babe thinks that she's not the one? What if, she's the one but it'll be hard on us because she needs medical care? What if, our families do not accept her because she is sick? What if, someone adopts her before us? And what if, what if? I gotten a little pensive and a little quiet. Babe didn't say much at all. But on Sunday, it was nice of him to say that maybe we could get some clothes for Lok Yi. Did a little shopping and bought her some clothes.
But when I actually sat down and meditate on my quiet time last night and then I thought, where wrestle and struggle unnecessarily? In God's own time, He'll make all things right. And that if we are worthy to be the parents of Lok Yi, He will make it work. And honestly, it was then that I also came to a point. I strongly believe that God is leading us to adopt and after adoption, I'm game to try for our biological kid. And if God permits it, He'll take care of my mental and emotional well-being. It's hard to learn to trust in God but reality is that, the more we wrestle and struggle, the harder is it for us to be good Christians that will stand firm in Him.
Pray for us. We'll be attending the adoption interview today as well. And God willing, things will pan out. Whatever it is, I am learning to let go and put everything on at the feet of Jesus for He alone will know what's the best for us. Pray for little Lok Yi that she'll find a set of God fearing parents that will love her despite of everything. The poor little girl has really gone through a lot in her little life.
This was taken at HOLF, isn't she such a cutie?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Judging the World
I hate to admit this. I can't stand people that are judgmental and passing off remarks about others. But then again, when I look at myself, I'm pretty much the same isn't it. I can be very judgmental and be adamant on my views and thoughts, disregarding others.
But recently....my heart is a little broken. Well, it started with the cyclone that hit Myanmar. I got upset and angry because I can't seem to understand why wouldn't the government let in aid workers? They just want the aid without the workers. Maybe I'm be brainwashed by the media that Myanmar is evil and mean but from what I read, the government is keeping the good stuff for themselves or reselling them for a profit to make more mincemeat out of the monks (my own deduction), or whatever the reason. They gave the poor and starving rotten rice. And it broke my heart even more when the government wants the people seeking shelter in the temples to be out too. I'm like...What? Where do the govt expect these poor, starving, cold and homeless people to go? This is madness!
And then, this week, the earthquake hit Sichuan. And I was heartened by the fact that Wen Jiabao, the premier or whoever, was on the ground helping and supervising the rescue operations. Yes, people can say that it's just a show but I believe that true kindness and being real is hard to pretend. Sure, I've met many pretentious people but soon, their true colors will show. But with Wen Jiabao, it seems to be that it comes from the heart. I really pray and hope that China will be able to crawl out of this calamity stronger. I pray that more survivors will be found.
The world is really a strange place and mankind, even stranger.
But recently....my heart is a little broken. Well, it started with the cyclone that hit Myanmar. I got upset and angry because I can't seem to understand why wouldn't the government let in aid workers? They just want the aid without the workers. Maybe I'm be brainwashed by the media that Myanmar is evil and mean but from what I read, the government is keeping the good stuff for themselves or reselling them for a profit to make more mincemeat out of the monks (my own deduction), or whatever the reason. They gave the poor and starving rotten rice. And it broke my heart even more when the government wants the people seeking shelter in the temples to be out too. I'm like...What? Where do the govt expect these poor, starving, cold and homeless people to go? This is madness!
And then, this week, the earthquake hit Sichuan. And I was heartened by the fact that Wen Jiabao, the premier or whoever, was on the ground helping and supervising the rescue operations. Yes, people can say that it's just a show but I believe that true kindness and being real is hard to pretend. Sure, I've met many pretentious people but soon, their true colors will show. But with Wen Jiabao, it seems to be that it comes from the heart. I really pray and hope that China will be able to crawl out of this calamity stronger. I pray that more survivors will be found.
The world is really a strange place and mankind, even stranger.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Long Weekend
On Saturday, we went to Holf. Met this really lovely girl, Lok Yi. The little girl that was given up by her mother. She was so adorable, precocious and she just melted my heart. But I know that God's ways are always higher than my ways. And if it's God's will, He'll find Lok Yi a nice family and if God thinks that we're good enough parents for Lok Yi, then He'll move us. By the way, how does Jael Sunshine Seet sounds? Nice, huh?
On Sunday at church, there was a Mother's Day celebration. In all my church going life, I truly believe that God must have brought us to Hong Kong for a reason and the reason, to be moved by Him in church. Truly enjoyed every moment of service. And it was really, really nice when the kids were giving out flowers to the mothers and Betty Nelson, came right to me to give me a hug and the box of flowers and she said, 'I know you'll make the greatest mum when you get your baby!' It almost brought a tear to my eyes. Betty Nelson has 2 adopted children and she has been very supportive in every single aspect with us adopting. She's been very encouraging and I am truly touched by her. For reasons such as this, I truly feel the love and support from IBC.
On Sunday after church we went to Macau. We went to have a look at Venetian. In my humble opinion, it's way too loud and cheesy with gold dripping everywhere. Macau is trying very hard to be like Vegas but I guess its hard. Especially with the proximity to China and the chinese ah bengs coming into Venetian to gamble. We saw group tours going in, loud voices, clearing throats and you get the picture. We left Venetian and went to our favourite casino. Wait, don't get me wrong. I'm not a gambler. We don't go to Macau every single weekend. Just once a month or once in 2 months. I love slot machines. I love hearing the sounds and just pushing the buttons. To me, it's all very entertaining. Yes, I know, I'm somewhat mad.
We got bored and decided to come back to Hong Kong early. And at the pier, that's when we met Ms Negative. Ms Negative was in the same standby line as us. Standby line is for those who have tickets to go home but just want to go home earlier. And throughout, she kept lamenting that there's no chance of us getting on the ferry and she went on and on and when we got on the ferry, we sat in front of her. For some reason, the ferry took a slight detour and Ms Negative went on and on about going home late and complaining, she drove us mad. And my headache....started brewing. By the time we got home, I showered, and went to bed and before I knew it, I had to throw up! I had a massive migraine. Sure, it was easy to place my migraine on Ms Negative but I realised this, 2 weeks ago, I went for bible study and we talked about the sanctity of the sabbath. And did I honour God on sabbath? No, maybe that's why I had my migraine.
Next day, it was a public holiday. I woke up late and then had tea with Elaine and Melissa. We had such a good time, just eating and chatting. The food was so glorious. So tempted to go again for tea. But have to restraint! I just managed to fit into my favourite jeans after 2 years!
Anyway, ramblings almost done. Do pray for us as we seek God's will in terms with adoption. As much as we like a little baby but maybe God has other plans for us. I'm quite taken by Lok Yi as well. But I don't want to mistake pity, sorry and compassion for God's will. Pray for discernment that I'll be able to hear God's voice speaking to me.
On Sunday at church, there was a Mother's Day celebration. In all my church going life, I truly believe that God must have brought us to Hong Kong for a reason and the reason, to be moved by Him in church. Truly enjoyed every moment of service. And it was really, really nice when the kids were giving out flowers to the mothers and Betty Nelson, came right to me to give me a hug and the box of flowers and she said, 'I know you'll make the greatest mum when you get your baby!' It almost brought a tear to my eyes. Betty Nelson has 2 adopted children and she has been very supportive in every single aspect with us adopting. She's been very encouraging and I am truly touched by her. For reasons such as this, I truly feel the love and support from IBC.
On Sunday after church we went to Macau. We went to have a look at Venetian. In my humble opinion, it's way too loud and cheesy with gold dripping everywhere. Macau is trying very hard to be like Vegas but I guess its hard. Especially with the proximity to China and the chinese ah bengs coming into Venetian to gamble. We saw group tours going in, loud voices, clearing throats and you get the picture. We left Venetian and went to our favourite casino. Wait, don't get me wrong. I'm not a gambler. We don't go to Macau every single weekend. Just once a month or once in 2 months. I love slot machines. I love hearing the sounds and just pushing the buttons. To me, it's all very entertaining. Yes, I know, I'm somewhat mad.
We got bored and decided to come back to Hong Kong early. And at the pier, that's when we met Ms Negative. Ms Negative was in the same standby line as us. Standby line is for those who have tickets to go home but just want to go home earlier. And throughout, she kept lamenting that there's no chance of us getting on the ferry and she went on and on and when we got on the ferry, we sat in front of her. For some reason, the ferry took a slight detour and Ms Negative went on and on about going home late and complaining, she drove us mad. And my headache....started brewing. By the time we got home, I showered, and went to bed and before I knew it, I had to throw up! I had a massive migraine. Sure, it was easy to place my migraine on Ms Negative but I realised this, 2 weeks ago, I went for bible study and we talked about the sanctity of the sabbath. And did I honour God on sabbath? No, maybe that's why I had my migraine.
Next day, it was a public holiday. I woke up late and then had tea with Elaine and Melissa. We had such a good time, just eating and chatting. The food was so glorious. So tempted to go again for tea. But have to restraint! I just managed to fit into my favourite jeans after 2 years!
Anyway, ramblings almost done. Do pray for us as we seek God's will in terms with adoption. As much as we like a little baby but maybe God has other plans for us. I'm quite taken by Lok Yi as well. But I don't want to mistake pity, sorry and compassion for God's will. Pray for discernment that I'll be able to hear God's voice speaking to me.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Tired
Before reaching home yesterday and told myself that I'll have to make it to the gym. Got home, talked to Babe, cuddled Happy and watched some telly, thinking that I'll get change in like 15 mins to get to the gym. And then......Can't believe me....I promptly nodded and fell fast asleep while still sitting on the couch!
I couldn't figure out why was I so tired. Actually, I've been quite tired recently. Then, I realised....Monday night, nothing on but most of the time, I meet my girlfriends for dinner. Tuesday night, bible study at 8pm, Wednesday night, classes at Chinese University. Thursday night, nothing on, time spend with Babe and then, Friday night, class at Chinese University again. Then I realised, that I am a tad busy. But I'm happy being busy. At least going for bible study and classes at Chinese University, my brains are stimulated, rather than sitting at home and not doing much constructive.
Oh well, it's the weekend coming real soon and it's a long weekend too. We'll be heading to Macau on Sunday and will be having tea with some nice ladies on Monday at Marriott. Can't wait!
I couldn't figure out why was I so tired. Actually, I've been quite tired recently. Then, I realised....Monday night, nothing on but most of the time, I meet my girlfriends for dinner. Tuesday night, bible study at 8pm, Wednesday night, classes at Chinese University. Thursday night, nothing on, time spend with Babe and then, Friday night, class at Chinese University again. Then I realised, that I am a tad busy. But I'm happy being busy. At least going for bible study and classes at Chinese University, my brains are stimulated, rather than sitting at home and not doing much constructive.
Oh well, it's the weekend coming real soon and it's a long weekend too. We'll be heading to Macau on Sunday and will be having tea with some nice ladies on Monday at Marriott. Can't wait!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Truly, Madly, Deeply
I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.
I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Bridge
Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...
I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...
By Savage Garden
Go on and laugh. I know...Very cheesy, right? Oh well, I've loved this song ever since I first heard it when I was studying in Gold Coast. And the words kinda express my feelings for Babe.
It was Babe's birthday last Sunday. And it's always around his birthday that I'm reminded of now much he truly means to me. This is even more so when I watched Shumuley working with a family. Shumuley is this rabbi that goes to homes in America and help them help with their family. This week was this lady who lost her husband and for 6 years she grieved and grieved and never let go of her grief. I had to hold back my tears as Babe was at home. Didn't want him to laugh at me. Yes, sometimes I tell myself that if that were to happen to me, will I fall apart? In some ways, I believe that I'll be able to pull myself together and move on but at the same time, there's this part of me that it'll be like someone wrenching my heart out. And it's then that I realised that I need to celebrate my love for Babe now. And not have regrets later.
Anyway, back to cheerier things. It was nice that this year, other than me, we had Kum Hoong and Simon to celebrate Babe's birthday. It was so hard to keep the somewhat surprise dinner from Babe and also the present that I bought for him. I had to resort to hiding his present at work! Glad that he liked his present. It's quite stressful trying to buy him his present all the time. Well, things turned out well. So far, I'm very thankful that God has given me Babe and I truly am grateful that I've met my soul mate, my best friend, my everything. I cannot ask for anything more.
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.
I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Bridge
Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...
I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...
By Savage Garden
Go on and laugh. I know...Very cheesy, right? Oh well, I've loved this song ever since I first heard it when I was studying in Gold Coast. And the words kinda express my feelings for Babe.
It was Babe's birthday last Sunday. And it's always around his birthday that I'm reminded of now much he truly means to me. This is even more so when I watched Shumuley working with a family. Shumuley is this rabbi that goes to homes in America and help them help with their family. This week was this lady who lost her husband and for 6 years she grieved and grieved and never let go of her grief. I had to hold back my tears as Babe was at home. Didn't want him to laugh at me. Yes, sometimes I tell myself that if that were to happen to me, will I fall apart? In some ways, I believe that I'll be able to pull myself together and move on but at the same time, there's this part of me that it'll be like someone wrenching my heart out. And it's then that I realised that I need to celebrate my love for Babe now. And not have regrets later.
Anyway, back to cheerier things. It was nice that this year, other than me, we had Kum Hoong and Simon to celebrate Babe's birthday. It was so hard to keep the somewhat surprise dinner from Babe and also the present that I bought for him. I had to resort to hiding his present at work! Glad that he liked his present. It's quite stressful trying to buy him his present all the time. Well, things turned out well. So far, I'm very thankful that God has given me Babe and I truly am grateful that I've met my soul mate, my best friend, my everything. I cannot ask for anything more.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Singapore and Me
I met Charles for lunch yesterday. He brought me to Nobu. Nobu....what can I say about Nobu? Nothing, except for....it was probably one of the best meals that I've eaten for a long, long time. Exquisite in presentation and taste. You really have to taste and experience it for yourself. Nobu is not like Keyaki. Keyaki is another of my favourite Japanese restaurant in Singapore. Keyaki is very tradition, very old school. Whereas Nobu is new Japanese, the new meets old but yet still Japanese in essence. Oh well, don't really know how to describe it but it was really a good meal and thanks Charles for bringing me there.
At lunch, we were talking and catching up. Charles is Stan's friend and over time, he's become a very good friend of mine. Charles mentioned that he's moving to London and in the midst of conversation he asked me how I feel about Singapore as Stan told him that I don't really like Singapore very much. I told Charles how I really feel about Singapore my fears of returning to Singapore someday and why do I not really like Singapore. Here is probably some of the reasons why Singapore and me don't gel very well.
I find that the longer that I'm away from Singapore, I'm beginning to see Singapore through dark glasses. It's no more rose tinted glassed and I become increasing critical of Singapore. To be honest, it scares me. The latest saga in Singapore with the Mas Selamat situation just goes to show me that well, it's fine for the big PAP government ministers who are paid heaps and heaps to screw up but when something small screws up, the witch hunt starts for the small fry. Another thing recently that's made me pretty upset with Singapore is the issue of safety bets in school buses. Look, this topic has been discussed long before the poor kid died and now, after a life has been taken and then...yes, let's make it compulsory for school buses to have seat belts.
There are many more issues to pissed me off about Singapore but then again, ultimately, it's still my home, isn't it? My family and friends are still there. But for me to live there again, honestly, I dread for that day to come. It's like when I was studying in Australia and when I had to return, it got me really upset. Is the grass really greener on the other side? I don't know. I told Charles, for me to return to Singapore to work, I'll have to give up more than half of my salary in Hong Kong to do double of my current workload. Will it be worth it? I doubt it. And in the same breath I said, I'd rather follow Babe to Delhi and not work than to return to Singapore to work and live. Plus, I don't want to raise my child in Singapore too.
I know, some of my family and friends may be disappointed with my thoughts and feelings about Singapore but the reality, I was not really happy working in Singapore. I felt stifled, frustrated and it was hard to find time to hang out with friends. So what if my family and friends are in Singapore when I don't even have time to see them when I was living there. I know...very cynical....very...
At lunch, we were talking and catching up. Charles is Stan's friend and over time, he's become a very good friend of mine. Charles mentioned that he's moving to London and in the midst of conversation he asked me how I feel about Singapore as Stan told him that I don't really like Singapore very much. I told Charles how I really feel about Singapore my fears of returning to Singapore someday and why do I not really like Singapore. Here is probably some of the reasons why Singapore and me don't gel very well.
I find that the longer that I'm away from Singapore, I'm beginning to see Singapore through dark glasses. It's no more rose tinted glassed and I become increasing critical of Singapore. To be honest, it scares me. The latest saga in Singapore with the Mas Selamat situation just goes to show me that well, it's fine for the big PAP government ministers who are paid heaps and heaps to screw up but when something small screws up, the witch hunt starts for the small fry. Another thing recently that's made me pretty upset with Singapore is the issue of safety bets in school buses. Look, this topic has been discussed long before the poor kid died and now, after a life has been taken and then...yes, let's make it compulsory for school buses to have seat belts.
There are many more issues to pissed me off about Singapore but then again, ultimately, it's still my home, isn't it? My family and friends are still there. But for me to live there again, honestly, I dread for that day to come. It's like when I was studying in Australia and when I had to return, it got me really upset. Is the grass really greener on the other side? I don't know. I told Charles, for me to return to Singapore to work, I'll have to give up more than half of my salary in Hong Kong to do double of my current workload. Will it be worth it? I doubt it. And in the same breath I said, I'd rather follow Babe to Delhi and not work than to return to Singapore to work and live. Plus, I don't want to raise my child in Singapore too.
I know, some of my family and friends may be disappointed with my thoughts and feelings about Singapore but the reality, I was not really happy working in Singapore. I felt stifled, frustrated and it was hard to find time to hang out with friends. So what if my family and friends are in Singapore when I don't even have time to see them when I was living there. I know...very cynical....very...
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