Wrestling and Struggling

When we were kids, we used to watch wrestling with dad. And since there were 3 of us, we used to play wrestling and one of us would be the referee. Well, it was sure fun. Lots of jumping and pretending arm lock. Not to worry, no one was hurt.

On Sat, I did my quiet time on this passage.

24Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.

25When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob's thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him.

26Then he said, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking." But he said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

27So he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob."

28He said, "Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed."

29Then Jacob asked him and said, "Please tell me your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And he blessed him there.

30So Jacob named the place Peniel, for he said, "I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved."

31Now the sun rose upon him just as he crossed over Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh.

32Therefore, to this day the sons of Israel do not eat the sinew of the hip which is on the socket of the thigh, because he touched the socket of Jacob's thigh in the sinew of the hip.

Genesis 32: 24 - 32

Jacob wrestled with God and when he finally realised that it's no point and that he should let God take over, that's when he somewhat felt at peace.

I look at myself and my life. Isn't it the same. I wrestle and struggle with God all the time, making bargains and wanting God to do my will and not His and then when things go awry, I get mad and upset. But what's the point? Why?

We went to HOLF on Saturday and spent some time with Lok Yi. We bought her a little Winnie the Pooh and she loved it! She's such a cutie! When we left, it was this mixed feelings that I was battling inside me. On one hand, I had peace in me that I saw her and spent time with her. On the other hand, there were many what ifs that were running through my head. What if, God says that she's not the one? What if, Babe thinks that she's not the one? What if, she's the one but it'll be hard on us because she needs medical care? What if, our families do not accept her because she is sick? What if, someone adopts her before us? And what if, what if? I gotten a little pensive and a little quiet. Babe didn't say much at all. But on Sunday, it was nice of him to say that maybe we could get some clothes for Lok Yi. Did a little shopping and bought her some clothes.

But when I actually sat down and meditate on my quiet time last night and then I thought, where wrestle and struggle unnecessarily? In God's own time, He'll make all things right. And that if we are worthy to be the parents of Lok Yi, He will make it work. And honestly, it was then that I also came to a point. I strongly believe that God is leading us to adopt and after adoption, I'm game to try for our biological kid. And if God permits it, He'll take care of my mental and emotional well-being. It's hard to learn to trust in God but reality is that, the more we wrestle and struggle, the harder is it for us to be good Christians that will stand firm in Him.

Pray for us. We'll be attending the adoption interview today as well. And God willing, things will pan out. Whatever it is, I am learning to let go and put everything on at the feet of Jesus for He alone will know what's the best for us. Pray for little Lok Yi that she'll find a set of God fearing parents that will love her despite of everything. The poor little girl has really gone through a lot in her little life.

This was taken at HOLF, isn't she such a cutie?