During dinner with Beth, we talked about our childhoods and she mentioned that it's surprising that I've turned out pretty well-adjusted. Hmm....thanks heaps Beth! Well, to a certain extent I am well adjusted but then again, I'm pretty much mad as well. I've my crappy, shitty days that all I want to do is to crawl into bed and lay there all day and night. But what will that get me? And then I thought further.....
Glory for me for me to be well adjusted does not go to me. It should all go to God! The motto that I've always lived by was, 'As long as I’m not broken, I’ll be stronger….like a phoenix that emerges from the ashes.' But I've realised that leadership is not in my hands. It never has been in my hands to be exact. My motto should have been, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippines 4:13. What pride I had to say that I'll be stronger with my own strength. It is the trials and tribulations that I've been through and Christ in His mercy saw it fit to give me strength and courage to be a better person. Can't believe it took me this long realised what an idiot I've been. Stan pointed out to me clearly, that I should let God lead me and not me pulling God along and wanting Him to do my will.
In submitting leadership to Christ, I've realised that I no longer look at Lok Yi with the absolute desire that I want her to be my Jael. I've come upon realisation that God has a plan for us all. And in His plan, He'll never fail us. I didn't really expect Dad to come around to adoption. Didn't really expect mum to bring it up in the conversation last night. But it all seems to fall into place. God has a time and place for everything and all I need is faith and trust in Him.
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