Five Months On

 Five months on, there are good days and there are bad. There are days that I look through my messages with dad and wonder why didn't I wished him Happy Father's Day last year. And I look through and wished that there were more messages that I could've sent him. Maybe videos of Baba in swim competitions, maybe videos of BaWa skiing and maybe random videos. 


Chinese New Year came and went. We met Joanne, her family and mum at Seoul for a couple of days and we flew to Singapore first. They flew back two days later. We had fun, especially the kids. It was cute seeing the kids play and interact with each other. Baba and Jojo had some time to roam around by themselves. Baba brought his cousins and mum out for breakfast too. At the back of my head, dad would have enjoyed this trip. The moment we touched down Singapore, I felt slightly depressed, wishing that dad would be there to pick us up from the airport. But well, such is life. Chinese New Year was hard. I've got a friend who hasn't been back to Singapore for more than 2 decades and I understood why now. If I had it my way, I would rather not head back for CNY. But it would not be fair for BaWa as they should spend time with family. 


Baba is in the midst of of his exams now. And I think back to dad when we were doing our major exams. He never put pressure on us but he gave us tutoring or whatever that we needed for the exams. Even when our results were not as good, he never got mad with us. He simply believed that we would succeed in our own ways. He always believed in us. And now with Baba, I'm trying to be like dad. I know that Baba would succeed in life. And God will pan things out.


Last Sunday, we sang this song at church. This song was written by our church band. It spoke so much to me. Before this song, we sang two other songs. Goodness of God and One Thing Remains. When we were singing both songs, I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I'm constantly reminded that God loves me and in loving me, he gave dad salvation. I'm not done with grieving and I don't know when will I ever be done. But I am reminded that even in when silence falls, God is here. Even when my thoughts are taking me under, God is here. His love is more faithful than the rising sun. God is here....He has been and will always be. And in his time, everything will be made perfect. I tried to upload a video of the song but well, it did not work. But this is somewhat the lyrics. 


Bring me to a place of deeper surrender

Till I have no suspicion of whether or not you’re good

Your ways are much higher than mine could ever be

I choose to follow 

With you is everything I need

 

You are here

Even when the silence falls

You are here

Even through the raging war

It’s your love

That’s more faithful than the rising sun

And I know

Even when I can’t feel it

You are good

Even when I forget it

You are true

 

Lead me when my thoughts are taking me under

When my senses draw further away from you

Oh Jesus let your truth speak louder than my fears

I choose to follow

With you is everything I need

 

You are here

Even when the silence falls

You are here

Even through the raging war

It’s your love

That’s more faithful than the rising sun

And I know

Even when I can’t feel it

You are good

Even when I forget it

You are true









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