These shows always start with someone who has some form of addiction, quite often alcohol, drugs or pills. Then you have parents who always he or she was such a great child. He or she was great in school, in soccer, baseball, and the list goes on. He or she could have been a doctor, lawyer or whatever. And then the famous line from parents, 'We don't know what went wrong.' And then we get sobs.
Yes, I sound condescending. I know. But truth of the matter is this, I wonder if this could happen to little Ba Ba. I seriously wonder. If what the parents of those people in the show say is the truth, then it could very well happen to little Ba Ba. And yes, I worry. I worry very much. Every night Babe and I pray that little Ba Ba would just grow up to be a God fearing man. That's all I care.
Going back to the shows, as a trained counsellor, we always ask the same question, did something drastic happen along the way? And the sinister human in me asks, what about the parents? Are they to blame? Maybe 1 in 10 parents that I've watched actually took responsibility and say, yes, we played a part in his or her destruction. I clearly remember Dr Tim Keller from Redeemer Presbyterian Church preach about Substitutionary Sacrifice. He said that quite often with parents that when their kids were much younger, they were too busy with their lives to sacrifice their time for their kids and when their kids hit teen or late teens and start having problems, they question why. He mentioned, it's simple, the only way for children to grow up with freedom and independence is for parents to sacrifice their freedom and independence.
Isn't that quite true? We want kids and yet we don't want the responsibilities that come along with children. We lament that our freedom is has been curtailed. We send the kids to live with the babysitter or grandparents and bring them back only during the weekends or when it's convenient for us and say that we'll make up to them over the weekends or when we have time. But like the saying goes, time waits for no man, soon the little kids will grow to big kids and things may change and then it may be too late. When friends tell me that they are have not choice but to be weekend parents, I smile weakly and politely at them. But in my head, I'm thinking, sure you have a choice. It's just that you're not exercising that choice.
Look, I'm not saying that Babe and I are great parents. Nope! We're far from it. We dated from 10 years before getting married and we were married for more than 8 years before little Ba Ba came to us. In other words, for the longest time, it was just the both of us and then little Ba Ba appeared. We had to sacrifice our Christmas, Chinese New Year and Easter holidays and the short getaways to wherever disappeared. We had to consider little Ba Ba and yes, I admit there were times that we felt that he was in the way. But then again, I was reminded by what Dr Tim Keller said. These are sacrifices that we make because we love him. Just like God made Jesus a sacrifice because He loves us. Babe and I had to look for the happy medium. We have our date nights and some Saturday afternoons we take time for ourselves. We took a short trip to Maldives. But it's hard to look for that happy medium at times and I admit that. There are times that I wish that I could go to the gym in Central or have dinner with my friends or do whatever I like. Even with Babe, he has to coordinate and make sure that his work trips does not take him away too long.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that some times, not all the time, kids grow up messed up and parents have a role in it. Denial and neither ignorance is bliss. Parents play a huge role in moulding their kids. I'm still learning or rather every day I'm learning to be a better parent. Last Sunday when I spent the whole day with little Ba Ba (just Ba Ba and me), I told little Ba Ba thanks for giving me a chance to spend time with you. I had tears rolling down when I said that. My constant prayer is for little Ba Ba to grow up to be a God fearing man. However, in the event he stumbles or falls along the way, we'll always be there to pick him up.
Little Ba Ba, Da Da and Ma Ma love you unconditionally and remember no matter whatever that happens, we'll always be there and we love you.
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