One of my Greatest Fears

When I was doing my nails yesterday, I was reading a magazine and came across an article about a lady who by the age of 18 lost both of her parents. It was a kinda sad article but this lady to a certain extent did well in her life but of course, she misses her parents heaps.

And then, I started my morbid thoughts. Yes, me and my morbid thoughts. I was thinking, what if one day, either Babe or I go to heaven or what if both of us go to heaven and what would happen to Ba Ba? I remember on our way to and back from Maldives, I was kinda worried thinking what would happen if the plane crashed and Ba Ba would be left all alone. Maybe that might be one of the reasons why I was severely airsick on that flight.

But as I thought further, I realised that even if God decides to take me or both Babe and me home, Ba Ba would be well taken care of. I've got to trust God on that. I've got a loving family that would take Ba Ba and love him. Ba Ba has wonderful and loving godparents in Singapore and in San Diego who would step up if the need comes. And hence, there shouldn't be any worrying.

And that's when I calmed down and thought, yes little one, God will take care of you. And in the same breath, Ba Ba, remember that Da Da and Ma Ma love you very much and no matter whatever that happens, you'll always have our love. But sorry, dude, we can't be buying the whole of Toys 'R' Us even though I know secretly Da Da would love to do that!

A Great Week

I had a fantabulous week! Mum, Joanne, Joe and JC flew into HK last Saturday night. On Sunday afternoon, we went to Disney. We had a super duper time!

This was the first time for the kids to Disney. Little JC was super excited. She's been watching Winne the Pooh for gazillion times and she was so excited when she took Winnie the Pooh's ride. And she had a blast watching Lion King too. She loves watching Lion King at home and when she watched the musical in Disney she was so entranced by it. Ba Ba was watching the musical quietly too and when it was time to clap, he clapped and squealed so happily!

Then we went on my all time favourite ride in Disney, It's a Small World. Little Ba Ba was so intrigued by the ride. His eyes were everywhere. He was clapping and bobbing his head. I just wanted to hug and squished him when I was watching him. He seemed to have a great time at Disney. He didn't fuss or cry. He behaved beautifully even though he was tired. He did his run around, waved at strangers and smiled at everyone. There were random people that took photos of him. Got me kinda concerned but then again, there's no need to be really uptight and get mad with people.

Overall, Ba Ba and JC had a great time at Disney. Little Ba Ba had such a great time to the extend that we were thinking maybe we should do Christmas at Florida next year and maybe we should get a year pass for Disney. Oh yes, we're starting him young! Will put up pics soon

9 Years and Counting!

On the 23rd of November, we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary and adding the 10 years of courtship, we've known each other for 19 years. That's more than half of my lifetime.

The truth is that, there were times that I thought that we may not make it. We're like any other couples that have arguments and then we get mad and we take time to make up. A marriage is never easy, I'll be the first one to admit. I wrote this on a dear friend's Facebook status, she was getting married that day, 'Enjoy the day. Remember the wedding is just a day or 2 event but a marriage is for a lifetime'. Yes, a marriage is for a lifetime. And sometimes it's hard.

For those of you who know us well, you'll know that Babe and I have very different personalities. We're almost polar opposites. It takes a lot for us to make this marriage work out. It takes a lot of giving and taking. There are times that it takes a lot from Babe to try to coax me when I'm mad over little things. I love him for that. I love him for making so much effort to make this marriage work. Babe is not one that would buy flowers or make grand gestures to show me that he loves me. But it's the little things that he does that make me feel special. He understands and he's fine when I fly off for 2 or 3 weeks to States, or have dinner with my best friend who is male or when I want to go to Disneyland for the 10th time. And there's more examples.

Ba Ba has also made a change in our relationship. When Ba Ba arrived, the first few months were kinda hard. We were new at being parents and we were not sure of what we were doing. Sometimes we disagreed and get mad with each other but everyday was and is a learning experience. These days, we're much better. And when we have a disagreement, I'm reminded that I want Ba Ba to know that he has loving parents that love each other. And that when all else fails, he can turn to his parents knowing that there's always love at home.

And here's to more great years to come. Thanks Babe for loving me and I'm so thankful that God has chosen you for me. Thanks for being my best friend, soulmate and partner.

Cousins

Rachel, my ex-student, who was my flower girl, had this up on Facebook. When I read it, it hit the nail on the head! One of my best friends is my cousin. I call her Monster privately. Of all my cousins, I guess we're the closest. We've seen each other's highs and lows. We have an unique friendship. We always pick up where we left off and we're fiercely protective of each other and importantly, we've never judged each other but rather stand by each other. I remember I've called her when the going got tough and I needed someone to call to and she was all ready to listen. Thanks Monster for loving me. It means a lot to me. And yes, she was my bridesmaid too.

I've always thought that everyone is close to their cousins. I used to think that it was natural for people to hang out and call their cousins best friends. But guess I was sorely wrong. Apparently some people hardly ever hang out with their cousins. Some people see their cousins once in a while, once in a year or maybe hardly ever. But for the Sims and the Lims (dad's sisters's kids), we grew up together and it was very different.

From a very young age, we used to play and hang out from babies. And even when 2 Sims left at a very young age to Manila, we still hung out when they visited Spore over summer. And to this day, I still see the 2 Sims when I visit America and would often stay with one Sim and make a side trip to see the other Sim. And I've another girl Sim living in LA. We used to live next block to each other and basically we grew up with each other. She's another cousin who lives abroad and whenever I'm in States, we make time to catch up. We try to co-ordinate our trips back to Singapore but sometimes we miss each other by just days. Yup, going to miss her by days this Christmas.

There's more cousins that I could write and talk about. I love them all. And I'm very thankful that my parents and my uncles and aunties have made a conscious effort to make or let us hang out when we were kids. And it was those fun play sessions that our friendships started and cemented and now, I call my cousins friends. I've the same hopes of Ba Ba and JC and my other nieces and nephews from my cousins and future kids that my sisters, my cousins or I might have. I want them to have the same friendships and experiences as us. Love you cousins!

Childhood

Was watching Being a Child on Channelnewsasia this evening and as I was watching, I felt really glad that little Ba Ba has dual citizenship at this point of time. The kids in the show were only about 5 to 6 year old and their parents or rather their mothers seemed to be pushing their kids really hard. And I keep getting this message from the mothers that if their children slow down or not attend enrichment classes, everyone else will catch up with them. They want head starts for their children. One mother commented that she wants her child to have money, contentment and happiness and another child said that he wanted to be a millionaire when he grows up.

I can understand parents wanting the best for their children. I want the best for Ba Ba too. But what is this obsession with money? Couldn't that mother see the contradiction in itself when she said that she want money and contentment for her child. How can wanting money and contentment can never be in the same category? And with the other 5 year old where did he get the idea that he wants to be a millionaire? And the next point, where are their childhoods? Where's the fun? The kids in the show attend enrichment classes after enrichment classes. And the mothers are very clear in their message that the kids can't take a break because others will catch up. In other words, their kids will be losers.

So where do I stand? Honestly, I'm really glad that Ba Ba can choose to go to an international school if we so wish for him. And at this stage, we're gearing him towards that direction. I don't need an examination to tell me that Ba Ba did not score well enough to get into express stream and therefore his chances of doing his 'O' levels are lesser and thus his chances of entering universities in Singapore. Basically, I don't care! We're happy to send Ba Ba to Australia or America as long as we can afford it. Thus, we have to start saving now! But not writing about that, that's for another day. I just want Ba Ba to have a wonderful childhood. I want him to know that his parents love him even if he bring Bs and Cs home as long as he tried his best.

I want him to know that we love him not because he does well academically or plays the piano or violin really well or that he's such a great soccer player. If he does well in any of the above, that's a bonus and we thank God for it! We want him to know that we love him because we love him! There's no strings attached to our love for him. We want him to know that. And we want him to know that we just want him to be what God wants him to be. And that's all. We want a God fearing and happy boy! That's isn't too much to ask right?

Worrying about Ba Ba

Babe is on his way home from the airport. I'm excited because he's going to bring me some goodies! I know, I just had one whole chilli crab to myself and am just thinking and drooling over the goodies that he's going to bring home. Anyway, back to my thoughts. Sometimes, I worry over silly things about Ba Ba. My worry this time is about his university education. Wait, it's not the academic stuff that I worry about. But it's the university or college lifestyle that I worry about. Let me explain more.

When I was in university, I was very busy. Yes, very busy working and partying and studying, honestly was at the bottom of my list. To me, as long as I passed and am not at the bottom, I didn't care. My social calendar was packed. I was out partying, drinking, smoking and basically was leading a very unhealthy lifestyle. If you met me then, you wouldn't recognized me. Yes, it was that bad, I was a totally different person then. Even some of my friends from uni commented on that a while ago. Was I ashamed of my past? No, I'm not. But I'm glad that I got the partying out of my system. But no mattered how far I strayed from God and from church, I glad to say that God had a way of reeling me back home. Stanley, my best friend at that time was in Brisbane and he would remind me sometimes that I was straying a little too far. I had Eve also to remind me too.

So how's that related to Ba Ba? I've always thought that Ba Ba would probably either head off to Australia or America to study in about 20 years' time. Yes, I see eyeballs rolling and hear laugher. And I wonder how would I feel if I knew that Ba Ba was leading the very same lifestyle that I led? Would I freak out? And move to wherever he's studying and whip him back to shape? Or would I be like my parents giving me the freedom and trust that I will turn out alright?

Then this is when I take a step backwards and stare in my thoughts and wonder...Shouldn't I be trusting God that He will take care of everything? And that brings me back to what the bible says about raising a child in His ways and in time to come my child will not forget the Lord. (Sorry, something along those lines) The reality is that, there's just way too much to worry. I've to learn and remember that God takes care of everything and I or rather we have to pray, do our best in raising Ba Ba in God's truth and let God and trust God that He will take care of everything else.

Social Experiment?

A few weeks ago, a friend took a photo of Ba Ba and put it up on her Facebook account. Her friend saw it and commented that I must look like Ba Ba when I was a baby. And I had to carefully think before I comment. And in the end, I wrote as it is, that Ba Ba is adopted. A few days earlier, I was on Facetime with Joanne, my sister and was teasing little JC to wake up. We joked that little JC has the Sim blood because she's like us, hates to wake up early in the morning. And then I mentioned that Ba Ba doesn't have the Sim blood because he loves to wake up at the crack of dawn.

When I look at the physical aspect of Ba Ba, there's nothing that I can say he has inherited from us. Nothing at all simply because he's adopted. I can't be proud and say, oh look, he's got Babe's beautiful smile or face or whatever. But I've got to say that Babe and he does look quite alike. Then when I look Ba Ba, yes, he has probably some of our mannerisms because he obviously hangs out a lot with us. And with his character, there's probably bits of us in him. There's the discussion on nature versus nurture. Obviously, with little Ba Ba, there's no nature but there's lots of nurturing from us, we hope.

So here is the social experiment question. Our parenting style or rather my parenting style (Babe tends to agree with me unless I decide to do something very radical) is that every child is born like a blank piece of paper. It's up to us as parents to teach, to mould, to fill up the child's brains and characters with what we would like to. So with our parenting, we give little Ba Ba freedom within boundaries, we don't baby talk. We tell him what is expected of him. He does get little smacks when he does something naughty. And yes, at this stage, he's a boy that we're proud of. He understands that meal times he has to be at the dining table. He understands that crying is not going to get him what he wants. And the list goes on.

But am I saying that I've succeeded in our social experiment? Am I going to be the smug mother and tell the other mothers who have crying babies what they should and should not do? No, I've not succeeded in any social experiment. It's not our doing so we can't take the credit for it. However, this is what we have done so far. We pray for little Ba Ba. Every night before we go to bed, Babe and I would say a prayer for little Ba Ba. Actually, even before Ba Ba came to us, I prayed for the child that we were going to have. Yes, lots of prayers have gone into Ba Ba and the prayers will continue.

So you have it, we have no part in the social experiment. God has His hands in it. What we merely did was to take extra care of the wonderful present that God has so loving lavished on us and we pray earnestly that Ba Ba will turn out to be a man after God's heart.

Another Year Older

I'm another year older which means, that's another year of blessings from the Almighty. This year, I'm super thankful for so many things that God has so generously showered upon us. I remember singing the hymn, 'Count your blessings, name them one by one.' For me, there's way too many blessings for me to count them one by one. I'm blessed. So very blessed that I can't ask for more.

When I look back at the year, God has given me new eyesight again. Got lasik done and by God's grace, everything went well. God blessed us with Josias. Had family and best friends dropping by in Hong Kong when we couldn't leave the country. Babe got a job promotion, went to Maldives on a short break, went to Redang with mum, Joanne, JC, Eve and Reggie. And yes, Eve popped into Asia when I couldn't fly to her side of the world. Met up with Sharon in Singapore. E, B and L popped into HK for a couple of days. And there's probably lots more that I missed out.

God has been good. Too good. Every morning I wake up and am so thankful for everything that has been provided. Materially, I've got enough. I don't covet or want more because I'm just thankful for all that has been provided. I married my best friend and soulmate. I've got a beautiful son. I've got a great family in Singapore and around the world. Great friends in Singapore who I miss heaps. Wonderful friends in HK who have become family. So honestly, what could I ask for more? Nothing! I don't need anymore birthday presents because I've got everything. Yes, the truth is that. I've got everything. Anything more is always a bonus.

Lord, thanks so more for everything that you have provided for me. I really could never ask for more. Thanks for blessing me with so much. I'm so humbled and grateful for all that you have done for me. Thank you.

Listening

I thought for a while trying to figure out the title of this post. And finally, I decided, that 'listening' would be the most apt. I've got to admit, I'm not very good with listening at times. I talk way too much.

A few weeks ago, Babe and I were having a conversation. We were talking about our future and what we like. I told Babe that I would like a biological child. My health insurance was expiring and we had to decide what we wanted. I wasn't going to pay for maternity insurance if we won't going to try for a baby. And for you folks wondering, yes, we've been using protection all these while. Babe told me quite seriously that he's happy with Ba Ba and he's not ready for another child and he doesn't want another child.

The truth is that when he said that, I was sad. Wait, not just sad, I was devastated. I'm like, why? I know it's ironic isn't it. For the longest time, I didn't want a biological child and now when I want the biological child, Babe doesn't want it. I accepted what he said. Sure, I was sad. I wanted to know what it is like to carry a child, to breastfeed, to have a natural birth. Yes, I wanted all of those. I even didn't mind the postnatal depression that scares me. I wanted all of those! But I didn't fight and push through my way. But instead, I accepted what Babe said. I took it. I paused and listened.

Last Sunday when we were at church, I felt God speak to me. Yes, it's always in those moments that God speaks to me. He reminded me the reason and rationale of us adopting Ba Ba. And he told me that, yes, the family will expand but it will be done His way and not my way. Instantly, I felt a lot better. I knew that God has a purpose and as always, His ways are always higher than my ways. He's my father and He'll want the best for me. I just had to trust Him. I listened.

In my mind, I knew what God has in stored for us. And this week, it became more apparent as I listened to the message podcasts from another church. I knew that God was sending me signs and getting us ready. We are not going to put in the papers for adoption again. But instead, we're going to wait this out. My prayer is, if this is God's will, He'll make it come through even though we don't do anything. We were told by my our social worker during our probation with Ba Ba that in the event if Ba Ba's biological mother gives up another child, we'll be the first one to get the phone call even if we didn't put in our papers.

So this is the deal. We are going to obey and wait upon the Lord. But in the mean time, we'll be enjoying Ba Ba. And how do I feel now? Excited, because I know that God has a plan for us and He's going to bless us!

Forgiveness is Not My Forte

I admit that forgiveness has never been my forte. Babe would know that very well. And I am very thankful that over the years he has tolerated me bringing up issues that have already been dealt with a million times. I love him for that.

Anyway back to the point. There's another thing about me, I don't like to confront people unless these are friends that matter to me. I always tend to rather walk away. In other words, I walk away from the friendship. I've had ex-colleagues that became friends and when they crossed my path or stabbed me in the back, I ceased talking to them unless it's for professional reasons. Yes, I'm petty. I don't deny it. But I don't see the need of my feelings being hurt further. These were just colleagues who didn't mean anything to me because they're not related to me. They were just people that I worked with. That's the way I saw it. So when I left the school, my relationship of any sort ceased. It didn't matter if they were happy, sad or whatever because I ceased having feelings for them.

With friends, it's almost the same. There are friends that I've had but over time I feel that the friendships are not worth or something happened that I felt hurt, insult, upset or whatever, I just walk away from the friendships and the friendships are reduced to hi and bye when our paths crossed. I don't see the need to confront and say well, you did this and that and so I'm hurt, upset, disappointed or whatever. These are the friends that may not matter to me or maybe they did matter to me but I saw a side of them that I didn't like.

A while ago, I had a friend who admittedly was going through a rough patch. We were kinda close but to me, her rough patch wasn't that a big deal. I honestly tried to be a listening ear but there was a limit that I could deal with. One night after dinner while heading home, she poured out her thoughts to me. But as she was pouring out her thoughts, she got louder and louder and as I tried to calm her down, she turned snappish and suddenly I felt that it was now all my fault that she was getting upset. I let her speak whatever that she wanted to say and then it was bye and have a good night. Yup, after that incident, something changed. But still I invited her out for dinners when I had dinner with mutual friends. But the final straw came when she told a mutual friend that I cut her out when I just sent a message to her and a couple of ladies to invite them out for dinner. So I got the drift. She was deleted from my Facebook. Yes, that friendship died. Why didn't I bother to call and asked why she said what she said to a mutual friend? Because she was not worth it. A friend that decides to bad mouth me is not worth my time. Yes, there are mutual friends that are still friends with her. Good for them. Am I mad with them? No, I'm glad that she still has good friends. And that's all.

Then once upon a time, one of my best friend poked fun at my weight. At that time, I was really struggling with my weight and self esteem and a bunch of stuff. I was really hurt. But this friend mattered a lot to me. I knew if I didn't address this issue soon, the friendship would be affected. And he's someone that I love. So I wrote him an email. In the email I told him how much it hurt and why I was upset. He called immediately after he read the email and he apologized. Initially I was still angry and I didn't want to forgive, like I said, forgiveness is not my forte. But I accepted his apologies and yes, all is well now. It was him taking the effort and eating the humble pie to call that made me love him even more. He became the friend that I don't want to lose. Even though we live in different countries we still keep in contact and we make the effort to keep the friendship going.

Forgiveness is sometimes hard for me. But as a Christian it becomes extremely important. When I look back and wonder if those people that cross my path and I crossed them out of my lives come back with an apology, would I forgive them? It's a hard question because at the heart of Christianity is forgiveness. If Christ can forgive all of our sins, why can't I then forgive my friends? To me it's easier to forgive family because family is family, you just got to forgive them. But with friends, what's the loss to me? Nothing, honestly. But is that what Christianity is all about? Then the question goes one step further, why is it then so difficult to forgive a fellow Christian brother or sister? It's hard isn't it? It's something that I learn every day.

So if one of those people that have being crossed out from my list calls or emails me and apologizes, what will I do? I don't know, honestly. And that's why I'm still working on learning to forgive and let go of my anger and pride. It's an ongoing process that needs lots of prayers.

Random Thoughts

One of my favourite channels on cable is Bio Channel. The shows that especially intrigue me are Relapse, Rehab, Invention and yes, you get the drift. Drug related or addiction shows. I don't know why but these shows fascinate me.

These shows always start with someone who has some form of addiction, quite often alcohol, drugs or pills. Then you have parents who always he or she was such a great child. He or she was great in school, in soccer, baseball, and the list goes on. He or she could have been a doctor, lawyer or whatever. And then the famous line from parents, 'We don't know what went wrong.' And then we get sobs.

Yes, I sound condescending. I know. But truth of the matter is this, I wonder if this could happen to little Ba Ba. I seriously wonder. If what the parents of those people in the show say is the truth, then it could very well happen to little Ba Ba. And yes, I worry. I worry very much. Every night Babe and I pray that little Ba Ba would just grow up to be a God fearing man. That's all I care.

Going back to the shows, as a trained counsellor, we always ask the same question, did something drastic happen along the way? And the sinister human in me asks, what about the parents? Are they to blame? Maybe 1 in 10 parents that I've watched actually took responsibility and say, yes, we played a part in his or her destruction. I clearly remember Dr Tim Keller from Redeemer Presbyterian Church preach about Substitutionary Sacrifice. He said that quite often with parents that when their kids were much younger, they were too busy with their lives to sacrifice their time for their kids and when their kids hit teen or late teens and start having problems, they question why. He mentioned, it's simple, the only way for children to grow up with freedom and independence is for parents to sacrifice their freedom and independence.

Isn't that quite true? We want kids and yet we don't want the responsibilities that come along with children. We lament that our freedom is has been curtailed. We send the kids to live with the babysitter or grandparents and bring them back only during the weekends or when it's convenient for us and say that we'll make up to them over the weekends or when we have time. But like the saying goes, time waits for no man, soon the little kids will grow to big kids and things may change and then it may be too late. When friends tell me that they are have not choice but to be weekend parents, I smile weakly and politely at them. But in my head, I'm thinking, sure you have a choice. It's just that you're not exercising that choice.

Look, I'm not saying that Babe and I are great parents. Nope! We're far from it. We dated from 10 years before getting married and we were married for more than 8 years before little Ba Ba came to us. In other words, for the longest time, it was just the both of us and then little Ba Ba appeared. We had to sacrifice our Christmas, Chinese New Year and Easter holidays and the short getaways to wherever disappeared. We had to consider little Ba Ba and yes, I admit there were times that we felt that he was in the way. But then again, I was reminded by what Dr Tim Keller said. These are sacrifices that we make because we love him. Just like God made Jesus a sacrifice because He loves us. Babe and I had to look for the happy medium. We have our date nights and some Saturday afternoons we take time for ourselves. We took a short trip to Maldives. But it's hard to look for that happy medium at times and I admit that. There are times that I wish that I could go to the gym in Central or have dinner with my friends or do whatever I like. Even with Babe, he has to coordinate and make sure that his work trips does not take him away too long.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that some times, not all the time, kids grow up messed up and parents have a role in it. Denial and neither ignorance is bliss. Parents play a huge role in moulding their kids. I'm still learning or rather every day I'm learning to be a better parent. Last Sunday when I spent the whole day with little Ba Ba (just Ba Ba and me), I told little Ba Ba thanks for giving me a chance to spend time with you. I had tears rolling down when I said that. My constant prayer is for little Ba Ba to grow up to be a God fearing man. However, in the event he stumbles or falls along the way, we'll always be there to pick him up.

Little Ba Ba, Da Da and Ma Ma love you unconditionally and remember no matter whatever that happens, we'll always be there and we love you.

Weight, Self- Esteem and Happiness

When I look back at my life, I was probably the thinnest or the slimmest when I was at university in Gold Coast. But prior to leaving for uni, probably from the age of 15, I was very careful of what I ate. I didn't eat chicken rice for more than 5 to 8 years and it was the same with quite a fair bit of hawker food. I would go as far as the try to blot of the oil from the fried chicken at KFC or the fries. Actually to this day, I would never order a pack of fries for myself. I'll pinch off someone or Babe.

Then when I went to uni, I wouldn't say that it became worse but I guess my lifestyle became quite unhealthy. I started to smoke. No that I'm very proud of it. It was great at that time. It curbed my appetite, there were days that I could survive just of smokes and coffee. Plus not forgetting I was clubbing and dancing almost like for 4 to 5 hours 3 times a week. Sure, I was slim but I was unhealthy. And at that time, I did question myself quite a lot. I was busy making sure that I was slim, trying to look good and basically being a shallow person and I was unhealthy. I felt dizzy all the time and squat and stand up without feeling the world around me spinning. And then when uni ended, that's when I piled on the weight.

I quit smoking cold turkey and in maybe in 6 months or so, I piled up 10 kgs or more. My self-esteem took a plunge. It was hard because I was struggling to lose weight, cold turkey no smokes, and then for the first time, questioning if I love myself. At that time, I wished so hard that I could go back to smoking so just to keep my weight down. Did I think of cancer and whatever, no, I didn't care. But thank God that I had a loving boyfriend who reminded me of what was important.

But evening with his encouragement, it didn't stop my journey or search for weight loss. I've tried it all. Supplements, pills, doctors' visits, slimming centres, exercising crazily. You name it, I've tried it. It became a yo-yo thingy. I would swing from one side to another. The search never ended. It didn't end after I got married. I wanted to remain slim and fit into pretty clothes. But was I concern about health? No! Was I truly happy? No! I was so self absorbed.

But in the last few years I've come to terms with myself. Size does not matter. Yes, it's true. It does not matter as long as I'm healthy and I'm happy. I don't go out and gorge myself silly. I eat and don't deprive myself. I exercise because I want to be healthy and live for a couple more years and be there for Babe and Ba Ba. I don't want to be stricken with cancer or a bunch of health issues due to obesity. At the same time, I don't care to be rail thin and start counting calories and be jealous of whatever people are eating. Yes, I'll rather be fat and happy than thin and unhappy and disgruntled. There, I've said it. The exercising that I do, is for myself and not for anyone else. I do enjoy the solitude and time to myself on the threadmill. So there you go, I've sort out my fat thoughts. I'm happy the way I am. My happiness and self-esteem levels do not depend on the kilograms.

Choices

I stumbled onto this link while reading someone's blog. It got me thinking about choices in life and the judgements that we make.

So it starts with Julie at 18 with an 8 day old infant and she's been infected with Aids in San Francisco. The photographer went through 7 years with her till she died. In that 7 years, she had maybe 5 kids, 4 of them were taken from her (if I remember correctly), had a couple of partners who were infected with Aids and were druggies. And the photographer even went on to set her up with her kid who was adopted and was with her in her final days.

Reading the story, it was very easy for me to say, how stupid can one person get? And what? Can't even feed herself and look at the filthy room that she has put herself in with her baby. Look! No wonder her kids were taken from her. Good! She deserved it! And well, that's the life that she has chosen. Poverty, drugs, along with Aids and kids. Why couldn't she bring herself to pull herself out of that hole?

Yes, I can go on and on and make those judgements on her. But as I read on, I felt sorry for her. She was in such a deep hole that she didn't know how to pull herself out. She knew that she screwed herself over. She did try to get clean but she didn't have the support. And her kids, I feel for her kids. And I feel for her when her kids were taken from her. Plus, look at her childhood. It was awful and no wonder she turned out the way she is. It's hard. I don't deny it.

Yes, those were my thoughts as well. But at the same time, I wonder, didn't she have choices? We make choices and from the choices we make, there are consequences. And these consequences sometimes bring along results that we like or we hate. In order words, it's a cycle. We also learn from the bad choices or decisions that we make.

I look at my life and am very thankful for people around me who were and are still there when I make bad or not so good decisions. And these are the same people who are there supporting me, waiting to catch me when I fall from the bad or wrong decisions I made. And these very same people never judge me when I make bad or wrong decisions. That's why I love them. Yes, they point and remind me that maybe, not a good choice. I persist and they say, yes, we're here and yes, stuffs up in my face, come, we'll give you a hug.

Then I look at Julie's life and I wonder, did she have the same kind of people that I have in my life? Was she lucid enough to realize that it might have not been a good idea to have so many kids? Why didn't she use protection? What was going through her head?

And my final thought, if I had a friend like Julie, would I reach out to her? Truth be told, I don't know. And I do not like that my answer is, I don't know.

Change of Perspective

Two weeks ago, Babe, Ba Ba (aka Cha Cha) and I were shopping in Lane Crawford. There was a bag that I saw and I liked. Babe was asking me if I wanted to buy it, I told him, I'll think about it. A week later, we walked past that bag again and he asked again if I wanted it. And I told him, I'll think till next week and if it's there, then I'll get it. He looked at me and shook his head and said, by next week, the bag will be gone. And my retort was, if it's gone, it's not meant to be.

Yes, I know, it's not very me. A year ago, I would have bought that bag in a second without thinking. But now, the thought process is taking a little longer than expected. Well, that's not just with bags, and it's extended to clothes and shoes now. I'm taking longer than expected to think if I really need or want that dress, bag, shoes and whatever that I want to buy. It's just not me anymore. I've got to think about Ba Ba. It's the same with lunching after church. We used to go to wherever we want and now, it's just limited to a few restaurants in IFC. But does this matter to me? No!

Even going to the gym, it's a toss up on most days. I've still got about two months left of my gym membership at a really nice gym but I've stopped going because I'd rather go to my little gym in our condo and do a mini 30 mins workout and then take Ba Ba on his little tricycle for a walk.

Yes, there have been little sacrifices that we've made for little Ba Ba but I don't care. I can go back to my fancy gym when he gets older. I don't need lots of clothes, bags and shoes. I'd rather put the money aside for Ba Ba's future and our future. I know what is it like to go to uni without money and I don't want Ba Ba to go through the same. But in saying that, we're not spoiling Ba Ba. He doesn't have loads of toys. The toys that he has are mostly given to him. His clothes might be the only expense but we get them on sale or when we see that he needs more. He has 1 pair of shoes at the stage and a few pairs of sandals. I'm glad that Babe is lot more grounded than me in this aspect. He reminds me that Ba Ba grows out of his stuff quite fast and we don't want him to grow up thinking that money falls from the sky. In saying or rather writing that, we are constantly trying or reminding and praying that we are raising a man that will be God fearing.

My hopes and aspirations for Ba Ba

By the way, Josias is now known as Ba Ba. He loves being called Ba Ba. He bounces and dances when I shout, 'Ba Ba!' He simply loves it!

Anyway back to the topic. When Ba Ba was in Singapore he went to Gymboree whenever I could bring him there. Sometimes 3 days in a row, he would be at Gymboree. When we got back to Hong Kong, the search for playgroups started. Maybe it's me being a typical Singaporean or a mother that just wants the best for her child that I wanted Ba Ba to have a variety of playgroups to attend. I knew that at this stage I want him to go for English, Mandarin and Music playgroups. So I searched and looked and went for trials. And yes, the poor kid and our wonderful helper travel to different places for playgroups. There's also soccer, rugby, swimming and many more that I want to sign him up for but he's too young at this stage. And when my colleagues asked if I've started looking or preparing him for kindergarten next year, I was like, what? Isn't that too young? Then, I take a step back and go, well, aren't I already doing it now? Trying to cram as much activities as possible for the poor kid.

I love Ba Ba heaps. There's no doubt about it. I want the best for him. But thankfully, Babe keeps grounded and asks if I'm over doing the playgroups for Ba Ba. When I think about it, I just want Ba Ba to be happy. The reality of it, it doesn't matter if Ba Ba does not become a lawyer or doctor and dentist. I just want him to grow up to be an honest, God fearing man. I want him to be happy and for him to know that he has parents, grandparents, godparents, uncles, aunties, cousins and a whole bunch of people that totally love him. That's right, those are my hopes and aspirations for him.

Anyway, enjoy this video of him. He gets cuter and cuter every day!

Timing

Time and time again, God has shown me that timing is always His and His alone. Be it late, early or on time, time is God's and He knows what's best for me.

A week or so ago, I was on my way to Sanatorium Hospital to get my eyes checked, a regular check for Lasik. I left work on time, I gave myself enough time, or so I thought, to get to the hospital. However, because of traffic, I was running late. I hate running late. I was more than 30 minutes late. Finally got to the hospital and had to wait for my turn. And waiting and waiting and I was thinking, 'Gee! I'm already more than 30 minutes late and then still got to wait!' Anyway, I had to suck it up. While waiting I overheard a patient speaking to the nurses. He sounded upset and worried. I heard a voice in my head to speak to the guy. I'm like, what? I don't even know him. Just speak to him. No, I'm not! Then the guy walked out and I was relieved! But then he turned back. And that was it. I tapped him on his shoulder and introduced myself as a fellow Singaporean. This is the first time that I've ever done this.

We sat down and chatted and then it was my turn to see the doc. And he waited for me and we chatted more. Not really going to share what we spoke about. But the gist of it, he thanked me and he said that he really needed someone to talk to. And he was thankful that he met a someone and even better, the someone was from his hometown.

I left the hospital deep in thought. Well, not really deep in thought but reflecting what had just happened. I hate being late and in being late, I met this guy. I met someone who needed my time. I could've walked away from the voice which I know is from the Holy Spirit and missed the opportunity to make a small impact on someone's life. But no, God had other plans. Yes, it is a small gesture from me but to this guy, he had tears in his eyes while speaking to me.

I'm learning that God speaks to me and in speaking to me, I've got an opportunity to be of a comfort to someone. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a missionary, or to go out and witness and share the gospel to someone but this is where I should be. A comfort to someone in need.

Grandpa

When we went back during summer, JC's grandpa,( Joe's dad) was stricken with cancer. We found out about 2 or 3 weeks before heading home for summer that he had cancer. A week or so after we came back to Hong Kong, we had news that he went home to the Lord.

I told Babe that it's kinda sad that JC wouldn't really get to know her grandpa or remember him. Babe turned around and said, what's the big deal, he never got to know his grandpas too. But to me, it's a big deal. When I look back at my childhood, I remember my grandpas really well. I had a great childhood hanging out with them. My maternal grandpa went home with the Lord when I was 10 and my paternal grandpa passed on when I was 18.

My maternal grandparents have only 5 grandchildren and therefore we got more attention from them. I've more memories of my maternal grandpa than my sisters as I'm the oldest. My maternal grandpa probably gave me the love of animals. I remember hanging out with him in his backyard sorting out his bird feed. He was also the one that introduced guinea pigs to us. I also remember playing those IQ puzzles with him. Those memories are really precious. And even now, I strongly believe that he probably had an influence on us wanting to adopt.

My paternal grandparents have maybe 20 or more grandchildren. But I still got to spend some one to one time with my grandpa. He didn't speak English like my maternal grandpa. He didn't even speak Mandarin. He spoke Teochew. As kids were used to love to hang out in his room playing our board games while he watched telly and listened to his radio at the same time. And our aunties and uncles would chase us out of his room because he was smoking. But still the same, we loved to hang out with him. There's so many memories of him. He would yelled at everyone but deep down in him, we knew that he loved everyone of his grandchildren.

I missed my grandpas. When I look back, I'm glad that I had the chance to get to know my grandpas. It's such a shame that JC wouldn't get to know her grandpa. But I'm sure that her parents would share stories of him with her. I know that we live 3 and half hours of plane ride away from Josias's grandparents and it is hard for him to get to know them. But I guess, this is something that we have to live with for a while.

Summer Coming to an End

Time always flies when you're having fun! I've spent probably more than eight months looking forward towards summer and viola, it's coming to an end so soon. However, honestly, this has to be one of the best summers that I've ever had. And this is without me heading to States! Well, this is true because States came to me! Eve came and visited and brought shopping to me!

So from my last post, we just came back from Maldives. A week after Maldives, we, as in mum, Joanne, JC, Cha Cha and me, left for Redang in Malaysia. We flew from Spore to Redang. When we got to Redang, honestly, I was disappointed. The last time, I was there eight years ago and it was beautiful then. The corals were alive, loads of fishes in the sea and at that time, I totally loved it. But this time, I stood there kinda saddened by what had happened to Redang. I never really took it seriously when I was doing my bachelor in hospitality and was told that tourism can kill the natural attraction. But when I saw what had happened in Redang, I could not deny it. But enough of that. The next day, Eve and Reggie (Eve's friend from San Diego) arrived. I spent the whole year looking forward to seeing her! It was a great time. She's Cha Cha's godma. We had a great time hanging out. We swam, played in the sand, ate and just hung out. Josias loves her!

After Redang, Eve and Reggie went to KL and thereafter Taman Negara and they were going to meet us back in Spore. We headed back to Spore. We went a friend's place for National Day. It was her son's birthday. And Cha Cha loved the Sporean flag! He couldn't stop waving it! Eve and Reggie got back to Spore and we had a great time hanging out.

And then, it was Cha Cha's 1st birthday party. We had a blast. We had family and friends coming to celebrate Cha Cha's birthday. We felt so loved. And Reggie became the photographer without me asking! He's a professional photographer and it was really nice of him to take pics for us. We totally loved the restaurant that we had the party at. No complains at all. Wonderful service.

The day after the party, we flew back to Spore. Eve, Reggie and Babe were on Cathay Pacific and Cha Cha and me were on Singapore Airlines. Cha Cha behaved wonderfully on the flight. And thank God, I didn't get airsick at all. I have a huge issue with being airsick. It's quite common for me to throw up on flights. Got to HK and spent a couple more days with Eve and Reggie. And soon it was time to say goodbye. But not for too long! We're aiming for Hawaii next summer.

We really had a great time during summer. It's nice to be home and have family fussing over and loving Cha Cha. Cha Cha has really taught me lots. He's taught me patience and tolerance. Yes, its very cliche but having a child does changes one's perspective and life. I didn't have as much time to stuff my face silly with all the food that I really miss. Didn't have much time to shop too. Plus Babe was flying every week to somewhere for work. I was driving either Babe or someone or myself to the airport at least twice a week. Yes, you read it correctly, twice a week and one day, it was twice a day! But who cares, we had a total blast!

Enjoy the pics!

Little Cha Cha having his first haircut. I felt sorry for the guy that's cutting his hair. Cha Cha for some reason was really excited and happy in the car that he started to stand and dance. I was concern because the car didn't have a seat belt or harness and he could fall off any time and that the hairdresser might also nip Cha Cha's ears too. But all was well. Cha Cha left with his ears intact and a happy grin!

Little Cha Cha with his Sporean flag. He wouldnt let it go. For some reason, he totally loved it and kept waving it!

Little Cha Cha with his godma and me at Redang. Love Eve for flying over to Singapore to attend Cha Cha's first birthday party. Love her for making such an effort and was super glad that Cha Cha totally loves his godma! Girl! Can't wait to see you next summer. Am already counting down!

Little Cha Cha's birthday cake. The cake is a 'Noah's Ark'. We wanted this theme for his cake because we were reminded of God's promise for us. He gave us His word and we obeyed and in obeying, He gave us His promise. Yes, we are very thankful and grateful for little Cha Cha.

Lovely cupcakes that I never got to taste. Not sure how they tasted. But the birthday cake was amazingly yummy!

Little Cha Cha's merchandise! Just kidding, his invitation cards and photo books that I made for him. I wrote him a book to tell him his story. We want him to know that he's the special boy that God chose for us.

Pastor Heng, the same pastor that officiated our wedding said grace for Cha Cha's birthday dinner.

Our family portrait. Yes, I still can't get over how uncanny little Cha Cha looks like us. We love him heaps and heaps. And yes, he does have his father's dress sense too.
The Sim family portrait.

The Seet family portrait.

With the godparents. When we were matched with little Cha Cha, Eve and Stanley were the first friends that I broke the news too. I texted them with my eyes half shut from the LASIK surgery. I wanted Eve to be his godma because I believe that she has a positive influence in his life and I want him to know my best friend and have her to be part of his life even though she lives on the opposite side of the globe. Stanley offered to be Cha Cha's godpa the moment he knew that we were matched with him. Of course I was flattered that he offered. Dorcas and Stanley are definitely the spiritual role models for him. We really could not ask for better godparents. Thanks guys for being little Cha Cha's godparents. We know that he's in good hands.

Eve and me at The Peak. This was her last day in Asia. I'm really glad that she made the trip out to Asia. Thanks girl! Missing you heaps!

So that sums up our summer for this year. It has been wonderful in every sense. The last few days of summer had me running around to sort out Cha Cha's paperwork with the Spore Embassy and the immigration department. We're almost there with his red passport. And I'll write it again. Awesome summer!

Summer Coming to an End

Time always flies when you're having fun! I spent probably more than eight months looking forward towards summer and viola, it's coming to an end so soon. However, honestly, this has to be one of the best summers that I've ever had. And this is without me heading to States! Well, this is true because States came to me! Eve came and visited and brought shopping to me!

So from my last post, we just came back from Maldives. A week after Maldives, we

Summer So Far

The Seet family is back in Spore for a summer break. Haven't had time to blog. Been too busy with family and friends.

We arrived on the 12th of July. Just Cha Cha and me. Cha Cha did perfect on the flight considering that it was his first time flying. Babe arrived on the 16th. Days were filled with bringing Cha Cha for Gymboree classes and then Babe had to fly to Bangkok for work. Cha Cha had great time hanging out with his cousin, JC. It's fun to watch them play and then get into flights. Totally hilarious!

On 26th July, we left for Maldives without Cha Cha. Sure, we were worried, wondering if he's going to be fine without us. But thank God, he was fine. He had lots of fun hanging out with his cousins. He didn't seem to have missed us when we came back this morning.

Anyway, enjoy the pics. We're about halfway through summer holidays. Dreading when it ends.

Little Cha Cha slept through most of the flight. Did very little crying.

Cha Cha hanging out with his cousin at Splash Park at Sembawang Shopping Centre.

Cha Cha loving his Gymboree classes.

He was meant to drop a toy in the tunnel but he decided that it would be more fun to go through the tunnel!

Hanging out JC.
At Maldives! Totally loved it! Making plans to head back already. But this time, we'll bring Cha Cha.

Looking down from our water bungalow.

Yes, still loving it!

Beautiful sunset!
The man that made the trip all the more special. Babe used to hate beach resorts. But I love beach resorts and over the years, he accommodated me and went along to the various beach resorts. Slowly, he began to relax, chill and do nothing and he started liking beach resorts too. Thanks Babe for always willing to try what I like and yes, for loving me!

The Journey Officially Begins

We were at court yesterday with Cha Cha. It was probably the second most important day of my life. The first being the wedding. During the court hearing, I was kinda overwhelmed but at the same time, I had to keep everything in. Dana and Pauline were with us at the court.

When I look back at the past six months. I must say that we've come a long way with Cha Cha. The past six months were kinda nerve wrecking as well because there were times that I thought that his birth mum might come back. Truth be told, if she did come back, I would surrender him to his mum and yes, will be sad but I know it's God's will. But thankfully, his mum didn't want him back. She did however leave a letter for him. Which we will give it to him in due time.

The first few weeks when we had Cha Cha, it was really difficult to a certain extent because I've never really been a mum before. What do I know about raising a four month old? Thankfully, there was support from home. Mum and Jacqui flew in and then the rest of the family came for CNY. There were times that were hard because we're alone in Hong Kong. But did the thought of throwing in the towel ever crossed my mind? No, it never because I knew that this is the gift that God has given us.

Then it got a little easier. Babe adjusted to be a dad really well. He took on the role well. Every Sunday, it became a routine for us to go to church, have lunch, then hang out at home till about 6 and head for the pool. After pool, Babe will bathe little Cha Cha and we'll have dinner together. Babe is an amazing dad. Whenever he heads out for his trip, he'll try to make it as short as possible and never over the weekends. The moment he heads back, he would play and cuddle little Cha Cha. Without Babe, I don't think I'll be able to do this.

We're leaving for Spore next Tue. It's going to be interesting as I'll be catching the flight with Cha Cha alone. Babe will arrive in Spore on Sat. Babe will be working out from Spore for that month. We're thankful that his boss generously agreed to it. But it's not going to be all fun. Babe is going to be travelling a fair bit. Cha Cha and me will tag along if it's possible but looking at it, it might be hard. But it's fine, we're glad to be in Spore with family and friends.

And before I end the post, I really want to thank everyone for their love, support and prayers. We couldn't have done it without all of you. The real journey begins now. Continue praying for us and we're also praying what's Gods will for us next. To have a biological one or to adopt another.

Josias is Not Lucky to Have Us as Parents

Very often we get people who comment or tell us that Josias is very lucky to have us as parents. And very often we tell them, no, he's not lucky to have us as parents. And quite often, they give us the bewildered look.

The truth of the matter is that we are blessed (I refused to use the word lucky because I don't believe in luck). When Josias' birth mum decided that she was going to give Josias up for adoption, there were lots of couples like us that are waiting for a child to be matched with them. We met and know a few couples that are waiting to be matched and they are all wonderful people. They are like us, they are able to provide him with a loving home and be able to provide financially for him too. So in other words, there's nothing special about us. He can be blessed (lucky) as much as being in another family. They might be even be able to provide more financially to him. Maybe in another family, the mum is a stay at home mum who is able to send him to every conceivable playgroup, class or what not? So what's so blessed about us?

Nothing, and that's the bottom line. Nothing, there's nothing so special or blessed about us that we're doing for him. But rather, we are totally blessed by him. Through him, we have learnt so much. He has taught us patience, perseverance, persistence and he has taught us meekness, humbleness and a whole bunch of things. There are days that I just want to jump out of bed and give him a big hug and tell him that we're so blessed that God has chosen his to be his parents. It is such a privilege. And we are truly humbled with such a privilege.

Today marks six months since Josias arrived in our household. We have never regretted one bit. Sure, there are days that we wonder if we will make good parents, and yes, we still wonder about that, and there are days that we ask ourselves, are we doing right by him? We don't want to raise a spoilt child but at the same time, we don't want to over discipline him too. It's a fine line. But our prayer for him, is for him to grow up to be a fine Christian. That's all, because I believe that if he grows up to be a man after God's heart, everything else will fall into place.

First Father's Day

Last Sunday, was our first Fathers' Day. I was looking back and remembered last Fathers' Day I was on the plane back to Hong Kong from Singapore. How time flies. To a certain extent, I didn't expect that we'll be parents this year. Yes, at times I'm still in awe of it all. Can't believe that we have little Cha Cha now.

Anyway, this post is for Babe. I must really give him the credit for stepping up to being a great dad. When Cha Cha first arrived, Babe was a little overwhelmed. The reality is that as much as we think that we're prepared to be parents, we were not ready at all. There were heaps that we had to learn and to adjust to. But these couple of months, Babe has been doing a great job. Babe travels and whenever he comes back from his travels, he never fails to want to spend time with Cha Cha. And I suspect sometimes, he tries to wake Cha Cha up when he comes home late.

Sometimes I'll bring Cha Cha for dinner with my friends and Babe would call and ask when am I coming home because he wants to spend time with Cha Cha. There are even times that he'll tell me not to bring Cha Cha out because he wants to spend time with him. Every weekend, Babe and I will bring Cha Cha for a swim and after the swim, Babe will bathe him. It's a routine that he has established. Last Sunday, I wanted to bathe Cha Cha but Babe told me no because that's his time with Cha Cha.

I'm so glad that Babe is doing such a great job as a dad. I can't write or say more! Thanks Babe for being a great dad!

Parenting

Let me first say this. After 5 and half months of being with Josias or parenting Josias, it does not make me to be an expert. That is number one. And secondly, these are my random thoughts and it may or may not be right. And yes, I've done my fair share of mistakes. And so before you start stoning me, just read and take everything with a pinch of salt.

Over these couple of months, I've really come to realise that parenting is not an easy role. And in parenting there are several ways to see one thing and yet come out with a million other decisions and outcomes. What suits A may not necessarily suit B. And in parenting, there's always a dilemma. For me, it's time and opportunity costs. Every day after work, I tell myself, it's time for gym class but it's hard because I want to spend time with Cha Cha. Even now as I'm blogging, I know that if I catch the bus at 4.30, I'll be able to make it to gym class. But I'm thinking, Cha Cha is asleep now and when he's up, we can go for a walk or to the pool. Gym can wait another day. Then there's the issue with my wrists. My wrists have been aching for a while and I was told that I've overused them. And was told that the only way for them to get better is to stop carrying Cha Cha. I looked at these people and think....are you mad? To me, yes, my wrists hurt now. But in a year or so, Cha Cha wouldn't want me to carry him and then, I can get my wrists fixed. It's not a big deal. Yes, that's my opportunity costs. And I can cite more, but I'm afraid you'll be bored and think that I'm now a whingy mum!

The other thing with parenting, I realised that there are 3 categories.

1) Stay at home parent

2) Parents that work and have help at home

3) Weekend parents

The first one, it's simple. A stay at home parent. Some mothers or fathers decide that it's better for them to stay at home to care for their child. Some with a helper and some without a helper. These are the people that I really admire. I don't think I'll be able to quit my job and stay at home especially without a helper and still be able to keep the home clean and dinner on the table when the partner comes home from work. A friend of mine falls into this category and I'm in awe of her. No helper, living in a foreign land and still copes with everything. Sure, once in a while, her dad flies in to help but overall, she's alone.

The next category, are people like me. I'm not working because we need dual incomes but rather it's a choice. I somewhat feel that by working, I do have some form of sanity and I would still have some connection with the world. But because I work, my time with Cha Cha is precious to a certain extent. This does not mean that I don't go out with my friends for meals. We still do but it's not as often as before. Plus, living overseas without family can be hard but we're surviving. It's working out.

The last category, Babe and I grew up in that environment and there is no way I would put Cha Cha through that. Over summer, Babe and I will be heading to Maldives for 4 nights without Cha Cha. Yes, I do feel a little guilty that he'll be staying in Spore. But at the same time, I know that Babe and I need that time to recharge. But what I don't understand, can parents actually be fine with not seeing their kids from Monday to Friday? Yes, I can understand that some have issues with childcare and that the kids go to grandparents' place from Monday to Friday but at least go and have meals with your kids. Meal times are bonding time. I try to put Cha Cha in his high chair when I'm having meals. He gets to have his meals or his snacks while I have my meal. We communicate and have silly conversations. Yes, it might seem meaningless but I don't want to miss out on him. Maybe for the fact that I went through seeing my parents only during the weekends that I'm really not comfortable with this arrangement.

However, at the end of whatever that I'm rambling, the decision is ultimately within the parents. I've come to understand that with everything we do, there's a reaction or consequence that may follow. And that with parenting, sacrifices have to be made.

When One is Homesick

When one is homesick, God brings her best friend to her. I've been feeling homesick for a while now. I think our social worker said it best 2 weeks ago. He was at our home for a home visit. He said that there's a difference between not being able to leave the country and choosing not to leave the country. That's right. We can't leave the country together because of Cha Cha and it is difficult for me.

So as I was feeling homesick, missing family and friends, Stanley, one of my best friend sent an sms that he'll be visiting Hong Kong to attend a wedding with his wife. Sure, I was elated. I missed him. I missed being able to call him and meeting him for lunch. I miss those times that we'll meet for meals, coffees or cakes. Sure, we meet whenever I head home but sometimes it's hard as our schedules don't sync. Anyway, he came over the weekend and we had a great time hanging out. Oh yes, he brought satay for us too.

Apart being my best friend, oh, he's one of my oldest friends too. We've known each other for more than 3 decades. He's also Josias's godfather. When we decided to adopt, I asked Stanley to be our referee. He gladly agreed and wrote a glowing letter for us. He was one of the first that I told that we were matched with Josias. And the first thing he asked was to be Josias's godpa. I gladly agreed. Josias's other godma is Eve, by the way. It is joy that my best friend is my son's godparent.

Anyway, it was nice to be able to hang out and spend time with the Leongs. I really appreciate the time. Enjoy the pics. Oh, we went to Hillsong concert together too. Had a blast!

In Waiting I Grow Stronger

Last week, at church, I heard this phrase and I started to ponder upon it. It's quite apt for me. Waiting seems to be such a part of my life.

I remember before Babe and I started to date, I prayed for him and prayed that he'll be the one and then the waiting. Then we started to date and yet again the waiting started. We dated for 10 years before getting married. After getting married, we waited upon the Lord to start a family. We waited upon the Lord for basically anything and everything.

Sure, there were many times that I wished that I didn't have to wait. There were so many times with the adoption, I felt that we were ready and the timing should be now. It's always Lord, why not now? But when I look back, I understand the timing. Babe was working from home at that time. And looking back, I don't think he would be able to cope if we had a child at home and he had to work. It would have driven him mad. Then when he headed back to Spore to work, if we were matched, he would have to quit and head back. Of course, finances, would be tight as we would be on one income and then the issue if we should hire a helper.

But in God's timing He always puts things in perspective and when the time is ripe, all the bits and pieces come together and fit like a big puzzle. And that when I realised that yes, in waiting, I'm learning and growing strong. In that waiting, God is teaching me lessons every day. And in that every day, I'm resting and feeding in Him that I become stronger through Him and in Him. I am very thankful.

Last night at Plus, one of the ladies shared that giving thanks in all circumstances is discipline. Sure, it is easy to thank God when things are all rosy and fine but when shit hits the fan, it's hard to thank God. However, when I look back at things, I'm understanding, yes, everything for God has its time and purpose. It may be hard to thank and praise God but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter because God is supreme. He knows what He is doing even though it may not make sense to us.