Rain, Sunshine and Rainbow

As 2010 is drawing close, I reflect on 2010. Overall, it has been a really good year. There's nothing that I would like to change. Seriously!

2010 kinda started with rain. I mean metaphorically. I remember spending Christmas in Singapore in 2009 and then waving bye to Babe and everyone at the airport and heading back to HK alone. It was hard. Lots of rain. And then there was lots of flying. Babe would come once a fortnight and I would fly once a fortnight. Flying back and forth.

Then rain got heavier and it was almost pouring cats and dogs in March when my social worker told me that we've got to be temporarily taken out of the adoption matching because Babe was working in Singapore. I was really upset. But there was some sunshine peeking out because when I told Babe, he told me that he was going to quit his job after summer. And I saw rainbows, God's promises.

Summer came and I went to visit Sharon, Eelynn, Bruno, Jolynn, Little Leina and Eve. Had loads of fun. Didn't want to leave. Headed back to Singapore and then, Babe kept to his words and we packed for Hong Kong. In the midst of packing, Babe got an email and it was a job offer. Again, lots of sunshine. And I thought of rainbows too. God's promises.

Well, again, the every fortnight phone calls made me a lot of 'kan cheong' and prayers started and yes, there were fastings too. And prayers and then sometimes fastings. And that's when the making of rainbow cakes started. I baked loads telling myself that God's promises will come through.

In November, mum, Joanne, Jacqui and JC came for a visit. It was great. Loved the time spent. Babe's mum, brother and sister in law came for a visit too. Then December rolled along. And yes, year is almost ending with a bang! Will talk about it later. I could really never ask for anything more.

On a side note, if I had my way, I would so call my kids, Rain, Sunshine and Rainbow. Wouldn't that be cool?

Blessed Christmas!

This Christmas is turning out to be one of the best Christmases ever! So, got my eyes zapped yesterday and voila!!! Perfect eyesight!

Before doing the Lasik, of course, there were tons of apprehension and fear but on the day itself, Babe and I prayed and I put my eyes in the hands of the Lord. Thank God for Danna and Angela who were with me as Babe was busy at work. This morning perfect eyesight!

Anyway, Bless Christmas to everyone! Am so reminded of God's blessings upon us.

The Move

The move is finally over and we're all unpacked and settled in. Thank God! So we started packing about 3 weeks ago. This time we decided to call in the movers. And we started to pack and packed. Never knew I had so so much clothes, shoes and stuff! And yes, bags! Totally madness.

Yes, these are some of the boxes that contained my stuff. And there were couple more boxes and not forgetting the suitcases too.
Moved to the new place and that's where the real fun started. The boxes and the clothes and the shoes and just stuff and more stuff. The unpacking never seemed to end!
After like 3 hours of unpacking, there's still boxes!!! Unbelievable! And that's when it hit. How much stuff do I really have?
And Happy looked confused in the midst of the mess.

Finally, all cleaned and unpacked! Thanks Babe for stepping up to it. Even though he was really overwhelmed by the mess, he did a great job.

Last night after everything, I had time to bake a cake for my colleagues. Keeping fingers crossed that the cake will turn out yum!

Catching my Breath

This is probably one of my busiest months in a long time. I've been up to my neck with preparing for my informal lesson observation which is over, thank God!, and tomorrow, we're having a parents' day for p1. Parents are coming to watch their kids in class and in turn, watch me teach. Well, this happens every year so it's really nothing new. And this Sat, we're packing and moving. On Sun night, we're having a farewell dinner to friends who are moving back to Canada. On Mon, my social worker is coming for an inspection and in the evening, I've got to do a short presentation to the parents for the school trip to Singapore. And in the midst of the craziness, I'mm coordinating with Mazzy, my ex-colleague a school visit to his school. Finally, on the 23rd of this month, I'm getting LASIK done to my eyes.

And yes, I need to pause and catch my breath! Packing is still ongoing. Boxes in the apartment, things are in a mess but we're still functioning to a certain extent. As long as I get through tomorrow, things would slow done a little but at the same time, I can feel my world swirling and spinning. I almost have to yell at myself to pause and be still and let the craziness around me go.

This Christmas is also a kinda bittersweet for me. Or rather I've mixed feelings for this Christmas. This is probably the 3rd Christmas that I won't be home. It's really hard for me. But I'm telling myself that God has a reason for everything. The matching for the adoption is on the 23rd of Dec and we need to be here in HK to be considered for it and therefore we didn't book our tickets. The reality is that, I'll gladly give up going home for Christmas, Chinese New Year and whatever holiday it is for our child to arrive. Yes, take the holidays but just give me our kid! That's all I ask for. There are days that I want to rant, shout and scream and ask God, what's up? What's going on? And by the way, I'm about to give up and yes, make my own! But there's a voice deep in me that's telling me, 'Patience, my child.' When I hear that voice, I become still and am reminded of God's calling for us.

This is my Christmas prayer.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Two weeks ago, I taught Sunday School and I had a great time teaching the kids about your birth. I taught the kids that the greatest gift that we got for Christmas is you. You're the best thing for Christmas. And I truly believe that. You have given me so much. You have given Babe. Babe that truly loves me for everything. Babe, even bought me a Christmas present already. He was on a flight and he saw something in the inflight magazine and that weekend he brought me to the boutique to make sure that I like it and he bought it for me. Thanks so much for Babe. Can't ask for more. You have given me richly in terms of material stuff and in terms of love too. My life is full because you have made it full and complete. However, God, we heeded your calling and truly believe that you want us to adopt and here we are obeying you. So, if it's not too much to ask, the best present next to you, would be a little child for us. That's all we ask for,

Thank you, Lord.

In Jesus's name,

Amen

So this is my Christmas prayer. And yes, catch my breath and be still and let the madness and craziness zoom past me.

Dear Grandpa

Dear Grandpa,

Last night as I was leaving my apartment, I heard the security guard hum, 'What a Friend we have in Jesus,' and my immediately my thoughts were led to you. For some reason, I seem to believe that this is your favourite hymn. And last night I was thinking, what do I know? Why would I think this is your fav hymn? You went to heaven when I was barely 10 and still this thought resided in you.

So grandpa, how's heaven like? It is really what it's been described? I'm sure it's even better. Well, grandma is kinda fine, I guess. She's lost some of her short term memory. We tell her stuff and in 2 mins, she can't remember what she said. However, she has lots of happy memories from the past. She told me how you and her holidayed in England and she showed me photos. Those photos were beautiful by the way. On, before I forget, we're going to try to bring grandma back to Singapore. Although I'm in Hong Kong, mummy doesn't feel too happy about grandma living by herself in China. Don't get mummy wrong. The relatives are great. They love grandma and they take great care of her but mummy would much rather have grandma with her.

Grandpa, you'll be glad to know that all of your grandkids are graduates. We've kinda done you proud. I remember when I was in NIE and I would wonder where was your office? At that time, NIE was in the old campus of NUS at Bukit Timah. Well, Joanne and Alwin graduated from NUS but the rest of us went away to study. Out of your 5 grandkids, 4 are teachers but don't worry, Alwin works for Temasek. He works for the government. I know that you love Spore's government and yes, hopefully, you're really proud of us.

By the way, did you know that Joanne has a daughter. Her name is Jo Claire. So in other words, you're a great grandpa now. Joanne, mum and Jacqui have brought JC to see grandma twice and they are planning the next trip over Chinese New Year. JC is a great kid. And someday, we'll tell her stories of you and your legacy. Importantly, we want her to know that you and grandma did a wonderful job of adopting and therefore there's us. And we're always grateful for it.

On the topic of adoption, grandpa, in many ways, I'm led to believe that a huge reason why we're adopting is because of you. You love mum enough to adopt her and to love her and in turn you loved us heaps too. I want to say thanks. A couple of months ago, we were in Katong have pernanrakan lunch with mum, dad, uncle Larry and Aunty Amy when mum reminded us of our heritage. I was reminded that you're a baba. I wish you're still around to share more of your heritage to us.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. Grandpa, I want to say thanks. Thanks for loving us. I do wish you're still around. But God had a reason why it was time for you to head home and I respect that. I'll see you soon, someday.

And this song is for you.

What a Friend we have in Jesus

1. What a friend we have in Jesus,
   All our sins and griefs to bear!
   What a privilege to carry
   Everything to God in prayer!
   Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
   Oh, what needless pain we bear,
   All because we do not carry
   Everything to God in prayer!
2. Have we trials and temptations?
   Is there trouble anywhere?
   We should never be discouraged—
   Take it to the Lord in prayer.
   Can we find a friend so faithful,
   Who will all our sorrows share?
   Jesus knows our every weakness;
   Take it to the Lord in prayer.
3. Are we weak and heavy-laden,
   Cumbered with a load of care?
   Precious Savior, still our refuge—
   Take it to the Lord in prayer.
   Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
   Take it to the Lord in prayer!
   In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
   Thou wilt find a solace there.
4. Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
   Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
   May we ever, Lord, be bringing
   All to Thee in earnest prayer.
   Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
   There will be no need for prayer—
   Rapture, praise, and endless worship
   Will be our sweet portion there.

A Postcard from my Childhood

I was thinking about writing when I stole this pic from my cousin's facebook photos but never got around to doing it till I read my other cousin's blog and she mentioned celebrating Christmas with my family. And then, ding, I had to write.

So this picture above was taken some many, many years ago in my home at Pandan Gardens when we were living there. From the looks of this picture, I must have been around six or seven years old. I remember the Christmas parties with my family and my cousins. It was always filled with loads of fun.

So, I think it's how you celebrate Christmas and who you celebrate it with that matters, and not what you get or don't. Presents can never be as memorable as the people who spend the day with you.

This was taken off my cousin's blog. Thanks Monster for sharing that. I truly believe that. Looking back, I don't even remember what I got when I was a kid. Oh yes, a Barbie doll and rest, I can't remember. But what stayed on was the memories of cousins running around, screaming in glee, playing, and yes, sometimes sipping or drinking our parents' beer. Those were the memories. And those memories created the camaraderie, love, friendship and importantly we feel connected even as adults now.

Looking at the picture, there are two cousins that I really miss heaps. One of them passed about a couple of years ago. And the saddest bit, I didn't even get to say goodbye. He left in such a hurry that he left everyone shellshocked. The other cousin, I don't know where he is. I miss him. I know his siblings miss him too and so do his kids. My parents miss him heaps. Really heaps. He's like a son to my parents and it's breaking my parents' hearts that they don't really know what's happening to him. Once in a while, dad grills me about this cousin. He thinks that this cousin might have emailed me but I'm not saying stuff. But cousin, if you're reading this, get in touch with my dad. He misses you. Do you know that Joanne has a baby now? Little JC would love to meet you. Wherever you are, drop me an email.

Monster, thanks for writing about the Christmas we spent together when I was 10 and you were 11. Didn't know that it had an impact on you. Looking back, it was probably that Christmas that kinda sealed our friendship. Oh Eelynn, you look really cute! Kinda reminds me of Leina.

This Christmas I'm going to be in HK getting my lasik done to my eyes. Going to miss Christmas like maybe the 3rd time of my life with my family. It's going to be a hard and cold Christmas. But.....I've got Babe. Babe is going to make things perfect! And yes cousins, miss those times when we were kids.

Happy Thanksgiving

I like celebrating Thanksgiving. I think Hong Kong and Singapore should adopt this American festival rather than the mindless (in my opinion) Halloween. Why celebrate scaring each other and scoffing down loads of candies? I just don't see it. Okay, maybe there's a bigger picture to Halloween but seriously, I don't really care.

So coming back to Thanksgiving. I'm glad that even my family in Singapore is taking time to celebrate Thanksgiving. I was speaking to mum last night and she was telling me that she's planning a Thanksgiving dinner. The first in our home. Bummer that we can't head home for Thanksgiving. Well, food might be a little different, it was too late for her to score a turkey but who cares.

Babe and me normally have dinner together and last year was extra special that my family was here. This Thanksgiving, we're spending with our cell group tonight and tomorrow, we're having dinner with some of our Canadian and American friends and friends from all over the world.

I know I should be more thankful and grateful but I admit that there are times that I take things for granted and demand more from God. And there are times that I forget to take a step back and think of the bountiful blessings that has been showered upon me. I've got a loving and supportive husband, wonderful parents, superb sisters, cute JC, silly and funny brother in law, 4 best friends (yes, 4 best friends), loving friends in Hong Kong. And the list is endless. We have a nice apartment in HK. And we're moving to a bigger place in about 3 weeks' time. Yes, honestly, life is good. Looking at the big picture, there's nothing that I can complain about. So when life gets the better of me, I need to press on the pulse button and stop, think of all the wonderful people and things that God has placed in my life.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving. And remember to stop and be thankful!

8 Years and Still Counting

I remember 8 years ago waking up and getting washed up, dressed and made up and then realizing, shit! Where's my contact lens? Then the mini madness ensued. Me yelling at mum that I've lost my contact lens. Then dad shouting asking why didn't I have a spare pair. Then the call to Babe, errr.....going to late. Lost my contact lens.

Then, next scene, me sitting at the dining table with Lina, errmmmm....so how? We both broke into giggles. Mum frantically calling various people finding out where to get contacts at 10 in the morning. And finally, go to Lucky Plaza, she shouted. So off to the car we went. Lina was telling me in the car, wow, there's a flower on your ring finger. And I stared at her, what did you just say? Flower? Then I let out a yell, flowers!!! I forgot my flowers! Then called Jacqui, flowers!

Next, got to Lucky Plaza in my wedding dress, getting fitted for my contact lens and people staring at us. I laughed it off with Lina. To me, it was like a fun adventure with my bridesmaid. I didn't care. And Babe called, hmmm....you getting to the church yet? Yup, getting there, soon. And then we got to church like almost 20 mins late. The doors burst open and there I was walking down the aisle with dad. And Babe waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

We recited our vows.

For better, for worse

For richer, for poorer

In sickness and in health

To love, cherish and obey

Till death do us part

When I said my vows, I totally believed that the both of us would definitely be able to conquer anything and everything in the world just as long as we have to both of us. Well, the day we were married, we would have dated for 10 years and a day. So if we can go through that many years, what's a marriage to us?

Boy was I wrong! The first year was somewhat hard at times. It wasn't that bad. We survived it. Then the years rolled along. Babe is very supportive of everything I do. Somewhere in the 3rd year of marriage, I took off to Sydney to do my masters and he was totally supportive of it. I graduated and then in a couple months later, the opportunity to move to Hong Kong to work came, and yet again, he supported my decision. And soon he too moved to Hong Kong.

Were there moments that I thought that my marriage might be over? Yes, I'm not going to deny it. There were times I wonder how are we going to survive this? And this was hard. There was particular one incident that almost tore us apart. And I ate the huge chunk of humble pie and obeyed. But at the same time, I'm glad I did. I respected Babe and from there, the marriage grew stronger. Last December, Babe moved back to Spore to work and there were times that it was hard for me to deal with stuff on my own. During that time, it made the both of us realised that money is not everything. I'd rather have one income and have Babe with me all the time than 2 incomes and living in 2 countries.

So we took the plunge and decided one income. But God has bigger plans. Babe is working and he's been busier than ever. Our love? I would say that it's going stronger. Babe is my mirror. I look at him and he tells me gently and sometimes not so gently what's wrong. He's my fashion consultant, my career guide, my chef, my advisor. He's my everything and he's what I am not too. He fills the gaps in me and in other words, he completes me. Not that I'm not complete but he makes me even more complete. Does it make sense? If I can turn time back to 8 years ago, I'll still say the loud 'I do' and not change anything. And yup, we totally had the best time at our wedding.

Enjoy the pics of Babe and me. We don't take as many pics as we would like, and since I've moved to a macbook, I don't have many pics in my macbook. Found whatever that can be shown in public. And Babe, thanks for loving me!

Moving On

I must admit that I don't always check my gmail email account. I'd check it once every couple of days. So last Thursday, I decided that it's time to check my gmail account and I did and boy did I get a rude shock.

My landlord has decided that since our lease has ended, he's going to raise our rent by thirty percent. My initial reaction, thirty percent? Which industry had a thirty percent of salary increment? Madness! Without even bothering to check out any apartments, I texted Babe and told him that we're moving. So replied the email and told him that we're moving. Almost added, do you think we are idiots? But thought, look, he can do whatever he wants to and I'll just move. I've got nothing to lose but rather's he got more to lose than me.

So on Friday after work and running errands, part 1 of apartment hunting started. I went to look at five apartments without Babe as he was still at work. Out of the five, I liked two. Then part 2 of apartment hunting came when Babe came back from work and we went to look at three. And again, we liked one. So we called the other agent and told her to bring us to see the other two again before we decide. Was told that one was not going to work out because the landlord refused to lower rent. So it was settled, we went to see the one I liked and then it was time to decide. Before we went to look at the apartment again on Saturday, we prayed and asked God to bring us to the right apartment for us.

To cut the long story short, the two that was shortlisted came down to one and we both felt, yes, that's the one. It was a close competition because we liked both. So we talked about it and agreed that the one that comes back first will be the one. So yes, we're now going to pay less than what our landlord demanded but a bigger place. And we not only have two toilets but we have three now! Including the helper's room. And it's fully furnished too. We really could not asked for more. God has been gracious.

The reality was that, Thursday, was a tough day. In the first place, I was kinda disappointed that the adoption match didn't happen. So I thought, fine, no baby but at least I can look forward to spending Christmas in Singapore with family and friends. Then news from the landlord and I thought, now this sucks! No trip home because we have to move over Christmas. And I had to stay at work late. To a certain extent, it was a frustrating day. However, when Friday rolled along, I felt a little relieved that yes, there are apartments out there in our budget range and it was bigger too. Then on Saturday, we really saw God's hands in putting the bits and pieces together. And on Sunday at church, I knew that God has a purpose for everything and maybe there are many things that I don't understand and may not even understand in the future but I just have to trust God that all will be well.

Yes, lessons learnt and every day is always a learning process. I have to be reminded to look at His blessings and His hands in our lives rather than asking why. So the operation 'move again' is starting soon. Time to pack and move again!

Roots

The word 'roots' has been in my mind for a couple of days. Actually, since my cell group leader asked me to lead in bible sharing and thereafter she texted and asked if I wanted to serve in kids' ministry. She's the children's pastor in the church that we're attending.

The truth of the matter, our lives in HK has been always measured in terms of two years. I keep telling myself, I'm just going to be here for two years, then the two years almost passed and then, ya, maybe just another two years. And I've never really sought out actively to serve in any church that we've been attending. About a year and half ago, we started to attend a cell group and that's when bits of roots started taking place. This cell group became my prayer support. And the support became more apparent when Babe moved back to Singapore for work and now that Babe is back, they are my prayer support with our adoption.

I've never really participated in any other church building other than our home church in Singapore. And now in HK, we're given an opportunity, I am quite excited to see a church come together to build a home. It's exciting to be part of a church building. And yes, when I was asked to help in kids' ministry, I know that's God telling me, grow roots.

On the other hand, I wonder, Lord, how long more in Hong Kong before we're meant to move again? Babe has an agreement with his current work that he'll be moved to Singapore to start up the operations in Singapore and the Asean region next summer. And in my mind, Lord, you know, what's the point of growing roots and then to be uprooted in less than 2 years? But from what I'm getting from God, no, child, not yet. Just grow those roots and we'll talk again. Yes, I'm bewildered. Babe had a couple of calls from Singapore without him sending his resumes about jobs in Singapore. Well, offers doesn't seem bad and then, I'm wondering, roots? What roots?

But I believe that God always has a greater plan. Like what I shared in cell group last night, do I plan for God or God plans for me? Very often, I want to have my 5 year plan and say, God this is what I want and you pan this out for me! It's almost like a demand. But the reality is that when I do actually sit down and ask, God, what is it that you want me to do with my life? What's the direction that you want me to take? Where do you want me to be? I admit, I'm impatient and yes, God has been teaching me patience. And that seems to be the story of my life. But do I mind? Truth, yes I do, when I'm in the process of 'patience learning' but when I'm not in it, I appreciate it. I appreciate that God made sure that Babe and I had a long courtship. That built a foundation in our marriage and sure, when we were dating, I was wishing that we could have gotten married earlier. But God always have better plans and His ways are always higher than ours. Anyway, I digress as usual. So roots, there you go, I'm growing some but at the same time, this is going to be the longest time that I'm going to be away from Singapore. I'm getting a little homesick. Do wish to a certain extent that I'm heading home for Christmas. Well, God has his plans.

Support

Last weekend, mummy, Joanne, Jacqui and little JC flew in for a visit. We had a great time. So thankful that they flew in since we've not been able to fly home for a visit recently.

It was really good to spend time with little JC. I've not seen her in person for about 2 months and was concerned that she might forget me and start crying when she sees me. But well, my fears were laid to rest real fast. When she saw me, she quickly warmed up and wanted me to cuddle and carry her. I miss her heaps.

We met up with Adrian and Cindy for lunches. We've probably know Adrian for more than 25 years. They recently have a baby too. When we were out having lunch, Adrian brought up the issue of support. He said that Joanne has lots of support with little JC and that's important as a family. And he and Cindy on the other hand is lacking that. I could see where he's coming from. Being in Hong Kong without family, can be quite isolating at times. Even me, without kids, sometimes when things happen and Babe is not around, I do feel isolated. I wonder, what more about the Tans and their newborn. It must be hard at times for them.

After everyone left, I was left with the thought of support. When Babe was away, it was nice of the Tans to text to invite me out for lunches and stuff. I had Plus group as support too. And my group of girlfriends that ring every once in a while to get me out for dinners. But of course there were times I still feel that it would be nice to have more support around. But in having said that, I look back at my life and think of the times that I've moved in Australia and my move to Hong Kong. Without having lots of support, I've become quite an independent person. And I'm glad for the experiences that I've been through.

That brought me to the next thought, isn't it ironic that sometimes too much support is not good for a person? I've met ladies who are so strong and then they fall in love and get married and then suddenly they morph into a person that I no longer recognize. They lean on to their husbands for everything. Their husbands become their support and they lose their personalities. And I wonder, what happens when they partner dies?

Anyway, some of my random thoughts. Oh yes, I've noticed too, most of my close girlfriends are fiercely independent. And yes, couple of them, can literally move mountains! And yes, I do wish that I'm more like them! Next step, time to learn how to use the power drill!

My Doxology

Yesterday in church, Pastor Andrew Gardner preached on Jude 1: 24 and 25. At the end of his sermon, he asked us to write our doxology. So I wrote mine. This is it

My God is able to walk with me every day. My God is able to bring a child to us a real soon. For God, my saviour through Jesus, is my light in my darkness.

Now and forever, Amen.

When I wrote this in church, I wanted God to lead me as I wrote it. When I read it again, the phrase Jesus is my light in my darkness, became a little glaring to me, pardon the pun. I've to admit that I am a little afraid of the darkness because simply, I can't see what's beyond. And another thing which I admit, there are times in my life that darkness seem to surround me and things overwhelm me. I'm glad to say that this does not happen as often but I know that darkness is just lurking around the corner and it can just pop out anytime. I believe that God always works in marvelous ways. We woke up late for church and ended at 4pm service and at the of the service, yes, it was loud and clear that Jesus is my light in darkness and in waiting, I will grow strong in Him.

I'm loving the fact that each time I go to church, God speaks to me and He brings me a message according to my needs. Thank you, Jesus.

Dear Lord Jesus

Dear Lord Jesus,

There's so many things that I would like to thank you for. I'll start first with the abundant and bountiful blessings that you have showered upon me for the last 35 and 364 days. Yes, I said it, I'm one day away from turning 36.

Last night during Plus (care group), we were asked to share about our most difficult period of our lives and what came out of it. I started to think real hard, Lord. It dawned upon me that those times that I perceived it as difficult and dark, were actually not that bad when I look back and reflect. I started to search in me my most difficult time that I had to question my faith in you. And it came. Two Mays ago when we were matched with a child. Yes, Lord, it was the single most difficult decision that I had to make. While making that decision I felt that darkness and sadness engulfed me and I felt totally alone. The person I love the most was not on the same page as me and deep down in me, I knew I hate to submit. I wanted to be Job's wife. I wanted to curse you and die. But in that most difficult time, you spoke. You calmed me down and you were there with me. And a few months later, Babe started to see you in a different light. He started to become a more Godly husband. Like I shared last night with the ladies, I'd gladly give up one child, two children or how ever many as long as you are turning Babe into a more Godly man. I'd rather have a Godly husband than have children and have a husband that does not know you.

When I think about my life, Lord, I've seen Your beautiful hands shaping mine and Babe's lives. I remember when I was seventeen and I was praying that Babe will be the one and yes, Lord, you gave him to me in your time. And it is in your time that you made everything beautiful. I'm so glad that you have given Babe to me. If I have to do it all over again, I'll still want you to give Babe to me. I'm ever thankful for this caring, loving man that loves me unconditionally. I know Lord that there are times, actually many times that I can and could have been a better wife but I'm still learning. Every day with Babe is a learning process in a loving environment. Even though we went through a really difficult patch two Mays ago, we have grown to be stronger in our love for each other. Lord, I pray that our love for each other will never fade but rather grow stronger every day.

Lord, you know there's one request that we've been praying earnestly. I was really praying that it would be the greatest birthday gift but I believe you have other plans. Jesus, we know that you want us to adopt and that there is a Joash or Janelle out there for us. And it is in your plan that we will claim that child one day. Of course, I wish the one day will come sooner and quicker but I believe that you have a purpose and reason for everything and I just have to trust in your perfect timing. But Lord, if you can give us this wonderful present for our wedding anniversary, we would be beyond elation. Or, we wouldn't mind Christmas, it'll also make a wonderful Valentine's present too. And yes, even Mother's day. But whenever it is, Lord, we know, like meeting Babe and waiting for the right time to be married, your perfect timing is all that matters.

So Lord Jesus, all in all, I just want to thank you. Thank you for my wonderful parents and sisters and little JC. I want to thank you for all the spiritual and material blessings that you've given. My life is full because of you. Thank you for everything. I mean everything, including sadness, discouragements, disappointments along with all the happy stuff. My life is complete because you gave me ups and downs. I'll never want my life to be anything else. I love my life because you hold my hand and walk through the journey of life with me. Thank you, Jesus.

In Jesus's name, I pray,

Amen

Missing Babe

I know that by now, almost eight years of marriage and ten years of dating prior to getting married, I should be used to Babe not being around sometimes. Well, as I type this post, Babe is on the plane on his way back from Jakarta to Hong Kong. I miss him heaps.

Well, it's a laugh when I think about it. Babe was in Singapore working for about eight months before moving back to Hong Kong and I was living alone. And yes, those days in Sydney and my endless travels without Babe too. Not forgetting the numerous business trips that Babe has been on and I've been home. But this time is different. One might ask, how is it different? Well, no matter where Babe is or where I am, we never fail to speak to each other every day, doesn't matter day or night or which continent I am or he is, we always speak to each other. Almost all the time. There were times that we couldn't and this is one of those times. Yes, I miss him, miss his voice and generally, just miss speaking to him. I don't mind as much if he travels for work or if we're in different countries because of my holidays but I mind not talking and updating and just talking to each other.

Anyway, he's on the way back. Will be seeing him tonight. Going to try to clean the apartment a little and going to try to clean myself up too! Can't wait to see Babe!!!

What's Important

An ex-colleague wrote this on her status on Facebook, My pal in school told me, "I wanna excel & survive. Dun wanna skive & survive. Dun wanna excel & die. But the system dun allow, thus I choose to leave".

I read her status and I told her that I left because of what she wrote. And then I wrote on her status saying that if I stayed on, my sanity, health, marriage and everything would have taken a toll. And later on, I wrote telling her about a women's conference that I attended. The speaker was a working mum. She shared this with us. When she got married and was still working, she wanted to excel in being a wife, mother and yes, interestingly, she was a teacher too. But she couldn't. So she asked herself, what is important to her. And she prioritized. She wanted an excellent wife and mother and so, being a teacher, she'll settle for a good or fair. When I heard that, I thought how true. What is important to me? My husband is above all else and I will NOT allow work to take a toll on my marriage.

Well, there were thoughts that were running through my head. I've seen ex-colleagues leaving their kids to their parents or babysitters and their kids do not go home every night, only either at the end of the week or every other day. They spend more time with their students than their own kids. They probably spend more time at work than at home. And thereafter they lament why are they having problems at home. Look, I'm not a marriage or family expert or anything like that. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that a marriage and a family takes time. If one is willing to sacrifice their husbands or wives or children for work, what does one expects in return?

Sure, I've made mistakes when I've left Babe at the bottom of the rung and sure, issues popped out and I've had to relook at my priorities and manage and rearrange them. When I decided to take the plunge to leave Spore to move to HK, it was done with discussions with Babe and only when he gave me his blessings and encouragement, I packed and left. God works in ways that we do not know. In 2 months, he found a job here. And the rest is history. But in December, when he decided to head back to Spore for work, although I didn't think it was a great idea, I supported him. To me, I'd rather be a supportive wife than be a negative and nagging one. But soon, he realized that it was not meant to be. And again, God works in ways that we really do not know. At the end of summer when we were planning to head back to HK, yet again, he was offered a job and he didn't even send out any resumes at all.

I've come to believe that when we put our lives in perspective and put what is important for us as priority, God takes care of everything. He does, everything falls into place. Yes, we were prepared to have less money as long as our marriage is intact and we're in the same country with each other. But in being prepared to give up one income, God has blessed us.

Splitsville

How ironic that my last post was about love, till death do us part and this post is on Spitsville. This morning I went to work and as usual after reading Daily Bread, I read my dose of tabloid news. So today's top tabloid news was the separation of a famous Hollywood actress and her husband. So well, not a prob, they are not related to me so not affected.

Then I read my dose of blogs. There's someone who's really close to me and dear to me, love her heaps and I've known her forever too. When I read her blog, I was taken aback. She and her significant other parted ways. I didn't see that happening and when we met up over summer, she didn't mention anything. I felt bad because I took her friendship for granted and didn't seem to have time or make the effort to keep in contact with her and it's only through her blog that I found out.

I do not judge or despise her. But rather I admire her. Why do I admire her? She fell in love and over time, sure, they had their ups and downs. But who doesn't. I'm sure and am very sure that they tried to work things out. But I guess it didn't work for them. But I'm glad that they had to courage to talk it out and give each other chances at being happy by letting each other go. As cliche as it sounds, loving someone is wanting that person to be happy. I totally believe in it. I know her, it must been a hard and agonizing decision. And no, I don't blame him or her for the breakup because I don't know the story and it's not fair to pin the blame on anyone.

Monster, I know you're strong and that you'll survive. I love you heaps and take good care of yourself.

Till Death do Us Part

I resisted for the longest time to write about a certain person that died in Singapore. But then again after watching Channelsnewsasia last night, I could not longer resist.

To see a grown man or rather a man into his late eighties speaking at his wife's funeral with tears streaming down, barely holding himself and giving her kisses as he looked at her for the final time, really touched my heart. Here is a love story that spanned more than 60 years. I'm sure they had their ups and downs and issues that they had to work through. And yes, the cynical me wonder, was she that great of a woman? But while looking further, yes, she was in her own ways.

Babe has started work and getting dinner ready is left to me now. Two days in a row, dinner was not ready by the time be got home. No, no, he didn't throw a tantrum or demand his dinner. But inside me, I wanted dinner to be ready by the time he rang the doorbell. I wanted the apartment to be somewhat clean and tidy by the time he gets home and that includes me running off to the gym to get my 45 mins jog/ walk/ stroll in. But hate to say that I fail. She made wonder how did she manage to run the household and have a job and do everything. Sure, it's easy to say that she had help but then again, even with help, it's never easy.

One of her sons said that, his parents told him that in a marriage, never let the other party feel abandoned in crisis. That kinda hit me. Sure, there are ups and downs, richer and poorer and in sickness and in health, but anyone of these crisis can get one to walk away. And yes, sure, lots of people do that now. Marriage is just a piece of paper and if you don't like this piece, tear it up and sign another one. It's sad isn't it?

But isn't it great when there's a couple that showed that through it all, a marriage can work and love does sustain till death do us part.

Have a Little Faith

Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom is the latest book that I've read. I've read almost all of Mitch Albom's books. Each of his book has left a deep impression on me. When this book came out, I hesitated a little not knowing if I should read. I seriously don't want some author to shake my faith. Excuse the pun.

So last Saturday while waiting for Babe at a shopping mall, I came across this book in a bookstore and it was screaming out, buy me! Plus, it was 20 percent off. Who can resist a good deal. So well, I bought and read it. A writer asked to write his rabbi's eulogy and his experiences with a inner city church in Detroit and the pastor of the church. I don't care what people say but I do look at Judaism with respect not putting down Jews or persecuting them because it is written in the bible that they are the chosen people, God's people. So when I read the book, I read it carefully understanding what the rabbi and I was almost in awe of this man. He put some stuff in perspective. And I was even more blown away by the pastor in Detroit. He had a sinful past but he made a 180 degrees turn around and he strongly believes that God placed him to work amongst the poor and like God not turning His back on the pastor, he never turned his back on his congregation no matter how difficult it gets and no matter how cold the church becomes because of the lack of heating.

Every day, it becomes more apparent to me that God is working in me that ways I never really know. Each time when my faith begins to wane or is tested or when I find myself giving up, God sends little signs to me. After reading the book, I was left with the thought that yes, have a little faith that God will see us through everything. He has provided everything thus far. Well, not just everything but beyond everything. So why should I question Him?

A couple of weeks ago when I was in church I heard this saying, 'God is always on time but if He could be earlier, it'll be great.' Yes, it'll be great. But that's in our humanistic point of view. I often wonder if things would have been different if Babe and I got married earlier. Would we have in the same place as we are now? Or would we be divorced and bitter? Yes, God's timing is perfect. For the longest time, I've been praying for the child that we've been praying for be matched to us. To date, this has been our longest prayer request. A few weeks ago, it hit me. God was trying to tell me that He knows that we were not ready. And I began to see why. Yes, the truth is that we were not ready. More specifically, we were not ready to be parents spiritually. And God was moulding and convicting us to be better Christians so that we can be better parents to bring up our children in His love and guidance. And we He knows that we are ready, our child will be matched to us.

So there you go, the wait is not in vain. Nothing is ever in vain because I know the person that held yesterday and holds today and tomorrow is the person that is holding our hands throughout our journey and in His time, He will make all things beautiful. Call me an optimist but I don't care because my hope is in God!

Stars

The interesting bit about living in Hong Kong is that there are days that one can go shopping or have a meal and go past a singer, actor or actress. I've seen a couple of them when I was out shopping and more recently, a couple of them in church. Well, no no.....I didn't pull out my little book and ask for an autograph. Number 1, sometimes, I don't really know who they are until someone mentions them to me. Number 2, I'm seldom starstruck. Quite seldom except for a couple of celebrities.

There are probably only 2 cantopop singers that I actually like and would buy their CDs. Well, one of them decided to jump down and end his life. And the other, was someone that was seated behind me in church yesterday. I didn't notice her until I turn around to pass her the offering pot. And when the service ended, I turned around again to stretch, and it was then that it hit, oh yes, it's her. No, I didn't shout, scream or stare at her in awe or anything like that. I won't even mention her name. I respect her privacy because I'm certain she wants to remain anonymous so that she can go worship God in peace. And yes, she does have a stunning voice.

When I went home, I googled her and read about her testimony. Apparently she went into depression and it was in her depression that God reached out to her and she felt a great change in her life. She went on to produce a gospel pop album and her concert was aptly named, Faith. Boy, do I love her even more now! But what really blew me away was that in the clips that I watched of her concert, she proudly sang and gave glory to God. She wasn't ashamed of her beliefs and she literally stood on the pedestal and shout out to the people of God's goodness and love.

God does use people in different ways. Yes, she may have a past. Who doesn't have a past? She may still make mistakes, who doesn't? But she loves Jesus and she isn't ashamed to show it. She turned up in church in really normal clothes, nothing flamboyant, no bodyguards and probably even no makeup. She just wanted to worship God. I reflected and wonder, what's my attitude in worship? What's my attitude on Sundays? Am I there to worship and praise my maker or am I there to present him with my list of wants for the week? Points to ponder.

Issac and Goliath

Yes, you read it correctly, it's Issac and Goliath and not David and Goliath. A couple days ago, Josiah, a childhood friend of mine from my home church in Singapore wrote this on his facebook's status,' Before you ask God to help slay your Goliaths, sacrifice your Issacs on the alter.'

I mulled over what he wrote for a couple of days and I was almost blown away. Isn't that true? We want God to take away our tests, trials and tribulations which are our Goliaths but at the same time are we willing to sacrifice our Issacs? I always love the story of Isaac. Abraham and Sarah prayed for years and years for a child and it was when the both of them were past 100 years old that Isaac was born. When God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, he brought Isaac to the alter. I'm sure on the way to the alter, Abraham must have fought an internal battle with himself. But when it came to the crunch, he was willing to put Isaac on the alter. His only son and God promised him that he'll have as many children as the stars in the sky. What must have gone through his head when he laid Isaac on the alter. But his willingness to sacrifice Isaac gave him much blessings later on in his life.

Its the same story with Hannah. She prayed and pray for a child and she told God that she will return him back to Him. And true enough, she conceived a child and then when it was time, she brought Samuel back to God and Samuel grew up to be a great man of God and Hannah was blessed with more kids.

The question I had in my mind, would I be really willing to sacrifice the one thing that I love to have my Goliaths slayed? Recently, we we posed with such a question. Would we be willing to give up money, most specifically, one income so that we can both be in the same country? We prayed and asked God for His direction and the answer was clear. Give up that one income. We obeyed and did. And now, we are seeing His blessings upon us. I'll write about it in time to come.

Thanks Josiah for putting that up on your status. Brought a nice and gentle reminder to me.

When I Grow Up

When I grow up, I want to be a someone that who would be able to stand up for the weak, poor and defenseless. I want to fight for the rights of the children because they are young and defenseless in many ways. I hate to see them abused by others in power and not having an education because they cannot afford it. I want to fight for the rights of women because I strongly believe that women have an equal right to education and also to employment. They have a right to be trained to have skills so that they can feed themselves and not be dependent on their husbands who sometimes beat the crap out of them.

Those were my thoughts when I was growing up. I wrote a composition when I was maybe in secondary 1 and won a prize and in that composition, I wrote that I wanted to be a lawyer to fight for the rights of women. But somewhere along the way, my aspirations to be a feminist lawyer kinda disappeared. Don't ask me why. Recently, I started reading a book, Women Hold Up Half the Sky, and it got me thinking again. I get mad thinking of women being tricked and forced into prostitution and sometimes dying from it either through murder, beatings and AIDS. I get madder reading about girls not given an opportunity to study and when they do get to school, they risk being killed.

It got me thinking again about my ambition when i was 13. The reality is that it's too late for me to head to law school and start all over again. Or actually, it might not be too late but I do not see the point or think there will be much of a return of investment. So I wonder, what can I do to make a difference to my belief? To a certain extent my job allows me to make that difference. I teach and I try my best to reach out to the underprivileged. But it's not enough and what else can I do? I don't know and I'm still thinking about it. But I believe that one does not have to do drastic stuff to make a difference. Even small acts if treating people with kindness and respect can make a difference to someone else. I get mad when people make disparaging remarks about foreign workers and domestic helpers in Singapore. They are people too. They need our respect too. It's the same in HK, I tell kids off when they treat their domestic help like crap. But one wonders where kids learn to treat their domestic help badly. Did they learn it from the adults around them? Some food for thoughts.

I'm A Teacher

Whenever I'm asked what I do for a living, I say that I teach for a living. There are days that I say it with pride and there are days that I say it with my head hanging down. I say it with pride because I do love my job and I love the kids that I work with but I say it looking to the ground because there are times that I think that I could do a better job.

There are kids that I've taught that I really love and felt that they have taught me things in return. One of my fav students is Rachel. I taught Rachel maybe close to 10 years ago. From her, I learnt that kids emulate and learn from their teachers. Most of you know that I love my nail polish a tad maybe too much and one day I caught Rachel colouring her nails with a highlighter and I was like, Rach! And she broke into the cutest grin. And yes, time to call her mum. She was my flower girl not because I asked her but she asked me too and I was so so honoured that a kid that I taught wanted so badly to be part of my wedding. So 9 years passed since I taught her and then she pops up on Facebook and I was like, wow! You remembered me! Over summer, I met her for lunch and again, I was honoured that she made the time to call me to arrange to meet up. Rach, thanks for reminding me that teaching does really touch lives.

Duane is another kid that I love. He got into the finals of Singapore Idol and from him I learnt to live out my dreams. Hmmmm, I've got too many dreams but Duane had a dream and he went out to live it. And I'm so proud of him.

L was a girl that I taught and she had a mum that had really high expectations of her. She's a lovely girl. And don't get me wrong, her mum would not come across as an abusive mum but she does punish L whenever she does not do well enough. And from teaching L, I learnt to work with parents and be careful of not getting their kids into more trouble.

Dart was a boy that really touched me. He was the in last class that I taught in Singapore before I left. He was from a broken family. In the beginning I didn't know of his home situation. I just knew that he was an active kid that couldn't keep still. It was over time that I began to understand more of his situation. This little kid taught me that patience and misbehaviour normally comes from a deeper issue. I miss him.

Now, why am I not a good teacher? There are times that I snap and snarl at kids, make fun of them and yes, be mean to them. There are times that I look back and reflect and think, I could have handled the situation better and treated the child better. I had a horrid kid once. This kid was the reason why I would not want to get to work. He would bully other kids and beat up other children in my class. When I call his mum, she would turn the tables on me. And there were times that she would even complain against me. But when I looked deeper, his mum was abused physically by her husband, the kid's dad. And that's why he probably beat his friends up too. There was nothing much that I could really do for the kid and the family. About 6 years passed and last I heard, he's in a boys' home.

Over summer, I read Precious by Sapphire. Every teacher should read it. I cannot understand, comprehend or even wonder why no teacher could have stopped the abuses at home for Precious or reported it and why was she even expelled from school!! Yes, it is a depressing but a good book nevertheless. Teaching is not just about academics, it's beyond that.

Lives At Stake

Two nights ago, Babe and me were watching Channelnewsasia in Hong Kong. What unfolded before our eyes was almost like watching a movie. But the difference was that this was real and the hostages were tourists from Hong Kong visiting Manila. They were on their last day of their tour before a guy stormed up their bus and held them as hostages.

As we watched, I felt pain, sadness, anger and all sorts of emotions for the Hong Kong tourists. And what baffles me was the incompetence of the policemen. By the time the hostage taker was killed by a sniper, 8 hostages were killed. From a lay person's view, there were wasted opportunities in dealing with the hostage taker. And what made me madder was when the father of the hostage taker was crying on television saying that his son was a good man and whatever. Look, he took lives of innocent and he was a good man??? Gee!!!! Get real!

When I thought of my feelings and emotions, I realized that my solidarity is with the people in Hong Kong. I'm really beginning to see Hong Kong as my home and I really felt for the people. And by the way, do train up your policemen and your commandos to be more competent.

Pics of Holiday in States

The Sim cousins at lunch.
Dinner at Phil's BBQ.
The Drag Queen Show
SeaWorld! Wanted to steal a dolphin home
Lunch at Boiling Crabs with Eve and Jolynn
The Sim Cousins
The carnage
Brave and cool dog
The castle that we were going to visit at the top of the hill
Hearst Castle
And it's just Randolph Hearst's holiday home
Simply magnificent

Our ride and no, we didn't rent it from Vegas
Near Big Sur or something like that.
Love our jeans!

Eelynn and her beautiful Leina
And that's all the photos that I can put up. Time to hang out with little JC

Patriotism

I've been spending the past few Singapore's National Day in Singapore. Well, I didn't purposefully do it just to celebrate my nation's birthday or I'm a patriotic Singaporean or anything like that. It was just that, my summer holidays falls during this period and most of the time, I'm in Singapore after holidaying elsewhere. This National Day, a couple of thoughts came running through my head and guess the longer that I live away from my home country, I see things in different light and perspective.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm becoming a lot more unpatriotic. I remember 3 years ago, we were staying at The Oriental in Marina Square and we had the view of the National Day Parade. Last year, we were out for dinner with Babe's parents and his aunty and uncles. This year, we purposefully timed our dinner and shopping trip during the parade so that we would have somewhere to go. Somehow, the thrill and the enjoyment of the parade had long gone and disappeared. I'm beginning to think that it's a waste of money and the money could have been put to better use. Plus, the couple of times that I had to bring students to watch the parade, probably put me off watching the parades.

I've been reading stuff in the papers about how my home country have given their citizens or new citizens opportunities in their lives and how they really love their country. But to me, there are things that really irk me. One thing that came really jarring is the issue of education. Sure, basic, formative education is great here. But when it comes to tertiary education, only the smart and people that have the means deserve an university education. The rest, don't deserve it. It was the same for me. But looking back, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to go overseas.

And that brings me to my next point, think out of that bloody, idiotic box. This really irks me. So, I had lunch with my ex-student yesterday. She's in her last year of high school in an American based international school in Shenzhen. She was telling me how she went to La Salle to find out about music and theatrical studies. But this man that was talking to her and her family basically told her that her chances of getting into the school is very slim because of her lack of formal training. I was really miffed when I heard that. Rachel was saying that the man doesn't know her or seen her perform and so how can he pass that kind of judgment. I totally agreed with her. Think of out that dumb box and get some EQ! And recently, in order to fix the parking crunch in housing estates, the HDB decided to charge twice the normal fee for overnight parking, so from SIN$2, it's now, SIN$4! And we pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to ministers to think of such great solutions? And today, the govt is looking at campaigns to encourage marriages and someone wrote into the papers saying, how to get married when housing has become unaffordable or have to wait for like 3 years to get their flats? Gee!!! These are some of the things that irk me.

I remember years ago when I had to sing those patriotic songs during National Day, I wonder to myself, how much of it do I really believe? One of my fav then was 'Home' that was sung by Kit Chan. Yes, this is my home. My parents, my friends and where my bak chor mee and prawns noodles are. But what's beyond that? I remember telling Sharon, my cousin, when I was visiting her this, I used to be able to uproot and move to anywhere in the world but now, with the arrival of little JC, I don't want to me more than 10 hours by flight to her. Yes, this is ultimately still my home, but I wonder, the longer that I stay away from home, would my home become a strange to me in time?

Jet Lag

I'm up sitting at my parents' dining table at 7 in the morning. This is rather rare that I woke up voluntarily without anyone waking me up or banging the table or yelling at me. But rather, all thanks to jet lag, I'm up bright and early.

The past few days has been kinda of groggy and blur for me. Left San Diego on the 31st of July, took a road trip to San Francisco and arrived there on the 2nd August. Spent 3 days in San Francisco and left there on the 5th of August. The flight from San Francisco to Hong Kong was delayed and so I missed my connecting from Hong Kong to Singapore. So I had to stay in Hong Kong for a night but it was nice that Cathay Pacific that put me up in a hotel. Kinda can't complain but did wish I could be back earlier. I finally arrived in Singapore on the 7th of August. And now, on the 9th of August, I'm up at 7 am. And for the past 2 nights, I've been going to be before 10.30. Aren't me leading a 'sleep early and wake up early' lifestyle.

Anyway, someday, I'll put up more pics and will enjoy myself in Spore.