Bittersweet Weekend

I had a bittersweet weekend. Let's talk about sweet first. We always start with pleasant, sweet, , positive, nice stuff before going into bitter, shit, crap or negative stuff.

Iris Chiew, was in town and she still is. Think she's catching the plane at 8. I've known Iris forever from church. Have to mention that she's one of the sweetest persons in church. Very nice person. Spend Saturday morning with part of the afternoon with her and then we had dinner last night as well. I shared with her our desire to adopt and it was a nice surprise that she was very supportive. She was very excited as well. We talked about it at lengths and she told me that she'll pray for us. Had a wonderful time with her and her friend. And wow, Iris, she does know where to eat in HK. She brought us to this pretty yummy restaurant. They had really good desserts.

We went to HOLF in the afternoon on Saturday. It's always nice to get there to spend time with the kids. I asked Sue about Muyang and how's things with him. She gave me the news that Christian Action or the hospital may not want to put Muyang in leg braces but rather they're going to put him in a wheel chair. That broke my heart straightaway. I was indignant at that thought. To me it was like everyone has decided to give up on him. Sue shared the same sentiments as me. It was hard for us to understand why. Sue mentioned that it might be the issue of funds that Christian Action is dealing with. I told Sue that if it's the issue of funds, let us know and we'll try to raise the money for him. I felt rather terrible and upset about the situation. To me, it's like taking away the chance of walking from the little boy. But then again, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions and who am I to judge Christian Action. It might be in the situation that they have other needs to fulfill and that Muyang had the chance of getting himself fixed. There are other or many reasons that I do not know. Or maybe the doctors felt that there's no way Muyang can ever walk. I don't know.

Anyway, do pray for him. Sue will let me know how things go with Muyang. By God's grace and will, my prayer is that Muyang will be mobile in time to come.

Stork on the Way?

We went to an adoption briefing last night. Have to say that I was so excited the whole of yesterday. Went there, saw a boring and cheesy video on adopting, listened to talks. When we left, we had a clearer picture of adopting. It's not going to be an easy procedure, lots of paperwork, home visits, scrutinies and a whole load more. But we know that at the end of it all, it's going to be worth it. We are going to be able to provide a home for a child that does not have one. And like what Beth says, we can help turn someone's tragedy into something beautiful for the child. We're not going to put any preference for sex for the child, leaving age range from 4 weeks to 2 years. We're leaving things into God's hands. At the same time, we'll also see what happens to Muyang. We're going to see him this Sat and we really don't know what God's will for him. But at this point of time, we're going to spend time with him on Saturdays and pray that his legs will get well and hopefully he'll find a family. Part of me still wants him but we're leaving him in the hands of the Almightly.

Nick Vujicic is a giant of a man

In Christ alone.....He does everything. Everything can be done only through HIM. Lessons to learn everyday.

Life Without limbs -Nick Vujicic

This is so so inspiring! Joanne, my sister, sent me this video. Makes me realised that God really works in ways that we'll never know. Nick does not have an easy life but God worked through him and what more can he do for me?

Sunshine

You are my Sunshine
My only Sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You never know dear
How much I love you
Oh please,
don't take my Sunshine away

My Sunshine came back this morning! Ya!!! Well, yesterday, my brain had a meltdown. I had a really bad migraine and had to come home early. Threw up a couple of times and then had a nap. Woke up feeling a little better. Both Babe and Marina think that it's the stress of the week that finally got my brain to melt down. But I try not to think that. But rather, it's just one of those migraine days.

So Babe came home. Really happy. He was too tired to go to Holf with me so I went there alone. On the way there, I got a text from Mazzy, an old friend. While at Holf, Kabi called as well. It's nice to hear from friends. Been a little down and then suddenly these friends think of me. Thanks guys! Had a chat with Sue and I thought about stuff and I realised that I've been wanting my way and not pausing to think what does God want. So now God, things are in your hands. If Muyang or any kid or baby is ours, let it be. Babe and me are going to honour you and no one else.

Sinking

Have you ever have days that you just want to sink and wallow deeper in your shit? Do you have days that wish you that the sun better not freaking rise? Do you feel like screaming and shouting, why don't some people see my rationale?

I have one of those days. And it's not exactly nice. Was at the salon today doing my hair, colouring my hair. Being bored, I took my phone and checked my email. And I've got an email from Babe's aunty. She wasn't quite pleased with the decision of us adopting. Let's just say that she's disappointed with us. I really thought that she would be able to understand how we feel and that she would be supportive and was not expecting this reaction. I really don't know what to say to her.

I just want to adopt! Why can't people see that? Mum is coming round to it. My cousins and friends are supportive. Babe and me are happy with the decision. I just want to save a kid or 2. I never want to have my own kids. Never had that inclination. And I don't understand why is that not acceptable. Beth mentioned to me that maybe some ladies are called to adopt and that might be our calling and that's God's will for us. Just like some ladies or men remain celibate and serve God.

This is probably one of the very few times that I feel alone and not knowing what to do. I want to share with babe about how I feel but he's away and he has his issues as well that he has to figure out. So I've got deal with it myself for the moment. I made plans with a couple of friends for dinner and I really wanted to go home and wallow but I drag myself there and actually had a good time with them. Nice distraction.

What's wrong with wanting to adopt? Why do people always assume that I can't have kids? And I've been told by everyone that I can go for fertility treatment. But seriously, that's not what I think it's about. Why does people always say that, oh adopt when you've exhausted all means of having a child. Then how does the adopted kid feel? The child is already not wanted by its biological parents and now, the child is not even really wanted by its adoptive parents.

Like I mentioned before, I've always very stubborn, determined and I do want my own way. This trait in me had both been a strength and weakness for me. Strength, I've done things that I've set out for myself to complete and achieve things that I want. Weakness, I've been like a bull in a china shop. So what do I do now? Listen to what people say and do what is expected? Screw it and not have a kid at all....Be defiant and not even bother with adopting? Or just follow my belief of doing God's will? I need to calm down and try to listen to what I need to do. As much as I strongly believe, a family is between babe and me and people around us have to learn to accept this. Mum is accepting it. I'll have to speak to dad one day and everyone else have to learn to accept me and accept God's will for us. Babe just called and we talked for a bit and we'll see what happens later....

May Not Be the One

Well, life never really goes the way you want it to. How do you know if 'the one' is really 'the one'? Life is hard, isn't it?

Babe called today and we were talking about stuff and about Muyang and Babe finally said that he thinks that Muyang may not be the one for us. He explained that he does not have to draw towards him as much as I do. He also mentioned that the connection between Muyang and him is not there. He went on saying that, we'll continue to see him and we can sponsor him if need be. But also mentioned that, now he does not feel that drawn to Muyang but he doesn't know if those feelings will change. So we're leaving at it.

Sure, of course, I felt sad and a little disappointed. I know that if I really push it and shove it, I'll get my way. But it's not always about me. It's about what's the best for Muyang and about Babe's feelings too. If Babe does not feel like me, then Muyang may not be the one. I strongly believe that if I'm asking for God's will, then His will will be clear for me. Not muddled like now. I understand that adopting a child is a big deal as well. I can't just go ahead because my heart
says so. It is hard for me to learn because I've always so stubborn and strong willed. And it's this trait in me that makes me scary and wanting my way the way I want it to be. But this is time for me to learn to let go and understand that God has a plan for us and also Babe's feelings are very important and at times, more important than mine.

Pray for us and also for Muyang as well.

H and H

Was going to write about Henrik and Happy earlier but guess there was too much going on in my life. Anyway, on Sunday, Marina brought her son over to hang over with Happy. Here are the pics that Marina took. Not sure if Happy was happy with Henrik. But I have to say that Happy was pretty well behaved! And Henrik....Very lovable boy. Just look at that smile....Priceless!

Seeking God's Will

I have to be honest and say that I do enjoy living overseas, away from family and friends. Well, not that I don't love my family and friends but I find that each time I live overseas, my walk with God is closer, I begin to trust God more and I find that people that I meet have an impact and that it is God that leads me to them. It's increasing apparent to me that God is so real and that nothing, absolutely nothing happens for nothing! Will talk more about that later.

I remember when I was growing up in Singapore, the song below was one of my favourites. Last night after speaking to Joanne, I felt a little down. No, my sister's great, nothing to do with her. But rather it was about me wanting to adopt and my parents' view that got me a little down. It didn't help that I was not able to share with Babe as he's away in Germany. It was one of the first times in my life that I truly felt alone and not know who to turn to. Then for some reason, this song floated into my head.

Did You Ever Talk to God Above

Did you ever talk to God above?
Tell Him that you need a friend to love,
Pray in Jesus' name believing that God answers prayer.

Have you ever told Him all your cares and woes?
Every tiny little fear He knows,
You can know He'll always hear and He will answer prayer.

You can whisper in a crowd to Him.
You can cry when you're alone to Him.
You don't have to pray out loud to Him.
He knows your thoughts.

On a lofty mountain peak,
He's there.
Anywhere you go,
He's been there from the start.

Find the answer in His word;
It's true.
You'll be strong because He walks with you.
By His faithfulness He'll change you, too
God answers prayer.

Well, after humming to the song, I went to bed feeling a little better knowing that God will work something through. Went to work this morning, first day of new academic year. I sat down with a primary 3 boy as he was reading his Chinese storybook and I asked him to tell me the story. He started the story, in the beginning, there were tribal people and they live in a desert with the rainbow snake. And I stopped there and I asked him, do you think that's how the world was created. And to my pleasant surprise, he said, no and in turn he told me the creation story. We had chapel today and we sang,

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so;
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He who died,
Heaven's gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! loves me still,
When I'm very weak and ill;
From His shining throne on high,
Comes to watch me where I lie.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He will stay,
Close beside me all the way;
He's prepared a home for me,
And some day His face I'll see.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

It was then I was comforted to know that, yes, Jesus loves me and things will work in a way that He'll work it out to the best for us for Him. Felt a lot better. Wrote Babe's aunty an email asking her to pray for us and that settled my heart and soul a lot.

I had dinner with Beth and she's also wanting to adopt. She's also a Christian. Had a nice dinner with her. We talked about stuff and we both shared the same vision and reason why we want to adopt. Talking to her made me feel a lot better understanding that God somewhat have reasons for the people that I meet. It took a 9 year old to remind me about God's greatness. It took a stranger, Beth, that I've become friends with, her encouragement that I should believe in my convictions.

Babe called and I told him briefly about Dad's concern and to my surprise, he didn't agree to what Dad's concern but rather he seem to want to adopt and go on with it. He's very supportive and he understands my point of view and increasingly,he's beginning to have to same views and visions. Praise the Lord for it.

While writing this post, my telly's turned on to Channelnewsasia and when I looked up, Geogory Burn was speaking. He's an artist that was stricken with polio when he was a kid and thus, he has a physical disability. It was like God was speaking to me about Muyang. As much as I want to just bite the bullet and go through with it, we want our families to be supportive and understand why we want to adopt. There are times that I wish that I can just lie and say, ya, I can't have a child and therefore I want to adopt. But reality is that I never ever wanted kids of my own. There are children in the world that want and need a loving family and if we can provide one for a child, then why not?

Do pray for us as we seek God's will.

Life....Bittersweet Symphony

I used to have Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve as a ringtone on my phone. Well, the last two days were bittersweet.

Last evening, we went to watch Hearty Paws, a Korean movie. Was at the cinema and we asked if there were English subtitles and were told that there were. So we went in and low and behold, no English subtitles! We sat through a Korean movie and I managed to read some, some bits of the Chinese subtitles. Dog lovers, this show is worth to watch. And have you notice that they hardly make movies about cats? Not that I'm a crybaby or a softie, but I actually teared and cried a little in the movie. What a wonderful dog. The movie was a cross between Lassie, Oliver Twist and All Dogs go to Heaven. However, like most Korean soapies, it had a sad ending.

We went to HOLF today. It was a nice experience. In my post dated Jul 22nd, I wrote about Mu Yang and that I was drawn to him. We went to HOLF and he was there today. We had wonderful news. Apparently, Mu Yang might be able to stay in HK for good and that means that he's open to been adopted here. I spoke to Sue who has been looking after him and I was told that he has been doing very well in terms with picking up English and his legs as well. He has another operation to go and he'll probably be able to walk with help from occupational therapy. We're really praying if God is leading us to him. Babe's fear is that we might not be able to provide for him as much as we like because he needs help with his legs. But we're leaving it all in God's hands. Pray for us for God's direction.

Life is bittersweet isn't it? Happy has such a wonderful life compared to Xiao Ba in Hearty Paws. Yes, I know, it's just a movie. With Mu Yang, life is so unfair that he had to go through so many operations at such a young age and also the fact that he was abandoned because he's imperfect. When I look at my life, there are times that I grumble at the slightest thing but looking at Mu Yang, I wonder, what right do I have to complain now? God has been good to me and He's still and always will be good to us! Praise the Lord!