Babe left today for Delhi. He's going to be there for a week. Glad that he's away as I've time for myself. Went to church this morning and I didn't see Muyang. Had a chat with Sue and found out that he's in hospital as there was an infection in his leg. I went to see him in the hospital after sending Babe off at the airport.
When I saw Muyang, he had this huge, huge smile on his little sweet face. He was so pleased to see me. Don't think he had any visitors at all today. He asked me where was Sue. I told him that Sue will come tomorrow and if he wanted to see to Sue. He said,' Yes, please.' It was so sweet. I called Sue and he had a chat with Sue. He wanted to know when can he go home. He's called Holf his home now. I spoke to Sue and then tears started to roll down his cheeks. After that, 2 ladies from Christian Action came by and when they left, he started to tear again. I really wanted to stay longer and leave when he's fallen asleep. But he didn't want to sleep. I guess he was afraid that I was going to leave. So when I finally left, he teared as well.
When I left, there was this sadness in me. Muyang had this little toy laptop and he showed it to the Christian Action ladies and told them proudly that I bought it for him. I can never comprehend what this little one is going through. Today is Sunday and he's in the children's ward. Every kid in the ward had their families visiting them except for him. Even the lady that's closest to him can't visit him as she's busy at Holf. He must have abandonment issues and more. I can't imagine what's going through his head. I sat there and sang,' Jesus loves me this I know.' And there were a couple of tears and moments of sadness with him. I had to remind him that Jesus loves him. He's just going through so much and I wish I can take some away from him but how?
The other part of me, I'm so afraid of getting too close to him as I know someday I've to let go of him. I was told that he might be going back to China after Chinese New Year and hopefully, he'll be adopted into an American family. My prayer for him is to be adopted into a good Christian family. And I'm still praying that maybe he may be the one even though Babe thinks otherwise. Is it selfish on my part not wanting to be close to him just to protect myself? Have I thought about him? All he wants is just a little love. There's so much sadness in this little boy but I'm thankful that he knows that Jesus loves him. Pray for him. It's nothing serious that's he's in hospital. But rather pray for his future and God's plan for him. Pray that God will help and heal him both physically and emotionally.
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