Some of you may know that there are times that I do crawl into my little dark hole and hibernate for days and then I do with hope emerge brighter and stronger. When I was much younger, those days were more prevalent and the duration of my hibernation were longer too. Ever since I've got Babe and got married, I try to limit my fights with darkness.
But why the fight to begin with? I don't really know. It could be stemmed from my childhood, my teenhood, my inability to cope and understand that I have really dark days. And my reluctance to let go of anger. Then those dark days slowly become fewer as I slowly learnt to let go. Got Babe, was able to share some of those dark times with him but it was hard for him to understand and at times it got him even mad at people who caused or initiated those dark days. I try as hard not to share with him as I obviously didn't want him to breed hate. Plus, it was something that I need to deal with myself.
As I got trained as a counsellor, I was able to understand and fight my battles with darkness a little better and know when the enemy is creeping up to me. But at the same time, I wonder if I might be turning mad. In my little head, the Light have arguments with Darkness and Light wins the battle faster these days.
Recently, I had a battle with Darkness. Well, I kinda expected to be coming. It was during that time that someone said this to me when she was going through marital issues and I was having my little battle with Darkness. "Faith, you do not understand adversity until you've been through it." Boy, was I leaping, hopping, jumping mad when she made that freaking statement. She didn't know me well enough to make a statement like that. The last time someone made a statement like that to me, I told him some of the stuff that I've been through and his immediate response was to apologise. Thanks, buddy. But with this person, she said it without thought and who the hell does she think she is to make such me judgment on me! Well, I kinda ignored what she said and when she called to clear some air with me and to pour more of marital woes on me, I listened, got mad, said some of the stuff that I wanted to say but guess, she was too upset to listen. Then I emailed her and told her of the adversities I've been through as a child and teen. What response did I get? Errr....nothing. But do I now care? No, because it showed me that she's too absorbed in her world to realise that there are people out there that have dark days too. Do I care to call her to expect something from her? No, is the answer. I believe deep down in her, she is a nice person but at this point of time, she's too absorbed in herself to look around her. Well, that's life.
I like and chose to fight my own battle with Light and Darkness. I try as hard as possible not to show Babe when I'm fighting my battle because I don't want him to worry and I know that with each battle I fight, I'll be stronger and soon, my fight with Darkness will be over. But having said that, how will I enjoy my light when I've never been through darkness? For now, I'll enjoy my light till when darkness comes again.
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