Ungrateful

Last night after class, I shared a cab with 2 ladies, one from India and the other from Pakistan. Got off the cab and went to the train station with the lady from Pakistan and had a nice chat with her. After I got off the train, I felt really hollow inside. A deep hollow feeling that I've not felt for a long time. The hollow feeling is a disguised feeling of shame and disgust with myself.

During the chat, my friend told me that she left Pakistan 8 years ago to come to Hong Kong. She had an arranged marriage and her husband was from Hong Kong of Pakistan origin. She left her family and everything that was familiar to her to come to Hong Kong, a country that's totally foreign to her and even the language, she couldn't speak a word of Cantonese then. She went on to say that her husband works in a hotel and they live in a government flat and they pay HKD2500 for rent. The amount may be small but as she spoke, I was torn between feeling sorry for her and feeling pissed for her. She told me that she has a masters in English Literature but she has not worked in Hong Kong because no one wants to hire her. She said it as a matter of fact that if she was in Pakistan, she'll be living near her parents and also she'll have a job. We had a good chat and I had to get off the train.

As I left her, it really struck me. I admit wholeheartedly that I love my designer bags and goods and stuff and this lady lives as simple as she can as her husband has to provide for the family of 4. She has an education but she hasn't been able to make use of it to get a job. Never mind that, she has no complains but whatever she said to me was just a matter of fact. She has this attitude that, this is the situation that I'm in but I'll find the rainbow in it and work and do whatever I can to deal with my life. I really admire her. And then I look at myself. I'm just this shallow, hypocritical bitch that thinks of what to buy next month with my salary. The world seems to pass me by and I become this snob in my little world and not realise, yes, there are people that live maybe on a quarter of a salary and they have a family of four and they are happy. But the question for me, will I be happy if I was thrown into her situation? What would I do?

Then something crept into my head. Babe asked me after the storm, where do the birds go during storms? Yes, Babe and me, ask each other silly questions. And I answered him, well, God takes care of them. Just like He never fails to feed them, so He'll never fail to shelter them. Well, for the Pakistani lady, even though she's a Muslim, she told me, things are fine and her religion gives her the faith and trust. And me......Being blessed with so much, where's that gratefulness that I'm meant to have towards God and where's the simple trust and faith in Him?